Falling to Pieces (20 page)

I shake my head, pushing his arms off of me and sliding out of his lap. “See, this is why I never wanted to tell you. I never wanted you to look at me like this. The way my mom looks at me, like I’m a monster.”

Asher stands, reaching for me, but I step away. “Ives, that’s not what I’m doing. I don’t think you’re a monster at all.”

“Well, I am.” I turn away from him, wiping the tears that leak from my eyes. “After dad’s death, my mom married Frank, and then he came on to me.” I hug my arms around my body to shield myself from the memories. “He put his hands on me. And it was my fault. Mom said I was asking for it prancing around the house in skimpy little shorts and a tank top.”

Asher’s hands clamp down on my shoulders
, and I flinch. “No, you did not ask for it. He’s a grown man. He never should’ve touched you.”

"I've always hated Frank, you know. It's weird. Even though my mom's the one who hurts me, I guess I sort of blame Frank. My mom never did this when my dad was alive. But Frank never tried to stop it. In fact, a lot of times he instigated it."

"Man, I could kill that guy."

“
No, Asher, my mom’s right. It's all my fault. I can't blame Frank or anyone else. That’s why I’m not angry with my mom because I understand why she’s so upset with me,” I say in a quiet voice, slipping out of Asher’s grasp. “And it’s why you need to stay away from me. All I do is hurt people, Asher, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“I already have once.”

He steps toward me. “What happened with Cam wasn’t your fault.”

I spin away from him, walking briskly. “Yes, it was. I’m sorry Asher, but I have to go. You have to leave me alone.” I take off running. I run as fast as I can until I’m safely to my car. Asher cries out in protest behind me, but I block him out. Grabbing my keys out of my pocket, I shove them into the lock. Only when I’m safely down the road do I allow myself to finally cry.

22

Asher

I race after Ivy, panic blooming in my chest. There’s no way I’m letting her walk out of my life again. She can’t push me away now. I won’t let her. She gets in her car and speeds off before I can stop her. I groan in frustration
, and head toward my bike. We were getting so close too, and she was opening up to me. When I think about her mom and the damage she’s inflicted on Ivy, it angers me. How could she treat her own daughter like that? I plan to pay her a little visit to ensure it doesn’t happen again, but right now I have to get to Ivy.

I have to make her talk to me before she shuts down so much I can never break back in. Getting on my bike, I head toward Ivy’s apartment. W
hen I pull into the parking lot I see Ivy’s car in her space, and I’m grateful that she came back here. I hurry up the stairs, and knock on her door.

Billie opens it
, wearing an apologetic look that makes my stomach tumble to the floor. “She doesn’t want to see you, Asher.”

I push past her
. “I don’t care. I have to talk to her.”

“Asher.” Her voice is stern, but I ignore it, making my way to Ivy’s room.

The door is closed, but I don’t bother knocking. I just head inside. Ivy is sitting in the middle of her bed cross-legged, ripping a tissue apart. Her eyes are red, and her cheeks are wet.  Traces of the bruises on her face are now becoming more visible as her makeup runs. I close the door behind me, and kneel in front of her.

“I told Billie I wanted to be left alone,”
she sniffles, running the torn tissue under her nose.

“Ives, I won’t let you run away from me.” I
swipe my thumb across her face, catching a stray tear.

“What if you can’t stop me?”
Her words cut to my heart.

“Is that what you want, Ives
? Do you really want me to go away and never come back?” It’s almost too much to bear.

Her eyes rest on me for a moment, and I can’t breathe. Then she shakes her head slowly side to side. “No.”

I frame her face with my hands. “Thank God, because I don’t think I can do that.”

“Asher.” Her voice is laced with pain
, and it breaks my heart.

“Don’t say it,” I plead.

She swallows hard. “I don’t want you to go away, but I think it would be best if you did.”

“I said don’t say it,” I growl.

She recoils at my words.

“I’m not going to let you do this, Ives. What your mom has done to you is awful
. It’s unforgiveable. But nothing she said is the truth. You’ve listened to it your whole life and you believe it, but it’s all lies.” With my hands that are still around her face, I draw her to me and softly kiss her lips. “You’re not who she says you are, and I’m not scared of you hurting me. What happened with Cam is something we can deal with.” She starts to open her mouth to speak, but I place a finger to her lips. “I’d leave if you wanted me to, Ives, but I won’t leave you out of some twisted desire to save me.”

“You don’t know everything. You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

“I know enough, and when you’re ready you can tell me the rest, but Ives, if you shut down on me now that will hurt me. It will hurt me more than I can express. If you care about me at all you won’t ask me to leave you.”

“I do care about you, Asher. You know that.”

I smile. “Then we’re all good.”

“But
—”

“No,” I interrupt her. “No buts.”

She releases a tiny giggle that surprises me. “Never thought I’d hear the day that Asher said ‘no buts’. From what I hear, you’re kind of a butt guy.”

I’m glad to have the banter back. “Who told you that?”

“No one had to. I remember in high school you were always checking out girl’s butts.”

“What you didn’t know was how often I was checking out yours.” I wink.

“Oh really?”

“Really.” I drop my hands to my sides and get off the floor. Then I plop down next to her
on the bed.

“What else were you checking out behind my back?”
She smiles, wiping away the last traces of her tears. Mascara smears her face, but she still looks so beautiful to me.

I snatch her hand off the bed and place it in my lap, circling my thumb in her palm. Her skin is so soft
, and it feels like silk against my calloused fingers. “Do you really want to know?”

She glances at me warily. “I’m not sure, do I?”

Giving her a devilish grin, I lean over and gently bite her earlobe. She giggles and pulls away. “There’s nothing on you I haven’t checked out Ivy. Your body has been the subject of all my late night fantasies since freshman year, if you know what I mean.”

