Feels Like Family (23 page)

“I’m getting a little sick of all you pushy people telling me what to do!” Helen snapped. “If there’s going to be a wedding—and I haven’t yet said there will be—then
I
will make the decisions.”

She reached for the magazine with the most little yellow Post-its sticking out. “What have you marked in here?”

“Gowns,” Maddie said eagerly. “There’s a Vera Wang in there that would look fabulous on you.” She gave Helen a sly glance. “And the shoes pictured with it are to die for.”

“Show me,” Helen commanded. They were finally beginning to talk her language. There was nothing like buying an outrageously expensive pair of shoes to improve her mood, though given the week she was having, she might need to buy a few dozen pair.

Tess was hanging over Erik’s shoulder as he sketched out the wedding cake he had in mind for his own reception. It had the advantage of being something that could go from three tiers to five or more, depending on just how persuasive Dana Sue and Maddie were with Helen. If she got on board, the guest list could grow. If she didn’t, well, three tiers was as small as he intended this cake to be.
Anything smaller would look as if they’d picked it up at the grocery store.

“Those will be orchids?” Tess asked of the flowers he’d drawn flowing down one side of the simple cake.

He nodded. “That’s what I was thinking. Do you like it?”

“Very elegant,” she said. “Like Helen.” She gave him a knowing look. “You don’t seem very happy for someone who’s about to get married.”

“It’s complicated,” he said, which was an understatement if ever he’d uttered one. So far, the bride was still digging in her heels and refusing to marry him at all, though Dana Sue had told him last night that Helen had found some shoes she liked.

“The wedding dress came in a close second,” she’d said. “I think with a little more coaxing we can get her over to Charleston to try it on. They’re holding it for her. Thank goodness, she’s the size of the sample, so we won’t have to wait for it to be custom-tailored.”

“Maybe we should forget about a formal wedding,” Erik had suggested. “Just do a civil ceremony.”

“Absolutely not!” Dana Sue had declared. “Helen might balk and complain about all this, but she’ll never forgive us, herself or you if she doesn’t have the wedding of her dreams, even if it is on short notice and under duress.”

“It will hardly be the wedding of her dreams if she’s fighting us every step of the way,” Erik said.

“Which is why you need to get busy and work your magic on her,” Dana Sue told him. “Underneath all this belligerence and rebellion, she loves you, Erik. She’s just scared to admit it, because she’s afraid she’s trapped you into marrying her. It’s time for you to correct that impression.”

“I’m not sure I can,” he’d said, but the truth was, he wasn’t any more ready than Helen to put his heart on the line. The two of them were one hell of a pair, both filled with enough doubts, insecurities and bullheadedness to take up a week’s worth of Dr. Phil episodes.

When he snapped back to the present, Tess was looking at him with concern. “You should tell her how you really feel,” she advised him, almost as if she’d been reading his thoughts. “Deep in your heart, you love Helen. Anyone can see that.”

“But despite what Dana Sue thinks, Helen’s not in love with me,” he said, not denying Tess’s claim about his own feelings. “She’s made that clear.”

Tess rolled her eyes. “Are all men such idiots, I wonder.”

Erik frowned at her. “Meaning?”

“The woman is so crazy about you she glows when you’re in the same room.”

“I think she’s glowing because she’s pregnant,” he said before he remembered that Tess hadn’t been told that part of the story.

Now her eyes lit up. “A baby,” she repeated with wonder. “But that is perfect. It will all work out, Erik. If she’s denying her love for you, it’s only because her hormones are all over the place. I was the same way with both my pregnancies. I loved Diego one minute and hated him the next. It’s a miracle he put up with me, much less stuck around to go through it a second time.”

Erik didn’t think Helen’s hormones had anything to do with her determination not to marry him. He was pretty sure she’d made that decision way back when her head had been clear and her hormones were behaving normally.

Unfortunately, Helen was stubborn. Once she made a
decision, any decision at all, she clung to it, no matter how wrongheaded it might be.

Fortunately, she’d met her match in him.

“You’re stressing me out,” Helen declared as Dana Sue and Maddie dragged her into a Charleston boutique that overflowed with designer wedding gowns. “I’m not supposed to be under any stress at all. You know that. My doctor is going to be furious with you.”

Maddie gave her a chiding look. “We’re here now. Just relax and enjoy yourself. You love to try on clothes.”

“I love to try on clothes I’m going to wear,” Helen corrected. “I am not going to wear a wedding dress, because there is not going to be a wedding.”

