Falling Together (All That Remains #2) (14 page)

“We
should just camp here. The lobby is small enough to heat efficiently, and there
are two couches to sleep on.”

“Agreed.”
He smiles.

We
explore the warehouse for hours, astounded at the wide selection of goods. By
the time we retire to the lobby, it’s warm, almost hot. We have located better
heaters and the fuel to power them, and we’re dressed in new thick winter
clothes.

There’s
an endless supply of canned goods, and though they have surpassed the
expiration date stamped on the lids, they seem to be fine. By warming pans of
water on the camp stove, we are able to bathe. “We’re going to be stuck for a
few days at the least, and that’s if the snow stops soon,” Eric warns.

“I
realize that. We were stupid to take this trip in the winter.”

“This
isn’t normal Indiana weather, Airen. I would never have done this if I thought
we’d be buried in snow and ice.”

“I’m
not blaming you.” I grin half heartedly. I’m doing everything half hearted; the
other half is with Abby. She and the kids are never far from my mind, but tonight,
I feel their absence like a physical weight, dragging me down. And Joseph.
Fuck, of course I miss my family, that’s normal, but why does the thought of
Joseph’s grinning face send a similar ache through my chest? Shit, if I don’t
stop thinking about them I’m going to start crying like a pussy.

I
feel Eric’s puzzled gaze. “You okay?”

“Fine.
Where is all this global warming the scientists kept warning us would happen?”
I demand, clearing my throat.

He
snorts. “Global warming causes severe weather at both ends of the spectrum.
This,” he waves his hand toward the window, “is what they warned us would
happen. Climate change in action.”

“No
shit?”

“No
shit. Crack a book sometime,” he quips, tossing me a bottle of bourbon.

“You
and Abby, worshippers of the written word. You both believe there’s no problem
a book can’t solve.”

“Don’t
worry, I found something for your uneducated ass too.” He produces a portable
DVD player and extra batteries. “If we hook up a generator tomorrow, we can
recharge them, but it’s working for now.”

“Uneducated?”
I scoff, pulling the box of DVDs over to sort through them. “I graduated from
Carnegie Mellon.”

“Great,
if I need someone to quote Shakespeare or teach me to cry on cue, you’re first
on my list. Pick a movie.”

“Blow
me.”

“Nope,
no porn.” He laughs. Chuckling, I toss him a movie and he pops it in the
player.

It
snows for three more days. The building creaks and groans under the pressure of
nearly three feet of snow. Eric stares warily at the ceiling.

“Creeping
you out?” I ask.

“I
don’t have a desire to be buried in a Superstore distribution center. If it
starts snowing again, we should move to a house.”

“Fine.
I hope it’s over, though. The sun’s out, but the thermometer only reads ten
degrees.” I sigh. “It’s going to take forever to melt.”

“Yeah,
I can’t even tell where the road is anymore. We were damned lucky to find this
place. We could’ve frozen to death.”

“Hmm,”
I reply, not really listening. It was lucky. It wouldn’t have been a bad place
to spend an entire winter if it were necessary. I’m grateful, but all I can
think about is Abby and Lane. How terrified she must be. She always expects the
worst and by now she probably thinks I’m never coming home. “I’d give my left
nut for a phone,” I mumble.

Eric
regards me quietly. “I’m sure they’re fine, man. They’re more than prepared for
the winter, even if they’re getting all this shit too. Joseph and Troy will
look after Abby and your kids.”

I
nod. “I just want to talk to her, and tell her we’re okay. That we’ll be back. She
must be scared to death.”

“I
understand. There’s just no help for it.” We remain quiet, lost in our own
thoughts for a few minutes before Eric hops up. “Follow me. I want to show you
something.” He drags me to the southwest corner of the building where sunlight
streams through the windows, illuminating a portable basketball goal. He has
moved it to a large empty patch of floor, and he tosses me a basketball. “First
to twenty-one.”

We
wait for nine excruciatingly long days for the snow to melt enough for the
outline of the road to be visible. We find ways to pass the time, playing
basketball, riding bicycles up and down the few aisles that aren’t too dark,
watching movies and old seasons of TV shows. If I have to see another episode
of Star Trek, I’m going to go batshit. Eric’s taste in television is worse than
his taste in music. I have to get out of here.

“I
have an idea,” I announce as we begin another monotonous morning.

Eric
glances at me warily.

