Fast Forward (18 page)

–
Henry David Thoreau

“It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s—”

“It’s your father, now come here and give me a hug.” Will wrapped his arms around Diora. “How’s baby?”

“Kicking like mad, having its own party in there, I’m sure.” Diora waddled into the living room, the soft netting of her pink fairy outfit wafting side to side. The fancy wings attached to her back didn’t provide any lightness as she trudged towards a seat.

“Hey man, all ready for fatherhood?” Will asked a man in a wizard costume, presumably Dumbledore as he wore thin glasses, a long white beard pulled into a pony tail at the front and fancy robes trailing on the floor.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he replied.

A short caterer approached carrying a tray of drinks which looked like test tubes. “Can I interest you in a glass of champagne, sir?” he asked Will, who lifted a tube and took a sip.

“Thanks.”

“And you, sir?” the caterer-turned-waiter asked Diora’s husband.

“No thanks. Permanent on-call taxi duty for me.” He pointed to Diora and her protruding belly. “Any day now.”

The waiter nodded. “Perhaps you’d like a sparkling mineral water, soft drink, or juice?”

“Lime mineral water please,” he said and the waiter disappeared to the kitchen, returning with two tubes of green-tinged liquid, handing one to Diora also.

“And what would the birthday girl like to drink?” The waiter turned to me.

“Champagne, please.” I regretted my decision as soon as he’d handed me the tube and I’d gulped half of it in one hit. How I was supposed to get through this party without needing the bathroom and an entourage of assistants to help with my underwear I had no idea.

Diora’s husband kissed my cheek and handed me a small gift. Will took it from me and whisked it away to a dedicated gift table, on which sat a vase containing the flowers Selena had sent and an envelope propped against it. I wondered if I’d designed the vase myself. It was unique, shaped like a spiralling splash of water wrapping around the stems. Nice.

“Thanks,” I said with a smile and walked to Diora in the Bliss Garden to give her a motherly hug, which triggered a five minute talking spree about the three stages of labour and the types of aromatherapy oils she planned on using, along with matching music to maximise the effectiveness of the uterine contractions. I expected her to whip out a remote device like the one I’d used in the meeting and give a PowerPoint presentation, complete with graphs and animations and sound effects, but was saved by the bell.

“Happy birthday to our favourite daughter-in-law!” A woman in a green dress with a large blue beehive hairdo and big fake eyes came through the front door, along with a large man with the same eyes wearing a white t-shirt which was obviously filled out with extra padding around the stomach.

“Doh, I forgot the present!” The man ducked outside and returned moments later with a wrapped gift.

Well, well, well … looked my parents-in-law were Marge and Homer Simpson. So,
The Simpsons
were still popular twenty five years in the future! They hugged me and asked why I wasn’t in fancy dress, so I told them I was the twenty-five-year-old Kelli and they too, like Ryan, thought it was a good idea.

Marge walked through the living room ‘ooh-ing and ah-ing’ at the decorations and her beehive got caught in a string of origami flowers hanging from the ceiling. “Oh dear, what have I done?” She tugged at the string and instead of coming loose from her beehive it came loose from the ceiling. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” she said, glancing at Ryan, then at her husband. “I knew I should have come dressed as Madonna.” She continued tugging at the flowers stuck to her beehive but they didn’t budge.

“Leave them in, I think they look good,” Ryan said, snapping a photo of Marge. “Now, you two, over here.” Ryan gestured for Will and me to stand near the Bliss Garden. He took a photo with his e-pad and did the same with Diora and Dumbledore, and my parents-in-law who I’d be calling Marge and Homer until I discovered their real names. Or, I could always call them Mum and Dad. Daughters-in-law often did that, didn’t they?

I wondered what Grant’s parents were like. I knew they were divorced, but apparently still co-owned an investment company and lived in the same street. I was due to meet them tomorrow afternoon on our way to the luxury cabin we’d booked for the weekend. Perfect timing, considering Grant and I would have an announcement to make.

“Can I offer you a drink, sir?” In true Homer fashion, my temporary father-in-law accepted a beer from the waiter and wandered to The Galaxy outside. Marge followed, getting stuck on another flower on the way.

