Falling Away (16 page)
“Isn’t there?” I refused to look his way, his suggestive tone definitely trying to bait me in. “You said it yourself. We connected on a spiritual plane, and when we were thrown back here, our
subconsciouses
still found a way to reconnect, even though we were separated physically. So, you tell me there’s nothing going on between us.”
I really wished he hadn’t put it that way, ‘cause it made me feel like shit that I chose to walk away from him, and that I was still trying to keep my distance in respect for Robert. “All right, there was,” I finally replied, barely shrugging. “But that all happened a long time ago. I moved on. Fell in love. You moved on, too.”
“Oh, yeah?” The way he said that, rolling the cart out from between us, stepping closer, had my heart upping its tempo. Pressure and heat rose in my chest as the space I deemed
minimum safe distance
was
being invaded again
. “Then tell me. If we’ve both moved on, why did we reconnect last
year
? Why, to this day, if you’re so in love with that other guy, are you opening your mind and letting me
in
? And if I have this new ability to jump into minds when I’m unconscious, why are you the only one letting me in?”
Somewhere in there my breath caught, and I finally released it. His eyes bored down into mine, their inner rings of gold fiery and licking their way over the green, making a push for the outer rings of dark blue. His breath was warm on my face, and the smell of cinnamon that accompanied it, almost had a calming effect as it passed through my nose.
Why did I refuse a dinner in public again?
The muscles in my heart squeezed and cringed, and my face echoed the pain. My head fell as I stepped back, my eyes now focused on the athletic sneakers peeking out beneath his boot cut jeans, gray with black stripes. “I know where you’re going with this. Believe me when I say my heart is damaged goods right now.” He shifted, and my head managed to lift far enough for my brown orbs to find his hazels. “Was my heart yours once? Yeah, partly. But it’s belonged to someone else since then. And it still aches for him. You shouldn’t want me right now, Evan, ‘cause my heart’s just not in it.”
A guttural sound lightly
vibrated
in
his
throat
, and I silently gasped as his hand reached up to lay against the side of my face. My eyes closing, I felt myself surrender to it.
“I can wait, for when you’re ready to move on. I don’t care if you need to rebound off five guys. I’ll wait for you.” His thumb began caressing my cheek bone, soft and warm and hypnotic. He knew he was breaking me down, so close to bending his way. “So can you agree to dinner with me yet?” I silently debated, my body giving zero indication of my thoughts. “Come on, Jenna. You’ve got t
o eat sometime. Why do it alone
?”
I may kick myself for falling into temptation, but…
Opening my eyes, I asked, “Tomorrow?”
“I have to work tomorrow, so how about Wednesday?”
Curiously, I asked, “You work? Where?”
“Ask me Wednesday night. I’ll swing by when the store closes.” He pulled away, aiming for the front door, his smile slowly extending far enough to dig dimples. The door squeaked, and he walked backwards a bit to lift his hand in a goodbye manner. A wave rolled across my left fingers as my right hand locked the door behind him. I stood there until he fell out of view, wondering what the hell just happened. I was supposed to keep Evan at bay. So why was it the first moment I was left alone with him, I found myself longing for his touch?
Tuesday I spent the entire day going back and forth on whether or not to keep our not-a-dat
e
dinner. Part of me felt like I was agreeing to something really stupid, something that would keep Robert and me apart indefinitely. And Sophie’s warning kept repeating in my head…
“
What chance you have with Robert is ruined if you date Evan
.
”
But I wasn’t dating Evan, just spending time with the only person I really knew in Rutland. I was lonely, and Evan had this way of making me feel good inside, even with the emotional conflict that ate away at me.
Screw it.
Robert wasn’t here for me right now, may never be again. Evan was, here and now. I wasn’t in the mindset to jump into dating, but it’d be nice to spend time with someone other than the people I worked with.
A calm smile spread across my face when he came in a few minutes before closing Wednesday night, and he lost himself in the shelves until the store was cleared. I said goodnight to Lindsey and locked the door behind her. Of course, she couldn’t help but give me an
ooh
face when she noticed Evan got to stay inside. I shooed her away with my hand.
“Can you give me a few minutes to close?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He held his hands up as he backed away, disappearing around the aisle, more than likely headed to the fantasy section he seemed to favor above all others. I closed the cash register and deposited the money bag and receipts in the safe, then gathered my outerwear and purse.
“Evan?” I called on my way to the front.
“Coming.” I heard his feet scuff against the carpet as he weaved through the aisles to meet me at the door.