“This
city has to have a way to plow the roads in the winter. If we could find a
plow, maybe we could make it home.” I stare at him. “If you don’t want to, just
say so, no harm no foul. Last time I talked you into driving on icy roads, you
got hurt.”

“That
wasn’t your fault.” He looks pensive for a moment before he hops up and heads
for the door. “Well, get off your ass and help me search the offices for a
phone book. We need the address for the Department of Transportation.” We
quickly locate a directory and the DOT yard is only half a mile away. “The sun’s
out and it’s not as cold. We can do a half mile in no time. It’s worth a shot.”
He grins.

“We
should go soon. We’ll need tonight to load up enough supplies to get us through
if we get caught out in another storm.”

“Sure,
but I think the worst is over.”

“I
fucking hope so.” I grin and cover a cough.

“Are
you getting sick?”

“Nah,
probably the dust. I never get sick. Let’s go.”

It
seems we’re finally due some good fortune. We find a large diesel pickup truck
with a snowplow attached at the DOT yard. After changing the tires and the
battery, it’s good to go. A large tank of fuel near the entrance makes filling
our gas cans easy. Eric insists on loading half of the truck bed with the
sandbags that are stacked along the walls.

“We’ll
burn more fuel, but we’ll get better traction so I won’t put us in a ditch.”
The sun is setting when we make it back to the warehouse, the truck loaded with
supplies that could last an army through the winter. After the last few weeks,
we aren’t taking any chances. Eric flashes me a smile before we turn off the
lanterns and bed down for the night, and I grin back at him. We’re going home.

Eric
shakes me awake just as the sun is rising, a concerned look on his face. Oh
hell, what now? “Is it snowing again?” I demand.

“No,
the sun’s out. You were coughing in your sleep all night, man. You’re sick.”

“It’s
just a cold. I’ll grab some medicine before we go.”

Even
with the plow, it’s slow going. There are areas too littered with cars and
debris for the truck to traverse. Trees lie everywhere, piled like matchsticks,
victims of all the ice and wind. When night falls and we camp in a tiny
apartment, we have only managed to make it about thirty miles.

It’s
snowing again when we pull back onto the road the following day, creeping along
under a stone white sky. “We should at least make it to Vincennes today,” Eric remarks.

I
nod. I’ve had very little sleep and it’s starting to wear on me. There’s a dull
thudding behind my eyes that isn’t helped by the constant cough that keeps me
from sleeping. I just want to get home. We cross into the Vincennes city limits
just after dark with snow falling heavily around us. It surrounds the truck,
closing us off and making me feel claustrophobic, like Eric and I are the only
people in the world.

Another
night in another house. Eric insists on starting the fire and making dinner. “Get
warm and rest. You look like hell. I’ll throw together some vegetable soup.”

“Make
whatever you want. I’m not hungry,” I mumble and wrap myself in a sleeping bag
near the fire, promptly falling asleep. My chest aches when Eric wakes me the
next morning.

“When
we pass a pharmacy, we’re stopping to get you some antibiotics,” he insists.

“Fine.
Let’s just go.” We don’t get far. Another foot of wet heavy snow has fallen
overnight and it’s just too dangerous to keep going. Eric brings me a bottle of
antibiotics and cough syrup that contains a wonderful amount of codeine. It
allows me to get some sleep at last.

We
have to wait three days for the snow to melt before we feel confident we won’t
end up in a ditch, or worse. I’ve never felt so exhausted in my life. Even with
the medicine, my fever comes and goes and the cough is relentless. Eric bitches
at me to eat, but I can’t manage it. We finally make it to Evansville. So close
to home…another day or two at the most until I can kiss Abby and hug my kids.
Get drunk with Joseph and tell him about all this shit. Let him rub it in that
he was right.

“Take
this,” Eric demands, thrusting two Ibuprofen and another antibiotic pill toward
me. “You’re burning up.”

“Thanks.”
I nod and swallow the pills, draining the bottle of water. He hands me a cup of
broth and nags me until I get most of it down. “I just need to go to bed,” I
murmur. Fuck, my head feels like it may burst. I fall onto the sofa and into
the relief of sleep.

“Airen,
get up, we need to go.” Eric’s voice invades my dreams.

“Can’t.”
I cough. My head is full of hornets and my body has somehow gained a few
hundred pounds.

“Yes,
you can. Just make it to the truck.” He pulls me to my feet and leads me
outside. The cold wind instantly dries my sweat coated skin, making me shiver.
He settles me into the truck seat. It’s warm. I know we’re moving, but I have
no idea how far we have gone.