I downed the rest of my champagne as the doorbell rang again. Kasey walked in baring a little too much flesh than was appropriate for someone of her size. She wore a brown dress—or more accurately, piece of fabric—wrapped around her body like a diagonal sash and her hair was messed up on purpose. “Me, cavewoman,” she said gruffly.

“And me, caveman.” A man walked through the door after her, nothing but a brown sash covering his groin and a scruffy fake beard attached to his chin. If he was a scientist, he looked like he spent more time outdoors than in and more time at the gym than the lab. He was toned and buff, he was hot, he was …

Max Sheldon! The underwear model Kasey had a crush on since forever and who would have been joining me at my twenty-fifth birthday party.

Kasey married Max Sheldon? How did she score someone like him? He’d had women falling at his feet, could have any woman in the entire world, yet he chose … my sister?

I lifted my jaw from the floor and welcomed them into the house with a kiss on the cheek, and a lingering embrace for Max, because I wanted to feel if his muscles were as firm as they appeared. They were. “It’s great to see you Max, you’re looking … very natural.”

He gave a caveman grunt, then laughed. “The outfits were Kasey’s idea and a good one too. Especially considering today’s warm weather.”

Kasey sidled up to her husband. “It’s going to be even warmer tonight,” she whispered, but not soft enough that I couldn’t hear and Max flashed a cheeky grin and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her in for a kiss.

Crash! My champagne tube fell, the shards of glass reflecting flickers of light from the fairy lights around the room.

“Damn! Sorry,” I said to the nearest caterer, who deftly scooped up the broken glass and extended some kind of mini sucking machine which eliminated the remaining shards.

Kasey approached and leaned into my ear. “Are you okay? You were pretty upset at lunch, is everything alright?”

“Yes, of course. Sorry about that, I’ve had a long day, that’s all.” I pulled a confident smile. “But tonight’s going to be great, isn’t it? And you and Max, wow, I can’t believe …”

Oops.

“Can’t believe what?”

“Can’t believe how … great you both look. Age has been kind to Max, hasn’t it?”

“Hasn’t it ever.” She winked, before discreetly placing a gift on the table.

I explained once again why I was wearing normal, if somewhat old-fashioned clothes and lifted champagne from the passing tray. Ryan turned up the music volume, which was obviously not his creation as it sounded nice. Relaxed, ambient, cruisy music, but not too relaxed to be doze-worthy. I bopped my head and tapped my toe so I looked to be enjoying myself and gave thanks that if I didn’t know someone’s name I could call them by their fancy dress persona. So long as there weren’t any more surprises a-la The Lizardile.

A kerfuffle of voices burst through the door, as two men entered wearing police officer costumes—okay, for a moment I thought they actually were police officers—and I startled on seeing the figure of a woman in an elaborate ghost costume. Layers upon layers of floaty white tulle covered her whole body except for her face, painted white with grey shadows under her eyes.

“Recovered from your hot flush yet?” the ghost asked.

“Elaine?”

“My costume’s that good, eh? You don’t even recognise your best friend?” She winked.

“It’s fantastic, very spooky.” I nodded, chuckling to myself that she probably dressed as a ghost to avoid wearing a SlimFX Magic Suit like me. Smart woman.

The policemen gave Will a friendly slap on the back then approached me with a hug, which I returned rather pathetically, my arms unable to extend above shoulder height thanks to the restriction of my outfit. A woman entered the house and slid an arm around one of the men, then a familiar-looking woman entered and approached Ryan. She gave him a loud squelchy kiss on both cheeks, which by the look on his face he despised. She wore a soft white halter dress, blond wig and blood-red lipstick, now imprinted onto the small part of Ryan’s cheeks that were visible through his mask. She was obviously Marilyn Monroe and I recognised her as the woman from the lift that had spoken to me on my way to the KC Interiors meeting.

“Regina, long time no see, huh?” Will’s voice held a tinge of sarcasm.

“Yet I’ve missed you so much.” She repeated her kissing fest on Will’s cheeks, before she sidled up to the two men that entered earlier. “And who are these gorgeous beings?” she asked them, holding out her hand. By the looks on their faces, they didn’t know whether she expected them to kiss her hand or shake it, but on grasping her hand, Regina pulled one of the men in close and kissed him on the cheeks too, the red lipstick right at home on his flushed face.

