Fearless Attraction (Cassie Series) (13 page)

             
"I know you are." I hug her to me for a moment. I hate when people are right. I hate that I couldn't process all that information myself. If the roles were reversed, I'd be giving her the same advice, it just isn't as easy when it comes to myself.

             
Tomorrow I'll do it. I'll call Pierce first, then I'll call Avery. I'll meet with them both, and I'll figure out what we are. If we're anything at all. If they'll answer my call and meet with me that is.

             
"Stop stressing," she says. She knows me all too well.

             
I smile at her the best I can. "Yeah, let's watch this movie."

             
I stand and put the movie in while Aubrey gets back into her spot and gets comfortable. I'm going to miss the hell out of her.

Chapter Nine

             
I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my entire life. I called Pierce first this morning, after I was showered and got ready for the day. I procrastinated as much as humanly possible. Surprisingly he had answered on the second ring, and was being extremely polite. I almost wish he would've been in asshole, that way I could make the choice to take him out of my life completely. I just don't think I can do it though. This is going to be hard.

             
Next I called Avery. He didn't answer, so I had sent him a text. I still haven't received a response from him. That was over an hour ago.

             
Currently I'm on my way to meet with Pierce at a seafood joint. He said if he was going to meet with me and talk about "us" then he wanted it public and where there is food. Of course I agreed that was the best possible way to discuss this. I don't need to worry about crying if we're in public, and I don't have to worry about him trying to seduce me again. Not that it doesn't give me tingles all over thinking about his office.

             
Had I not been slammed with guilt seconds after it happened, it'd be on the forefront of my mind every night. Instead, my heart ache is, and the fact that I've tangled myself into a web I didn't need to be in.

             
Arriving at the restaurant, I spot Pierce's pickup parked but he isn't in it. I walk into the restaurant and the hostess brings me outside, where he is overlooking the ocean waves crashing ashore. He stands when I get to the table, and doesn't sit back down until I'm seated and scooted forward.

             
Neither of us say anything, we just stare at one another. In fact, nothing is said until the waitress asks us what we want to drink. Pierce orders a whiskey on the rocks, I order a water with lemon. He then stares at the shore again, avoiding me. I may as well rip off the Band-Aid.

             
"Do you want to be in my life?"

             
He turns and gives me a questioning look. His eyes take in my worried features, then he clears his throat before sitting up a little straighter than before.

             
With a shrug, he answers, "some days I'm not so sure."

             
I nod, understanding exactly what he means. I need more than that though, I need closure or more of an understanding. I have to think about what Aubrey would tell me to say. "This is really hard for me Pierce, but I need to know. Do you want me in your life or not? And if you do, what do you want us to be?"

             
He tilts his head with bunched brows. I don't think he understands quite what I'm saying and I hope he doesn't read into it too much. I just need an honest, up front answer to the exact questions I asked.

             
"Yes, Cassie, I want you in my life." He shrugs his shoulders and leans forward a little more. "But you ripped my fucking heart out. I never meant to fall for you and not only did I fall, but I fell hard. I wanted to make you mine and only mine, and you made me believe you wanted that too, then you just pushed me away, out of your life. We've both been fine, then you come barreling back into my life. I don't know what I want, I can't be your friend, and I sure as hell can't be more than that right now, but yes, I want you in my life. I was healing until you walked into my office, and now I'm back at square one. I can't live without you somewhere in my life. I need a part of you. I'm sure that confuses you, hell, it confuses me, but that is the best I can answer your sudden questions."

             
"You think sleeping with hundreds of girls in the last several months is healing? That is bullshit Pierce, and you know it."

             
He smiles while leaning back into his chair. His eyes narrow in a seductive way, reminding me of in his office. Then he starts laughing. Well, I'm glad he can laugh about this, I sure as hell can't. It isn't funny, not at all, none of this is. Not me cheating, not him sleeping around, not the heart breaks and the confusion. None of it.

             
Pierce starts to shake his head, amused by something. "I was lying to you Cassie. I was trying to hurt you, like you had hurt me. I was hoping you'd walk out of my office and never come back. When you didn't, when I saw that look on your face and knew you still cared, knew you still had something for me, that is when I lost it. I had to have you, even if for one last time."

             
"You're such an asshole." Then why am I happy? Shit.

             
He nods, agreeing. "Yeah, that I am, but I have to be."

             
"You don't have to be."

             
"And you didn't have to apologize in person. You sure as hell didn't have to let me fuck you. You didn't have to call me that night you and Avery broke up. You didn't have to call me today either."

             
I swallow the lump forming. He knows Avery and I broke up that night? What did I say to him? Why can't I remember? I want to ask him, but I'm a little too nervous to. "I know," I answer honestly, my voice weak.

             
"Listen, Cassie, my feelings for you haven't changed, okay? But I'm not going to sit and wait around for you to decide between us. This has been going on well over a year, and it is bullshit. I understand you're confused, that is fine, I am too. It's easy to be confused. It doesn't mean you can play with us. And before you say anything, yeah, I'm the one who got you going in my office, and I'm sorry about that. I should have stayed back but that look on your face," he looks down and shakes his head, "it undid me. I had to be in you. I dream about you. About kissing you, about fucking you, hell, I'll admit it," he looks back up, "I dream about making sweet, passionate love to you."

