Fallen Desire (21 page)

“Okay.  Thank you so much,
Avarie, you’re amazing and a wonderful friend, the best a demon could ask for!”  I pull her in for a tight embrace.  For everything she did for me in my past and all the faith she put into me, I can never thank her enough.

“Just a good and helpful little witch.
  Like I said, I’ve been waiting a long time for her soul to find its way to me.”  As I take off up into the sky, I feel grateful to have these wonderful individuals around me and thankful that even though I wasn’t always there by God’s side he still looks after me in one way or another.

Lindsay

Lying in bed isn’t doing me any good; I’m just making myself more depressed.  My parents will be home soon and the last thing I want to see is glowing lights around them too.  They’re definitely going to know something’s up, I don’t think I’ll be able to control my reactions.  I didn’t want Ethan here but now that he’s gone I just want him back.  I need his beautiful smile it’s too serious most of the time but so loving and those deep dark eyes that I get lost in.  He can’t come back until I can control myself though; I don’t want him to see me reacting to him like that again.  It hurts me to see him suffering like that.  The demon that controls him needs to be destroyed and I’m going to do everything I can to make it happen.  I can’t believe he was punished this way in the first place.  I won’t stop until I can help him and grant him his angelhood or whatever it is that I’ll be granting him.  I just need to get out of the house, even if I just go for a walk.  I grab my coat and head out.  A nice walk along the creek should help me clear my head and get myself together so I can be with Ethan without literally freaking out.  I can’t let the evil get to me alongside the stress of seeing colors surrounding people.  I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what brought us together and without the evil and my ancient soul meant to save him, I wouldn’t have met him. 

I’ve been so consumed with the situation with
Avarie and Ethan that I hadn’t realized how gloomy the weather is outside.  Here we are in summer, it should to be clear skies all day, on top of all the stress I’m feeling, the sky is gray.  The earth looks the way I’m feeling – sad and lonely.  I need to see Avarie and even though I don’t like confronting my feelings, I know that I need to deal with this now.  I need to find out what all of these newfound abilities mean for me and where I go from here.  The auras, seeing the evil within Ethan, it’s all so much! 

If only I had someone to talk to, just letting everything out would help me feel better without actually having to get any answers.  It makes me wish that Kim was here right now.  On the other side of the creek, the black clouds are rolling in, and the summer heat is filled with the humidity.  It gives the forest a wet, dark night appeal, and for whatever reason my body is drawn in.  Feeling the forest calling me I continue on.  When I jump over the moving water, my right foot lands slightly into the creek, leaving my shoe and the bottom of my pant leg wet and I know I should probably turn around but I can’t.  The urge is overwhelming.  It feels like something is pulling my body and drawing me in.  I start walking faster in through the trees.  I don’t know where I’m going, but my body seems to know the way.  Then I stop.  In front of me is the opening in the forest where I first saw Ethan’s glorious silky black wings unfold before me.  But he isn’t here.  It’s empty and dark, no longer gloriously filled with the light of the sun, just the small
patch of grass and the open gray sky above.  It feels lonely being here without him.  I walk over and plop down on the ground and bury my face in my hands.  I want to cry but can’t.  I feel lost and helpless in all of this. 

“Lindsay!  Is that you?  Are you alright?”  As soon as I hear the voice I know who it is and jump up without thought and run to him sobbing and throwing my arms around his neck. 

“Derrick!  No I’m not alright!”  Now the tears that have been bottled up begin to release. 

“
It’s okay, Lindsay.  Whatever’s bothering you, you can talk to me about it.”  We stand and then he’s holding me tight with his strong lean arms, I put my weight on him hugging him and sobbing into his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Derrick.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I think I’ve lost all control.  I have so many things going on, and I think it’s finally all catching up to me.”  I don’t know what’s come over me, but it’s like all my emotions have bubbled over at once.  It feels good to be hugged and held after what I experienced with Ethan just a short while ago. 

“I’m here for you, Lindsay.  Everything will be okay.  I’m going to make sure of it.  You are a special person, and you shouldn’t be feeling like this.  Is it Ethan that’s causing this?  I swear if he’s hurt you…” 

I cut him off, “No!  Well I guess some of
its him, but it’s not really anything that he has done to me, it’s just, well it’s complicated I guess.  It isn’t his fault, though.  He would never hurt me, Derrick.”  I can’t help but feel defensive and move away from him slightly. 