“Kelli, honey.” Regina kissed me too. “Sorry I didn’t stop to chat earlier today, but I knew you had that important meeting. How’d it go?”

“It was … interesting,” I replied. “I think it went well.”

“And don’t you look ravishing tonight? Your dress, what a lovely vintage piece.” She placed her fingers on the shoulder strap.

Vintage? This was new season Vera Wang!

“Now who is that gorgeous guy I had the pleasure of embarrassing?” She pointed to one of the fake policemen. “I only got his name … Steven. But how are you two connected?”

“Um … well, ah …”
How the heck should I know?

Will came over and propped an arm around each of us. “I hear you’ve been flirting with my little brother, Regina?”

“Steven’s my brother-in-law.” I nodded as if I’d known this all along. Phew!
Thanks Will
.

“And the other one?”

“That’s my older brother, John,” Will replied. “And,” he emphasised, “that woman next to him is his wife.”

“I see, well I won’t bother with him then, unless … would you say their marriage is strong? Or is it on the rocks, even just a little?” She pinched her thumb and forefinger together in the air.

“Don’t even think about it.” Will wagged a finger at Regina and as a waiter held a tray in front of her, she swiftly took a glass and tipped her head back.

More people filtered into the house, dressed in various costumes ranging from cowboys to clowns. No one had thought about coming as their younger self and I felt quite proud to be the stand-out among a crowd of people looking like idiots.

“Kelli, happy birthday!” said a woman about thirty or so, swathed in a Cleopatra garment and with long black hair that actually appeared real. “So what did you think of Maurice’s proposal on Monday? I mean, what did you really think?”

Huh?

Maurice. Proposal. Okay, I could wing this.

“Well, I thought it was … sweet.”

“Sweet?”

“Yeah, sweet. Didn’t you? Proposals are always sweet.”

She narrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. “I’ve never thought of them that way, but I guess, they could kinda be seen as sweet. Considering they’re trying to win you over.”

“Of course.”

“So are you going to say yes?” she asked.

I almost dropped my champagne tube again. “What? Me?”

“Well the decision rests with you of course. You are the creative director.”

Ohhh, right. A business proposal. Not a marriage proposal.
Duh Kelli
! I cleared my throat. “I’ll ah, have to discuss it with Will and have a long hard think about it.”

“Right, well I look forward to your decision.” She smiled and turned away, greeting a man dressed as a sandwich. A sandwich, can you believe it?

Will, er … Superman strode back to me, one arm outstretched and his fingers curled into a fist as though he was flying. I couldn’t help but giggle. “Party’s off to a great start, isn’t it? The costumes are fantastic,” he said.

I nodded, but with all these strange people surrounding me I felt overwhelmed and out of place. “Hey, how about we have the birthday cake now and get it out of the way. What do you say?” I longed for the flicker of birthday candles and the smell of melting wax, the precursor to making my wish and hopefully going back home. It had been kinda cool to experience the technology of the future, but my legs ached, my brain hurt, my boobs were painfully compressed to within an inch of their life and I was tired of putting on a facade. I was ready for home.

“Don’t even think about it, the cake will be the highlight of the evening, so naturally we’ll leave it until the end of the party. You’ll just have to wait.” Will tapped me on the nose like a child wanting to open their presents on Christmas Eve.

“But—”

“No buts, just enjoy the next few hours and before you know it the cake will be in front of you, and you can officially kiss forty nine goodbye.”

Goodbye? Forty nine and I had never officially said hello. And a few hours? Oh man, now my countdown had to start all over again. I pouted and sighed, but Will didn’t notice as another guest arrived and took his attention.

Okay, I could do this. I’d been to my fair share of parties before, I just had to remember the Three Golden Rules and I’d be fine:

1. Smile and nod regularly during conversation, even if you have no idea what the person is talking about.

2. Always have a glass in hand (or in this case, a test tube).

3. And NEVER stand directly underneath fluorescent lights.

There. Easy peasy. A haze of white swam towards me. “The house looks great, doesn’t it?” the ghostly Elaine said. “Ryan is so talented. I’m going to get him to style my place when he’s finished university. If I can afford it.” She looked at me hopefully.