Falling In (19 page)

He traces my bottom lip with his thumb, and I close my eyes, willing myself to stop this breakdown, stop my body from trembling from his touch, the touch that I can feel everywhere.

“So maybe I’m not sorry. I don’t know. Just please, don’t cry. It was my fault. It’s on me.” He kisses my cheeks, my forehead, and everywhere else on my face that isn’t my lips, continuing to dry the tears that are finally slowing down. My sobs wind down into snivels, and I hold onto Jake like it’s the last time, pressing my wet cheeks into his chest.

“I’m sorry. I saw him in my head. I saw Cole’s face. I just had to stop.” I look back at Jake and I try to hold in the tears that are on the verge of making a repeat appearance. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing what feels right.
This
feels right, Evangeline. You know it does. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here with me—you’d be at home, waiting for him.” He brings his mouth dangerously close to mine, his breath caressing my lips as he speaks. “For now, for today, just be here with me. We’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Please. Just be here.”

I can’t argue with that. I couldn’t, even if I tried. Being this close to Jake renders me speechless. All I can think about are his strong hands on my lower back, anchoring me against him. The combination of his touch and the ghost of a kiss he’s tempting me with is awakening the voracity that I try to tame every time I’m with him. I lift my hand, threading my fingers through his soft black waves of hair.

Kneading gently, I whisper against his lips, “I’m here with you,” before colliding my mouth back to his. He pulls me in tighter, and I moan into his mouth as I feel his growing erection against my midsection. And damn, from the feel of it, Jake is packing some serious heat in the cock department.

He moves us backward, until my back is pushed up against the tree. I move in even closer, wanting to feel everything I can in this moment. As the heat builds between us, our lips become desperate, our tongues probing each other’s with purpose, want,
need
. It’s fast and fitful, like we can’t get enough. But things are moving too fast. We’re outside in a park, for all of the neighborhood to see.

On top of the fact that I just kissed another man.

Fuck.

We shouldn’t be doing this here. I reluctantly pull away, this time without tears. Instead, I don a sated smile that mirror’s Jake’s.

“I know this isn’t the most appropriate place to be mauling your face. Damn girl, you don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do that. It was even better than I imagined. And I imagined it a lot. I mean, like overkill.”

I laugh into his shoulder. Then I look up into those eyes that are so green, I could swim in them.

“Me, too. Actually, I kind of have a confession. But you have to promise not to laugh, okay?”

“I promise.” He swears, crossing his heart.

I shut my eyes tightly, feeling awkward and wondering why I’m even telling him this. But I figure, what the hell, we’re getting everything out in the open here.

“I’ve been having sex with you in my dreams, ever since that first night on my porch.”

I open one eye to peek at him. He looks completely flabbergasted, like that was the last thing he thought I would ever say. But the look only lasts seconds before turning primal, animalistic, even. His nostrils flare and his eyes grow dark, warning that he might pounce on me any second. The thought of him on top of me sends a jolt right to my core. He takes a deep breath before the corners of his mouth tilt up, shaking his head in bewilderment.

“Fuck, Evangeline, now
that
was the hottest thing I have ever heard. Hands down. Damn. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

He presses his still very stiff cock against my lower belly while placing featherlike kisses up and down my neck, causing my whole body to go up in flames and my pussy to clench so tightly, I have to squeeze my legs together to dull the excruciating void I feel without him inside me. Fuck, I want him so badly right now, I’m dripping.

Jake moves his mouth back to mine, tugging on my bottom lip before plunging his tongue inside. He’s gentle now, but no less hot, taking his time as he explores my mouth. He keeps one hand cradling my neck against the tree as the other begins to travel down my body, brushing over my sensitive breasts. My nipples harden under his deliberate and torturous touch. His hand finally lands on my waist, gripping firmly as I push my pelvis against his hardness. I don’t want to stop.
I really don’t
. But I know I have to. This is getting out of hand, yet again. I give myself a few more minutes, savoring each stroke of his tongue, the sound of his groan against my lips, and the feel of his solid and firm body pressed into mine.

“
Jake
.” I whisper as he continues to devour my mouth. “Jake.” I repeat a little louder, garnering some attention.

“
Hmm
?”

“We have to stop. For reals this time.” I pull away slightly and look up into his sated eyes. Understanding and disappointment wash over his face. “I’m not sorry about it. But, slow—I need slow, Jake.”

He gives me a reassuring smile before resting his forehead against mine, sighing loudly.

“I can do slow. For you, I think I could do just about anything.” He gives me one more prolonged peck before finally pulling away. “So, where to now? I think our houses are out of the question right now, ‘cause there is no way I can go slow knowing that there are beds upstairs and all of the privacy I want for the first time I fuck you. And when I do, it won’t be a quickie. I’m going to take my time learning and exploring that beautiful body of yours.” He nuzzles into my neck again. This time he nibbles on my earlobe, sending my eyes to the back of my head.

Yep, my panties are done for.

Completely. Soaked.

I push against his chest, ripping him away from my very satisfied and wet earlobes, shaking my head as I move beyond the reach of his roaming fingers.

“Slow, Jake. Remember?”

“Shit. Yes, slow. Sorry. Though, it’s your fault for being so damn hot. I want to touch you every minute of every day, feel that soft mocha skin underneath my fingertips,” he says while dragging his finger down my arm. I suck in a breath. “Watching the goose bumps form on your body as it shudders from my touch.” He smirks as my body does just that. I exhale as I feel his hot breath on my neck. “It would
never
get old, Evangeline.” He whispers into my ear before leaving me standing there, swaying like an idiot, in a pent-up, sexually frustrated daze.

