Falling for Hadie (20 page)

“What are you doing?” I asked with a smile.

Lincoln’s eyes gleamed as he did a weird turn. “
This
is how you dance in the rain.”

Another laugh escaped me. “We must look so silly dancing without music.”

“We do have music.” Lincoln cocked his head to the side as if he were listening for something. “The rain is our music.”

My eyes went wide at his words and I glanced from side to side, watching the rain hit the ground around us. The rain was beautiful but I didn’t really see how it could be our music. We still looked silly.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered into my ear.

I did as he said and rested my head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of the rain as it hit the ground. It was irregular but at the same time it was soothing. It pattered down out of time, and as Lincoln continued to spin the both of us around, a smile crept onto my face as I realized he was right. The rain was our music.

I wasn’t sure how long we danced for—this was a dance that was never ending—but finally Lincoln faltered and gently placed me down on my feet.

The rain ceased to a gentle patter as Lincoln backed away to the car, a sad smile lingering on his face. His expression was guarded as we looked at each other, many seconds passing before I worked up the courage to confront him.

“You lied to me.” I walked towards him and stopped a few inches in front of him.

Lincoln wouldn’t meet my gaze; now his eyes were looking everywhere but at me. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“What you just did,” I said, taking another step towards him, “isn’t something a guy who wants to get into your pants does. You do feel something for me other than lust. Why are you denying it?”

His expression was pained as his eyes flickered back to me. “I can’t talk about this right now.”

He started to turn away but I reached out and grasped his arm. The skin was chill from the rain, and I shivered. “No, I want to talk about this right now. You are not leaving until you tell me how you really feel about me.”

Lincoln groaned and pulled away from me, his eyes flashing with annoyance. “You can’t make me stay here with you.”

“Stop avoiding me!” I cried, grabbing onto him again so he was forced to turn around. “I know you want to be close to me, but something is holding you back. Keep your secrets, I don’t care, but at least tell me how you
really
feel so that I don’t feel like I’m going insane!”

He paused, his face showing the internal battle that was waging within him. Finally, he nodded. “Fine, I do have feelings for you. Are you happy now?”

“Not really,” I said, folding my arms across my chest. “I…I want to be with you…I don’t want us to play games with each other.”

I had never been so direct with anyone before, but having to deal with Bennett’s deception had changed me. I was stronger now and I was willing to fight for what I wanted. And I wanted Lincoln.

“That’s why it’s better if we’re not together,” Lincoln said, pressing his eyes shut.

“You don’t believe that.” I drew closer to him. “You know, you can feel it, that we aren’t supposed to stay away from each other. We were both so closed off to everyone else, yet somehow we opened up to each other. That was not chance; that was meant to happen.”

Lincoln opened his eyes, and the sapphire in them was piercing. He moved towards me and laid a hand on my shoulder, and that’s all the confirmation I needed.

Grabbing ahold of his wet shirt, I tugged him the rest of the way towards me. Our hands were all over each other—mine was roaming his body, and his were in my hair—as our lips met in a kiss that was crippling. I lost all sense of where
FFI was as my knees buckled, but Lincoln held me up and I felt my back hit cold, wet metal.

I shivered against the hood of my car but that was the least of my concern. Instead, I focused on the way Lincoln’s lips felt against mine; each kiss was crushing, full of passion and intensity that left me breathless. We barely paused for air, neither of us willing to give the other relief for too long.

Lincoln slid me up onto the hood of the car, and I wound my legs around him, pulling him so close that there was no space left between us. He had denied me for so long that not even air was going to stand in our way.

Our tongues met, our breaths became one and the same, our wet bodies slid against each other and despite the cold and the rain, I felt like I was burning hot and melting against him.

When we finally managed to pull away from one another, our bodies heaving as we gasped for air, the determination in Lincoln’s eyes was enough to convince me that this time he wasn’t going to let me go so easily.

And there was no way I would let go of him either.

Lincoln

“Lincoln, where were you?” Mom demanded as soon as I stepped inside the house and shut the front door behind me.

I’d kind of been hoping that I could sneak into my room without anyone noticing, but the sound of the front door shutting had obviously signaled my arrival.

I knew I was in a lot of trouble. I was still grounded and I was supposed to come home straight after school, but I was late. I hadn’t meant to stay out for this long and had wanted to be home before anyone noticed I was missing, but time with Hadie had flown by and I’d lost track of it.

Once Hadie’s lips had met mine, all common sense had left me. My resistance at wanting to be with her had quickly dissolved and I’d given into her a lot quicker than I’d intended.

Being with her was like nothing else. She made me smile, laugh and brought out a part of me that I’d thought had disappeared a long time ago. When she’d confronted me like that, there was no way I could continue to lie to her. It was too difficult and I had finally given into my selfishness. Whatever happened as a result of that decision was something I would have to deal with.

When I spent time with Hadie, I forget about all the problems I had to face at home. Hadie was deep, thoughtful and sincere which was a lot more than I could say for my own mother.

Don’t get me wrong. Mom had my best interests at heart but that didn’t make her a good person. No, good people were like Hadie, not my Mom.

I was sure my mom cared about me, but she didn’t understand me. She knew about my situation and what I was going through, yet she always found some way to blame me for things that didn’t seem particularly important to me anymore.

There was no chance of escaping to my room, so I reluctantly forced myself to enter the kitchen where Mom and Becky were sitting at the kitchen table. Mom was flicking through a daytime soap magazine while Becky painted her nails an ugly orange color.

