Falling Stars (22 page)

"No
you haven't or no you have?"

He
was confusing the shit out of me.

"There've
been nights I haven't had the nightmares and shit." Taking a long sip of
my coffee, I set the chilled liquid back onto the table.

"Uh
huh, and what was different about those nights?" He sipped at his mug.

He
already knew. His expression gave him away. He just wanted me to say it, to talk.
This is why I hate this shit, all the fucking games.

"I
know you already know all this shit." Frustrated, I threw my head back on
the chair again.

"Of
course I've been informed by outsiders, but I want to know from you. You're the
one that matters." He sat forward again. I raised my head, looking at him.

"Mia,"
was all I answered.

"And
this is the same girl that got you to calm down during your 'acting out'?"

I
nodded, refusing to answer aloud or even look at him. The next question was
obvious, but the answer wasn't.

"Any
idea what it is about her that causes this?"

I'd
been trying to figure that shit out since the first night. It annoyed me not to
understand why she gave me the ability to sleep. His question annoyed me more.

"If
I fucking knew then I wouldn't be talking to you now would I?" I rolled my
eyes. "Are we almost done yet? I need to get ready for the bus."
Roughly climbing out of the chair and taking my coffee to the sink, I poured
the cold black liquid down the drain.

"If
you want to be finished then we can be, but I think you're doing great. It's
your call." He followed me to my bedroom and stopped. Leaning on the doorframe,
he continued. "Can I ask a personal question?"

"Sure."
I started throwing piles of clothing into random bags. Dirty or clean, it didn't
matter to me.

"Does
Mia look like your mother?" My head snapped to him.

"What
the fuck? You think that I think she is my….that she is her?" Anger boiled
in the pit of my stomach.

"No,
but it's common to be drawn to someone similar to a person you lost so
tragically." He shrugged like it was no big fucking deal.

"NO!
She doesn't." I went back to packing my bags.

"Okay."
Dr. J put his hands up in surrendered. "How do you feel when you're around
her?"

Rolling
my head around, I tried to relieve the building tension in my neck and
shoulders.

"I
don't know, calm."

"I
think I was told that you two don't get along. Is that the case?"

"Yes…No…sort
of." I sat on the bed. "Look, I was trying to get rid of their group,
because I didn't want them on the tour; however, after some things I found that
if she was with me when I slept it didn't happen."

"Are
you willing to tell me exactly what happened, when you discovered this?"
Dr. J entered the room further and sat on the bed next to me.

Starting
with the morning argument, I told him what happened that night on the tour bus.
The night I discovered that Mia was more powerful than any pill or drink. She
was calming, comforting, and…fuck, she just worked. He didn't say a word when I
finished.

"Well?"
I barked.

"Well
what?"

"You
fucking know what!"

Now
he was just trying to piss me off.

"I'm
not sure why she has this influence on you, but you should probably avoid using
her to keep the nightmares away. You shouldn't continue to sleep next to her."

"Wha…Why?"
Panic filled my chest. Bile pooled at the base of my throat.

"It
would just be another addiction. You need to deal with everything and learn to
sleep on your own."

"But
nothing works! Nothing!" I'd started shouting, but he was unfazed. "Only
her." My voice had changed to pleading.

He
looked at me apologetically. "I understand you feel that way –"

"Feel
that way? Are you kidding? It's not that I feel that way, its fucking fact,
Doc!" Throwing my clothes into bags again, I looked away from him.

"What
I'm trying to say is that there is something else that will help." He
paused and so did I.

I
didn't look at him. He was going where I didn't want to go.

"You
need to talk about it." I was about to interrupt him, but he put up a
finger, "let me finish." He sighed and walked up next to me.

"Even
if it's not me you tell or talk to, you need to talk about it. Let it out
Christopher, let it go. You won't lose anything but the nightmare."

"It's
not that easy," I growled, looking ahead at nothing.

"I
know it's not, but it's what will help you." He started to walk away. "I
actually think you may have made some progress today, but only time will tell
if you continue."

Moving
my eyes from nothing to him, he smiled.

"I
think that's enough for now, we'll talk again another day, okay?"

He
got a silent nod.

"Have
a safe trip."

After
the click of the door shutting, I sat back down on my bed. Doctor J must be
crazy because I don't feel as if there was any progress made, not at all. In
fact, I feel like shit. Eventually I fell asleep and woke up in a cold sweat.

Not
sleeping next to Mia shouldn't be too difficult since she kicked me out of her
room. But what if she isn't the only one who can keep them away. Maybe I just
need someone in bed with me and I could completely pull that off. Besides,
there was also the pressing fact that I really needed to get laid.

She's
not the only fucking girl on this tour. I can definitely get someone else
willing to climb into my bed.

*
* * * *

By
the time we got to the stage, everything felt right again. I didn't let the
argument with Christopher bother me anymore and took heart in the fact that I
hadn't seen him since. He hadn't shown up at my door and though I was better
off not dealing with it, I was still finding it difficult for me to fall
asleep. I was so used to someone being in bed with me I contemplated making
Serena sleep with me at night. Deep down I knew it wouldn't be the same, but I
found myself quickly denying those thoughts.

We
were heading back to the tour buses today and were on our way down to load up.
Knowing there was a very large possibility I would run into Christopher, I took
a deep breath when I stepped out of the elevator.

Lucky
for me, I made it to our bus with nothing more than cameras and fans crowding
around. After climbing onto the bus's couch, I pulled out my guitar and
notebook. I prepared to do some song writing during part of the trip. Laney
plopped herself near me and Kat and Serena sat with us as well.

"So
what are you going to play for us?" Laney leaned her head back on the
couch.

"Oh
I know…do a remix" Kat situated herself in the large chair by the door.

"A
remix of what?" We often did stupid little remixes of old songs to pass
time.

