Fallen Elements (32 page)

“What’s everything?” Ryan wanted to respect
Leah pacing herself through this, but Ryan felt as happy as Leah
had made her to this point, she had only been allowed parts of the
woman. Now she wanted everything.

Leah’s eyes filled with tears, her gaze
unfocused as she was clearly remembering. “For what happened when
we were younger.” Wiping at an errant tear, Leah continued. “You
see, your family is very good with secrets.”

Ryan chuckled. “No shit.”

“They are particularly good at keeping
secrets from each other. So much so, that tradition dictates only
the oldest child is to know about the tells and the hunting.”

“So my mother didn’t know?”

Leah nodded. “My family didn’t know about the
Myers either. I’m sorry to say they aren’t the only family with
such a twisted hobby.”

Ryan frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Leah shook her head quickly. “No, I didn’t
mean it like that – I just meant the Myers are one of many families
that claim some divine providence in justifying the killing and
ruining of elemental bloodlines.”

“Once your aunt realized who I was, or really
what I was, she felt obligated to bring your mother into the fold.”
Leah’s grasp on Ryan’s arm tightened. “I didn’t understand it at
the time, but I can only imagine how terrifying it was for Karen.
Not only was she dealing with her feelings for another woman, but
she had just learned about her own history – and mine.”

Ryan felt as if she were being pushed toward
the abyss. Leah was building to something, and regardless of Ryan’s
need to know the truth, she wasn’t sure she was ready. She knew it
was for the best that Leah was bent on continuing no matter how
pained Ryan’s expression was.

“Lucy and Karen hired private detectives, and
had my parents, my brother, and I pursued across the country.
Assets were frozen, random and frivolous lawsuits were filed
against my parents.” Leah shook her head, the heinousness of it
still a burden. “My parents were audited four times in as many
years by the IRS.”

Leah’s breath caught. “In the end, they
poisoned every professional opportunity my parents had, blocked
housing loans.” Leah’s expression hardened. “We couldn’t even rent
an apartment at one point; so we lived with relatives.”

Ryan hated herself for thinking this, but she
was relieved it hadn’t been worse. She had imagined all manner of
horrific things. “At least you were with your family.”

Leah flinched. “My father couldn’t find work
and drank himself to death within five years. My mother followed
him three years later. My brother was incapable of moving past the
losses, and drove his car off a bridge when he was twenty seven.”
Leah cast her eyes downward. “No, we never really had each other
again.”

Driven by only her need to comfort Leah, Ryan
pulled the distraught woman to her. For a second she feared Leah
would push her away, and that the history behind them would now
come between them. To Ryan’s relief, Leah clung to her as tightly
as Ryan did her.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I don’t
have the words.” Ryan leaned her head back, gently kissing along
Leah’s jaw and cheek. “Tell me what I can do.” She framed Leah’s
face with her hands.

Tears streamed down Leah’s cheeks faster than
Ryan could wipe them away. “There’s nothing to be done. I decided
many years ago to move past it. The alternatives seemed too
bleak.”

Ryan had waited for and wanted the truth
practically since meeting Leah. Now, faced with it, she did not
know what the next steps were. Her mind still clung to the reality
she had known her entire life, and she wondered if it wouldn’t be
easier if she had just stayed tethered to her questions. The
answers seemed no less confusing than the lies.

Leah sat back, her arms falling from around
Ryan’s shoulders. “I need to go.”

Ryan shook her head. “What? Why?”

Leah ran her hand through her hair. “First
off, I’m a mess. Second, I need to think.”

“About what?” Ryan’s breath caught as she
waited for Leah’s response.

Sniffling, Leah stood. “Us.”

Ryan stood and followed Leah toward the front
door. She wanted to grab Leah, and tell her they would do better to
solve this together, but Ryan hardly felt she was in a position to
insist Leah do anything. “I don’t want you to leave, but I
understand why you need to.”

Leah turned toward Ryan, and cupped the
younger woman’s cheek in her hand. “Thank you.”

