Fashionably Dead (50 page)

“Interesting,” the mean ho-bag therapist droned. “Have you ever attacked a reporter or shouted obscenities on live television?”

Janet was crushed. “No. I haven’t.”

“I thought not,” Miss Meanie replied writing in her notebook. “I’d like to point out that Muffy the Contortionist is no longer part of our group. She has graduated. She blew up a Dairy Queen on Earth last night. Apparently she felt she had been over charged.”

“Lucifer’s Bouncing Balls, I hadn’t even noticed her absence! Was anyone hurt?” Janet gasped and pulled on her beard in distress.

“Unfortunately, no,” the icky therapist said, “but we hope she makes better choices next time.” She took a pause, giving each of the group the Evil Eye through her bandages while still ignoring me as if I didn’t exist. “Myrtle, you’re next.”

Myrtle fidgeted in her chair. I figured she had to be a couple of hundred years old like Janet, but she looked like she was about fifteen. Most Demons, like Vampyres, stopped aging somewhere between twenty and thirty, so it was difficult to determine true age. I wasn’t sure why Myrtle looked so young.

“Um…well, I enjoy going to Earth and playing dead in public places. When I’m surrounded by humans I take perverse pleasure in jumping up and scaring the fucking shit out of them as they wail in anguish over my perceived death.”

WTF? These Demons were nuts.

“Have you caused any heart attacks or strokes doing this?” Miss Bitchy Shrink grilled Myrtle.

“No, I can’t say I have. A couple of them have wet themselves,” she offered meekly.

“Anything else?”

“Ummm, sure.” I watched Myrtle rack her brain. “I do enjoy kidnapping people’s dogs and cats. I groom them and dye their fur so they resemble wild animals. I then return them to their rightful owners in the dead of the night. I derive huge amounts of satisfaction watching our citizens walk their tigers, skunks and panda bears around town.”

Everyone was speechless. That had to be one of the weirdest things I’d ever heard.

“Do you ever eat any of the animals you kidnap?” the therapist asked.

“No, I’m a vegetarian,” Myrtle informed the group.

“A vegetarian Demon?” the bitch from hell shrieked, her eyes turning blood red.

Myrtle cowered behind the chair she’d formerly been sitting in. Janet started crying and braiding her beard, Carl looked mighty uncomfortable and Dixie looked like she wanted to do some damage. I suppose a veggie-Demon was an anomaly, but this shrink was a hag.

“I’ve heard of that,” Dixie piped up, ignoring the look of hatred from the therapist. She tried not to fidget, but I could tell she was lying from a mile away. I was actually enjoying myself. These people were fucking crazy. “Those Demons get their protein from soybeans.” Dixie had a captive audience so clearly she decided to elaborate. “I’ve heard of Veggie-Demons destroying thousands of acres of soybean fields on Earth just for an appetizer.” She had to have yanked that whopper right out of her rear end.

Myrtle glanced over at Dixie gratefully. The lovely therapist looked as if she wanted to nail my cousin’s ass to the wall, but she didn’t dare. Dixie may have issues, but she was the head honcho’s daughter. No one was stupid enough to fuck with that…or were they?

“Sooo, Your Highness,” the bandaged skank began, “let’s go over your list of problems...or should I say virtues. Shall we?” She laughed wickedly. “You’re a straight A student, you remember birthdays, you clean your room, people describe you as kind, you pioneered the first Meals on Wheels in Hell, you donated a million dollars to feed
humans
on Earth, and you’re a virgin,” she sneered. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

How on Satan’s Red Earth did she know Dixie was a virgin? Was Dixie a virgin? Wait. That was none of that bitches business…and why did I even care? I barely knew my cousin, but I was pissed.

I glanced around the little bungalow for something to throw at that woman’s already injured head and I felt a dark power and magic run through me. Different from my Vampyre magic.
Stop. This was not good.