The
rest of the trip is a blur. I’m a prisoner in a never ending cycle of drug
soaked dreams. Or maybe I’m hallucinating. It doesn’t matter. We have been on
this road forever, stuck in an endless loop of snow, cold, and misery. Did I
die? Am I caught in some purgatory, cursed to search eternally for home? I feel
the crunch of the wheels against the snow, hear the scrape of the blade on the
road.

Eric’s
worried voice occasionally filters through the fog. “Oh, Fuck no! No no no. The
goddamn bridge is out!”

Abby
.

“Hang
on, Airen, just hang on.”

I’m
so sorry
.

I
come to enough to swallow the water, pills , and broth he forces on me only to
slip back into the dark where it’s so much more comfortable. Different
ceilings. A white one, then a blue, then the black dash of the truck again.
Abby comes to me, smiling her mischievous smile, her soft brown eyes reassuring
me everything will be all right.

“I
missed you, darlin’,” I murmur. “My Abigail.”

“You’re
okay, Airen, We’re almost home, I swear.” Eric’s voice echoes through my brain
as Abby’s face fades.

“Take
care of her, Joseph.”

Abigail
.

Lane
.

Joseph
.

Abby

It
takes nearly three weeks for Joseph’s burns to heal completely, and he’s left
with scars that Julie assures him will fade over time. Jayla and Lexi are
living with me while Julie and Emma are staying at Joseph’s place until we get
another house equipped for them.

Christmas
was a dismal affair. The last two months have been one nightmare after another.
I’ve tried to stay cheerful for the kid’s sake, but it’s an everyday struggle.
Lexi and Joseph find activities for us to do to keep me busy and distracted.
It’s useless. Nothing can fill the Airen shaped hole in my life. He’s dead. He
has to be. Nothing else could keep him from us for two months.

Everyday
I wake hoping to see his face, hoping I’m wrong. Every thing I see is a
reminder of him. His ghost follows me through my day. His arms slide around me
as I wash dishes. I see his cocky grin when Carson cracks a joke. Sometimes I
swear I hear the sound of his boots dropping on the hall floor, his voice
calling out my name, calling me darlin’. His absence is a constant ache that
never fades, that no amount of crying can soothe. I’m alone.

Everyone
is going to Joseph’s for a New Year’s Eve dinner, and to watch movies on the
enormous flat screen that Troy installed in the living room. Part of me hates
them all. How can they just go on and have fun without him? We have no idea how
he’s suffering or what horrors he’s going through. How can they just smile and
laugh and pretend he was never here? I can’t do it. I won’t.

Joseph
arrives two hours after Lexi and the kids leave. “Don’t,” I warn him. “You
can’t bully me into participating this time. I can’t take it tonight, Joseph.”

A
slow sad smile spreads across his face. “I understand, but I don’t want you to
spend the night alone. Troy has rearranged the living room and talked everyone
into having a sleepover.” He grins wryly, shaking his head.

“Well,
we wouldn’t want to spoil their fun,” I reply, hating the bitter sound of my
voice.

“Abby,”
he scolds.

“I
don’t care. Don’t miss out on the party on my account. I’m fine.”

“That’s
obvious,” he replies sardonically. “Abby, they miss him too. You can’t fault
them for wanting to have a little fun.”

“I’m
in a bitchy mood tonight, Joseph. I really want to be left alone.” It’s time I
reacquainted myself with my old friend solitude. It was a wonderful two years,
but it’s time to face the truth that I’m alone again. No one will ever love me
like Airen, and no one could ever fill the void he’s left in me.

“Sorry,
you’re stuck with me, girl. Deal with it.” He smiles and flops onto the couch.
“Movie or music?”

“Movie,”
I relent. “I’ll get us a drink.” Arguing with Joseph once he’s made up his mind
is futile. He’s almost as stubborn as me.

“Abby.”
I’m pulled from my own little world and my eyes dart to meet Joseph’s.

“What?”

“What’s
wrong?”

“Nothing,
why?” I grab the pitcher of hard lemonade to refill my glass, trying to avoid
those green eyes so full of concern.

“I
paused the show five minutes ago and you never noticed.” His soft voice
envelops me, seeping through the cracks in my armor, raising a lump in my throat
as he takes my hand firmly in his. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“It’s
been so long. He’s not coming back,” I sob, voicing the fear that has sunk its
teeth in my heart. Saying it aloud makes it real, and I drop onto the couch,
burying my face in the cushion.

