Falling - On the Banks of Lake Saint Clare (Falling - Book One) (39 page)

“Those are my only choices?” I smiled.

He led me over to the couch. I’ll put the movie on, but no guarantees I will be able to keep my mind on it. Funny, sappy, scary or mystery?”

“Funny,” I said, “definitely funny.”

“What do we watch, what do we watch? Awesome!”
H
e sang, looking in the cabinet of movies, “Dumb and Dumber. I know you want comedy but this movie scares the shit out of me.”

“Put it in. It’s about as funny as a movie can be.”

“Hey, go fix us some ice cream and I’ll go get some blankets and we will just sleep in here,” he said. “Oh, I want cheesecake
,
too. But I need to know where the blankets are.”

“In the hallway closet by my room.
You
really don’t want to sleep in my room?”

“No way. There is no way I could do that,” he winked.

“Good point,” I smiled.

I went into the kitchen and heard him humming then singing while spreading the blankets on the couch. “We want a fire?”
H
e yelled.

“It’s 97 degrees out.”

“We aren’t out,” he argued. “We are in and it’s 70.”

“That’s fine. There are some logs on the
deck
.”

I took the ice cream into the living room
,
watched him start the fire
,
and turn on the movie.

He sat down behind me and I snuggled against him feeling him kiss the top of my head. “Ignore me if I scream,” he smiled.

“I don’t think I have ever smiled and laughed so much in my life. You make me forget everything bad that has happened. I love being with you so much.”

He squeezed my hand, “I am not going to let anything bad ever happen to you again. Oh gosh, this is the scary part.”

Chapter
22

“I can’t believe we actually slept all night. I figured we would be all over each other all night and then have to put on innocent faces in front of your parents.”

“I was exhausted,” Michael said. “I haven’t slept that good in a long time. I can so fall in love with waking up with you in the morning, even though you are a nasty drooler.”

“But that’s what’s so charming about me,” I said, rolling over and kissing him. “I don’t think we even kissed at all last night, did we?”

“Nope, we didn’t,”
h
e said, kissing me slowly. “What time do you need to go to your doctor?”

“Ten. I guess I need to tell my Mom so she might feel the need to at least drive me there.”

“I’ll take you,” he said, “I don’t mind at all. Then we can go eat lunch with Dad since we will be at the hospital. I’ll call and see if he can join us.”

“Ok, all set,” he said, hanging up the phone. “We will meet Mom and Dad at the café next to the hospital after your appointment and then come back here until we have to go to the game. Sound good?’

“I don’t want them to know what kind of doctor I am going to.”

“Alex, stop worrying about this. I don’t keep anything from my parents. That is something that you will have to deal with. You have to realize that they have never once disappointed me and they will never disappoint you. They will be there to support you in everything you do. Just trust them.”

I nodded; realizing that I would really need them since I knew my
d
ad will eventually forbid Mom to have anything to do with me. It dawned on me, that the family I had known for
seventeen
years had just deserted
me
or as my dad would say threw me in the trash like he thought I deserved. I felt numb. I didn’t even want to think about it.

“I’ll be here when you get finished,” Michael said, when the
p
sychiatrist’s receptionist called for me.

I didn’t move. I just sat there. “I’m fine, Michael. I really don’t want to go in there. What if she
finds
me insane and commits me.”

“Alex,” he laughed, “
y
ou are being way too overdramatic. I will not let that happen.”

“What if it
’
s part of my Dad
’
s plots to be rid of me? Maybe he called ahead and told her I was a lunatic and they are waiting on the other side of the door with a straight jacket.”

I heard them call my name again. Michael walked over to the receptionist. “Give her a second. She’s really scared. Could I walk in with her?”

“Sure,” she smiled. “Not a problem.”
             
He took my hand, “You don’t have to stay. Just go in and see if you feel comfortable. If you don’t, get up and leave. Ok? I will be right here. I’m not going to leave you and they will not take you anywhere. Got it?” He asked, raising my chin to look him in the eyes. “I have and never will lie to you, so you can trust me. It will be fine.”

I took a deep breath as he walked me into the room.

“Alex?” The doctor walked over to the door, “I’m Dr. Wallace.
Call
me Julia, if you’d like. It’s so nice to meet you.” She had a very pleasant soothing voice. “Are you scared?” she smiled. “You look petrified.”

“I’m a bit nervous,” I said, feeling like I was on the verge of a panic attack.

“I totally understand. I’ve been in the same boat,” she smiled again. “If you want to sit down and relax, I promise you it will be less painful than you think.”

I sat down in the chair. “
I think
I’ll be okay,” I said to Michael.

“I’ll be right outside,” he squeezed my hand. “Ok?”

I watched the door close behind him and looked at the doctor.

“He is so tall. I am guessing that he’s your boyfriend?”

“Yes,” I nodded.

“I can tell he really cares a lot about you.”

“I hope so,” I smiled. “I am madly in love with him. Well, not madly,” I tried to correct, so she didn’t think I was out of control in love with him.

“I’ve been madly in love before,” she smiled. “It’s truly the most wonderful feeling in the world.”

I smiled, starting to feel a bit more relaxed.

“He is all I have right now. I don’t know what I would ever do with out him.”

She smiled. “He’s very handsome. How’d you meet?”

