Fallout (87 page)

Author’s Note

This is the third and final part of the saga begun in my first novel,
Crank.
When that book released in October 2004, I could not have predicted its phenomenal success. The story in
Crank
, and in its sequel,
Glass
, is shared by many. But even those whose lives have never been touched by this particular monster are drawn to Kristina. Despite her many flaws, they come to care about her and her family. Especially her children.

Originally, I never planned a sequel to
Crank
. But readers demanded more of Kristina’s story. I could probably write ten books about her fall from grace, but series often degrade over time, and I don’t want to give my readers progressively weaker books. Rather, I wanted the final Kristina book to be the most powerful of the three. And I believe I’ve done that with
Fallout
.

The book is written from the points of view of her three oldest children, now teens in the book, and dealing with their own lives, which have been shaped by the choices she made when she was their age. At the time I pen this description, the real “Hunter” is thirteen, but I write him at nineteen in
Fallout
. Which means I’ve written the future. Please remember it’s only one possible future, created from how I see these children’s lives now. And also please remember that, while these books are rooted in our real life, they are to a large degree fiction.

I chose to pull out of Kristina’s point of view, into her children’s to give them a voice, and to give voice to my readers who struggle with their own parents’ addictions. There are many. I also believe the ultimate hope of these stories lies here, with the generation that can choose to break this cycle. You will get “the rest of Kristina’s story,” through different lenses because “the monster” doesn’t only destroy the addict. It tries to destroy everyone who loves him or her. Parents. Children. Partners. Spouses. Friends. If this describes you, take care of yourself first. Get help if you need it. You might find a sense of peace and community in an organization like Al-Anon. Above all, please know, without a doubt, that you are not alone.

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Reno Gazette-Journal

We Hear

Hunter Seth Haskins

So You Want to Know

If You Don’t Know

Foreword

Chapter One

I Kind of Enjoy

Picture the Ideal Girl

I Am Genetically Predisposed

Nikki Isn’t Home Yet

I’ve Asked the Question Before

In Mom’s Book

Not That I’ve Ever Once

I’ve Got a Little Problem

As I Ponder the Question

That’s It?

I Bite Down Hard

As the Words

Enough Already

The Wood

Autumn Rose Shepherd

Sometimes I See Faces

I Suspect

Aunt Cora Insists

Generally

Can’t Bear the Thought

That Felt Right

I Hate When I Bleed

She Doesn’t Take it Seriously

I am in the Den

I Slip Quietly

And he Does

Grandfather is Stern

Sometimes, When it’s Just

And Where I Came From

I Have Managed

All Things Considered

The Monster

Mine Isn’t the Only One

Summer Lily Kenwood

Screaming

I’m Fifteen Now

Screaming, Again

Darla is a Different Story

Gawd!

I Totally Know Treed

Maybe That’s Why

My Mother

I Couldn’t Say That, Though

It Was Nasty

Goddamn Meth

It’s Not Hard to Find

So Far

I Think of Them Both

Maybe What I Need to Do

I Watch the Pair

Matt Walks Me

Hunter

Saturday

The Remote

It’s a Half-Hour Drive

Especially Football Games

Most of Them

And there is Nikki

I Notice Her Mom And Dad

Why Do I Promise

In My Arms

He Does Kind of Look

Married?

As I Pack Up the Van

Maybe Corrine

For Example

That Detail is Confirmed

Kristina, Scheme Queen

Cynical?

Autumn

Change is Coming

Aunt Cora

She Doesn’t Say that Now

She Pauses

The Fifteen-Minute Ride

I’ll Never Forget

Somehow he Didn’t Get

Instead, She Stayed

Whatever She Is

I Shouldn’t Have Worried

When We Walk Through the Door

It’s not Like

Time

So Close

I Haven’t Had

The Bell Rings

Summer

Roused

Amber Light

I Open My Arms

A Memory Slams Into Me

I Never Told

My Body

Anger Mushrooms

She Stares at Me

Zero Remorse

Suddenly, I am Jerked

I Make Myself Go Limp

That Bad, Huh?

Darla Comes Into the Bathroom

If I Tell

My Mouth Opens

Despite Dragging

My Actions

Matt Finds Me

For the Most Part

I’m Not Really in Love

I Do Believe That

Nevada Appeal

Hunter

Nevada Day

When we Finish

Mom is an American Idol Devotee

This Must Be

Something’s Wrong

The Revelation

I Realize Suddenly

A Warm Ginger Fog

I’m Sort of Ambivalent

Nikki’s Eyes

What, Exactly, Did I Do?

Might as Well

Good Plan

There’s an Understatement

And now the Brood

Speaking of Playing

I Stash any Residual Worry

A Little after Midnight

Autumn

A Cold Rain

An Old Maxim Goes

Cherie Says

Maybe I’m Wrong

I Jerk My Locker Open

With my Back Toward

Mortified

I Think

How Do I Back Out Gracefully?

By the Time

Surprise Number One