Fate (35 page)

Rose

For the second time that week Ben had to meet Rose at work for her injection. Because he had basketball practice in the evenings unless he did it
during
the day
,
he wouldn’t have time to come by her place. And for the second time that week Lorenzo had been
a
witness to
their
sitting in her car as they talked after
wards
. It was such a simple thing for Ben. He did it right there in the car—injected her in the thigh like nothing.

He kept telling her how easy it was
,
but she still couldn’t even bring herself to watch while he did it.
S
he was
,
however
,
well aware
that
if this was something she’d be doing for the rest of her life
,
she was going to have to drudge up the nerve somehow to learn to do it herself. Ben wouldn’t be around forever.

Maybe once Grace was no longer pregnant and Rose could talk to her about it, Grace could do it for her. In the meantime Ben was more than willing but only when he had the time. So she had no choice but to work something out around his schedule.

She walked him to his car and kissed him on the cheek again. Waiting until he’d driven off
,
she started toward the back door of the restaurant. Only then did she notice Lorenzo was standing there watching her. Already feeling tense as she approached him
,
she wondered how long he’d been standing there.

“I’m assuming you do a lot more for him in that car than you do outside of it.” His expression was somewhere between smirking and disgust
;
she couldn’t tell which.

Rose swallowed hard. She had to remember just how close Lorenzo paid attention to details. “Nope, I’m just not one for public displays of affection.” She shrugged. “I’m shy that way.”

“Shy my ass.” He chuckled. “I seem to recall you not having a problem sucking face with my brother quite a few times when I was around the two of you.”

Feeling her face instantly warm
,
Rose focused on staying composed. “Yeah, well we never did in front of Sal and Grace. I won’t with Ben either
,
so the parking lot of their restaurant is off limits to any
sucking face
.”

Lorenzo smirked
,
and if she didn’t know any better he might even be on to her. He certainly took notes of everything he heard and saw. “Is this your lunch or were you just on a break?”

“I’m off actually,” Rose said glad for the change in subject.

“Good, I wanted to talk to you.”

Suddenly wishing she’d said she was on a break, Rose thought fast to try and get out of it. “I don’t have a lot of time
.
I—”

“I don’t need a lot of time. There’s just a couple of things I’ve been wanting to say to you for a long time.”

Rose stared at him
,
almost afraid to hear what he had to say. She couldn’t take any
more heartache involving Vincent.

“I wanna apologize.”

This was
not
what she was expecting to hear. “Apologize?”

“Please let me finish,” he said
,
the mysterious smirk now replaced with a somber stare. “I know Vince explained everything
,
and obviously it didn’t make a difference to you
,
but I need you to know how sorry I am
.
I
t was
entirely
my fault Vince had to go away.”

“What?” Rose was missing something here
,
but the feeling of dread slowly crept in.

“I know you must think Vince chose me or Anita over you
,
but if you knew how Vince thinks, you’d know for him there was never a choice to be made. To him it was a given.”

Rose stared at him. “What are you talking about?” The dread was an all
-
out panic now. Had she made the terrible mistake this was beginning to sound like? “
Your
fault?”

“Yeah, I’m the one who was doing the dealing
,
n
ot him. But he didn’t
choose
to take the blame and leave you. He
had
to. Obviously that makes no difference to you
.
”

“Wait.” She lifted her hand shaking her head. “Back up,” she brought her hand to her chest as she made sense of his words. “I never read his letters.”

“What? You didn’t?” The somber stare was gone. He looked disgusted again. “None of them? He wrote you
all
the time.”

“I read the first few
,
but he never told me any of this. He never explained
anything.
Just said he was sorry but offered no explanation at all.”

“That’s because he couldn’t tell you
,
b
ut he did later. You didn’t read those?”

She shook her head a mixture of relief and sorrow overcoming her. Standing frozen in place as Lorenzo explained to her about Anita and her father and how Vince didn’t want to ruin her chances of getting custody of her brothers, the air in her lungs began to drain. He explained
w
hy
it was so important to him that she and her brothers got out of that hell
,
so he couldn’t say anything until she was all settled.

“But he did write and explained it all about six months ago.”

“I never read it.” Her heart felt like it was being squeezed. “After the first few I couldn’t. It was too painful.”

Lorenzo’s eyes were as wide as hers felt. “So all this time—”

“I thought he’d gone back to dealing
,
” Rose felt a weight lift as another pushed it back onto her conscience
,
and once again she was choked up. “I thought maybe he’d been doing it the whole time.”

Lorenzo stared at her, the incredulous expression on his face making her feel that much worse. “But now you
k
now he wasn’t.” He touched her arm. “Are you still in love with him?”

She nodded
,
feeling the tears
already begin to fill her eyes
. Could it really be true? Vincent had really stayed true to his word? She’d had it all wrong this whole time?

