February Or Forever (32 page)

A lump formed in her throat, and she was reminded of going fishing in Tarrin's Bay as a child when she'd caught such a beautiful fish she'd decided to let it go. She had to do that now. Drew was — pardon the pun — a great catch, but she couldn't stifle his future and career by expecting him to hang around a small town just to be with her.

‘And you, Drew. How could I ever forget you?' She touched the side of his face. ‘This has been the best February I've ever had.'

‘It's a shame it wasn't a leap year.' A smile snuck into the corner of his lips. ‘Of all the months, I had to go and pick the shortest one to spend with you.'

She smiled in resignation. ‘So I guess this might be the best opportunity to say goodbye?'

‘It looks that way.' He glanced sideways into the distance, then he stepped forwards and wrapped her in his arms. ‘You're an amazing woman, Chrissie,' he said, his head buried in the crook of her neck. She rubbed his back, revelling in the warmth and comforting firmness, and willed herself not to cry.

When she pulled away, her gaze rested on his guitar sitting lonely by itself. ‘Oh, I never got to hear your new song.'

‘Oh, that's right. I was going to play it for you on our last day in the yoga studio, but…'

‘I went and boycotted the class.' She rolled her eyes.

Drew gently touched the tip of his guitar, tracing its shape with his finger, as though asking the instrument what to do. ‘Maybe this is a better time to play it anyway.' He picked it up. ‘You sure you want to hear it?'

Chrissie nodded. ‘I'd love to.'

‘It still needs to be polished and arranged properly, but I've got the basics done.'

She led him to one of the chairs on the verandah, and she took the one next to it, facing him at a forty-five degree angle. The ocean's low hum filled the silence as he positioned the guitar on his lap and seemed to go within himself, finding his place in the song that was yet to be.

Chrissie leaned back in her chair, crossing one leg over the other, wanting to dwell on this moment and capture it in her memory forever.

Drew's gentle fingers moved easily into position, and the strings vibrated with his touch, producing a slow, hypnotic melody…

‘I've been counting down the days

With each sunset's blaze,

They're going faster, what can I do

When all I want is to be with you?

 

February, or forever,

Should I stay, or should I go?

The past has made us wary,

But what if February

Never ended, oh should I go?

 

Each memory is a gift I'll take,

Wrap it round my heart so it won't break,

The sun, the moon, the stars will remind me of you,

You're my inspiration, I want the world for you.

 

February, or forever,

Should I stay, or should I go?

The past has made us wary,

But what if February

Never ended, oh…should I go?'

 

He closed his eyes as his voice strung out the last line, and ended in a pitch perfect falsetto. Brilliant.

Chrissie's nerves shook, her heart billowed out with each beat, overflowing with emotion. The song was about her, their time together, and his conflict about leaving Tarrin's Bay, February, and
her,
behind.

Drew stood, and Chrissie followed his lead.

‘It was amazing. You're amazing,' she whispered, shaking her head.

He smiled. ‘Glad you liked it. I wasn't sure whether to play it for you.'

‘I'm glad you did. I'll never forget it.' Her eyes burned with hidden tears. She scratched her cheek, turned away, turned back again, and goddamn, if he didn't leave soon she didn't know if she could let him.

‘I'll be going then,' he said, his head lowered, their eyes not daring to look at each other. He stepped off the verandah and stood in front of Chrissie. ‘Bye, Burns.'

She smiled. ‘Bye, Williams.' She kissed him on the forehead and gave him a quick embrace, pulling back before his touch could meld his body to hers and become impossible to part.

He walked backwards for a few steps, his guitar hanging loosely by his side. He gave a singular wave in a small arc in front of his body, then turned away and walked down to the sand.

Chrissie turned to her door and poked the key in the lock, then turned her head around slightly. The moonlight outlined his figure as he walked further away, his back to her. She impressed the image into her memory then turned back, turning the key and pushing open the door, dumping her bag on the floor to the side.

