Falling Away (17 page)

             
He said he loved me in there. On more than one occasion.

             
“Was it real for you?”

             
I sighed heavily, trying to think of the right words to say, but Evan looked like he was taking my sigh as a
no
. “I had a different experience than you. I figured out pretty quickly that I was dreaming. I’m not saying I ever lied about anything, but I knew you were my dream lover, and for awhile…Okay, forgive me. But there’s no way I can give you my side of the story without bringing Robert into this conversation.”

             
With a heavy breath, he said, “Okay,” then tossed aside his cloth napkin and leaned back in his chair, preparing for the worst.

             
“I treated the two of you differently. I had Robert in the real world and you in the dream world. I always thought I was meant to…
play
with you.” I gave him a moment to control the goofy smile spreading across his face. “I let you get away with
so
much more than I ever would’ve in the real world. Those things that I let you do within two to three weeks, I made Robert wait like eight months to do.”

             
His grin was insatiable, but after a few seconds it completely disappeared, ‘cause I think it dawned on him exactly how long Robert and I had been sexually active.

             
“But when I saw you in that hospital bed and figured out that what we had wasn’t just a figment of my imagination…the emotional baggage that came with that…I didn’t know what to do. Nothing made sense anymore ‘cause I wanted to be with both of you.

             
“But then you woke up. And you didn’t remember me.” Drearily, I added, “And you had a girlfriend.”

             
“I didn’t!” he defended quickly. “I told you I broke up with Melissa the night of the accident.”

             
“Yeah, you did. Like four months later. By then I had moved on with Robert.” And I was happy, but I omitted that part, not wanting to rub it in.

             
I suddenly realized it was eerily quiet in the restaurant. I made a sweep of the room and noticed we were the last ones left. The tables had been cleared and the majority of the workers were out of sight.

             
“We should go,” Evan said, realizing the same. He pulled his wallet out and left a couple of bills while I put on my hat and scarf and slipped into my jacket. He grabbed his outerwear and shrugged it on as we returned to the chilly night. I was heading back in the direction of the bookstore when his hand reached out
and pulled my arm in the opposite direction. I smiled behind the scarf that covered my nose and mouth when he led me to the same old maroon pickup truck I remembered from our dreams.

             
Guess he really was honest about the details, no matter how incidental. He let me in, then rushed around to his side and got the heater going. I lived within a few blocks of the bookstore, so it didn’t take long to guide him to my apartment building.

             
“How about Friday I take you to
BoJoe’s
?”

             
A chuckle erupted from my chest and my head couldn’t shake any harder. “No. Not a chance. You’re just gonna use that as an excuse to feel me up.”
             

             
He laughed quietly, licking his lips. “Alright. What would
you
like to do?”

             
“I’ll let you know. Pick me up at nine-fifteen?”

             
“Yes, ma’am.”

             
I opened the door and playfully demanded, “Stop calling me ma’am.”

             
“As you wish,
P
rincess
.”

             
I made sure he saw my eyes roll before I shut the door and fought my way through the wind and up the stairs to my building. For the first time in a long time, a tingling, happy feeling warmed my insides, and for once, my smile didn’t feel so forced.

“OH MY GOD, SPILL!” Sophie burst the moment I answered the bookstore’s phone, cutting me off from repeating the rehearsed greeting I always said. Nine-oh-five. Since she got completely cranky earlier when I asked her to call me after closing ‘cause I was busy, I was surprised she gave me the extra five minutes to clear the store. “What the hell was this email about? You’re hanging out with Evan now? Jenna!”

             
Yeah,
I was
sure the wait killed her. And being Team Robert’s biggest fan, it was no wonder she was hollering.

             
“Good evening to you too, Sophie,” I mocked, putting her on speaker and hanging up the phone.

             
“Yeah, yeah. Ditto. Seriously, though. What. The. Fuck?”

             
“Don’t start, please. Robert’s not here and not even trying to talk to me. Evan is, on both counts. And I told him I wasn’t interested in dating right now and he’s okay with that.”

             
The puff of air bursting through her lips resonated over the speaker. “So, what? Are you done? With Robert?”