He’s
gone. My Airen is gone. I’ll never hear his voice call me darlin’ in that sweet
southern accent again, or tell me I’m too damn stubborn. He’ll never wrap me in
his arms, hold my hand, whisper in my ear, or kiss my neck. I’m tortured by memories
of us in our summer home, dancing in the living room, laughing and teasing in
bed. His smoldering stare that could so easily melt into a loving gaze while he
moved inside me. His smile, his eyes, his love. Gone.

Silent
arms curl around me, holding me tight while I cry until I’m exhausted. Joseph’s
body shakes against mine as he sobs. It’s the first time I’ve seen him crack
since Airen’s been gone. He’s been so strong, but he loves Airen as much as I
do, and his heart is broken too. We stay that way, arms wrapped tightly around
one another until we both calm down.

“Tell
me the truth, Joseph. Do you think he’s alive?”

“Oh,
Abby.” He shakes his head mournfully. “There’s always hope, but…I don’t think
we’ll see him again,” he admits, his voice wavering.

I
nod, retreating from his embrace. “Airen would never have left Lane for so
long. I keep thinking about what happened with the cult. What if they’ve been
captured again? They could be torturing them, starving them.”

“Stop.”
Joseph fingers are gentle as they thread through my hair. “Don’t do that to
yourself.”

“I
feel so guilty because sometimes I think I’d rather he be dead than suffering
somewhere, waiting for us to find him,” I confess, ashamed.

“I
understand. And you’re right. Sometimes death is better, but I’m not ready to
accept that yet.”

“I
can’t. I can’t accept that the only man who has ever loved me is dead.”

“No,
sweetheart.” He sweeps a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “That’s not true.
I
love you
.”

A
small forced grin is all I can manage. “I know that, and the kids love me too,
but you know what I mean,” I argue pitifully. His fingers grasp my chin and his
eyes darken as they gaze into mine intently.

“No,
Abby.
I love you
. I’ve loved you since you pulled me from the mud two
years ago. You and Airen.”

“But…you
never said…” I whisper. He’s in love with Airen. I’ve known that since the
beginning. Not me.

“And
I never intended to, to either of you. You were so perfect for each other, and
so head over heels in love, I never would’ve interfered.” Hearing him refer to
Airen in the past tense brings back the lump in my throat. “I probably
shouldn’t have told you now, while you’re so upset, but I don’t ever want you
to feel alone or unloved. You’ll always have me, sweetheart.”

Impulsively,
I slip my arms around his neck. “I love you, Joseph, and so did Airen.”

“I
know,” he replies softly. My fingers travel through his curls, damp with sweat,
while I bring my lips to his. I know it’s wrong. Airen could be alive, but I
need him. I need to be close to him. The past months have been so devastating,
so lonely. He’s not Airen, but he loves me, and I love him.

After
a moments hesitation, he molds his mouth to mine with a low hum. We have kissed
before, when we were forced together by a madman, but never like this. We kiss
as if we have to, or die. Our tongues meet and massage, tasting the salt of one
another’s sadness. I pull his shirt over his head as he unbuttons my blouse,
and tosses it aside. After slipping off my shorts, my fingers slide beneath the
waistband of his sweat pants.

“Wait,
Abby.” My hands fall to my waist when he jumps to his feet and charges across
the room, shoving his fingers through his hair, desperate to put some space
between us. Leaning against the wall, he gazes at me with tortured eyes. “We
can’t do this. Not now.”

I
approach him slowly, our eyes locked, my heart thrumming in my ears. My hands
settle on his waist while my forehead rests against his bare chest. “I need
you,” I murmur. He swallows audibly and cradles my chin in his palm, tilting my
head until his misty sea-colored eyes find mine. His thumb traces my bottom lip.

“I
want you so bad, but I can’t take advantage of you. You’re hurting, and I don’t
want you to regret it later. I couldn’t bear it,” he whispers. I’m swept away
by the tenderness in his gaze. He does love me.

“I
won’t regret it.” My feet leave the floor as I’m swept into his arms, and carried
to my bed. “I can’t sleep here alone,” I protest. “It’s just too…”

“Shh,
you’re not alone, never alone,” he interjects in a soft murmur. “I just want to
lie here and love on you until we fall asleep.”

His
hands caress me gently, soothing my shattered nerves. Fingers stroke over my
bare breasts and across my ribs, his palm rubbing warm circles on my belly.
It’s more comforting than arousing, and I relax as I weave my fingers into his
soft hair, running my hand up and down his spine. Perhaps he’s right, and we
only need to be close to each other. Just to feel one another’s love and
concern while we grieve for what we have lost. I lean into him, soaking in the
physical affection I need so desperately.