"Wait!"
Serena jumped up, rummaging through some of her bags. "Ah hah! Let's use
the shuffle!" I shook my head.

She
was beginning the shuffle when Jimmy and Jackson climbed onto the bus.

"What
are ya'll up to?" Jackson looked around the bus.

Laney's
face lit up. I couldn't hide my smile.

"Oh
we're just preparing for some travel games." Laney chirped with bright
eyes.

"Travel
games?" Jimmy raised an eyebrow in distaste. He lifted Kat up and sat her
on his lap. "Oh by the way we are crashing on you guys." He smirked.

"I
kind of gathered that," I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay,
well don't let us interrupt. Continue." Jackson squeezed in between Laney
and Serena putting arms around both of them. I raised an eyebrow at him and he
gave the biggest shit-eating grin I'd ever seen.

"Hands
off my woman fucker!" Elliott's boisterous voice accentuated with his
heavy footsteps. Lunging forward, he grabbed Serena by her arm and put her over
his shoulder.

"Elliott!
Put. Me. Down. Now. You Neanderthal!" Serena slapped him on the back.

"Oh,
I planned on it," he plopped them down onto a bunk and wrapped his arm around
her waist. She pushed up and sat Indian style. Shaking her head at him, she
smacked his arm. He smiled up to her with complete adoration. A small twinge of
jealous passed through me. He truly adored her. It was amazing how attached he
is. Christopher wasn't the only one of
The Forgotten
with a reputation.

"No
nasty stuff! That's my bunk." Laney shouted at them.

"Oh
really," Elliott questioned with an evil glint in his eye. He pulled
Serena onto her back and started planting loud wet kisses on her. Serena
started laughing and yelling for him to stop. She was enjoying it. If she weren’t
then he would be sporting a fat lip and sore balls right about now.

"Don't
you dare, Elliott!" Laney stood to go after him.

"Get
your girl!" Elliott yelled.

Jackson
grabbed Laney's waist and set her back down on the couch. She fought against
him, but I knew Laney. If she wanted up, she could get up. Tiny meant nothing
to that evil little woman. Fact was Laney was enjoying Jackson's grabby hands.

Kat,
Jimmy, and I laughed at Laney while she yelled at Jackson. She even put on the
pout face, which made me laugh harder.

"Okay
are we doing this remix thing or not?" Jimmy shouted kicking his feet out
in front of him and lounging the chair back, pulling Kat back with him. She
squeaked at the sudden movement.

"Serena?"
I shouted to the back of the bus.

The
bus shifted again. The top of his blue-black hair appeared before I saw his
face. My insides twisted and I put my head down, hiding my face in my hair.

"Hey
man, you actually joining us?" Jackson sounded astounded.

"Um…no,
Nicholas told me to come get you. He wants to talk to you before we take off."

The
weight of his eyes almost made me look up, but I didn't. If I did, I wasn't
sure what would happen and I didn't want to find out.

"Okay,
but seriously you should hang. We're all going to be over here." Jackson
patted Chris on the back on the way out the door.

"Come
on," Laney patted the seat next to her. It was between her and me. Looking
up at her with wide eyes, she caught my look and gave me an apologetic
expression.

"No,
I'll just –"

"Dude,
get your Emo ass in here and sit down." Elliott yelled from the back. "Don't
be a pussy."

"Fuck
you, Elliott!" He glared. I dropped my eyes quickly before he realized I
was watching him—again.

"You
should sit down we're about to pull out." Jackson stepped back onto the
bus.

Sitting
between Laney and me, the bus shifted into gear. Laney stood, grabbing
Christopher's arm. He cringed at her forwardness but allowed her to pull him
down.

"So
where were we?" Jackson wrapped an arm around Laney, leaning back on the
couch. The bus pulled away from the hotel.

"We're
still waiting…" I sang.

"I've
got it," Serena shouted. "Beat It, Michael Jackson."

Kat
and Laney giggled. Laney grabbed her guitar too. Kat stood up and grabbed
beers, passing them out.

"Okay,
here we go."

Laney
took the solo part, but we both were singing. Elliott joined. Everyone was
starting to get into it and singing. I think I even saw Christopher smile at
least once, though he didn't participate. We did a few more songs and then
Laney wanted to play another time waster – iPod name that song. This objective
was to be the first to name the song playing.

After
putting the guitars away, Laney grabbed a couple of iPods and linked them up to
the stereo on the bus. Everyone got comfortable and waited for Laney to start
playing songs.

"You're
going down, Mia!" Serena shouted.

"Hah!
You wish you could beat me," I laughed back. "I'm so awesome you can't
even come close to my greatness."

"Yeah
right, bitch!" She laughed. "I have Elliott back here for help too,"
she laughed.

"Damn
straight babe!" Elliott shouted. The distinctive sound of hands slapping a
high five carried to the front of the bus.

"Whatever,
you're still going down."

"Besides
Mia has my help." Jackson shouted. We high-fived.

"Okay,
shut up!" Laney yelled. "Get ready. Set. Go." She started the
song.

We
started shouting out answers one right after the next and Laney was keeping
score. Christopher even mumbled a couple of answers. The sound of his voice
causing emotions and reactions I didn't want to have.

After
about an hour of guess the song, we stopped to get something to eat. Laney went
straight into the restaurant, Jackson close to her side. Smiling, I watched
them enter together talking. It was also amusing to see this nearly seven-foot
tall guy next to a five foot three girl who didn't weigh more than a hundred
and ten pounds. Kat and Jimmy walked side by side, but seemed more on friendly
terms than anything. They were debating German car engineering. Elliott and
Serena on the other hand were like newlyweds. He couldn't keep his hands or
eyes off her. His arm was tightly around her waist and holding her close to his
side.