             
I lay the stack of money down, too distracted to keep count of its monetary value. Was I? I hadn’t really thought of it that way. At first, I thought I was just giving him a little more time to turn around. But now… I couldn’t deny that spending time with Evan had lifted my spirits and turned my frown upside down, but I also knew my heart still ached a little for Robert. Only difference now was that it warmed a little for Evan again, too.

             
“Part of me still hopes, but let’s be honest. The likelihood of us getting back together lessens every day. I’ve given him more than enough time, Soph. You know I have.”

             
After an excruciating long sigh on her part, she finally muttered, “Fuck.”

             
The silence that followed gave me enough time to count the stack of cash and zip it up in the bag.

             
“Sophie?” I asked. “You still there?”

             
“Yeah,” she whined.
Jeesh
. She seemed more upset over this than I was. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a pushy bitch. It’s just…I always thought the four of us would be together forever,
ya
’ know? We’re best friends, they’re best friends. We’d all get married, live in the same neighborhood, raise our families together,
the whole shebang. If you two break up, my whole little dream fantasy fizzles to shit. And I’m sorry, but Evan’s the reason it’s gone to shit. So when you wrote me about letting him back into your life…”

             
“No, I get it. I always kinda thought we’d all get married too. But,
ya
’ know, it’s my fault too. I didn’t break the kiss, and I’m thinking maybe you were right. About me not wanting to.”

             
“I figured as much,” she said drearily.

             
“Soph. Perk up. I’m sure you’ll love whoever I end up with. Whether it’s Evan, Robert, or some other guy I haven’t even met yet.”

             
“So long as he’s hot,” she replied.
I smiled. There’s my girl. “So you gonna date this Evan guy now, or what?”

             
“Maybe. But I’m not dating anyone just yet. My heart’s being a little slow to give up Robert.”

             
“Yeah
. Probably smart not to go too fast.”

             
“You’d probably just dive right in.”

             
Weak chuckles erupted over the line. “Yeah, you probably shouldn’t use me as a role model in this department. Not unless you’re looking to rebound this guy.”

             
“So are you no longer mad at me about this?”

             
“About you moving on? Nah. It’s your life, date who you want. I’m just sad to see him go, is all. He’s my friend too,
ya
’ know? I just don’t want any future get-togethers to be uncomfortable.”

             
My semi-happy expression began to melt when I realized I was still the maid of honor in
a wedding Robert was still the b
est man. In just five months, we were gonna have to see each other again.

“Princess,” an endearing voice practically whispered behind me.

             
I chuckled and shook my head when I heard that, pushing the cart f
a
rther down the aisle as I returned books to their rightful place. “Thought you weren’t coming by until tonight?”

             
“I met my mother for lunch around the corner. Thought I’d stop by and see what we’re doing later.”

             
“Well, I figured since the weather was fair, we could do an outdoor activity.”

             
Evan’s face crinkled with fear. “You’re not going to ask me to make figure eights on the pond, are you?”

             
I laughed, and seriously considered saying yes just to screw with him for calling me
Princess
. “Well, I guess that depends on whether or not you have a sled.”

             
“I grew up in Vermont. Of course I have a sled.”

             
“Well, good. Lindsey mentioned this spot outside of town that kids our age use after hours to go sledding.”

             
“Yeah, I know what she’s talking about.” He looked me up and down questioningly. “Have you even ever been sledding before?”

             
“No.” I narrowed my eyes a little as my arms crossed. “Not everyone who grew up in Vermont had a sled.”

             
The pain on his face was immediate, and he closed his eyes for a moment, surely cursing himself internally. “God, Jenna. I am so sorry. Sometimes I forget about your parents.”

             
“Evan, I didn’t say that to be mean. It’s just the reason I’ve never gone sledding before.”

             
He wrapped me up for a quick hug. I quietly reveled within his grasp, inhaling his scent, which always had a calming effect on my mind. “Well, then we’re definitely going tonight. I’ll go home and dig out the toboggan and meet you back here when you get off.”

             
“Sounds good,” I tried to say cheerfully.  He bid me goodbye and disappeared around the aisle. I really hadn’t meant that to be mean, it just kinda bugged me a little when people said those things, ‘cause deep down, I still had abandonment issues and it was the last thing I ever
wanna
think about.