Fame (35 page)

Her lips twisted, but then she gave in and wrapped her arms around him. She kept her distance, which wouldn’t do, so Rook grabbed her arms and pulled them tighter around him, causing her breasts to push up against his back. The feeling was enthralling, and the little gasp that came out of her mouth when their bodies connected only spurred him on more.
 

Revving the engine, he put the bike in gear and took off. Maisy’s grip grew tighter from the force of the bike, making him smile. She was just where he wanted her, wrapped completely around him.
 

They rode together around the streets of Los Angeles and then up into the Hollywood Hills. The twists and turns of the road were addicting to an experienced biker, but probably deathly terrifying to a newbie like Maisy, so even though he wanted to fly, he took it easy on her.
 

Halfway through the drive, he could feel her press her helmet-covered face against his back, relaxing a little into the feel of the bike and the connection they were making.
 

He memorized the feel of her body up against his, the way her body curled into his back, and the tight hold she had around his stomach. He wasn’t sure where they stood, if she was going to want to talk to him tomorrow, so every moment he had with her, he soaked in, because he never knew when it was going to be his last.
 

The pull-off to his favorite look out came up quickly, so he slowed down and drove to the side of the road, where he parked his bike next to a bush. He pulled his helmet off his head and turned to look at Maisy, who had loosened her grip on him, but not completely.
 

“You alright, Boo?”

She nodded her head and then surveyed where they were. “Is everything okay with the bike?”

“Yes,” he laughed. “This is where I wanted to go. Hop off and I’ll help you with your helmet.”

Carefully, Maisy hopped off, stumbling a little, as she tried to avoid the hot exhaust pipes. Rook put out the kickstand and then got off the bike, while placing his helmet on the handlebars. He ran his hand through his hair quickly and then stepped in front of Maisy, who was eating him away with her gaze while licking her lips.
 

He ignored the crude comments he wanted to make about her licking her lips and him taking full advantage of that maneuver. Instead, he pulled her close to him and unbuckled her helmet for her. He placed the helmet on the motorcycle and turned back around to see Maisy playing around with her hair, flipping it up into some kind of bun. She was so quick that it was hard not to stare.
 

Once she was set, he took her hand and guided her to the edge of a rock that overlooked the valley. It was beautiful. Lights from the nearby houses lit up the sky, and the city they were once in was now nothing but distant yellow twinkles.
 

“Wow, it’s beautiful here,” Maisy said, as she sat down on the rock next to Rook. They both dangled their feet off the edge as they took in the beautiful dark sky that was peppered with stars. Rook was reminded of their first date, when they looked up at the stars from the roof of the tour bus, and he sang to her. It was the beginning of the end of him. He knew that she was going to be it for him, no questions asked. If only he could have predicted what was going to happen with his dad, he might not have asked Maisy out, spared her the pain.
 

They sat in silence as they studied the night and their surroundings. Song lyrics kept popping into Rook’s head while he sat next to Maisy. It was inevitable whenever he was around her; his mind started racing with songs, lyrics, and tunes. She was one hundred percent responsible for it.
 

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like without music?” Rook asked.
 

Maisy sat back on her hands as she continued to stare into the night.
 

“Sometimes. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have the escape, if the melodies in my head just stopped. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, because music was the one thing that got me through my horrible past; it gives me hope and it gives me a future.”

“Sometimes I think music is the only thing that keeps my heart beating, at least that’s what I thought. Now I know you’re the reason why it beats, Maisy. You’re my music.”

Rook chanced a glance over at Maisy and saw that she was looking at him with an unreadable expression that made his stomach churn. Lord help him, he didn’t want to scare her away, but he couldn’t help but tell her how he felt.
 

She took a deep breath and spoke softly. “I want to say the same thing, Rook. Six months ago, I would have told you that you were the reason my soul was happy, but now, now I don’t know what to think.”

Just like that, it seemed too easy, Rook thought to himself, but it wasn’t. She wasn’t quite ready to forgive him, which he was okay with, because he half expected it, but at least she was talking to him. That was a step in the right direction.
 

“What can I do to make this better? How can I mend what I did to us? I need to know, Maisy, because right now, I know for a fact that I can’t live without you. I tried and I failed miserably. I need to make this right, but I’m at a loss; I don’t know how to do it.”

Maisy turned her attention back to the sky as she spoke. “It’s not something you can mend overnight, Rook. I feel like I can’t explain it to you.”

“Try,” he said, desperate to keep talking to her, to make sure she didn’t shut him out.
 

She was silent for a few minutes before she spoke. “Before we met, I was infatuated with you. I was a fan girl, dreaming of meeting you one day. When I saw you for the first time at the Seven Eleven, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I thought that was my moment, the heavens were giving me a glimpse of the man I couldn’t get out of my mind. I thought that was a little recompense for all the shit I went through, but then your band chose us to go on tour with you. I had never been so overwhelmed and happy at the same time.”

“Overwhelmed?” Rook asked.
 

“Yes, because once we got on that first bus together, I knew you were a stone’s throw away from me, and every daydream I had of you, every thought of sharing a song with you, singing next to you, could possibly come true. It was a long shot, but at least I was given more of a chance by being on your bus. When I found out you were, in fact, just a giant ass, all my excitement quickly diminished.”

Guilt ran through Rook, as he thought about how he first treated Maisy.
 

“It’s because I wanted to keep you away from me, because you’re too good for me, Maisy.”