Did Satan send me here so I’d get pissed and turn fully into a Demon? If I pulled on the dark magic and destroyed the therapist would I be permanently stuck in Hell?

I took a deep breath and said nothing. Thankfully I didn’t have to. Myrtle stepped in.

“I don’t know about you guys,” Myrtle grunted, “but I’m feeling the need to bust on Dixie’s coffee table and beat the living hell out of our therapist again.”

Carl, Janet and Dixie grinned from ear to ear and I couldn’t suppress the giggle that escaped my lips. Miss Bitchy Pants stood up and backed her way towards the front door.

“All of you, including
the Vampyre
have to report to the Dark Palace,” she haughtily informed us.

“Now?” Janet asked hopefully. I assumed she hoped to avoid the enforced hair removal she was about to endure.

“No!” Meanie snapped, “this evening. After you get de-haired, you repulsive...”

“Enough,” Carl shouted advancing on the horrid woman. She turned and ran from the house. Like a coward…foul, disgusting, bandage covered cowardice hag.

We stood quietly and looked at one another, the Princess, the Strong Man, the soon to be hairless Bearded Lady, Myrtle…and me.

Myrtle broke the silence. “So you’re a Vampyre?”

“Apparently,” I answered hoping she didn’t attack. I kind of liked her and really didn’t want to kill her.

“Cool,” she muttered and the rest of the freak show nodded their approval.

“She’s part Demon too,” Dixie added, giving me a shy smile.

“Very small part,” I explained. “And I need to get home. Soon.”

“I’m sure Daddy will send you home. I think he just wants to know you better.”

“That’s just awesome,” I replied in a voice laced with sarcasm.

“He’s really not that bad when you get to know him,” Dixie said.

“He’s worse,” Myrtle mouthed to me out of Dixie’s line of vision.

Fucking great. This was going to be a good time.

## Coming in Spring 2014 ##

Visit
www.robynpeterman.com
for info.

Excerpt from “The Demon of Synar”

Book One of the Forced to Serve Series

By

Donna McDonald

Two years ago….

“I was nervous the first time I bound myself to a female as well,” Dorian said, watching his best friend and current captain pace the room.

“What makes you think I’m nervous?” Synar asked.

Dorian laughed when Liam paused his restless pacing and gave him a strange look. “What still shocks me is that Ania Looren passed up dignitaries, presidents, other ambassadors, and more warriors than I can count to tumble into your bed like a love stricken Earthling. I’m in awe of you turning out to be the one male in her entire life that she couldn’t refuse.”

“If you think I’m going to be indiscreet and brag about my bonding time with Ania, you are mistaken my friend.” Synar grinned at Dorian’s guilty, and disappointed, look.

“Being a Siren, my vows of abstinence are hard to endure every day. You have known me long enough to realize that this is a profound truth, Liam. But today the most celibate planet in the Alliance is tuned into your mating vibrations, as am I. As your best friend, the least you can do is let me live vicariously through you once in a while,” Dorian teased. “I know you were Ania’s first breach. She told me.”

“Yes I was, but I’m still not telling you any details. The first time is a private matter and a special sharing. You’ve been alone too long, Dorian. Find a willing female and start living again,” Synar ordered.

“I want peace, not another mate. It hasn’t even been a century since I lost the last one. I know not all creatures live as long as Sirens, but a century doesn’t feel all that long when you are grieving.” Dorian narrowed his eyes as his friend picked up his walking speed again. “Liam, you’re going to wear out your footwear if you keep that up.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me—just can’t seem to stand still. I’m truly not nervous taking Ania as a formal mate, just impatient to get the public ceremony over. My intuition is sending out massive warning signals, but I can’t tell if they are real or just a reaction to the events of this day.”

Synar frowned at Dorian who wasn’t even trying to hide his amusement. “Glad one of us can laugh about it. I don’t want to be an embarrassment to Ania in front of her family, so I haven’t said anything about my concerns.”