Mom’s jaw dropped open when she took a good look at me. “What happened to you? This is the second time this week you’ve come home soaking wet!”

“It’s raining,” I said with a shrug. “Of course I’m going to get wet.”

Becky sniggered, because she knew I was about to get into trouble, and went back to painting her snails with a sneer on her face.

“Don’t get smart with me! I specifically told you that you were grounded, yet you still went out! What’s wrong with you?” Mom asked in disbelief. “And who were you with? I heard a car pull up outside? Who drove you?”

I tried to brush off her question as though it didn’t matter who’d dropped me home. “It was just some girl from school. She was showing me around town. No big deal.”

Mom’s face was slowly turning red with each word that I was saying. It actually looked like she was expanding with anger. “NO BIG DEAL? I’ve been worried sick about you for the last two hours. I’ve been calling and messaging and I get no response, but you’re telling me that it’s no big deal! When I call you, I expect you to answer! When I message you, I expect you to reply. And when I tell you that you are grounded then you stay at home, not gallivant around a strange town with some girl you just met.”

“Only a whore would go out for hours with a guy they barely know,” Becky remarked, glancing up from her important nail-painting task. “Kance said that most small town girls are white trash.”

White hot rage exploded inside my head and I slammed my fist against the wall, making both Mom and Becky jump. “Don’t you DARE call Hadie a whore! And Kance
is
from a small town, so what does that make her?”

Becky’s mouth formed a sneer. “Oh, so you were with that Hadie girl, huh? I told you she was easy…”

“Becky, shut the fuck up, seriously!”

“Lincoln, that’s enough!” Mom yelled, leaping to Becky’s defense as usual. “Just because you’re going through a hard time doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want to your sister. She’s just trying to give you some advice, which is what I’m trying to do too. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“And why is it so hard for you to understand that I want to get out and explore this town?” I demanded.

“I’m trying to protect you, Lincoln!” Mom yelled, rising to her feet.

“Are you sure about that? Because from where I’m standing, it sure as hell looks like you’re trying to control me,” I spat.

Mom’s face twisted painfully. “I am done having this conversation with you. You know what the rules are and you need to follow them.”

Exhaustion sank into me and I sighed. There was no point in arguing with her. Mom would never see things my way; never understand what I was going through. Besides, I hated yelling on any given day and it never got me anywhere. They were just never going to see things my way as long as they kept thinking that they were always right. I was done with this.

“Are you finished?” I asked, turning to leave. “I need to get my homework done.”

“Why do you bother?” Becky asked. “It’s not going to get you anywhere.”

Ignoring her comment, I began to head down the hall to room as a sick feeling squirmed its way into the pit of my stomach. The sick feeling intensified until it took over me and I knew I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Half-running, half-staggering to the bathroom, I didn’t even bother to shut the door behind me as the sick feeling rose up in my throat and I threw up all over the sink. My hands gripped the edge of the sink so hard that I thought they might fall off, and hot tears stung my eyes.

Giving into Hadie made me sick. Fighting with my family made me sick. I made myself sick. I was sick and tired of all the lying, the hiding and the deceiving, but I was selfish and a coward. I was selfish for wanting a normal life. I was a coward for running away from New York.

With a shaky hand, I reached over and turned on the tap and washed out the gross feeling in my mouth before splashing my face with water several times.

Finally, I glanced up to stare at myself in the mirror. It was like there was a twisted mask covering me. I looked the same as I did every day, but my complexion was sallow, my face was a little gaunt and the blue in my eyes was a sad and melancholy color, lacking life and warmth and excitement.

A movement behind me caught my attention, and in the reflection of the mirror I could see that my mom was standing in the doorway watching me, a sad look on her face.

I straightened up and was just about to tell her I was fine when I shut my mouth. I wasn’t fine. I hadn’t been fine in a long time. Being with Hadie made me forget my problems temporarily but as soon as she left me, I was reminded of them once again.

Without another word, Mom stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub as she rustled around in the cabinet, looking for something. Burying my head in my hands, I wondered when I had lost such control of my life.

I wished my life wasn’t falling apart, that I could be free to do what I wanted to do and be who I wanted to be, but wishes only came true in dreams and my life was nothing but a nightmare.

Hadie

“My parents want you to come over for dinner tomorrow night,” I told Lincoln as soon he approached my locker on Monday morning.

“I’m guessing you told them about us?” He leaned against the locker beside me and folded his arms across his chest. The motion made his arm muscles bulge and for a second I forgot what we were talking about.

I told myself to snap out of it because I was acting like a silly, giddy school girl. Okay, so I was a school girl but I didn’t want to be one of those girls whose life revolved around their boyfriend. At least, I was pretty sure Lincoln was my boyfriend.

“I tell them everything,” I said, shutting my locker.

It was a relief to find my locker graffiti-free this morning. I guess Lincoln really had scared off whoever had been vandalizing it.

For a second, I was content as I gazed into Lincoln’s calming azure eyes. This was the happiest I had been in a very long time. Everything felt right, the way it should be. Lincoln had been that last puzzle piece that my life had been missing and now that I had found him, everything just clicked.

A smile played around Lincoln’s mouth. “Did you tell them how you mauled me in my car on Saturday night?”

“Hey!” I said, smacking him on his arm. “I did not
maul
you! I was being…friendly.”