Falling in Love With Her Husband (14 page)

He frowned. “I don"t know.”

“What do you have to lose?”

“I"l think about it.”

I hesitated but decided to speak. “There"s not only a

job at the post office but the stable is hiring as well.” When I

saw him clench his jaw, I realized he wasn"t listening to me.

“I"ve had it! I"m tired of hearing you complain about your job.

I don"t understand why you don"t quit.” It hadn"t been my

intention to raise my voice but the more I spoke, the louder I

got.

He glared at me. “Unlike some people, I don"t run

away from my problems.”

I bolted to my feet. “That"s the last time I"l try to help

you!” I quickly ran into the house before I said something I

would regret.

I locked myself in my bedroom. So what if I left

Virginia in order to get away from Kent and Rebecca? Todd

didn"t refuse to take me with him! I crossed my arms and

sat on my bed. Perhaps leaving Virginia the way I did

wasn"t the smartest thing I ever did, but I liked it here. I

didn"t regret coming out here, even though I missed my

parents and Agnes.

I spent most of the night fuming at his words. Did he

think I was staying here because I was still mourning over

Kent? Did he think that was the only reason I stayed

married to him?

By the time morning came, I was tempted to make

Todd fix his own breakfast. I stared at the stove and oven. I

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wondered how long it would take him to figure out how to

make pancakes and biscuits.

“I"m sorry, Ann. I didn"t mean to say that about you

running away from your problems,” Todd softly stated.

I hadn"t heard him enter the kitchen. I turned

around, my heart melting. “I"m sorry too. You know how to

handle the situation at work better than I do.”

He seemed as relieved as I was to have things go

back to normal. Unlike the other times we apologized, he

hugged me. The action startled me for a moment, but then I

returned his hug. I found that I enjoyed hugging him.

Maybe fighting wasn"t so bad after all.

“You don"t run away from your problems,” he said

when our hug ended. “If you did, you wouldn"t be here. I

know it wasn"t easy for you to learn to cook and clean. It"s

hard work, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.

Thank you for taking care of me.”

My eyes lit up at his compliment. I kissed his cheek

to show my appreciation. “Of course, you take care of me

too.” Again, I was thankful that he loved me and treated me

so well. I gladly turned to the stove and made his breakfast.

***

The next afternoon when he came home, he rushed

into the house and said he had a surprise for me.

Interested, I followed him out to the barn and paused when I

saw my gift. He bought me a horse?

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Of course it is,” he replied, smiling proudly at the

brown animal that was eating hay in her stall. “Do you want

to name her?”

“Why do we need another horse?”

“I notice you go into town more and thought if I was

at work and you needed to go to town, you can hook up

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Thunder and this horse to the buggy. You can go anywhere

you need to while I"m at work.”

I considered my words carefully. I didn"t work at the

Coley"s so he could buy things we didn"t need. “I appreciate

the thought. You are very kind to think of me.”

He frowned. “But…?”

I shrugged. “I don"t know. I just think that it may be

unnecessary. Barbara takes me into town whenever she

goes.”

“I thought you would be pleased.”

I noted his disappointment. “I am but isn"t a horse

expensive?”

“Are you saying I can"t afford it?”

“Can you?”

“Yes.”

I rubbed my forehead. I saw the budget that night. I

knew he couldn"t. Not real y. Not without sacrificing

something important, like food or clothes or blankets for the

winter.

He sighed and looked at Thunder and Lightning who

rested in their stalls, munching on their portion of the hay.

He turned back to me. “I work all the time to give you what

you want and no matter how hard I try, I can"t please you. I

real y thought you"d appreciate this horse. I bought her for

you.”

“I don"t need a horse.”

“You want more clothes?”

“No. I"m content with what I have.” Why was he

getting upset? I was trying to ease his financial burden, not

increase it. “You don"t have to buy me things. I don"t need

things to be happy. I just want to be a blessing to you.”

He looked as if he was about to say something but

decided against it.

I shook my head. “Forget about the Thanksgiving

trip and the horse. You don"t have to work overtime at the

bank. Do you think I want you to suffer over there just so I

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can have more things? I already told you I wasn"t going to

buy as many clothes anymore and I have managed to cut

back on the food expenses. I did all of that for you, but you

take the money I have saved you by not spending it and you

run off and buy an animal I don"t need. Then you"re going to

run back to the bank and overwork yourself again.”

“I keep telling you we can afford things. Why don"t

you ever listen to me?”

He was too proud to admit that he needed help.

I couldn"t make him tell me the truth, and I didn"t

want to have another fight about his job. I turned to the

mare. He did show a great deal of thoughtfulness in buying

her for me. I should graciously accept it and just hope it

didn"t create a hole in our finances. “Thank you for the

horse. I"m sorry I wasn"t appreciative of it before. I do like it

when you buy things for me.”

He looked uncertain. “You do?”

I nodded. “It lets me know you think about me.”

