Far Country (29 page)

           
Trust
in the Lord with all your heart and

         
 lean not on your own understanding.

           
The verse was engraved in the smooth surface, and like a blind person reading
Braille, his fingers had come to recognize each word by touch alone. It was his
constant prayer stone, and as usual, after a few moments of meditation on the
words, he felt refreshed and uplifted with the assurance that God was in
control. 

           
Feeling he had somehow passed a test of some sort, he reached for the door of
the Visitor’s Center with a sense of peace in his heart, and a more positive
attitude than he had had as he watched Gracie dash off to join her
grandparents.

           
Steve rounded the corner to his office and stopped short. The Bolton’s had not
left yet, as he had supposed. The three of them stood huddled in front of his
desk, and Lee Ann Bolton was holding something.  They all looked up as he
appeared, and he saw that Mrs. Bolton had tears in her eyes. She had taken a
picture from his desk; a picture of David, Sarah and Steve, sitting on the
porch swing in the Bolton’s back yard at their graduation party. Lee Ann
herself had taken it with his camera just hours before the
accident.  

           
Steve had found the picture forgotten in a drawer of his old bedroom when he
had come home last summer. The innocence of the moment had struck him, and he
found he could look at the picture of the three of them without the old guilt.
And despite all that had happened since, that had been one of the last times he
had been young and completely happy.  He had enlarged the photo and framed
it; then a couple of weeks ago he had suddenly decided to bring it to work.

           
Steve took a deep breath and spoke to Sarah’s mother for the first time in over
five years.  “It was our last perfect afternoon. I’m glad you took the
picture.”

           
They were silent, and Steve searched their faces for signs of hate or anger,
but he did not see it. They simply seemed caught off guard by the memory, as
frozen in time as the three teenagers in the picture.

           
Time.
Kairos
. Steve suddenly realized that this was
it. He cleared his throat nervously. Now that it was here, he was terrified of
what the next few minutes would bring.

           
 “I’ve – I’ve wanted to tell you both,” he began, finding it hard to speak
through the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, “how sorry I am for
what happened. I destroyed so many lives that night, and I know I deserve all
the anger and hatred you feel about me, but I also want you to know that I
loved Sarah too! I could never have willingly done anything to hurt her.” Lee
Anne’s eyes were huge and wet with tears. Her hand shook as she clutched the
picture frame. Richard remained stonily silent.  “I never quit hoping,” he
said quietly. “All those years I never really gave up hope.  I just wanted
you to know how sorry I am that she is gone.”

           
He tried to smile reassuringly at Gracie, who seemed to be trying to hide
behind her grandfather’s long legs.  She stared back uncertainly.

           
“Gracie’s a great kid,” he said, trying to fill the silence. “I really enjoyed
hanging out with her today. You’re doing a great job with her.”

           
The silence was unnerving. Steve gave a curt nod. Apparently, they still wanted
nothing to do with him. A cold emptiness filled him. He had prayed for this
moment for so long, and it seemed that nothing had changed. The wall of silence
remained.  “Right. I’m sorry for the intrusion. I’ll wait outside while
you get Gracie’s things.” He looked down at his daughter, who was now staring
at him as blankly as were her grandparents.  He smiled bleakly. “Good bye,
Gracie.”  He turned and reached for the door.

           
Richard’s voice stopped him, coldly curious.   “I don’t get it,
Steven. We were almost family. For six years our daughter lay in a coma. Six
years! And we hear nothing from you. Why are you bothering to speak to us now
that she is dead?”

           
Steve turned around, staring at Mr. Bolton. “I did try!” Steve replied in
confusion. “I came by the house, I called, and it was always the same. You
wanted nothing to do with me!”

           
Richard eyed him with distaste.  “Don’t lie to us, Steven! There were no
calls. And even after Lee Ann and I sent David over to your house, you refused
to come over and talk to us
.
After awhile, how were we supposed to feel
about you?”

           
Steve’s felt a strange buzzing fill his head. Was he crazy?  All these
years he had lived with the devastating memories of the phone going dead at the
sound of his voice, and that last day, David, eyes cold and empty, slowly
shutting the door as if they were strangers. How could Richard stand there and
act like none of that had ever happened?

           
Steve slowly shook his head. “No sir. David never came to my house.” 
Steve looked from one doubting face to the other. How could they ever believe
he would abandon Sarah?

           
“I called!”  He repeated.  “They were only letting family in to see
Sarah. I called you for permission, and you – someone – hung up on me every
time I called. My mother called, even Pastor Graham tried to come to the house.
Every time we were either sent away, or someone hung up the phone.”

           
“Who sent you away?” Lee Ann demanded.

           
Steve stared at her. “David,” he said simply. 

           
Lee Ann snorted. “I don’t believe it!” She said angrily, pointing at the
picture. “You two were like brothers! You were inseparable! Why would he send
you away? Especially when he knew we needed to talk with you! He was just as
hurt as we were when you left town – left Sarah! – without a word!”

           
Steve was so upset his voice shook. “I. Never.  Left.  Sarah.
  Some part of me always believed she would wake up.” They still
looked at him as if he were making it all up. “You can check the logs at the
care facility, if you like,” he said bitterly. “There was a standing order to
throw me out every year.  I know because I tried to see her. Every year.”
He stared up at the ceiling and took a couple of deep breaths to steady
himself.  “The last day before I left I came to your house and pounded on
the door.  David answered it. I asked to see you both. I begged him to
help me convince you to let me go to see Sarah. He never said a word! He just
stared at me like I was a maggot and shut the door in my face!”

           
“
Grampy
, I getting hungry,” Gracie’s small scared
voice broke through the anger and hurt that filled the small office. Suddenly
three sets of eyes focused on the little girl with the thick black hair and
huge gray eyes.