“Oh, give it up,” Dana Sue said impatiently. “That line is getting old. You’re getting married in less than three weeks. You may as well look beautiful even if there are only fourteen wedding guests there to see you walk down the aisle.”

Helen frowned. “You’ve invited fourteen people to this wedding without even consulting me?”

Maddie and Dana Sue exchanged a look that Helen couldn’t quite interpret.

“We assumed you’d want me, Cal and the kids there,” Maddie said. “Well, maybe not the baby, since he’s fussy. I think Jessica Lynn could be a flower girl if she doesn’t have to walk too far. She’s still a little unsteady.”

“And Ronnie, Annie and I will be there,” Dana Sue added. “Plus Tess and Diego, Karen and Elliott and Barb. That should do it.” She gave Helen a knowing look. “Unless you’d like something more elaborate. We could arrange for your mother to fly up from Florida, no problem. And
of course, you know just about everyone in town, plus all the lawyers, judges and clients you’ve worked with. Say the word and we’ll turn this into a full-blown event.”

Helen was about to tell them what they could do with their guest list when a tall, elegant woman in a simple designer suit and Manolo Blahnik shoes came out of the back to greet them. She beamed at Helen.

“You must be the bride,” she said at once. “Your friends described you perfectly. I have several dresses that will look amazing with your figure. Shall we get started?”

Helen wanted desperately to balk, but there was something about being in this tastefully decorated salon with its silk-upholstered antique chairs, soft lighting and bouquets of fresh flowers that awakened a long-buried dream. Like a lot of little girls, she’d imagined her wedding down to the last detail, from the flowers and candles on the end of each pew in the church to the swell of organ music as she made her entrance. Up ’til now the only trips she’d made to a bridal salon had been for Maddie and Dana Sue’s first weddings. It hadn’t been the same. A tiny part of her had yearned for a day like today when it was
her
turn.

Over the years the dream had been refined and simplified. The pearl-encrusted dress she’d once imagined had evolved into a sheath of shimmering satin. The elaborate flower arrangements had given way to single sprays of delicate white orchids. The setting had moved from the church she rarely attended to the gazebo in the town park with the azaleas in full bloom, the lake sparkling with sunshine and swans gliding across the water.

Eventually, though, the dream had faded altogether. She’d convinced herself there would never be a wedding, just as she’d resigned herself to not having children. Now,
it seemed, all of that would change—if only she gave in to Erik’s insistence on moving forward with this ceremony.

But how could she do that? How could she agree to marry a man who’d never professed to love her, whose only goal was staking his claim on the child she carried? How could she marry knowing that divorce was almost inevitable?

When the clerk returned with the first gown, it was exactly what she’d imagined herself wearing down the aisle, the shimmering fabric draping low across her breasts and clinging to her hips. Helen lost focus for a minute and a powerful longing swept through her as she skimmed her fingers over the fabric.

“Where can I try it on?” she asked, aware of the conspiratorial smiles Maddie and Dana Sue exchanged. She glared at them. “Don’t get any ideas. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course not,” Maddie murmured, but her eyes were filled with triumph.

A few minutes later Helen walked out of the tiny dressing room to stand in front of the triple mirror. The dress’s hemline in front came just barely to her ankles, showing off the shoes the clerk had persuaded her to try. In back, there was a short, flowing train. In it she looked as slender and delicate as a calla lily.

The clerk approached and added a simple, twisted band of matching silk that secured a veil to her hair and suddenly she was the bride of her dreams. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she was enchanted. She swallowed hard, fighting the allure of it, as tears stung her eyes.

“You want to do this,” Maddie whispered, coming to her side. “You know you do. The whole thing, with lots of guests and your mom here.”

Helen tore her gaze from the mirror to meet Maddie’s eyes. “But I want it to be
real,
” she said, a catch in her voice.

“It
is
real,” Dana Sue said, joining them. She gave Helen a wry look. “Maybe the proposal left a little to be desired—”

“It left a
lot
to be desired,” Helen interrupted. “It was a command, not a proposal at all.”

“My point is,” Dana Sue said impatiently, “that doesn’t mean the wedding and the marriage can’t be everything you want them to be. You can make this work, sweetie. I know you can.”

Maddie nodded. “Have you ever known a Sweet Magnolia not to do whatever it takes to get exactly what she wants? I know you want Erik. Despite how this started, you love him. Take a risk and admit it.”