I told her about seeing him at the store and then at the ballpark. I think I even told her about our first kiss. I just started talking
,
not even realizing she was a stranger. I told her about b
eing roofied and then came to th
e day of the attack. I told her everything that Brad did to me in the alley.

“It’s so hard for me to explain how I feel. It’s so hard to accept that he’s my brother. Sometimes I wonder if I should just forgive him because he is my twin and that’s what I’m sure some people think. I want to talk to him and then I hate hearing his voice. I want answers to why he did it to me. The restraining order says he can’t talk to me, but he calls anyway. I instantly want to hear what he has to say. I want to
get answers
. What I did to deserve him doing that to me. I had to have done something. No one can be that evil to do something that badly without having a reason. I can’t figure out what I did to deserve it. I haven’t told the detectives or police that he has called me because I don’t want him arrested. I want him to call so I can get
the
answers, but he scares me so badly when he does
call
. He is trying to make me crazy and I am starting to think he’s doing it.”

“First of all, you didn’t deserve it,” she interrupted, so you can stop trying to figure it out. It was all him, nothing you did made him attack you. I understand you wanting to talk to him. I went through the same thing when I was in college. I had a guy stalking me and it was almost an obsession with me to hear him
,
even though I hated him and it scared me to death when I did.”

“So, I’m not crazy when I answer the phone? I don’t wait or want it to happen, but when it does, I have to answer. And I know he’s playing head games with me, but I still let him.

“I saw him at the game last night and I could smell him. I could feel his hands on me, and remember what he tasted like,” I shuddered, “even though he was across the park. Every time I look at my fingernails, I can remember what his blood felt like running onto my fingertips. And I feel so guilty for making him bleed. He was killing me
,
but I still fell guilty for hurting him. And yet, I want him dead.

“What I don’t understand is I think it should be wrong for it to feel so great when Michael touches me, but want to die when I remember Brad touching me. I think that I shouldn’t want to be touched at all, but I yearn for Michael’s touch. I hardly ever think about Brad when Michael is around.”

“You are able to separate the two, which is really great. You can separate how with Michael it is a loving touch, but Brad it wasn’t. You are very lucky, because a lot of victims can’t separate the two.”

I nodded, “So it isn’t wrong for me to want to have sex with Michael so soon after this? Because I wonder if it’s wrong.”

“It’s not wrong,” she smiled. “I think you are worried too much about what people think and not worr
ied
about what is best for you to get through this.”

“You are so right. I want to go to Michael’s game tonight, but he is playing against my dad and Brad’s team. I am not sure if it’s wrong for me to go. I will be sitting there in front of the guy who violated me
. Almost
everyone at the game will be wondering how I can do that and might think I lied about the whole thing if I am able to be there. But I want more than anything to be there for Michael.”

“Then that’s your answer. More than anything you want to be there for Michael. So, don’t worry about what people think. It’s human nature for people to question bad things that happen. You are a very caring young lady. You are not crazy and you are handling things like a normal person. Not only were you a victim, you have been deserted by your family. You have gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. That’s a lot for a young lady to have to deal with and not go crazy. But Alex, you are far from being crazy, so stop beating yourself up about what you are feeling and what others are thinking about you. If you want to keep a weekly or biweekly visit, I will be more than happy to see you.”

“I think I will. I am sure the second I leave here, I will think, dang it, why didn’t I ask.”

She smiled, “Feel free to call me if you do. It has been a pleasure talking to you, Alex. I hope I have helped you and will look forward to seeing you again.”

“Thanks so much,” I shook her hand.

“I’ll see you next week?”

“Definitely.”

I walked into the reception area and saw Michael reading a Sports Illustrated magazine. “You will be on the cover of that. I predict in the next 12 months.”

“Yeah sure,’ he smiled. “
How was it? I see you escaped the straight jacket.”

“I am just that talented,” I smiled. “It was gr
eat. I’m coming back next week.
I’ll be right back,” I said, walking over to the reception desk. I handed her my insurance card, “I need to schedule something next week. Same day is fine.”

“Ok, got that taken care of. It looks like your insurance has been cancelled. Do you have another way to pay?”

“You’re kidding, right? I’ve always had insurance. It’s a mistake.”

“I’ll call. Give me a second,” she said, moving to the other side of the room. She finally, after 5 minutes, came back, “I’m sorry. They said it was canceled last week.”

I immediately started crying. “I don’t have any money with me,” I said. “Could I call my grandparents? I can’t believe he did this to
me
.
”
I knew my dad
was adding to his revenge. Keep it together, Alex, I kept saying to myself, feeling like I was going to pass out. Everything was getting dizzy like it had at the ballpark.

“Alex?” Michael said, looking up from his magazine. “What’s wrong?”

“My dad,” I cried harder. He jumped up and walked over to me, “What did he do?”

“He canceled my insurance. I don’t have any money with me,” I said, crying harder.
             
“Its fine,” he said, getting out his wallet, handing her a credit card. “I got it. I didn’t know or I would have taken care of it.”

I sat down in the chair beside the desk, “I can’t do this anymore, Michael. I can’t take any more surprises. I just can’t do it.”

He sat down beside me. “It’s taken care of. No worries.”

We got to the lobby. “Mom just texted that they will meet us here in a few. Dad is finishing with his last patient and we will walk over together to the café. You better?”

“I guess. I will put on my happy face before they get here.”

“You don’t need to pretend with them.”