Family Thang (40 page)

“Good question,” from inside the cabin.

“Shirley,” Leonard started softly, then shouted, “will you please stop pointing that goddamn gun at me!”

Shirley lowered the gun. “He didn’t do it. He’s not the one.”

“How do you know?” Ruth Ann asked.

“Excellent question!”

“His eyes,” Shirley said.

Ruth Ann stared into his eyes, looking to see what Shirley had seen that she’d missed.

“Has this entire family gone crazy?” Leonard said. “Ruth Ann, would you please stop looking at me like that!” She looked away. “Thank you!”

“What you come up here for?” Shirley said.

“I didn’t come here to have a damn gun pointed at me, for damn sure!”

“Sorry ’bout that.”

“Shirley, that makes me feel so much better. I came here to get Ruth Ann. I think Mother might be looking to do her harm.”

Ruth Ann groaned.

Shirley said, “Why you think Momma would harm Ruth Ann?”

Leonard told them about the gopher poison in the closet, the upheaval in the kitchen and the burnt will on the stove.

“Momma!” Ruth Ann said, shaking her head. “It’s hard to believe!”

“It’s hard to believe,” Shirley said, “because it isn’t true. Momma didn’t do it. I know my momma, she didn’t do it.”

“Lord knows I would like to believe Mother wouldn’t hurt anyone. I hate to say it, everything points to her.”

“I agree with Leonard,” Ruth Ann said. “There’s no other family member left.”

“What about Robert Earl?” Leonard said.

“What about him?” from inside the cabin.

“Who is it in there, Shirley?”

“Your big brother. He’s scared.”

“No, I’m not!”

Leonard stepped into the cabin. Robert Earl was kneeling behind the door. “What are you doing?”

“What it look like?”

“Looks like you’re hiding.” Ruth Ann and Shirley stepped inside. “Where’s Shane?” he asked Ruth Ann.

“He went to get some food.”

“Taco Bell, I hope. So you and Shirley buried the hatchet?”

Ruth Ann glanced nervously at Shirley.

Shirley said, “Ruth Ann and I haven’t buried anything. We never will. She’s not my sister, never will be, never has been. Right now we’re working together.”

He looked at Ruth Ann, her eyes closed, holding back tears. “At least y’all not shooting at each other. Shirley, what were you implying when you said freeze, sugar britches?”

“It’s a pellet gun,” Shirley said.

“Wasn’t the question,” Robert Earl said.

Shirley sat down on the bed. “Look, Leonard, the will is a fake. I forged it to lure Daddy’s killer up here. When we catch the killer you can collect your share of the money and go back to Chicago.”

“A pellet gun! What you intend to do with a pellet gun, sting somebody?”

“I asked the same thing,” Ruth Ann said.

“It had you convinced, didn’t it?” Shirley said.

“Yes, it did,” Leonard said. “I don’t know anything about guns. Really, Shirley, I think we should get out of here. Someone might get hurt or killed. I understand what you’re trying to do, but it’s much too dangerous. We’ll let the police handle this. They have real guns.”

“You got my vote,” Robert Earl said.

Leonard started for the door. “Everyone ready?”

“Ruth Ann and I are staying,” Shirley said.

Robert Earl stood up. “Good luck,” he said to Shirley. “Let’s go, little brother.”

“Robert Earl, we can’t leave two women alone in the woods.”

“Why not?”

“What about you, Ruth Ann?” Leonard said. “I know you’re not agreeing to this silliness.” Ruth Ann cast an uneasy look at Shirley. “What will it be, Ruth Ann? Stay here and get hurt? Or walk down the hill with me like a woman with good sense?”

“She’s staying,” Shirley said.

“Are you, Ruth Ann?”

A long moment they all waited for Ruth Ann to respond. Robert Earl broke the silence: “I’m ready when you are, little brother.”

“Shirley,” Ruth Ann said, “I’d like to go with them. Maybe I’ll come back after a change of clothes. I want to go with them. Please, Shirley!”

Shirley sat there silently, staring at the floor. Then she snapped: “Go! Dammit, go! I’ll handle this my-damn-self!”

“You’re going, too, Shirley,” Leonard said.

Shirley rolled her head on her neck. “You and what Seal Team making me go, Leonard?”

“Robert Earl,” Leonard said, “you take her on the left, I’ll take her on the right. On the count of three…one…two--”

“I’ll beat the shit outta both of you if y’all come near me!”

Robert Earl said, “I don’t have a major problem with her staying.”

“Chicken!” Leonard said. “Ruth Ann, help me out here!”

“Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk!”