“You have to tell him?” Lorenzo urged.

Finally snapping out of her daze her eyes were on Lorenzo. “What? How?”

“Write him. He was devastated when I told him, Rose.” His eyes looked up behind her into the empty parking lot. “When I told him you had a boyfriend. You’re not gonna stay with this guy now
,
are you?”

She shook her head. “I was never really with him to begin with.”

Lorenzo’s face suddenly soured. “What? You don’t have to lie—”

“No
,
I’m not lying. I was lying when I said I
was
with him.”

Lorenzo’s face was still contorted
,
and he rolled his eyes.

“It’s why we don’t kiss, okay?” She felt stupid admitting it
,
but it was better to admit this now
than
have Vincent think she’d actually moved on
,
and with Ben of all people. “Grace was worried about me being depressed
,
so I made the whole relationship thing with him up. He went along with it because he’s my friend. But I’ve never gotten over Vincent.”

“So this guy comes down here and parks with you every chance he can
,
and all you two do in there is talk? That’s bullshit.”

“It’s true.” Rose insisted.

“I’ve seen the way the asshole looks at you, Rose.”

“He’s
just
my friend.” Rose’s mind was racing now
;
she had to write back to Vincent. She had to tell him she understood now and forgave him completely.

“
Are y
ou planning on telling my brother about your
friend
,
Rose? Because I’ll tell you right now he’s not gonna like it. He didn’t like this guy back then
,
and he sure as hell
’s
not gonna like knowing he comes down to visit you at work
,
and you two go out and sit in your car
,
and do God knows what
for as long as you do.”

“I’ll talk to Ben. It’ll stop.”

“I’m here for another week
,
” Lorenzo’s eyes were menacing
,
“
m
aybe more. I can talk to Ben for you if you want me to.”

“No,” Rose said firmly. “I’ll talk to him
,
and I’ll write Vincent tonight.”

Lorenzo seemed somewhat satisfied
,
but Rose wasn’t. They stood out there while she continued to interrogate him
,
getting every detail of why exactly Vincent had agreed to leave and all that Lorenzo had told him so far about her and her boyfriend. One small relief was that Lorenzo said Vincent didn’t know it was Ben yet.

“I didn’t see the point in telling him. He was already devastated enough.”

“Please don’t tell him.” His face soured again. “I swear to you. I’ve never done anything with Ben. We’ve always been just friends. I’ll tell him but when he gets back. I promise. When I get a chance to see him in person
,
I’ll explain everything. He wouldn’t understand otherwise. I’d have to explain it to him myself.” An incredible feeling of hope and delight began to slowly encompass her. “Is there any other way I can talk to him sooner?”

Lorenzo shook his head frowning. “He’s in Iraq
o
ut in the field.
The o
nly way is writing a letter. I wrote him one about a week ago
,
but I haven’t heard anything back yet.”

Once Rose felt satisfied not just that she knew enough but that Lorenzo was through dealing as well, she headed home
,
skipping her evening classes. She had so much to say to Vincent she’d probably write all night.

“Vincent didn’t do it!”
w
as the first thing she said to Grace as she rushed into the kitchen.

“What?” Grace looked up from where she sat feeding the baby.

“It was Lorenzo
,
not Vincent. Vince
nt
just covered for him. Oh my God
!
” Rose clenched her chest smiling. “I don’t care how long I have to wait, Grace. I’ll wait the four years. I’ll wait ten if I have to! I don’t care! I don’t care!” She hugged Grace smacking a kiss loudly on the top of her head. Grace laughed
,
and Rose knew she couldn’t possibly understand.

“What about Ben?” Grace asked.

“I’ll explain it all later.” Grabbing a pear from the fruit basket on the counter
,
Rose dug her teeth into it and spun around. “Right now I have a letter to write.”

~*~

A couple of days later still walking on air
,
Rose
answered her phone just as she
drove in to work her shift at the restaurant. She’d written Vincent a ten
-
page letter explaining everything she’d gone through in the past year and how she’d made the whole boyfriend thing up to get Grace off her back. She also made sure she told him she loved him over and
over
again and
that
she’d wait for him as long as she had to. After the year she had
,
she knew now without a doubt she’d much rather deal with waiting and know she’d be with him again someday
,
than attempt to live life without him
forever
.
That
she obviously couldn’t deal with.

“Hey
,
Ben,” she said as she finished parking.

“Hey, Rose. Listen I’m gonna be gone all next week. I’m going hunting up north with my old man and my brother.”

Rose bit her lip.
Shit
. “Okay.”

“I was thinking I could just stop by Sunday to give you the shot because it’s the day before I leave
,
and I figured I could give you the next one Saturday when I get back
,
but I just found out my uncle
’
s coming too
,
and I gotta go pick him up this weekend
.
”