The pain was unbearable. Her heart ached, stung, and burned, and tears threatened behind her eyes.
Just one more look, just one more…

She turned around slowly, preparing to see his darkened figure getting smaller in the distance as he approached the front of the rocky hill, but it got larger. He was coming back. And fast.

With power in his stride and fierce longing in his eyes he approached, leaning his guitar against the railing and stopping only an inch from her body, his breath panting. ‘February's not over yet.' He grabbed her face with his hands and pushed his lips onto hers.

Chrissie flung her arms around him, moved her hands under his shirt, digging her fingers into the firm flesh of his back. His lips commanded hers with authority, hunger, and need, and she let him lead her backwards into the house, kicking the door closed behind them.

She lifted the fabric of his shirt higher and he raised his arms, the shirt coming off in a flash. When his arms lowered, his hands approached the front of her satin shirt, slipping the top button out of its buttonhole, then the others, one at a time, until the fabric hung loosely from her shoulders and the cool night air grazed her chest. Drew's lips moved to her neck as he slid his finger under her shirt's collar and his palm ran over her shoulder, along with a shiver, dislodging the shirt from one side. The other side followed with his assistance, falling into a silky pile on the floor. Breathing hard and fast, he took her lips again, her breasts pressing into his bare chest and spreading heat across her skin.

She took the lead, threading her fingers between his and showing him the way to her bedroom, stealing kisses on the way. They kicked off their shoes and fell together onto the bed, arms tangling and exploring. Drew helped Chrissie manoeuvre up to the head of the bed, cradling her head in his hands and moving a pillow underneath it. He lay half beside her, half on top, taking a moment to look at her.

Though the moonlight seeping through the blinds gave only subtle light to the room, the desire in Drew's expression was illuminated. His gaze ran over her face, then locked with hers, his eyes saying only one thing. He rolled on top of her and she welcomed the warm weight of his body between her legs, and his soul back into her heart.

Chrissie squinted as her eyes inched open and were met by a sharp stream of sunlight. Her body ached, in a good way, as though she'd done three hours at the gym.
Drew…
A satisfied smile eased onto her lips as she rolled over. Her eyes opened wider. The other side of the bed was empty.

Chrissie propped herself up on her elbows, her loose hair tickling her bare back. He was gone. Well, they
had
said their goodbyes last night, several times in fact. If that was the last memory she got to have of him, it was worth it. Heartbreaking, but worth it. She breathed deeply, his inviting masculine scent still hanging in the room. She got up and went to the bathroom and freshened up, threw on the closest outfit she could find, and went out to the kitchen. Nope, as she'd expected, he wasn't there cooking pancakes and making fresh juice. Those kind gestures were reserved for someone who planned on hanging around.

Chrissie filled a glass with water, and turned towards the fruit bowl to grab a lemon, when movement caught her attention outside. She put the glass down and walked to the verandah door, opening it to find Drew walking up to the house, water dripping over his bare chest. He picked up a towel that was hanging over the verandah railing.
He didn't leave…

‘Good morning sleepyhead,' he said. ‘Did you get my note?' He pointed to the kitchen.

Chrissie went back inside and picked up the scrap of paper from under the kettle, walking outside with it.

Going to Serendipity to grab my board shorts and towel for a swim. Back soon. :)

She smiled. ‘I only just got up. Thought maybe you'd…'

‘Gone?'

She shrugged.

‘As I said last night, February's not over yet, and I plan on making the most of it.' He wiped the towel over his body and stepped onto the verandah, pulling her in close and planting a kiss on her lips.

How many times would they have to say goodbye? This was like her worst nightmare mixed with her best dream ever.

‘And anyway, I was hoping we could do something together.'

‘Like what?'

Drew's eyes held caution, and he pointed to the ocean.

‘Swim?' Was he serious?

‘It's a perfect opportunity. The sun is shining, it's private, and I'm here to help you.'