“I’m not,” she countered. “And I know that’s why you did it. But the moment you gave in, that moment will be forever etched in my brain, Rook. You made a dream of mine come true; you gave me you. I never thought it was possible, but I saw the way you looked at me, the way you possessively owned me; it was intoxicating, and slowly, I started to lose myself in you and we became one. I realized you were my soul mate. I was meant to be with you, and I put every ounce of me into our relationship. What I wasn’t expecting was for us to be so toxic to each other, so infuriatingly attracted to the point where we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We were a drug, Rook, an addiction neither of us wanted to kick.”
 

She paused and studied her hands for a second before continuing.
 

“I gave everything I had to you and trusted you with it. I gave you my heart, Rook, and like in your song, you were right, you handled my heart with a knife, you cut me open and let me bleed all over your hands. That’s something you just can’t get over as if it never happened.”

Her words stung, like a sharp blade straight to his soul.
 

Lowering his head in his hands, he sat next to her, completely lost as to what to say. Apologizing seemed too cliché, not meaningful enough, and talking about what happened seemed like it would hurt even worse, so he sat in silence, trying to figure out how to handle Maisy, how to mend the wound he caused.
 

“Fuck,” he muttered, while he shook his head and pressed his hand over the bridge of his nose.
 

The pain he was feeling was all too much. He didn’t think winning Maisy back was going to be easy, but he wasn’t expecting to see the light in her eyes completely vanish.
 

Slowly, he could feel her slipping away. His plan to win her back was dissolving, and all hope as to what his future would be like was turning black. A knot in his throat started to form as he thought about how he wouldn’t be able to fix the mess he made. She was right, how could she forgive him?

His stomach started to churn at the mere thought of losing her forever, and his breathing started to become slightly labored. He could feel himself starting to slip into a dark place, just as her small hand landed on his thigh.
 

With shock, he looked up at her, soaking in her warm touch.
 

“Can we possibly try being friends, get to know each other again, and see where it goes from there?”

Like a tidal wave, Rook’s deep and dark thoughts washed away, and in their place was hope…hope for a future, and for the possibility to actually be happy in his life.
 

Rook leaned toward her and caressed her face with his hand. Her cheek turned in to his touch, and he watched as she closed her eyes briefly from the contact.
 

“Boo, I will take anything you’re willing to give me, and if it’s friendship you want, then I will be the best fucking friend you will ever have.”

A slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips, melting Rook right in two. All he wanted to do was scoop her up and kiss her senseless, but he knew that wasn’t an option, so instead, he smiled back and moved his hand from her face to her hand. He gave it a good squeeze and said, “Friends make out, right?”

Rolling her eyes, she stood and brushed off her pants.
 

“Let’s get back to the house.”

Following suit, he got up as well and led her back to his bike. He grabbed her helmet and turned to put it on her head. She stopped him midway and grabbed the helmet from him. He quirked his mouth at her, wondering what she was doing.

“Can you just hold me for a second?” she asked, as she set the helmet down.
 

Was she fucking high? Of course he would hold her, Jesus, he would give anything to hold her.
 

“Of course, Boo. You don’t even have to ask.” He pulled her into his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. “These arms were made for you, Maisy, and only you.”

“Can I ask you one thing?” she muttered into his chest.
 

“You can ask me anything you want, Maisy. I’m a completely open book to you.”

She paused for a second before she asked, “That girl, on the bus, were you um…seeing her behind my back?”

“What?!” Rook said, as he pulled Maisy away to look her in the eyes. “Please, tell me you really don’t think that.”

“I don’t know, Rook. I’ve had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to conjure up situations in my head.”

“Maisy, please, don’t for one minute think that I ever did anything behind your back. The moment I met you, I was done. You were the only one made for me. You literally stole my heart. That girl…” he treaded lightly as he spoke, “she was a means to an end. She was nothing, only a way to make you see that I had too much trouble in my life…that you were better off without me.”

She nodded and then asked. “If I’m better off without you, then why are you trying to win me back?”

Before answering, he cupped both her cheeks in his hands. “Because, you may be better off without me, but I can’t function one fucking day without you. I’m a selfish bastard.”

She nodded as she searched his eyes, looking for more answers, but he wasn’t sure what the questions were.

“I’m going to ask you one more thing, and I want you to be honest with me.”

“Maisy, I promise you, from here on out, I will always be up front and honest with you about everything. I will never shut you out again, because that made me lose you, and I can’t bear to have that, ever again.”

Nodding, she placed her hands on his chest and said, “After we parted, did you ever think about…” She paused and took a deep breath, “Did you ever think about ending your life?”

Sucking in a harsh breath, Rook studied her pleading eyes before answering. “Yes, every day,” he answered honestly.
 

A small tear trailed down her cheek at his admission.
 

When he was lying in his closet, closed off from the world, he knew he could just end it right then and there. He could go to his dad’s stash and have one hell of a fucking binge to wash away all the pain, but he didn’t, because every time he thought about letting go, giving up, Maisy’s face came into view, and pushed him to stay longer, to at least attempt to live his life.
 

Keeping their whole friendship arrangement in mind, Rook wiped the tear off of her face and spoke with honesty. “I thought about taking my life, but you were the reason why I never did. I wasn’t in the best shape. I gave up the only Goddamn thing that mattered to me in order to keep you away from my dad, but the minute I pushed you away, the fucker went and overdosed, so everything I did was a moot point; it didn’t fucking matter. I think that’s what pushed me over the edge. I lost everything for nothing, but while I was in that house, letting myself slowly evaporate from the world around me, I thought of you. I thought of your beautiful smile, the way your eyes would light up when you looked at me, and the unnatural force that shifted us toward each other each every day. You saved me, Maisy, in more than one way.”