Time
stands still while we lie together, silently embracing, caressing, and sharing
an occasional soft, sweet kiss. My heart is shattered, but I’m not alone in my
sorrow. He kisses away my tears while I brush his softly from his cheek. We
fall asleep in each others arms, and I dream of Airen’s beautiful face,
smirking at me.

“I
can’t leave you two alone for a minute.” My chest constricts at the sight of
his cocky grin.

“Come
back,” I sob, as he begins to fade. “Please come back, Airen.”

“Just
try to stop me, darlin’.” He chuckles and presses a soft kiss on my lips before
disappearing, leaving me alone in the dark.

The
sun beams through a gap in the curtains, striking my face and waking me earlier
than usual. It’s only six a.m. and no one will be back until after lunch.
Joseph is asleep with his arm tucked securely around me, his leg draped over
mine, his face resting between my breasts. For the first time in months I don’t
wake with a dark mist wrapped around my heart. I still feel the void of Airen’s
absence, the worry and fear, but I don’t feel alone.

Watching
him lie there, his mouth so near my breast, makes my heart speed up. I
shouldn’t feel this way, so…turned on by the sight of him. Blond stubble covers
his jaw, rasping against my skin as he shifts his head. Full lips part on a
deep sigh, bathing my skin in warmth. His blond curls are a shaggy mess. I’ve
never seen such a combination of adorable and sexy, vulnerable and seductive.

An
ache in my neck distracts me from my wanton perusal. Wow. This man can tear up
a bed. It looks like he has run a marathon in his sleep. The blankets are a
twisted mess and his pillows are on the floor while mine are beneath his head.
He wakes, blinking, when I attempt to steal it back.

“Hey,”
he says, his voice husky. “What are you doing?”

“Freezing,
and trying to reclaim my pillow.” I grin down at him, hoping he doesn’t notice
how my nipple hardens when his cheek grazes it.

“Sorry.”
He spreads the blanket over us, and pulls me close, nuzzling my hair while I
rest my head on his warm chest. We lie quietly for a few minutes, listening to
the birds sing their morning tunes.

“How
are you feeling?” he asks, breaking the silence.

“Better.”
I gaze up at him. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“Anytime,
honey.” I glance up at him again and giggle. “What?” A mischievous glint lights
his eyes.

“Doesn’t
this seem a little weird to you? I mean, I’m lying here in nothing but
panties.”

“Nah,
weird would be if I were wearing nothing but panties.”

“There’s
an image that will haunt me.” I laugh, cuddling closer.

His
voice is soft as he kisses my forehead and brushes a strand of hair out of my
eyes. “Do you understand why I…couldn’t…last night? I wasn’t trying to hurt
your feelings.”

“It’s
my big butt isn’t it?” I sigh, trying to look serious.

“Abby!”
He shakes his head. “You were too upset to make a decision like that. We both
were.”

“I
know. You were so good to me. You’re a sweetheart, Joseph, and I love that
about you.”

Desire
rushes through me as he nuzzles my neck. “Just so you know, I don’t have the
self discipline to refuse you a second time.”

I’m
suddenly hyperaware of the heat coming from his body, the musky scent of his
skin. “Promise?” I whisper into his ear, my voice husky as I catch his earlobe
between my lips. A quiet groan rumbles his chest, and his hands slide down my
back, slipping beneath my panties to squeeze my ass.

I
kiss him slowly, relishing the feel of his incredible lips, drawing them
between mine, one then the other, while my fingers run through his downy blond
chest hair. “I love your lips on me,” I whisper. He abruptly flips us over so
that he’s gazing down at me, eyes glowing with desire while they travel boldly
down my form. My body enflames as I watch his face darken with lust, displaying
his open hunger for me.

“Everywhere?”
he murmurs and begins covering my body with slow, open mouthed kisses. I’ll
never forget the sight or feel of those beautiful lips closing on my nipple,
tugging gently.

“Joseph,”
I whimper.

“You
have the sweetest breasts, Abby,” he moans, lavishing them with attention while
he removes my panties. I taste the salty skin of his neck before claiming his
lips again. His fingers explore me lightly before pressing inside, exploring,
rubbing my spot until I moan shamelessly. “You’re so wet,” he groans, his
tongue circling mine, mirroring the actions of his fingers buried inside me.