Falling Angel (27 page)

 One thing she didn’t recognize was the gold band he wore on his ring finger.

“I’ve been working at a co-op farm,” he said, as though she had spoken aloud. “Been doing it about two years now.”

“How do you like it?”

“I like it well enough. Matter of fact, I’m buying into it. So, if you’re sticking around here,” he cast her a sideways look, “we can see a lot more of each other.”

He drove through the University District and headed north to 65
^th
Street before turning left. They passed a sign for the Woodland Park Zoo. Cara sat up straighter.
Oh, no,
she thought.

Minutes later, her father pulled into the South parking lot, already filling up with mini-vans, buses of schoolchildren and harried full-time moms and nannies with tots in tow.

“Here we are,” he said, opening her door for her. “I thought it would be fun to check it out.”

She took his hand without a word and he helped her from the truck.

She remembered sitting on a wall one frigid Chicago morning almost two decades ago when he told her he was leaving. Stunned immobile, ice cream dribbling down her mitten into the sleeve of her parka.

“Two adults please,” Daniel told the woman at the entrance.

He paid their admission and they walked through to the East African village exhibit. Native music piped through a sound system as they stood by a plate glass window that looked onto a verdant hillside.

Directly in front of them, ducks floated in a small stream, while giraffes, gazelles and zebras roamed the “savannah” slopes above. Small children pressed snotty noses and sticky fingers against the glass for a cursory look before dashing off to explore the thatch-roofed huts of the village.

“Boy,” said her father. “There was nothing like this at Lincoln Park. Remember how you used to love that working farm?”

“I remember.” Cara turned away from the glass and stalked out of the village, her father loping along easily beside her on his long legs. They took the main loop, heading north.

At the hippo pond, her father laughed as one of the huge mammals broke the surface, snorting air through its nostrils with a flatulent sound. Cara rolled her eyes.

 Noting her lack of amusement, Daniel moved away from the pond. “Let’s go see the elephants,” he suggested.

The enclosure was empty. A sign informed them that the elephants were at their annual veterinary checkup. Small groups of people showed up expectantly and then drifted away, disappointed.

Cara walked a few feet down a dirt trail and sat on a wooden bench. After a moment, her father joined her.

“You’re not enjoying this,” he stated flatly.

“What did you think?” She couldn’t bring herself to call him dad again; it sounded too awkward. “That we could pick up where we left off? I’m not a child anymore.”

Daniel hunched his shoulders. “You’re right. It was a stupid idea.”

Cara traced a line in the dirt with her shoe. She felt as though she were seven years old again, sulky and fretful.

“If it makes a difference, losing you was hell on me.”

“You certainly didn’t try very hard to stay in touch.”

“Your mother asked me not to. She said it was better for you, less painful, if I kept my distance. When you moved out, went off to college, I tried to find you. I figured you were old enough by then to make up your own mind about seeing me. She wouldn’t tell me where you were.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s the truth. You can ask her yourself.”

Cara shook her head. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters a lot. If I could go back and do things differently, I would.” He took off his cap, twisting it in his hands. “Even after all that happened, I tried to make it work. I loved you both.”

Cara met his gaze for the first time. “So why did you leave?”

“Louise didn’t want me around any more. She made that pretty clear.”

“How?”

He twisted his lower jaw to the side and winced as though suffering from a bad toothache. “She had other men. When I was on the road. Didn’t even make an effort to hide it. It was like she wanted me to know.”

Cara let out a long breath. “So that’s what it was.”

“I wasn’t sure if you knew.”

“I didn’t. But lately I’d started to suspect something of the sort.”

“I couldn’t take it,” he said. “So I quit my job. I hoped if I found something closer to home she wouldn’t get so lonesome. That’s when she told me the job wasn’t the problem. It was me. I would have stayed, even then. But our problems were bigger than that. Your mother was never satisfied with life as a farmer’s wife. She wanted more. I sold the family farm, tried to please her, but I finally had to recognize that I wasn’t happy doing anything else.” His forehead crinkled at the recollection. “For a while there, we made each other pretty darn miserable. After I quit my job, we both said a lot of things we probably shouldn’t have. And I left.”

Cara could relate to that. She remembered, after catching Barry cheating on her with her best friend, her main impulse had been to get as far away as possible from him and everyone associated with him.

Her rift with Ben made her feel the same way; like a trapped animal desperate to escape. No doubt about it, she was her father’s daughter.