“If you would talk to me, Lindsay, I know I can help you.  I want to help you.”  Little does he know there isn’t anything he can do to make this situation any
better.  I really wish I could confide in him, but I know there’s no way he would understand or even believe me.  He’d probably tell me I’m crazy. 

“I can’t, Derrick.  Trust me, I wish I could but there’s no way you would understand.”  As I stand back looking at him I take in his bright white aura surrounding him and catch my breath at the stunning sight.

“You’re wrong, Lindsay.  Like I told you before, I know more about Ethan than you do.  I know everything, Lindsay, and I’m here to help you.  I summoned you here into the forest because I sensed that you were upset.  You need me Lindsay and part of my Destiny is to protect you from those like Ethan.” 

I raise my voice in a tone of confusion, “WHAT?  What are you talking about?”

Derrick’s manner remains calm, “You know what I’m talking about.  Ethan is a demon, pure evil.  He’s unworthy of your love.  There is nothing safe or good about him Lindsay, and you need to stay away from him otherwise he will end up taking everything that makes you who you are.  That is what his kind does.  They have no remorse for human life.  No matter how much it seems like he cares about you, he doesn’t.  Please trust me Lindsay; all I want is to help you.” 

It takes all I have to ignore the anger that is starting to boil within me just due to the fact that I don’t like him talking about Ethan that way.  “How do you know all this?” 

With everything that is going on now I find out that Derrick is somehow involved as well.  Maybe he knows something about me and my soul and what I’m supposed to do with my new sight.  I know Ethan’s good and nothing Derrick says or does can convince me otherwise, but maybe he does know more than me and can help me.  I need to find a way to save Ethan, and I won’t be able to do it without someone’s help in guiding me. 

“I know because I come from the same place that Ethan comes from except I chose a different path then him.  I’m an angel, Lindsay.” 

Even though I’m aware that Ethan is a Fallen Angel turned evil, for some reason it’s harder for me to believe Derrick.  The whole situation in general is unbelievable.  “An angel?  You’re kidding, right?” 

“You mean to tell me that you believe that Ethan’s a demon, but you don’t believe that I’m an angel?” 

I guess I didn’t think of it like that. 
But Derrick?
  This is the side of me that I know I need to open to all the possibilities that are in front of me.  “Sorry.  You just threw me off.  I wasn’t expecting that.  What do you mean that you come from the same place as Ethan?”  As soon as I question him, he swiftly removes his outer shirt and hunches his shoulders in.  Then in one move he arches his back tilting his head to the sky and two glorious wings white as clouds unfold from behind him.  I’m in absolute astonishment of their beauty.  They’re just as huge as Ethan’s but stunningly white, and each feather looks like a soft cloud.  I blink my eyes a couple of times not fully confident that I’m awake.  He’s beautiful and the white of his aura radiates off of him in an image that is created with perfection.  Ethan is just as stunning, but it’s different.  Ethan is dark, a mysterious type of gorgeous, while Derrick is breathtakingly pure, and there is no darkness lurking within him.  I can’t say anything; all I can do is stand here and admire him.  My jaw might be dropped open, but I’m too stunned by his beauty to notice. 

“We stood by God’s side.  We were in his group of highest in command, when he made plans to end mankind due to all the evil that was here on earth we refused to stand by him.  You see, he was disappointed in mankind and what he had created.  He felt that people no longer deserved to inhabit the earth.  Ethan and I were included in a group of others that saw the love and kindness that could come from humans and saw that even though there were some who were consumed with evil
, there were so many more that were filled with love.  Mankind doesn’t deserve to be eliminated.  When we went against God, he cast us down to earth, Lucifer included.  Lucifer was one of God’s closest Angels and when God cast us down to earth to live here for eternity Lucifer was very angry.  He became filled with anger and evil as did so many of the others.  They made the choice to follow Lucifer in his descent, to be consumed by the evil that Lucifer was a part of.  Ethan was one of them who chose that path.  In his fall to earth, a demon is what he became and all he’s filled with is pure evil – the evil that Lucifer had been hiding for so long.  He survives by feeding off the souls of humans.  The ones of us, who chose to still stand by God even though he cast us down to earth, have chosen to do whatever we can to rid this planet of the demons.”