Helen shook her head. “I don’t think I can. I’ve messed up too badly. How will he ever be able to trust me again? Without trust, what kind of relationship can we possibly have?”

“You’ll do what you and Maddie told Ronnie and me to do when we got back together after he betrayed me,” Dana Sue said. “You’ll earn back his trust one day at a time. Erik is offering you a lifetime to do that. That’s a pretty good deal when you think about it.”

Helen considered Dana Sue’s words as she once again studied her reflection in the mirror. If she said yes, she could be the bride she’d always wanted to be. If she said yes, she had a chance at least to have the family she’d wanted, as well. She’d already risked a lot to get to this point. Surely she could take one more risk to have it all.

Drawing in a deep breath, she turned to the clerk. “I’ll take the dress,” she said in a steady voice.

“You don’t want to see the others?” the clerk asked,
clearly stunned that any woman would seize the first wedding gown she’d tried on.

“I want this one,” Helen confirmed. It seemed there were a few decisions she could still make impulsively, after all. Now she just had to pray she wouldn’t live to regret it.

A
fter dropping off the packages from her shopping trip, Helen decided it was time to visit with Caroline Holliday. She’d been calling the hospital daily to check on her and had even spoken to her once on the phone, but she’d been putting off seeing her in person. She wanted to blame the omission on the chaos of her life ever since Erik had found out about the baby, but that was too easy. The truth was she hadn’t wanted to see firsthand the violence that Brad was capable of. It would make his threats against her too real.

To everyone’s frustration he still wasn’t in custody. She wanted to believe he’d taken off for good, left the country, perhaps, but she couldn’t count on that.

Maddie, who’d insisted on coming home with her so she wouldn’t be in the house alone, eyed her warily. “You look like a kid who’s just had a treat and knows it’s now time for some yucky medicine. What’s going on?”

“I need to drive to Regional Hospital to see Caroline,” she said. “I’m not looking forward to it.”

“I’ll ride with you,” Maddie said.

“There’s no need,” Helen said, then noticed the stubborn set of Maddie’s jaw.

“Did I imply you had a choice?” Maddie inquired sweetly. “If we’re going, let’s go. I’ll call Cal and let him know where we’re headed.”

“This is ridiculous,” Helen grumbled. “Brad hasn’t come near me since that day he followed me to the office.”

Maddie’s eyes widened. “Brad followed you? Did you tell anyone? Where was the sheriff’s deputy who’s supposed to be keeping an eye on you?”

“The sheriff doesn’t have enough manpower to watch me twenty-four/seven,” Helen said.

“Then you need to hire private security,” Maddie told her.

“I’m not getting a bodyguard. Besides, it was only one time. I haven’t seen him since. He’s probably long gone.”

Maddie frowned. “You don’t believe that any more than I do.”

“Debating this isn’t accomplishing anything,” Helen said. “Let’s just go.”

“Fine,” Maddie said, but in a way that suggested the subject wasn’t finished.

After leaving Maddie in a waiting room at the hospital, Helen was startled to find a deputy stationed outside Caroline’s door. She introduced herself, then asked, “Have there been more problems with her ex-husband?”

“No, I’m just here as a precaution. The family hired me. Her son didn’t want to take any chances ’til Mr. Holliday’s in custody.”

Helen nodded. “I can understand their concern.”

She tapped on the door, then walked into the room. It was filled with afternoon sunlight and too many flowers. From a chair in the corner, Caroline looked up when Helen entered and gave her a wobbly smile. Given the yellowing
bruises on her face and the cuts on her jaw and cheeks, it was a poignant effort. Helen had to blink back tears.

“How are you?” she asked, crossing the room to drop a light kiss on Caroline’s battered cheek.

“Glad to see
you
in one piece,” Caroline replied. She shook her head. “I hope you’re being careful, Helen. I had no idea Brad was capable of anything like this. He’d never laid a hand on me before. He rarely even yelled when he was angry. When he came to the house the night I got back from my sister’s, I let him in. I thought he just wanted to talk or to pick up some of his things. Instead, he hit me before the door was even closed. He didn’t stop ’til one of the neighbors heard me scream and ran over.”

She swallowed hard and met Helen’s gaze. “He had a gun,” she whispered. “I have no idea where or when he got it, but I think he was planning on using it to…” She shuddered. “If my neighbor hadn’t come when he did…”

“It’s okay,” Helen said. “It’s over and you’re okay.”