Putting an arm around Cara, Daniel gave her a tentative squeeze. “I know I can’t make up to you the time that’s been lost. But now I’ve found you, I hope you’ll let me come and see you sometimes. If you’re comfortable with it, you could come and visit us, too.”

Cara gestured at the ring on his finger. “You’re married again?”

“Marsha and I tied the knot last year. I started out working for her, and now we’re running the farm together. You’d like her, I think. She’s very natural, very kind. She’s got two grown sons of her own. Real nice boys. There’s plenty of room in the house for visitors.”

“I’d like to meet her,” Cara said.

Chapter Twenty Seven

After Daniel dropped her off, Cara brewed a cup of tea and took a long, hot soak in the tub.

Then she called Ingrid.

“I met my dad,” she said. Briefly, she filled Ingrid in on how she had discovered his whereabouts, and the first afternoon they had spent together since she was a child.

“Oh, darling!” said Ingrid. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. In fact, I feel good. It took me this long to understand that it wasn’t my fault he left. He told me about the affairs.”

Ingrid let out a long breath. “I’m glad. I don’t think it was right to hide that from you. It gave you such a skewed perspective of what happened between your parents. I hope you won’t judge your mother too harshly for behaving the way she did.”

“I gave up believing my parents were infallible a long time ago. Anyway, I really called to thank you for giving me the photos. Without them, this wouldn’t have happened. I would still be thinking he had abandoned me because he didn’t love me. I know it was stupid of me to ever think that, but it’s hard to get some ideas out of your head. Understanding the context of his leaving really helps.”

“None of us should feel trapped by our past,” said Ingrid. “It can distort the present to an unhealthy degree. I’m so happy you’ve found some closure.”

“Me too. Now, if only the rest of my life weren’t a complete mess.”

When Ingrid pressed her, Cara filled her in on what had happened between her and Ben, and how she had fallen out with Ann. It was a relief to tell someone the whole story, and Ingrid was a sympathetic listener.

“I’m so sorry, Cara. Now, listen. I want you to pack your bags at once, and come and stay with me. No arguments! You know how much Paul travels, and how much I enjoy your company. Stay as long as you like. You can have a whole wing of the house to yourself.”

Cara’s spirits rose at the sincerity in Ingrid’s voice. “Wouldn’t I be in the way?”

“Don’t talk rubbish! You’ll be a breath of fresh air. Not to mention you’ll have no excuses for being late to work!”

After the call, Cara sat down heavily, exhausted by the ups and downs of the day. How strange it was, she mused, that when she had felt at her lowest, letting go of David and Ann, her father had come back into her life, and Ingrid had stepped up to support her.

She longed to go to bed and put this emotional volcano of a day behind her. But before she did, she had one more phone call to make. 

.     .     .

Andrew Walker answered the phone. “Nice to hear from you, Cara. Louise is out walking Jemma.”

Cara was disappointed. She had worked herself up to making the call and knew she wouldn’t be able to rest until she’d spoken to Louise.

“Please tell her to call me tonight, would you?”

“Of course. Wait a minute, I hear someone at the door. Ah, there you are. Cara’s on the line for you.”

She heard her mother’s voice, excited and slightly breathless, as she fussed over the dog for a few moments before taking the phone.

“I’ve just been out with Jemma, dear, and now her little paws are all muddy. Get me a towel, Andrew, would you? There now, how’s that, my little pumpkin? All clean!”

Cara struggled to contain her impatience. “Hey mom. Do you think you could talk somewhere private?”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“I wanted to talk to you about dad.”

“All right, hold on a minute . . . There. I’m in the study. Now what’s all this about?”

“Well, I just wanted you to know, I found him.”

There was silence on the line.

“He lives in Tacoma. Really close to here.”

“I thought he was still in New Mexico.” Her mother’s voice had a tremor in it, full of an emotion Cara couldn’t interpret.

“We me. We talked about the divorce. He told me everything.”

“And you believed him.” Louise had her voice under control now.

“What motive could he have to lie?”

“To make me look bad.”

“Are you telling me it’s not true?”

There was another long pause. “I’m your mother,” Louise said with heat. “It’s not your place to judge me.”

“Isn’t it?” Cara stood up and walked over to the window. Outside, a cool, wet wind swayed the branches of the trees, and the sky was dark with brewing storm clouds. “All my life, you made dad out to be the bad guy. You painted all his qualities and values in a negative light. You made me think he was evil, and that I was wrong to care about him and miss him.”