He smiled back. “That"s good information to have.”

Relieved, I returned his smile. “Why don"t we name

her Storm? I think it goes well with Thunder and Lightning.”

“I like it. Storm it is.”

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Todd’s Point of View

One night, I couldn"t sleep at all. Thoughts of Ann

continually replayed themselves in my mind. I recalled the

day I brought home her dress for her birthday and how

beautiful she looked in her robe. I recalled her perky white

breasts when she leaned over to touch my forehead. I

wanted to see everything that was under that robe. I

managed to drift off into a fitful sleep halfway through the

night, and my dreams were filled with images of Ann coming

to me. My hands caressed her breasts. I recalled the feel

of her silky hair, the way her lips felt on mine, and how her

body felt when I hugged her. I reluctantly willed these

thoughts away as I woke up. I was too aroused to go back

to sleep. I jumped off my bed and opened the window.

I shivered as my body temperature finally dropped. I

didn"t dare close the window. Instead, I decided to go

downstairs. I didn"t feel like taking of my sexual needs that

night. I"d just ride it out. I quietly walked down the stairs

and lit a candle in the parlor. I went over to the desk by the

window and opened the top drawer where I put the papers I

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wrote on to plan our spending and savings. I took out my

pencil and began working on a new idea on ways I could cut

spending. I had already cut back as far as I could on my

clothing. I had enough warm clothes. I did odd jobs for

John for some hay to feed the horses, so I managed to save

aside some extra money there.

I looked at Ann"s clothing and the food budget. I

sighed loudly and stood up and paced in front of the desk. I

hated to cut back on the things she enjoyed. She had

bought some warmer and prettier dresses, which I liked.

She not only looked good in them but she had fun buying

them. It was one of the things she did enjoy back in

Virginia. I sat back down in front of a pile of papers and

considered cutting back the food budget. I wrote some

amounts down to the few foods I knew. I did enjoy her

cooking, and she had fun trying new recipes. Some of them

were fancy but it tasted just as good as the other stuff she

made. If I cut back on the food and clothing, it would save

more, but I didn"t want to do that to her.

I stared out the window and recalled the last time

she brought a new dress home. Her face glowed with

pleasure. I wished she liked me as much as she liked those

dresses. I threw the pencil down in aggravation and paced

the floor again. I didn"t like thinking such thoughts. I had to

be important to her in some way. She wouldn"t even tell me

she loved me, but she had no trouble expressing her

pleasure for cooking and buying clothes. I groaned. So I

wasn"t going to sleep tonight. I blew out the candle and

crept up the stairs. Despite my frustration, I quietly shut the

bedroom door. I wanted slam it so she would wake up and

come running out of her bedroom to ask me what was

wrong.

Then what? I would get to look at her in her

nightgown which didn"t hide as much as the dresses did, but

she"d be oblivious to the fact that I was in pajamas which

didn"t hide much either. She"d be relieved that I was alright

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and go back to her room. She wouldn"t invite me to her

room or come into mine. Then the next day, I"d be just as

miserable but with the reminder that she didn"t care to do

anything interesting with me the night before when she had

the perfect chance. I laid on my bed and resigned myself to

another sleepless night. Again, the thought crept into my

mind that I should have left her back in Virginia.

***

That Sunday evening, we sat on the porch again. I

sat in one of the chairs. I was finding it harder and harder to

sit next to her. Instead, I put as much distance between us

as possible. I was afraid if I got close, I wouldn"t be able to

control myself. There were too many intimate thoughts

running through my mind. If she had any idea, she would

probably think there was something wrong with me or,

worse, reject me.

I wanted to ask Ann what she thought about sex but

knew it wouldn"t be appropriate since we weren"t actually

having it. Or would it? Could it be something that would

open the door to consummating our marriage? I could talk

to her about anything else. So why not this?

“It was nice that we spent the day together,” Ann

said. “We always have fun with John and Barbara, but

sometimes it"s nice to spend some time alone.”

Breaking out of my thoughts, I turned to her in

interest. Did she enjoy being with me?

She shifted on the porch swing and cleared her

throat. “It"s just that sometimes I feel like I don"t get to see

you very much. You work so many hours at the bank. Not

that I"m complaining,” she quickly added. “I know you"re

doing everything you can to provide for us.”

“You like having me around?”

She blushed. “Of course I do.”

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I appreciated her comment more than she realized.

“I like being with you too.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the

chair. It had been a good day. She sat closer to me than

usual in church. Usually, there was some space between

us, but now that I thought about it, our arms were touching.

I had assumed she sat close to me because Molly wanted to

sit right by her and she didn"t have enough room to leave

some space between us. Was it possible that she

intentionally sat close to me? There was enough room on

Mol y"s side. Then I recalled the way she sat next to me at

dinner and touched my arm a couple of times. I had

assumed it was innocent Ann behavior. Was there more to

it than that? A spark of hope went through me.

“If you want, I could stay home more.” Suddenly, I