“It won’t be over and I won’t feel safe until he’s locked up,” Caroline said. “You shouldn’t, either.” She clutched Helen’s hand. “Please be careful. Promise me.”

“I won’t take any chances,” Helen promised, especially now that she knew about the gun. She’d deluded herself into thinking she’d be a match for Brad in a physical confrontation, but the gun changed everything. Her hand went protectively to her stomach. From now on she would swallow her stupid pride and take all the protection that was offered.

Erik was chopping vegetables for a hearty stew when Dana Sue returned from the shopping trip to Charleston. He’d been on pins and needles since she’d left with Helen and Maddie, wondering if Helen had balked yet again
about going forward with this wedding. As determined as he was, he hadn’t quite figured out how to get her down the aisle if she really refused to go.

Ever since she’d moved back into his place, she’d been quiet and distant, speaking to him only when he forced the issue and then in a tone icy with disdain. Since he wasn’t especially cheerful himself, he’d let it pass, but the tense atmosphere couldn’t be good for her or the baby. If it kept up, he might have to back down and let her go, if only for the sake of the pregnancy. He knew from his own background and from Dana Sue’s fierce warning that stress was dangerous for Helen, especially at this early stage of the pregnancy. The last thing he wanted was to contribute to anything that could lead to a miscarriage. Not only would it devastate Helen, but him, as well.

For now he studied Dana Sue’s expression and tried to gauge how the trip had gone. She was giving away nothing.

“Well?” he finally prodded. “Are you guys still speaking? Did she burn down the bridal salon when she figured out where you were taking her? What?”

Dana Sue’s lips twitched, then curved in a full-fledged smile. “She bought a gown.”

“A wedding gown?” he asked, stunned. “Really?”

Dana Sue shook her head. “You really don’t know anything about women at all, do you?”

“Meaning?”

“Once she put on the perfect dress, the one she’d been dreaming about her whole life—well, her entire adult life, anyway—it was a done deal. She wasn’t going to turn her back on that.”

“So this is all about giving her a chance to wear a dress she likes?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Maybe
he should just be grateful that it meant she’d at least walk down the aisle.

Dana Sue patted his cheek. “Don’t pout. On the surface this might be all about the dress, but she would never in a million years get married if she didn’t want to. She’s spent her entire professional career handling nasty divorces. She would not go into a marriage if she didn’t think she could find some way to make it last. It wouldn’t matter how much any of us pushed her, you included.”

A tiny spark of hope flared inside him. Maybe they could get past her antagonism and his anger about her deception, after all.

“Would you mind a word of advice?” Dana Sue asked.

“We both know you’re going to give it, so why ask?” he teased.

“Sometime before the day of the wedding, you might consider a real proposal. I don’t think you want her to spend the rest of her life remembering you demanded she marry you. It kind of takes the romance out of it.”

“This isn’t about romance,” Erik reminded her.

Dana Sue leveled a look straight into his eyes. “Isn’t it?”

“Look, there’s a baby involved,” he said. “That’s all it’s about.” Maybe he was being stubborn, maybe it was about saving his pride, but he refused to admit to anything more than his determination to be a part of his baby’s future.

She shook her head and gave him a pitying look. “You are so dense. You love the woman. Tell her before it’s too late. It’ll make all the difference, Erik, for both of you.”

He frowned. “Too late for what? Do you think she’s going to back out at the last minute?”

“No. I think if Helen goes through with this ceremony without hearing those words, she’s going to have doubts
about your feelings for years to come, no matter how often you say them after the fact. She needs to hear them now, Erik. She needs to know this isn’t all about you making sure you have legal rights to your child.”

“But—”

“Listen to me,” Dana Sue said. “For all of her success and all of the respect she’s earned in the courtroom, when it comes to love, Helen’s as insecure as anyone else. She’s never really opened her heart to anyone except her mom, Maddie and me. Believe me, Maddie and I had to work for her trust, too, even way back in elementary school when we first met. She was already scarred from her dad dying and her mom having to struggle so hard.”

“But Helen’s the one who forced this to be about custody,” he retorted. “She’s the one who was going to deny me the chance to be with my own child. I had to do something.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Dana Sue agreed a little too readily. Her gaze clashed with his. “Is being right going to keep you warm at night?”

Erik thought about that over the next few days, but every time he tried to broach the subject of his feelings with Helen, the words lodged in his throat. He simply couldn’t get past the depth of her betrayal and his own fear of risking his heart again.