“Where do you
wanna
go?” I asked as I locked the store behind us. The wind chilled me to the bone and I wrapped my arms tightly around my body for added warmth.
“How about the pizza place around the corner?”
I glared, but agreed, ‘cause pizza sounded damn good. It had a dim, somewhat romantic atmosphere, and I was sure he knew it.
Lots of people were still on the avenue’s sidewalks as the shop interiors randomly blackened one after another, their workers closing up for the night too. It was hard to carry on a conversation ‘cause the wind literally swept our voices away as it gushed by, so we didn’t bother the rest of the way to Antonio’s Sicilian Pizzeria. I removed my knitted cap and scarf, and slipped off my jacket as we settled down next to each other at a table for four.
We scanned the menus and ordered our meal, stealing glances while our tongues remained tied. Part of him actually seemed a little uncomfortable, and I wondered if he felt our last conversation went too far.
“So…” he began, finding the courage to officially kick start this non-date, “I promised you answers. What would you like to know?”
My mood quickly lifted, feeling almost playful. Game on. Avoiding the topic of us, I asked the question I’d been wanting to know since he first came to see me in Rutland. “Why aren’t you at Penn State?”
“Taking the semester off.”
Concern flooded my emotions, completely halting the jovial mood I’d just unearthed. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. But my mom freaked out. After what happened the first time, she’s all panicked I’m going to die on her or something. It was literally affecting her health, so my dad asked me to hang around a few months until she calmed down again. The school was fine with it, and actually encouraged it, so, here I am.”
“Why would Penn State care?”
“Because my accident happened on school grounds. I guess they could be held liable if I were one of those ass hats looking to sue for the stupidest shit. So of course they prefer I take a semester off and make sure the noggin’s okay.”
“You look...fine.” I said
fine
sharply, and the left side of his mouth curved. “Your mom’s really that worried?”
“More like overprotective. I swear, sometimes she thinks I can’t wipe my chin or tie my own shoelaces.”
Teasingly, I replied, “Well, technically you do have an issue tying your shoes.”
“Ha ha. Funny. Being a smart-ass. Well, at least you’re beginning to act like yourself around me again.” His eyes averted to something behind me, then focused intensely on me again. “Saved by the soups.”
The minestrone warmed me from the inside out, and neither of us spoke while we devoured our bowls. The chill finally disappeared from my toes and fingers, and I comfortably leaned back in the chair as we played a quick game of
who can stare the longest without cracking a smile
. I lost.
My finger traced the top ring of my water glass. “You said you were working. What are you doing?”
“I’m just helping out my dad here and there when he needs it. He’s a private investigator.”
“
Ohhhh
…” Seriously, I extended that word for at least five seconds. “
That’s
how you keep finding me so easily.”
“Guilty. My dad has access to a few things that make it a little less difficult.”
“And mom?”
“Substitute grade-school teacher.”
“You never told me about your parents before.”
He shrugged. “You never asked.”
“Not fair. We lived in dreamland.” As if that justified why I never inquired too much about his family... I guess I wasn’t really paying attention to all the little things like that. “So do you really remember everything now?”
“I think so. I suppose there are bits I could still be forgetting, but I remember the most important part.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” His expressions went blank until I said a quiet, “Oh.” Me. Right.
Saved by the waiter again, this time with the Meat Lover’s pizza we ordered to share. I seriously needed to leave this waiter guy an extra tip for his impeccable timing. I guessed we were both pretty ravenous, ‘cause we ate a few pieces before picking up on the conversation again. Or at least I was ravenous after barely eating all day, my nerves shot since deciding to let him into my life a little. Evan was probably just being a typical guy with a neverending stomach.
“Not that I have a lot of free time or anyone to really hang out with, but what do you and your friends do around here?”
Snarkily, he replied, “What? You never left the palace walls to come mingle with the commoners when you lived at that fancy school of yours?”
“It was a
really
nice palace,” I sing-
songed
with a smile and a wink, right before I took another bite of my last slice of pizza.
“Forgive me,
P
rincess
.” I playfully glared at him for that. “Most of my friends have gone on somewhere to college, but a couple of us are still around. This time of year we typically go snowboarding, check out a movie or go play pool.”
“You mean at
BoJoe’s
? Do you really know one of the owners?”
“Yep.”
“And the owner of that fancy Italian restaurant with the private patio?”
He smiled wickedly, and I knew he was recalling the specifics of the date that night, which of course got pretty heated once the meal was over. “Yes,” he finally got out. “Jenna, I didn’t make anything up. That’s
probably why everything felt so real to me. Why my feelings for you are as strong now as they were back then.”