             
My body is shaking as I hear his words and the intensity of his voice. "I'm sorry Pierce. I would have stayed away, I did stay away, but then you showed up at Avery's fight and," I shake my head, not finishing my sentence.

             
"Yeah, I shouldn't have showed up. I'm sorry too." His hand reaches over and his fingers lightly brush the tops of mine. My entire arm breaks in goosebumps. I stare at his fingers then my eyes meet with his. They've changed. They look lighter, softer maybe. They're not as intense, no, instead they're full of something else. Remorse maybe?

             
"It was good seeing you though." It comes out in a near whispers.

             
His lips form a small smile at my words. "You too, Princess." My heart warms at the friendship feeling between us right now. I like this feeling. I want to be friends with Pierce again, he was always so good to me. Just, I'm scared. Being friends with someone that holds a piece of your heart is going to be hard. But if that is the only way I can keep him around in my life, I'll accept it.

             
"So we are... friends?"

             
He gives me a tight smile and looks back out to the ocean, leaving his hand on top of mine. "Sure."

             
Why do I feel like we're exactly where we were? I can't get a break.

             
Pierce and I remain silent until after the food is delivered to the table. He finally looks up at me, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "How is your family?"

             
Right, I forgot he doesn't know anything that I've been through for the last six months. "My parents are in the process of a divorce right now, actually."

             
He straightens his form, looking sorry for me. "I'm sorry to hear that. May I ask what happened?"

             
Who is this guy and why isn't he playful and cocky and fun? Not that I don't like him being a gentlemen towards me, but it's weird. I feel like he has grown up so much in the half year since we've seen or talked. Between a broken heart, the long hours he puts in at work, and being away from the college crowd, he has really matured. I like it but again I miss the craziness we had between us.

             
It's not really a conversation I want to have, especially right now, but I owe Pierce anything he asks of me. "It's kind of humiliating." He continues to stare, waiting for me to elaborate. "My dad had an affair."

             
"Oh, Cass, I'm so sorry."

             
"With Avery's mom."

             
"Oh."

             
We both stare at each other in complete silence. Yup, this is awkward. "It's whatever," I finally say before taking another bite of my chowder.

             
"It's not whatever." I look up to him and he is still giving me that same sad expression. He really does feel bad for me. I don't need him feeling bad for me. "That is some rough shit. How is your mom?"

             
My heart warms again at the fact he truly cares. Not just about me but my mom. It almost brings a tear to my eyes. "She is much better, this was back, wow over five months ago now."

             
He looks surprised. "Huh, wow. I never would have thought. What is with those damn Manning's that make them so irresistible?" He tries to be playful, and I give him an A for effort, but this really isn't the time so I scrunch my forehead at him. He presses his lips together, suppressing a smile.

             
"Fine, fine, what is it about the McKnight’s that make
them
so irresistible?"

             
I pick up one of my oyster crackers and toss it at him with my tongue stuck out. "You're a pain, I hope you know that."

             
He grins and leans back in his chair. "Yeah?" He looks down at his gorgeous figure. "Most of the sexy mother fuckers are."

             
I throw my head back in laughter. This is what I miss about us. "Oh yeah, you think you're sexy? Hm, I guess I missed that memo."

             
He holds his hands to his chest, pretending to be hurt. "Ouch, Cassie, you're always hurting me. I have an ego you know, and it needs some polishing. You're denting the shit out of it."

             
"Has anyone ever told you that you were crazy?"

             
"A time or two." He shrugs his shoulders then starts eating again. Even while chewing he can't hide the smile that is forming on his face.

             
After a few more bites, I decide that I should probably ask about his family and work and stuff too. "So, now that I've answered, how is your family?"

             
"Brother has another addition on the way, this time a boy. I'm pretty excited for him. Dad is doing fine. Now that he has more free time with me starting to take over, he doesn't seem as stressed and has time for himself, so that is good. Mom is enjoying the extra time with him too, and the vacations they keep taking. So I'd say well."

             
I smile at that. That is awesome. "Good. How's work?"

             
He gives me a nasty look while finishing his next bite. "It's okay. I like it, most days. Especially when I get distracted at work," he says with a seductive look. "I'll probably be taking over sooner rather than later. I've put in about seventy hours a week."

             
"Wow, that is good to know." I completely ignore his little remark. His smile tells me he knows I'm purposely ignoring it.

             
"How is school?"

             
"Good," I tell him. "I'm taking some pretty awesome classes this year, a lot better than last year. Next year I get to shadow at the Police Academy, which will be awesome. I'm excited about that."

             
"So are you becoming a cop? Have you decided?"

             
"Oh God no!" I laugh. "Could you see me as a cop?" He grins and shakes his head. "Nah, it's just part of the requirements in the graduate program for Criminal Justice. I haven't made up my mind quite yet what I want to be, but I have a few choices." That's me, the indeceive one.