And after each failed attempt to open up and express his emotions—as tangled and confused as they were—he noticed that Helen seemed to withdraw a little further. They were like strangers living under the same roof, not at all like two people who were to be wed only two weeks from now, or two people who’d been sharing intimate, spectacular sex only a few weeks ago.

Deep down, Erik knew that someone was going to have
to break this impasse or they were doomed, but for the life of him, he couldn’t summon up the courage to be the one.

On more than one occasion, as he lay alone in his bed at night with Helen just down the hall, he wondered if they shouldn’t call off the ceremony, but then he thought of his child and his resolve returned. He would see this through for the baby’s sake. And maybe someday, somehow, he and Helen would find their way back to each other.

The wedding definitely wasn’t a scene out of
Brides
magazine. Oh, the setting by the lake was spectacular. Just as Helen had envisioned, there were plenty of flowers in full bloom, even though it was well after azalea season, the swans were gliding across the water and the fourteen guests—she hadn’t bent and allowed her friends to make a bigger production of the ceremony—all seemed to be disgustingly pleased. Cal and Maddie were holding hands. Dana Sue had her arm linked through Ronnie’s. And Annie was stealing besotted glances at Ty.

In contrast, Helen stood stoically beside Erik, wishing she were in some wedding chapel in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator as the minister. It would have been more fitting, given what a joke this ceremony was.

More than once she’d thought Erik was about to open up to her and share his real feelings. Even if he’d shouted at her some more, it would have been better than the grim determination and silence that greeted her each morning across the breakfast table. She’d almost forced the issue, but her courage had failed her. She was disgusted with herself about that, too. She’d faced down high-powered opponents in the courtroom. She’d outtalked and outnegotiated most of them. But she couldn’t seem to initiate a
conversation that mattered with the man she was about to marry, a man she’d cared enough about to choose to be the father of her child.

A thousand times she’d told herself to back out of this farce, but here she was, waiting to say the words that would tie her to Erik forever—or at least until one of them could wriggle out of it.

“Do you promise,” the minister began.

It was all so much
blah-blah-blah
as far as Helen could tell. Still, she said, “I do,” when it was called for because anything else would cause a scene no one in town would forget for the next century.

His own vows were spoken with only slightly more enthusiasm.

And then it was over and their small group was moving on to the reception at Sullivan’s that Dana Sue insisted they have. Erik had even baked one of his spectacular wedding cakes with a vanilla fondant frosting and a profusion of white orchids spilling down the sides. When Helen saw it, she almost burst into tears. Somehow he’d seen into her heart and gotten the cake exactly right.

For the first time since he’d found out about the pregnancy, Erik looked at her with something other than anger or cool indifference.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, actually looking worried. “Do you feel okay?”

Swiping at a tear that leaked out, she could only nod.

“Is it the cake?” He followed the direction of her gaze.

She nodded. “It’s so beautiful.”

His expression softened. “Wedding cakes are my specialty. How could I make ours anything less than perfect?”

Then, to her dismay, she burst into tears, mentally blam
ing her reaction on hormones and not the sweetness of his gesture. Erik took her hand in his and dragged her into the kitchen, then pulled her into his arms. She felt a sense of relief out of all proportion to the embrace. Maybe he didn’t hate her, after all.

“It’s okay,” he said, awkwardly patting her back. “It’s going to be okay, I swear it.”

“How can it be? I’ve made such a mess of things. No marriage is supposed to start like this.”

She felt his chest heave with a sigh.

“I’ve done my share of idiotic things lately, too,” he confessed. “I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him, seeing the regret on his face even through the blur of tears in her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you or make you angry,” she told him.

“Me, neither,” he said. He touched her cheek, wiped away the dampness. “Let’s just start from today and see how things go, okay? Can we try to do that?”

“You sound as if there’s all the time in the world to figure things out.”

“By my calculations we have just over six months ’til the baby comes,” he said. His lips twitched with the faint beginnings of a smile as he added, “Since one of us has an obsessive-compulsive personality, surely that’s enough time to reach a few conclusions about where we go from here.”

Helen recognized an olive branch when it was extended to her. “Deal,” she said, holding out her hand.

Erik ignored her hand and settled his mouth on hers, instead. It was the first time he’d kissed her since he’d found out about the baby. The kiss was a reminder that not everything was bad about this predicament they were in. Desire blossomed inside her like the promise of a new beginning,
but before she could let it sweep her away, she remembered something else, and a sob caught in her throat.