Dread rolled through her veins. ‘No, no, you know I can't do that.' She stepped backwards, into the house, but he followed.

‘All you have to do is take that first step. Let me help you, Chrissie.'

She continued to shake her head. Why did he have to spoil a perfectly good morning after a perfectly good night together?

She grabbed the glass of water she'd set down before and sculled it. ‘I better make some breakfast, do you like eggs?'

‘Chrissie.' He held her forearm as it reached for the frypan. ‘Come with me.' He led her towards the bedroom. ‘You must have a swimming costume somewhere, right? Show me.'

‘I'm not going to show you my private things.' Well, too late for that, but anyway.

‘All you have to do is put it on, get used to it. You don't even have to get in the water, just take that first step.'

When she crossed her arms, he sighed, then pulled open her top drawer. ‘Do you have one in here?' He rummaged through it, his hands moving her underwear about.

‘Drew! I don't want to put on my swimming costume.'

‘Ah, so you do have one.' He closed the top drawer and pulled open the next, repeating his search.

‘Why are you doing this to me?' she pleaded. ‘I'll deal with my issue in my own time!'

‘When, Chrissie, when? It's been years and years, and you can't let what happened affect your ability to live your life, or Kai's.' His gaze targeted hers.

That hit her like a punch to the heart. ‘He's
my
son; I'll do things my way, thank you very much.' She turned away from him and shook her head.

‘Chrissie, I'm not trying to upset you, I'm trying to help you. You'll never get over it if you don't take a step forward, as uncomfortable as it may be.' He opened her third drawer, Chrissie knowing too well he wouldn't find it in there, but realising she had about thirty more seconds before he would.

‘I…I need to plan ahead for something like this. Prepare myself.'

‘If you did that you would probably work yourself up even more. It's better this way, less time for your body to feel scared.' He opened the fourth and final drawer, and she gulped as he pulled out her simple black one-piece swimming costume, tags still attached. Her therapist had told her to buy one years ago to get the ball rolling, but she'd shoved it away as soon as she got it home and never even put it on.

‘Aha! Here we go. Sexy too.' He risked a cheeky smile, but she clamped her lips together and looked away.

He laid it on the bed, still messy with sheets crumpled and twisted after their passionate night together. ‘Chrissie, look at me.' His tone turned serious. Her head still facing the other direction, she slid a wary glance his way. ‘I'll wait outside while you put it on. Take your time, and when you're ready, come on out. I'll be with you the whole time. We can just go to the water's edge, dip your toes in, and if you can't handle it you can go back inside. Do we have a deal?' His raised eyebrows waited for her response.

She was about to say ‘no way' when her voice paused. Drew's soft and sparkling eyes sent a caring glance her way, his arms hung gently by his side, his face saying ‘please, just try.' She looked at the costume lying limp on the bed…it could either be the key to her recovery or the trigger for a major panic attack. Experience told her it would be the latter.

‘One step at a time, remember?' he whispered. ‘Costume on, walk outside, toes in water. That's all. You can do it.'

She knew that tomorrow life would return to normal, Drew would be gone, and she'd be doing the same old school morning routine with Kai. If she didn't try doing this today, she feared she never would.

She swallowed and cleared her throat. ‘Okay.' Her response was barely audible.

‘Okay? Good. Great. I'll be waiting outside.' He brushed past her and closed the bedroom door behind him.

Chrissie examined the costume first with her eyes, then her hands, the soft synthetic fabric cooling her fingers. She stood in front of the mirror, holding the costume up in front of her. It would still fit. Her fingers grasped the price tag and brand label, and with one swift tug, ripped it off, the popping sound symbolically breaking the tether to her past.

Breathing deeply, she stripped off and stepped into the costume, pulling it up over her hips, and feeding her arms through the straps. She adjusted the straps and smoothed her hands down over the fabric, its smoothness not too different from that of some of her yoga outfits.
Okay, step one — achieved. All I have to do is go outside and touch the water.