Falling Together (All That Remains #2) (17 page)

“Is
that why you won’t keep chickens?” he asks. I nod and place the oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.

“Julie’s
coming back to give you a breathing treatment. No needles to worry about, but
you better cooperate,” Abby warns.

“I
will, I’ve had them before, as a child. It’s not bad.”

“You’re
going to do whatever Julie tells you to do to get well.”

“Yes
dear,” he whispers, with a little smirk.

A
sweet smile lights up her face. “I love you.”

“I
love you, too, darlin’.”

The
treatments are hard on him, however, because it causes him to cough, which is excruciating.
Finally, after an hour of coughing up a substance far too disgusting to
describe, he falls asleep, helped along by the pain killer Julie put in his IV.

“He’ll
probably be out for the night, Joseph, if you want to go home with Walker and
Troy,” Abby offers.

“I’m
not leaving him…or you.” We lie on either side of him, gazing at one another
silently, both filled with churning emotions we can’t articulate. She loves
him. I love him. We love each other. It seems there can be too much of a good
thing.

“What
are we going to do?” she whispers. It’s more an outpouring of despair and
hopelessness than a real question.

“Let’s
just get him well.” I slide my hand into hers, entwining our fingers as they
rest on Airen’s hip. She nods and we drift off to sleep. When the morning
sunshine rouses me, I’m greeted by Troy’s troubled brown eyes. It takes a
moment for me to realize the cause of his pained expression.

Airen
lies wrapped in my arms, his head on my shoulder, our legs tangled.
Fuck.
I’m busted
. It takes a few seconds for me to extricate myself without
waking him or Abby. “He had a rough night,” I mumble.

Troy
nods and bites his lip. “I just wanted to check on him and bring you a change
of clothes,” he explains, his voice flat.

“Troy,”
I murmur, hesitantly.

“It’s
okay. Don’t worry about it. Is he getting any better?”

“Julie
seems to think so, but it’s slow going.”

His
expression is impassive. “I’ll take care of Walker. Just do what you need to
do.”

“Troy,
I’m sorry, really. We were up half the night and…”

“Stop,”
he interjects, holding up his palm. “I’m not jealous of Airen. He’s your friend
and he’s sick. It’s okay.”

My
guilt thickens when I hug him and feel his body instantly stiffen. We’ve come
so far, but I’ve lost his trust. He kisses my cheek quickly and assures me
again that everything is fine.

I
guess we’re both liars.

Abby

It’s
been the longest week of my life. All week I’ve watched him suffer. Worse, I’ve
watched him reach out to me and Joseph as he never has before, turning to us
for comfort and support. We have held him while he cried, and tried to soothe
him through his pain and misery, all the while knowing how I betrayed him. How
we
betrayed him.

I’ve
done my best to appear upbeat and happy, as has Joseph, but I’m afraid he can
sense something is wrong. I’m so relieved and overjoyed to have him home. I’ve
spent hours watching him sleep, staring at that beautiful face I thought I’d
never see again, listening to him breathe beside me. I have to put my hands on
him, feel the warmth of his body, the rise and fall of his chest while he
breathes to reassure myself that yes, he’s here. Yes, he’s alive. No matter
what happens now, Airen is alive.

I’m
attacked by every emotion imaginable. Relief, gratitude, and joy at the living miracle
sleeping beside me clashes with regret, fear, and shame for the terrible pain
I’m going to inflict on him, when he’s had more than any one man should have to
endure. Every time I close my eyes I’m haunted by the image of his face when he
finds out his wife cheated on him with his best friend, when his only thought
was coming home to the people he loves. People he thought he could trust.

My
main priority now is just to get him well, see him through his sickness, and
get him back on his feet again.
So he can walk away from me.
He’s
feeling better, eating, drinking, and bitching about the IV and being confined
to bed.

“If
we remove the drip, you’ll have to get shots of penicillin for the next week,”
Julie warns.

Frowning,
he grumbles, “I’ll keep the IV.”

“Eat,
drink, and rest. You need time to regain your strength, Airen, it isn’t going
to happen overnight,” she lectures before heading home with Lane and Jayla.

He
may not be happy, but he’s beginning to look better, not quite so pale and
hollow eyed. He’s so skinny it breaks my heart to look at him and imagine how
he and Eric must have suffered. Despite my best effort, dismay shows on my face
when I help him bathe. He’s nothing but skin and bones, his ribs and spine so
prominent, those hard muscles withered and shriveled. While he was starving,
freezing, and fighting to survive, I was sleeping with his best friend in our
warm bed.

“Hey,
sweetheart, don’t look so sad,” he pleads as I bring the warm washcloth to his
neck. His face is stricken. “I know it’s not pretty, but I’m okay.”

“I’m
sorry. You’re beautiful as ever, Airen.”

“What
did I tell you about calling me beautiful?” He grins.