“Wow.  Ethan hasn’t really told me everything yet, but there’s one thing you’re wrong about, he is not evil.  He may have a demon living inside of him but there’s still the pa
rt of him that wants to choose
good
.  I saw the demon that he’s been telling me about.” 

Derrick seems slightly surprised.  “That’s not possible.  I was not aware that you would have the power to see the demon.” 

My body stiffens as I growl at him in anger.  “You know who I am?”  I’m not sure why the hell I’m directing my anger at Derrick but I hate that I’m the only one that’s clueless.  “I’m not even sure any more who I am or what I’m supposed to do.  I went and saw a witch, Avarie and she did something to me.  Now I can see auras and I can see what Ethan really looks like.  She said that I’m the soul that they’ve been waiting for to save Ethan and all of the others like him.” 

It takes him a moment to reply and I can see the confusion in his eyes, “The Redeemer…I knew that you were special, Lindsay, but I wasn’t sure until now.  There have been stories that a human created by God with a soul that could save those demons that are worthy but I don’t believe they can be saved.  There is no hope and we’ve already organized an army to take them out.” 

Take them out?  I know that I can help Ethan and I won’t let anything stop me from trying.  “You’re wrong, Derrick.  I can save him, but I need help.  I need help learning my abilities.  If I can see the Ethan beyond the evil inside him and see that he deserves to be redeemed, then I must figure out how to save him.” 

I can feel Derrick’s tension as he replies, “My only desire is to protect you, Lindsay, and I won’t tolerate you being around Ethan anymore.  I’ll help you in any way that I can so that you can reach your potential, but you have to promise me that you will stay away from Ethan.  You must understand that he’s designed to hurt you.  Your powers can be used for whatever you desire.  You don’t have to dedicate it to saving those who are consumed by the demons.  You can stand by my side and fight evil.  But now is not the time to be making choices as big as these.  I do have the capability of teaching you but you have to promise me you will not see Ethan.”

“Okay, I promise.  I’ll stay away from him.  I just need help, and I can’t do this on my own.”  Of course I can only promise that for now because once I know how to help Ethan it’s going to be the first thing I do.  Derrick’s wrong but I’ll play along if it will get me what I want.  Derrick’s soft lips touch my forehead, which I wasn’t expecting, then in an instant he’s gone.  His silk white wings quickly become a blur in the cloudy overcast daylight sky and I’m left in the forest with nothing more than the promise I left with Derrick and the hope I hold for Ethan.

EIGHTEEN

Walking back home, all I can think about is Ethan and how much I wish I could see him, but deep down I know that when I look at him it isn’t going to be the Ethan I know.  Right now there’s no way I’m going to be able to start that job with Kim; I have too much going on.  Since I already told my parents I got a part-time job that should keep them off my back for a little while.  I just won’t let them know that I’m not actually going.  I need all the time I can get to figure this out.  I have to stick this out and get the knowledge I need and in the meantime I need to stay away from Ethan.  Walking up the back steps of my house, it looks cold and empty without my parents there.  Sometimes I feel like all they do is work.  It’s so rare I get time with them.  At least this means that I’ll have the house to myself and can do some research.  I need to find out what all these colors mean when I look at someone and see their aura.  I want to better understand what it is that I’m looking at.  There are so many websites with information.  Who knew that so many people were interested in auras?  One specific website stood out the most and states that the “aura is the electromagnetic field that surrounds the human body and every organism and object in the world.”  The list of colors and meaning just goes on.  Reading them out loud, I’m realizing that I’m going to need to write these down on something I can keep with me because there’s no way I can remember.  I’m realizing the meaning behind the colors that I saw surrounding Ethan and Avarie.  The first time I saw him when waking up on the couch in Avarie’s living room, he had a muddied red color surrounding him with specks of black within it and his aura was lined with white and a small line of gold on the edge of the white.  This explains that the red is probably coming from the demon inside of him.