“Perhaps I should mark this historic day in my journal. The ever stoic Liam Synar has been brought to his emotional knees with mating nerves. Why are you even doing this ceremony? I distinctly remember Ania saying it wasn’t necessary for her sake. She said you filed the legal forms before ever leaving the ship.”

“Yes. I did,” Synar confirmed.

Dorian smiled and nodded. “That means all the Peace Alliance planets will honor your commitment. What will this ceremony accomplish?”

“Ania is a high-level Peace Alliance ambassador. You don’t just throw one of those over your shoulder and run off to your quarters with her screaming that she’s yours,” Synar answered dryly, shaking his head at Dorian’s outright laughter.

“You can laugh until it’s done, but it’s still happening. This ceremony is not for Ania or me. It’s for her family. They’ve waited a long time for their only child to take a mate. At least one of us is represented. My mother declined to be here, which was just as well since she hasn’t spoken to me in person since my father died. Mother says she is still grieving. I suppose that could be true. She had more trouble believing Conor killed him than I did. I’m not even sure she believes it now.”

Dorian could hear the pain in Liam’s voice without even looking at his energy. His previous losses were large, but the absence of family today was taking a toll on his Norblade friend. It was his first mating and yet he would have no other Synars standing at his side to bless the union. His Siren mother had attended both his matings, and been there to comfort at their deaths. Truly he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be shunned by a birth parent.

“Is your brother still exiled?”

“Yes,” Synar said, feeling Dorian’s sympathy reaching out to him energetically. He bowed his head to his friend to acknowledge the support. “And it will stay that way for at least the next century of my brother’s life. Mother will just have to deal with Conor’s punishment and be glad that at least he isn’t dead.”

“Have you told Ania about your family? And your. . .
inheritance
?”

“No,” Synar answered, adjusting the cuffs on his uniform jacket. “I ordered Malachi to block Ania from knowing for now. Once Jonas is gone, the demon is going into the sacred amulet until I can find the proper person to rule him.”

Skipping over the advice he wanted to offer Liam about the dangers of keeping such a large secret from the person closest to his spirit, Dorian instead focused on the main issue he saw as a problem. “How can you be so sure that you are not the proper person, Liam?”

Synar looked and held Dorian’s gaze until he was sure his friend saw the truth in him. “No one in my family is worthy to rule the demon any longer. Certainly not Conor or me. It’s time the burden was passed on.”

“I can tell you sincerely believe that, but I think you are more suitable than you realize.”

Dorian glanced at the timekeeper on the wall of the room they were in and saw it was time for them to go.

“Enough of this morbid conversation,” he said briskly. “This is a day to celebrate. There will be plenty of time for you to mourn your errors later when you realize how much taking a mate is going to complicate your life.”

Synar snorted, refusing this time to laugh at Dorian’s teasing about Ania. “Your words offer me no comfort at all, Dorian. Tell me why we are friends again?”

“Because I haven’t had children yet and having a much younger friend is the closest I intend to get for a while,” Dorian replied. “Your blind spots about your life are very entertaining. You see only a very small part of the female who waits for you at the altar, my friend. It’s going to be interesting to witness your shocked reaction when you find out the rest.”

“Enlighten me about Ania’s character then,” Synar demanded on a laugh. “That’s what friends are supposed to do about each other’s females.”

“Well, I am an unusual friend if that’s the case. I consider your enlightenment to be Ania’s task, not mine.” Dorian smiled wider as Liam shook his head. “This is why I have told both of you that I refuse to mediate your mating relationship. But I confess it is amazing to watch two of the most intuitive beings I have ever met completely ignore their intuition about each other.”

“Maybe Ania and I know all we need to know.”

With Dorian still laughing, Synar smiled as he stepped out of the vestibule. He looked across the room at the female who turned and smiled at him as he headed to her side. Certainly he was attracted to Ania’s beauty, but there was something else that drew him, something indefinable in her spirit. All the challenges of their mating faded when he acknowledged that larger pull to be near her. He’d never felt it with any other female.