“Fine.
You’re sexy as fuck, and I can’t wait to ride you like a pogo stick.”

His
lips curve up in a sexy little half smile. “Say that without tears in your eyes
and you have a deal.”

Not
once you find out I’m a backstabbing slut. You’ll never touch me again
. “I just can’t
bear to think of what you must’ve gone through.”

“Nothing
was as bad as being separated from you, darlin’. Your name was on my lips every
morning when I woke. I couldn’t breathe without you.” He takes my chin in his
hand and kisses me gently. God, could he shred my heart any worse? There should
be scraps littering the floor.

I
swallow the ever present lump in my throat and force a grin. “Apparently, you
don’t eat without me either.”

“Stop.
I’m home, and under Julie’s thumb. You two will have me fattened up soon
enough. Maybe I should drink some of your breast milk. It seems to have worked
for Lane.” Lane is a chubby little thing. Airen’s eyes lit up in delight at the
sight of him, and he instantly dubbed him “Pudgy”.

“I
have plenty in the fridge,” I offer, smiling.

“I’d
prefer it from the source.” He smirks. God, I missed that smart assed smirk.

“Behave,”
I admonish. “You’re sick.”

Joseph
arrives with a stack of movies and a bag of candy. He’s been returning home
during the day since Airen is essentially out of the woods, but he spends the
nights with us. I know Airen is grateful for the company when his cough keeps
him up until the early morning hours, but I hate to think of how Troy must
feel. Ironically, he worries over Airen and Joseph together when I’m the one
who slept with his boyfriend. Troy. Another person hurt by my heartless,
selfish actions. Joseph and I have focused on Airen’s recovery and avoided
talking about what happened. We both act as if everything is normal, but I know
he’s feeling the same guilt and remorse.

After
dinner, Airen and Joseph settle on the bed to watch a movie while I curl up
against Airen’s side to sleep. Their voices wake me a few hours later.

“Hold
still,” Joseph murmurs. They’re seated facing one another, a pan of water and a
can of shaving cream between them. Airen stills as Joseph painstakingly drags a
razor over his cheek, leaving behind a smooth strip of pale skin. Pausing to
rinse the blade, he repeats his actions again. Airen’s eyes close momentarily
before locking onto Joseph’s.

Molten
black beholds glittering feverish green, exposing years of carefully veiled
desire. All the world stands still as they regard one another, their mutual
hunger laid bare, reflected between them time and again, infinitely. Airen’s
hand rises slowly to cup Joseph’s jaw. He turns into it, nuzzling and kissing Airen’s
palm, before gently removing it from his cheek and returning it to the bed.

“I’m
sorry,” Joseph chokes, overcome with anguish and regret.

“It’s
okay,” Airen whispers. Joseph breaks the smoldering gaze between them, tilting
Airen’s chin gently to continue shaving his neck.

My
face burns at witnessing such an intimate moment between them. Joseph’s pain
resonates within me. He’s loved Airen for so long, and to reject his advance
must have shattered his heart to pieces. He lost his chance. All because of me.
Because of what we did. He can’t let Airen touch him or care for him knowing he
betrayed him by sleeping with his wife.

I
don’t want to think about it anymore. Burrowing deep beneath the covers, I
feign sleep until exhaustion finally has mercy and grants me the real thing.

“It’s
okay,” Airen murmurs soothingly. My eyes open to gaze upon a heartbreaking
scene. Joseph’s face is wet with tears. Airen’s hand rests on the back of his
head, pressing their foreheads together while Joseph’s guilt pours from his
lips.

“We
thought you were dead. I thought we’d lost you forever.”

“I’m
here. I’m so sorry. We tried so hard to get back.”

“Airen…”

“Shh,
I know, Joey. It doesn’t matter.”

“You
don’t understand,” Joseph moans, his face twisted in despair.

“I
think I do. It’s written all over your face, and Abby’s as well.”

“Oh
God, Airen. I’m so sorry,” he sobs. “She was hurt and lonely, overcome with
grief from losing you, and I took advantage. I…slept with your wife.”

A
band tightens around my ribs, pushing my heart into my throat and stealing my
breath. My chest heaves as I suppress a sob, and try desperately not to call
attention to the fact that I’m awake. He knows. Nothing will ever be the same.

“Shh.”
Airen comforts him, fingers stroking the damp curls along his neck. “Listen to
me. You cared for Abby while I was gone, and when it seemed hopeless, you took
my place. You did exactly what I asked you to do. I didn’t want her to be
alone. She’s been alone her whole life. I never want her to be without someone
who loves her.” He tugs Joseph’s head up until they’re eye to eye. “You didn’t
take advantage of her. You love her.”

Joseph
sighs, his face a mask of misery and pain. “She’s your wife…your family.”