“Shirley, please!” Leonard said. “It’s going dark out there. Listen to reason. We can’t leave you here. We love you. How could we live with ourselves knowing we left you here to fend for yourself and something bad happened to you? Stop acting childish and let’s go!”

“I said I was staying. Don’t ask me again! If you’re going, go! Leave me the hell alone!”

Leonard started toward her and said, “One of us is taking an ass-whooping. You or--” Before he could finish, Shirley sprung off the bed with a quickness. She rammed him and backed him against the wall, her forearm pressing his chest so hard he feared a rib might crack.

“Understand…one…damn thing…” Shirley said. With each pause she gave his chest a push. “Don’t…ever…threaten me…”  He could smell Vienna Sausage on her breath. “…again…because…I will…” He couldn’t breathe and wondered how long before he passed out. “…take you up on it! Do…you…hear…me?” He tried to nod yes, but could only blink. “Do…you…hear--”

A gunshot rang out from outside, close.

“What was that?” Ruth Ann asked.

“Gunfire,” Shirley said, and released Leonard. He slid to the floor holding his chest.

“A pellet gun?” Ruth Ann said.

“I don’t think so,” Robert Earl said. “It sounded like a thirty-eight.”

“Robert Ea
rl,” Leonard wheezed
, clutching his chest if he’d been shot, “would you grant me one small favor?” Robert Earl didn’t answer. “The next time I threaten Shirley, no matter how slight, would you…” He paused and coughed into his hand. “Would you be so kind as to kill me? Would you do that for me, Robert Earl?”

Robert Earl didn’t respond.

The next thirty minutes or so they waited in silence. The room slowly faded into darkness.

Robert Earl said, “I can’t deal with this. It’s possible it was a hunter, or someone shooting a can. I’m getting out of here. I can’t take it. Anybody wanna go with me?”

“Hello,” Ruth Ann said. “I’m with you. You go first and don’t run off and leave me.”

“What? It was my idea. I’m not going first!”

“Okay, Robert Earl. Whatever. Don’t run off and leave me.”

“You better keep up, I’ll be moving pretty fast.”

“Robert Earl, if you’re leading the way, shouldn’t you go out the door first? It’s dark out there--you go first and I’ll hold onto your belt.”

“I’m not wearing a belt. I have on overalls.”

“Well, I’ll hold onto it.”

There was a silence.

Robert Earl said, “You’re complicating this thing, Ruth Ann. You go out the door first--I’ll be right behind you.
Then
you can hold onto my overalls and follow me. It’s that simple.”

“It makes more sense, Robert Earl, if we started out the door in the same position we’re going down the hill. It doesn’t make any sense at all for us to get out there in the dark and start fumbling around for each other, now does it?”

Silence again.

“I got a better idea,” Robert Earl said. “We’ll back out, you going first. Once we get outside we take off.”

“Robert Earl, that’s crazy. We might trip.”

“I won’t trip.”

“What if
I
trip?”

“You get left.”

“No, Robert Earl. I got a better idea. We’ll--”

“Get out!” Shirley shouted. “Get the hell out! Two overgrown chickens! Y’all be here in the morning debating who should go first! Both of you go at the same damn time!”

Leonard heard the door open. The same picture inside showed outside. A pure black screen.

“Where are you, Ruth Ann?” Robert Earl said. “You ready?”

“I’m right here behind you and I’m ready.”

“Naw! You trying to be slick. Shirley said at the same time.”

“Okayokay. Let my hand go! You don’t have to hold my hand.”

“I can hold your hand if you holding my overalls.”

“Why?”

“Because!”

Shirley said, “Y’all damn lucky I don’t have a real gun.”

Just then a voice outside called, “Ruth Ann?”

“I changed my mind,” Robert Earl said, and closed the door.

Chapter 36

“GERD, what we call it,” Doctor Cobb said over the phone. “Otherwise known as gastroesophageal reflux disease. Basically
,
it’s the recurrent regurgitation of food and acid from the stomach into the esophagus.”

“Yeah,” Sheriff Bledsoe said. “It hurts like the dickens, too. Doc, I need something for this. I’m dying over here. Pain in my stomach, back, chest, neck, throat.”

“Mr. Bledsoe, if you’re in pain I strongly suggest you go to the hospital. Laymen often mistake angina for GERD.”

“Doc, I just got back from the hospital. They determined I wasn’t having a heart attack and sent me on my way, still hurting. No prescription, no have-a-good-day. Nothing! Look, Doc, all I need is the purple pill, the one on the commercial.”

“Nexium esomeprazole, one of several proton inhibitors.”

“Yeah, exactly, on the tip of my tongue. If you could write me a prescription, I think it’ll do the trick.”