“
Eww.” She wrinkles her nose.

“
Too much information?” I ask.

“Maybe a little.”

I snake my arm around her waist and pull her to me until our shoulders touch. I loop my finger in the belt loop of her pants to hold her in place. “It’s true though. Since the first moment I saw you I’ve only wanted you, and no one else.”

She gives me a disbelieving look. “But you’ve had lots of girlfriends, Asher.”

“They couldn’t compare to you though.”

“Why did you never tell me this before?”

I smirk. “Why didn’t you tell me you had the hots for me back then?”

“Who said I did?”

“Oh, come on, you’ve wanted me for years. Just admit it.” I nudge her in the shoulder. “I bet you’ve even kissed your pillow imagining it was me.”

Ivy pushes away from me, laughing. “
Whatever. I did not kiss my pillow.”

“Oh
, okay, my mistake. Your teddy bear then.”

Ivy kicks at me with her legs, moving further away. “Jerk,” she mocks me.

I get on all fours and grab her leg, yanking her toward me. Once her body is under mine, I wedge her in between my knees and grab her around the middle. The minute I tickle her stomach she squeals. If there’s one thing I know about Ivy it’s that she’s one of the most ticklish people on the planet. She writhes beneath me, shrieking between giggles. Her whole body shakes and her head whips back and forth, her hair slashing me in the face.

A knock on the bedroom door startles us
, and we both freeze. “I’m assuming this is a good scream, but I had to check,” Billie’s muffled voice says.

Ivy throws me an amused look. “Yes, Billie, we’re fine. Thank you.”

I drop down onto my back next to Ivy. “She really cares about you.”

“I know. I’m lucky to have her.”

“And she’s lucky to have you.” I thread her fingers in mine. As we lay together on the bed, I glance around her room. It’s decorated much different than her room was in high school, which I suppose makes sense. I’m sure she doesn’t want any memories from that time. The walls are mostly bare, except for a few framed photographs, mostly of nature. My gaze falls to her dresser where she has a couple of pictures of her and Billie making funny faces. That’s when I notice something familiar. I release Ivy’s hand and sit up, honing in on it. “Is that the time capsule we made in Mrs. Smith’s class sophomore year?”

Ivy peers over at it, smiling hesitantly. “Yeah.”

“I can’t believe you kept it.”

Shrugging, Ivy sits up too. “We were supposed to keep
it until we were twenty five, remember?”

I nudge her with my shoulder. “You little rule follower.”

“You didn’t keep yours?” She raises an eyebrow.

“No. I didn’t need to. I wrote that I wanted to be a professional football player. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen now, especially since I don’t even play football.”

Ivy laughs. “That’s what you wanted most out of your life?”

“At fifteen, yes. All guys dream of playing sports professionally when they grow up.” I curl my lip upward, while reaching out to touch her hand. “What did you put? That you wanted to
be a journalist or something?”

She bites her lip, her gaze dropping to her lap. “Yeah, something like that.”

I can practically see the walls flying up between us, and I wonder when she’ll finally trust me completely. It’s clear that she still has a lot of secrets. I just hope that someday she’ll be able to let me all the way in.

It’s early Saturday morning and I pound on Ivy’s door with one hand while holding two coffees in a cardboard carrier in the other. The minute it swings open I realize I might have gotten here a little too early. Ivy’s hair is pressed against her face, and indentations from her pillow line her cheek. She’s wearing flannel pajama shorts and a tank top, and I can’t keep from staring at her body. She rubs her eyes, and in a groggy voice she says, “Good morning, Asher.”

Billie staggers down the hallway in a robe, her hair sticking out all over her head. She is glaring at me. “Ivy, if he’s going to come over this early please just give him a damn key. I was having a good dream before his insistent knocking woke me up.”

I grin sheepishly at both of them. “I’m sorry.”

“
It’s fine,” Ivy says to me. “Come in.”

As I brush past Ivy, I run a finger along the strap of her tank top. “I’ve got to say though, if I had known what you slept in I’d come over every morning.”

Ivy blushes and wiggles away from me. “I’ll make some coffee.”

“No need.” I hold up the carrier. “I have one for you right here.”

Billie comes further into the room and sinks down on the couch. “I guess I can forgive you if you brought us coffee.”

I don’t have the heart to tell her that the coffees w
ere supposed to be for Ivy and me, so I allow her to take one. I also make a mental note to buy Billie coffee the next time, since now I will most likely have a headache today due to lack of caffeine. Ivy sits down as well and takes a sip from the paper cup. Then she looks up at me with a smile. “You remembered?”

I scoot in next to her. “Of course. I remember all your favorites.”

“Yuck.” Billie practically spews out her coffee. “What is this?”

Ivy glances at me and then back at her friend. “Ashe
r likes just plain black coffee, no creamer. That was probably his.”

Billie looks a little embarr
assed as she hands the cup to me. “Oh, well, you can have it back.”

“Billie doesn’t really drink coffee,” Ivy explains. “She drinks creamer with a splash of coffee in it.”

I nod. “Noted. I will do better next time.”

Billie groans, and gets up from the couch. “I’ll just go make my own coffee.”

Ivy and I chuckle as Billie makes her way to the kitchen. I take a sip of the strong coffee and then set it down on the table by my feet. Ivy holds her cup in her lap, both hands wrapped around it. I reach out and brush a sticky strand of hair off her face. “You look beautiful in the morning.”

“No, I don’t.” She stares down at her lap. “I look gross.”

“You could never look gross.”

She takes another sip of her coffee, while smoothing back her hair with her other hand. When she pulls the cup away from her mouth she turns to me. “So, did you come over to help me move
Granpda’s stuff today?”