“Aren’t you coming?” he yells at me from the playground.

Yep.
I’m pretty damn close to coming, and from the smug smirk on his face, I’m pretty sure he knows it. I shake out the remaining naughty thoughts that are running rampant through my mind and make my way down the hill I didn’t even realize I had climbed earlier.

Jake’s standing next to the swings, waiting patiently, and smiling like he has a secret that only he knows. He’s looking so damn delicious, I want a bite—or at the very least, a nibble. His hair is all mussed from my fingers running through it, and his eyes are brighter, more playful.
Happy.
He looks so fucking happy. The happiest I have ever seen him.

And I’m the reason for that
.

My belly warms at the thought. I bite my lip and return the same smile that he’s giving me. And then it hits me straight in the gut.

I’m happy, too.
Really happy
.
He
makes me happy. I don’t know if it’s more than Cole. I don’t think so, because that man has made me happy for twenty years. It’s just different. It
feels
different.

I feel different.

My face must’ve dropped, reflecting the baffling revelation that just occurred, because all of a sudden, Jake’s at my side, cupping my face into his palms, looking worried and so damn cute at the same time.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What happened? You were just smiling, and then you went blank there for a minute.”

“It’s nothing. Or maybe it’s something. I just realized that I’m happy. I mean, I’ve of course been happy for a long time, but I don’t know. You make me feel different. A different kind of happy.”

“Different can be good.”

“Yeah. It can be very good,” I say with a slight smile.

“Hey, why don’t we stop overthinking this? Slow, remember? We don’t need to analyze our feelings or figure anything out yet. Let’s just enjoy today, okay? Just be in the moment.”

I sigh, knowing he’s right. I need to get out of my head. Be in the moment. Because who knows how many more I’ll have with him.

I nod into his hands before placing a small kiss on each palm. “Good girl. Since we’ve got that settled, can I push you on the swings now?” he asks, looking like a kid who just walked into
Toys“R”Us
, eyes full of wonder and mischief.

“Thought you’d never ask,” I say grinning wildly, Jake’s exuberant spirit is rubbing off on me.

I move around him and hop onto the swing. I can feel his presence behind me, and I lean into him for a moment before he starts to push. As I get higher and higher, I begin to feel free. Youthful.
Uninhibited
. I throw my head back and embrace the breeze upon my face, cleansing me, alleviating the worry and the plaguing feeling of my betrayal just for this moment.

In this moment, I’m just a girl who likes a boy.

And it feels good. Exciting. New.

Different
.

We play on the playground all morning amongst small children and their stay-at-home mommies, who spend ninety percent of the time on their phones. The rest of their time is spent watching us in equal parts envy and annoyance. We’re running around, playing tag and sliding down the slides. Giving each other sweet and tender kisses, in between hanging on the monkey bars and swinging. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relaxed—not since my mom died, at least. I have a feeling that Jake feels the same way, from the look on his face.
Pure joy
.

Now we’re lying in the grass—well, he’s actually sitting while I’m lying in the grass, my head resting in his lap. His finger leaves a path of scorching fire as it travels down my cheeks to the top of my exposed cleavage, and then back up again. He traces the outline of my parted lips until I draw the tip of his finger inside my mouth. He hisses as I swirl my tongue around it, taking it deeper into my mouth. Our wanton gazes lock, and those green eyes that are penetrating my own with so much passion sends my nerve endings into an extreme frenzy that travels through my entire body until I feel it deep in my pussy, my clit begging to be touched. Again, I have to squeeze my legs shut to lessen the ache that is raw and desperate. I watch him closely as his eyes glaze over and his breathing becomes more and more erratic as the seconds tick by.

“
Evangeline
.” He whispers between clenched teeth. “You have to stop, or I’m gonna lift up that dress and fuck you right here in front of all of these jealous moms and their children.”

I release his finger slowly without taking my eyes off his. My legs are clamping together so tightly now from his words, I swear all it would take is one flick to my clit and I’d be done for. He takes his eyes away from mine for a second, landing on my compressed thighs. When he brings them back, I know he knows. And from the impressive bulge digging into the back of my head, we’re on the same page.

Just as he’s about to kiss me—quite possibly making good on that promise—my stomach growls. Loudly. We both burst out laughing, thankfully relieving the sexual tension surrounding us like a dense fog.

“Lunchtime?”

“Definitely.” I agree, sitting up from his lap. He gets up off the ground first and pulls me up against him. I can still feel his erection poking into me. We both look down at it simultaneously.

He shrugs with a smirk then whispers in my ear, “Your fault.”

I just smile and shake my head at him. As we begin to walk back to our houses, he puts my hand into his, gently stroking my knuckles with his thumb. He holds it firmly until we’re about to reach our street, and with reluctance we both let go, each giving one another a comforting smile as we go back to reality. 

“Mine or yours?” he asks as we approach our driveways.

“Yours. You know, in case—”

“Right.” The light in his eyes has somewhat dimmed since we started walking back. Even more so now with the reminder of our situation. He turns to walk up his stairs, but I stop him mid-stride.

“Hey. I’m with you. Right now, in this moment, I’m only with
you
.” He dips his head slightly in acceptance, offering an affectionate smile that I return sincerely. Then we walk in sync toward his house. There is nervous energy encircling us as he unlocks his door. I wring my hands, all of a sudden terrified to be alone with him in his house, though I’ve done this numerous times.

That was, of course, before today.

Before the kisses and admissions.

Before we crossed that line.

He holds the door open for me as I step inside, letting out a tense breath.