Ryan turned her lips to Leah’s palm, and then
took the woman’s hand in hers. The heat that shot up Ryan’s arm was
no less intense now that she understood its source. “I’ll call you
tomorrow.” Ryan mustered the courage of her convictions to tell
Leah she would call versus asking if she could. The fear that Leah
may tell her not to bother sat at the pit of Ryan’s stomach, like a
sour lump.

A quick smile flashed across Leah’s lips.
“Okay.”

Then Leah was gone. Ryan stood with her hand
still clutching the doorknob of her front door. She felt strangely
detached from her life, as if everything she had just learned were
unfolding before her in a movie. The tragedies, the loves, the
losses not feeling as if they were Ryan’s, but some fictional
character whose fate was unknown.

Ryan managed to drag herself up the stairs to
her bedroom, and collapse onto her bed. She felt as if she had run
a marathon, and every part of her body ached. Curling up, she
pulled the blanket from the foot the bed over her.

In the coolness of her room, and the darkness
of the cocoon she had immersed herself in, a quick burst of air
escaped Ryan’s lungs as if she had been punched in the stomach.
Taking a deep breath, Ryan began to sob.

It was a release born of shame that her
family was murderers, that the woman she loved had borne the brunt
of the Myers’ insane cruelty, and that her mother had lost herself
in her guilt and self-inflicted degradation.

Of all these tragedies and injustices, one
fear threatened to swallow Ryan completely. It was that in spite of
Leah and her finally having the courage to face the past, it would
prove more than either could bear. Ryan could lose Leah anyway.

“Thank you for the update, Ryan. The
projections look great.” Donnie smiled from across the conference
table at Ryan.

Ryan wasn’t sure how she had managed, but she
had held herself together for the better part of the week, in spite
of the fact Leah hadn’t returned any of her calls. She had left six
messages and had finally broken down and called the bookshop.

“She’s out of town on business, Ryan. Can I
give her a message?” Marty had answered nervously as Ryan inquired
about Leah. Ryan once again wished the man would become a better
liar or give the sport up all together.

“No message. Just let her know I called when
you talk to her.” Ryan didn’t see the point in bullying the man,
and could respect his loyalty to his friend and business
partner.

As the meeting adjourned, Ryan slid her
laptop into its bag, and wondered if she should just drive out to
Leah’s house after work. It would be harder for Leah to ignore her
in person.

Ryan was trying to honor the fact that Leah
clearly needed space, but the silent treatment was wearing on
Ryan’s nerves. When she and Leah parted company at Ryan’s house
over the weekend, it had not occurred to Ryan that Leah was only
humoring her when she agreed Ryan should call her. She thought the
relationship meant more to Leah than empty gestures.

“Plans for tonight?” Linda was standing
beside Ryan, a legal pad of paper tucked under her arm. She was
dressed impeccably as always in a sage colored pencil skirt and a
dark brown button-up blouse.

“What?” Ryan had been lost in her thoughts,
and hadn’t even noticed her co-worker standing next to her.

Linda grinned. “I asked if you were doing
anything tonight. Several of my girlfriends and I were going to go
out for a drink, and I thought you might need the distraction.”

Ryan frowned. “Why would I need a
distraction?”

Linda glanced down, shifting her weight as
she leaned against the conference table. “Well – not for nothing,
but you’ve been out of sorts this week.”

Ryan looked around the conference room. Linda
was the only one of her co-workers that remained. Lowering her
voice, Ryan forced herself to sound calm. “Have people said
something?” The idea that she had not done her best, or that
somehow her work was suffering because of the absolute mess her
personal life had become, set off a wave of panic in Ryan.

Linda stood up. “Oh, god no. I didn’t mean to
imply – I just noticed you didn’t seem yourself.”

Ryan nodded, relieved that at least she had
mostly
managed to keep it together. “Oh. I’m busy tonight,
but thanks for the invite.” Ryan picked up her bag. “And the
concern.”

Linda nodded, a warm smile lighting up her
face. “If you change your mind –” She tore a piece of yellow paper
from the legal pad and taking a pen from her pocket, jotted a
series of numbers down. “Text me.”

Ryan took the piece of paper. “I appreciate
it.”

There was an awkward moment when Linda
clearly wasn’t sure if the conversation was over, but then she
managed a quick nod, and left the room.