           
Richard cleared his throat uncomfortably, glancing from Steve to Gracie. Lee
Ann’s face also took on a furtive look as she suddenly became uncomfortably
aware of Gracie’s presence.

           
“Of course, dear,” she told her granddaughter gently, stoking the hair that was
so like Sarah’s.  “I’m sorry if we scared you, Gracie.” She looked at her
husband. Richard?”

           
“Yeah, I know.”  He looked at Steve apologetically.  “We need to get
going, and it’s getting late for Gracie, but I don’t think any of us are done
with this discussion yet. Something’s not adding up.  When we get back to
town, will you come to our house?  I think it’s important that we finally
understand what happened.”

           
Steve took a shaky breath and nodded.  “I’ve wanted nothing else for six
years,” he said sincerely.

           
And then, they were gone.  Steve stared in wonder after the min-van as it
disappeared around the corner. 

           
“Lord,” he asked softly. “What just happened here?”

           
Richard Bolton led Steve, Pastor Graham, and Laura Williams down the short
hall, past the family room where he had spent so much of his childhood, and
into the formal dining room.

           
Steve had the strangest sensation that he was stepping back in time. Little had
changed in the Bolton’s house since the last time he had walked down this hall.
The walls were still painted the same muted green, the same pictures hung on the
walls, even the dining room furniture and table cloth looked as they had nearly
six years ago. Except, here and there were toys and children’s books, reminders
that Gracie Bolton, not Sarah and David, now lived here.  Tonight,
however, Gracie was spending the night with a friend, so the grownups in her
life could talk freely.

           
As Richard nodded them toward the seats around the table, Lee Ann appeared from
the kitchen, looking nervous, but carrying a couple of plates of cookies, which
she set at either end of the table.  “Can I get anybody some drinks?” She
asked, stepping back from the table, a tight smile on her lips. Steve knew how
nervous she was by the way her Georgian drawl became more pronounced. Lee Ann
Bolton was a daughter of the Deep South, who considered North Carolina as
practically Yankee territory. 

           
“Let me help you, Lee Ann,” Mrs. Williams said gently, also picking up on her
former friend’s deepening drawl.  Lee Ann nodded stiffly and together the two
women carried in glasses and a pitcher of iced tea.

           
Ironically, Steve realized he had automatically taken the same chair that had
been considered ‘his’ since second grade. His mother and Pastor Graham sat on
either side of him, and across the table as if on the far side of a great
chasm, sat Mr. and Mrs. Bolton, still looking angry and suspicious, but
determined to have the truth at last. 

           
Pastor Graham cleared his throat and smiled calmly at the tense faces around
the table. “I can see that everyone is a little tense, but I think we have all
waited a long time for this meeting. If no one objects, since I came into this
story as an outside observer, I think it would be beneficial if I start with my
recollections, and then you can all add to them as we go along. Is that
agreeable?” 

           
Everyone murmured their assent, so Pastor Graham began the story. “As I said, I
didn’t come into this story until the night of the accident, when one of the
paramedics at the scene who attended my church called me, and said she had a
feeling that I needed to be there, at least for the driver of the car. So, I
came to the hospital and got there just before the ambulance arrived.”

           
Pastor Graham sighed. “I remember seeing you, the parents, all together in the
trauma waiting room. David was with you, too. You were all terrified, but you
were all waiting together.  The paramedics brought Steve in first. He was
in shock but still awake. I remember that he was crying, and saying, “I think I
killed her.”

           
Lee Ann gave a small cry as the memories surfaced sharply, and Richard took her
hand reassuringly, his own face somber and drawn.

           
“They brought Sarah in next, and I nearly believed Steve’s words. She was so
pale and the – damage - was undeniable. The passenger side of the car had taken
the brunt of the impact.”  Pastor Graham shook his head sadly.  “Of
course, they rushed the both of them off to surgery, and you were left in the
trauma waiting room.  I don’t know if you remember, but I prayed with all
of you, even though you made it pretty clear that you weren’t practicing
Christians. That night it didn’t seem to matter. We stood in a huddle and
prayed and hugged, and you all cried with each other.  Except for David. 
He stood alone and refused to be comforted by me or by any one of you.” 

           
“Sarah was his twin,” Lee Ann said defensively as she dabbed at her eyes. “He
was devastated by what was happening.”

           
Reverend Graham nodded, keeping his face neutral. “Yes, he was,” he agreed.

           
“Eventually,” Robert Graham continued, “Steve’s internal injuries and broken
bones were repaired, and Sarah was stabilized. At that point, I believe you all
went to your children’s rooms, and that may have been the last time that the
two families were ever together, until tonight.”  He looked around the
table and saw that he was right. He nodded and continued.

           
“Over the first few days, I visited both rooms, but eventually, things
changed.  Steve was discharged after about ten days. By then, it was clear
that Sarah would never get better.  Lee Ann had collapsed, and was at home
and under sedation.” Pastor Graham turned his gaze on Richard Bolton.

           
“Richard, I believe that you were trying to deal with your daughter’s
prognosis, and your wife’s needs, and also, I remember that you had to go back
to work after only a few days. You were stretched pretty thin yourself. 
When I tried to call at your house, I, too, was sent away each time. Eventually,
I left my card with David, who seemed to have been left to deal with visitors.”

           
Richard nodded and looked at his wife.  “We were both so overwhelmed. I
don’t remember too much of those first few days, and as you said, I had no
choice but to go back to work by the end of the second week.  I guess that
David did get stuck with more than he probably should have had to deal with,
but I don’t know how we would have gotten through without him.”