“And
you took care of her and Lane as if they were your own. I’ll always be grateful
for that.” His hands cup Joseph’s tear streaked face. “Joseph,” he stresses,
his voice plaintive, “you’re tearing me up. Please, listen to me. I asked you
to take my place. You have no reason to feel guilty.”

Relief
floods his features as Airen’s words take root. His long, thin fingers run
gently through Airen’s coal black hair. “I missed you,” he breathes. Their lips
meet so naturally it’s impossible to discern who initiated their achingly sweet
reunion.

“Me
too.” Careful not to disturb the IV, Joseph lays his head on Airen’s chest,
giving a contented hum when his arm moves to draw him closer. Airen’s fingers
trail up his arm and over the pale pink scar that disappears up Joseph’s
sleeve.

“I’m
so sorry for this. I should’ve been here,” he murmurs.

“It’s
not your fault. You didn’t set the fire.”

“When
I think of what could’ve happened if you hadn’t been here.” He shudders. “I owe
you everything, Joey.”

“You
came back. That’s all I wanted,” Joseph declares, snuggling into his side.
Within minutes, they’re asleep, leaving me to sort through the pieces. I should
be relieved our secret is out and Airen isn’t devastated by our actions. But
all I can hear are the words “I asked you to take my place”. They penetrate
defenses built within me for years, and strike hard at the center of my
vulnerability.
Joseph didn’t want me
. He did it for Airen, to honor his
wishes.

My
entire body burns with shame and humiliation. He felt obligated to touch me, to
kiss me. After the past two years with Airen, I failed to remember who I am.
I’m the same girl, too pathetic to attract a man without incentive. My stomach
churns when I contemplate how Joseph must have felt. Was he disgusted? Did he
enjoy it at all? He refused me that night, but I pressed him until I got my
way. Oh Joseph, I’m so sorry.

There
is nothing left inside me but a hollow acceptance, a resignation to the dismal
truth. I cheated on my husband. I’m getting exactly what I deserve. Of course
Joseph didn’t want me. He did it for the man he loves, and now Airen has every
right to rid himself of me. Perhaps he’s relieved to have an excuse.

It’s
impossible to miss the love Airen has for Joseph, even if he can’t admit it to
himself. I can only hope to lose them to each other and be spared the agony of
watching Airen with another woman. No matter the circumstances, I need to be
with them right now. As quietly as possible, I cuddle close to Airen. He’s
home. My boys are here, but I may have lost them both. The emotional exhaustion
overpowers me, submerging me in sweet obscurity, away from the pain.

The
next morning when I wake, they’re cuddled together, sleeping soundly. God,
they’re beautiful. I’m terrified of what today will bring, and aching with
guilt for sleeping with Joseph, but my most prominent emotion is anger. They
lied to me. Airen bequeathed me to Joseph as surely as if he’d listed me in his
will along with his tools and fishing poles.

How
could Joseph tell me he loved me when he knew it wasn’t real? How could Airen
put him in that position? Saddling him with his pathetic wife for the rest of
his life. I’m humiliated, but above all, I’m pissed at myself for believing it,
when I damn sure should’ve known better.

How
fucking gullible was I to think they both loved me? Now the loss of that belief
is a wound I’ll never recover from, an ache that once again drives me to my
knees and racks my body with sobs. Their revelation has chipped away at me
almost as much as my guilt and grief, leaving me with a desolate pit that can’t
be filled, and I hate them almost as much as I love them. I hate
that
I
love them, but I loathe myself for my blind stupidity.

Life
goes on whether we want it to or not, and I just have to concentrate on one
task at a time if I’m going to make it through the day. My situation may change
drastically by nightfall, but as of now I have a sick husband to nurse and a
house to run. The sight of my puffy eyes and pink cheeks in the mirror pisses
me off again. I can’t keep crying about things I have no control over. I have
shit to do.

Just
as I pull on my jeans, Joseph bursts through the door. His gaze travels over my
messy hair and swollen face, and the look of pity that settles on his face inflames
my fury. “Abby? What are you doing, baby? Airen’s looking for you.” I recoil
when he approaches to embrace me, and he flinches, hurt shining in his eyes as
he withdraws and watches me jerk on my socks. Slipping into my shoes and coat,
I attempt to push past him, but he grabs my arm. His grip is tight, but his
voice is soft as a shadow. “It’s okay, Abby. I told him everything, and…”

“I
know. I heard. Stay with him. I need to get out of here for awhile.” This time
when I jerk away, he lets me go, but follows me out the back door.

“Abby!
Stop! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell him without you, it just…came out.”

“You
guys made plenty of plans behind my back, so why would you include me now?” He
pales and his shoulders slump as he realizes what else I heard during his late
night confession.

“Abby…”
he hesitates, at a loss for words.

“You
lied!” I shout, a sob tearing from my throat. “You said you were in love with
me!” I’m hauling ass and kicking up snow, but he stays right on my heels as I
tramp across the back field and into the barn.