Ryan sat down in one of the high back leather
chairs, and tilting her head back, took several deep breaths. She
couldn’t continue to live in this in-between space she was stuck
in. She would drive to Leah’s house, and resolve things one way or
another.

A light vibration went off in Ryan’s front
pant pocket, and she pulled her phone out. Her brow furrowed when
she saw Carol’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, what’s up?” Ryan was genuinely happy to
be hearing from her cousin.

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know I’m in
town for the weekend, and would love to see you.” Carol spoke
quickly, clearly excited.

“And you didn’t just want to pop over to my
house unannounced?” Ryan jabbed. The two women hadn’t left things
on the best of terms during Carol’s visit a couple weeks ago, but
Ryan had never been able to stay mad at her cousin.

“That’s fair.” Carol conceded. “Are you free
tonight?”

Ryan pursed her lips. She wanted to see
Carol, but needed things resolved with Leah. “I have a meeting
right after work, but I could meet you for drinks around nine.”

“Excellent. I’m staying at the Monaco again.
Do you want to just meet in the bar there?”

“Sure.” Ryan smiled, and thought if things
went badly with Leah, at least she had time with Carol to look
forward to. She assumed, based on what Leah had shared about the
first born rule, that Carol was blissfully unaware of the real
reason her mother was advocating for Ryan to stop seeing Leah.

The two women said their goodbyes, and Ryan
glanced at her watch. It was a little after four, and she wondered
if she might just call it a day. She could drive out to Leah’s and
let the proverbial chips fall as they may.

Resolved to do just that, she went to
Donnie’s office and asked if she could leave early. Her boss was
happy to approve the early departure, and less than ten minutes
later, Ryan was in route to Oella. Traffic was worse than she had
expected, and the usual twenty minute drive took nearly forty.

The late hour and the dense trees throughout
Oella cast Leah’s home in shadow as Ryan drove up the narrow
driveway. Seeing Leah’s car, Ryan suddenly remembered, that with
everything that had happened, she had never asked Leah about the
discrepancy in her accident story. Ryan didn’t really care at this
point. She would be happy to just have Leah speak to her. Never
mind explaining away a random white lie.

Ryan stepped onto the covered patio, and
knocked on the door. She willed herself not to knock again
immediately, and counted to thirty in her head to ensure she didn’t
seem too eager or worse, come off as aggressive.

After the countdown in her head came and
went, Ryan knocked again, and again began counting to thirty. On
twenty three, there was a faint clicking sound, and the door
opened. Leah was standing in a pair of gray sweat pants and a
purple Ravens V-neck cotton t-shirt.

Ryan couldn’t interpret the expression on
Leah’s face, so she opted to be blunt to avoid any confusion. “You
weren’t returning my calls, and I was worried, and I missed
you.”

Leah didn’t speak, but stepped to the side
and gestured for Ryan to come in. Shutting the door behind them,
Leah stood with her back to the door. “I’m sorry I haven’t called
you.” Leah’s voice was low. “I thought you might come by,
especially when Marty phoned and told me you had called the
shop.”

Ryan swallowed hard, her throat and mouth
suddenly dry. “What’s going on?”

Leah walked past Ryan, and sat down on the
sofa. The memory of the first time she and Leah had sex on that
sofa cascaded over Ryan in a warm wave.

“I know I should have said this last weekend,
but I thought a little distance would make it easier to think and
clear my head.” Leah sat with her elbows resting on her knees, and
Ryan couldn’t imagine anything good was going to come from this
exchange since Leah could barely look at her.

“Has the distance helped?” Ryan asked the
question without being sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Leah rubbed her face with both hands, and
Ryan noticed for the first time since coming in the house how tired
Leah looked. Her usually bright eyes were dim, and she had faint
circles under them. “No. It hasn’t helped.”

Ryan willed herself to walk across the small
living room, and she knelt down in front of Leah. “Then what? Why
haven’t you –” Ryan’s words were cutoff as Leah pressed her lips to
Ryan’s.

Leah clung to Ryan as their tongues met, and
a faint whimper escaped the blonde. Leah stood, and while still
kissing Ryan, started to unbutton Ryan’s pants.