Feels Like Home (20 page)

Jenny's eyes shone with pride. ‘You are beautiful, my darling. I hope that boy appreciates the prize he's getting in you.'

Steph grinned. ‘Don't you worry, Mum. I tell him that every chance I get.' A ripple of laughter went through the room.

The dressmaker cut into the merriment. ‘Steph, I think we are done with you.' She turned to Jo. ‘Are you the bridesmaid?'

Jo nodded. ‘I am indeed.'

‘Jo's dress probably won't need fitting,' Steph interjected. ‘She just bought it a couple of weeks ago.'

‘Fine. Maybe just try it on for me so I can have a look, Jo? I'll do the flower girl and junior bridesmaid next, so perhaps someone could help this little one with her frock?' She pointed at Ella.

‘Junior bridesmaid?' Madison rolled her eyes. ‘Please tell me you are not putting that in the program, Steph? I mean, how embarrassing.'

‘Madison, quit complaining and get your dress on. Ella, sweetie, you come with me,' Sue said.

‘Come and have a tea while you're waiting for the girls to get changed,' Jenny said to the dressmaker. ‘Jo can help Steph get undressed.'

Once they were alone in the room Steph didn't waste any time pumping Jo for information. ‘So, what's going on with you and Ryan? You raced off together from the pub on Saturday night looking very chummy and then Mum tells me he was at your place on Sunday even after you'd left to take your mum back to the home.'

‘Nothing's going on. Saturday night he needed a lift that's all. Then on Sunday I was frantic when Katherine did her disappearing act. I couldn't get hold of you and Ryan was the only person I could think of to call. He helped out, like anyone would have.'

‘Oh come off it, Jo. It's me. I've known you your whole life. I can read you like a book.'

Jo shrugged. ‘I don't know what to tell you.'

‘You can start with the truth.'

‘Which is?'

‘You're still in love with Ryan.'

Was she?
Yes, there was the whole butterflies in the stomach thing going on when she thought about him, but that might just be lust. There was the constant thinking about him, the desire for his daughter to like her — and the consideration of moving back to Linden Gully, for Pete's sake.

Oh hell
.

‘Jo? Earth to Jo. Is that why you and Zach split up? Because of Ryan?'

She shook her head. ‘No. Zach and I weren't right for each other for lots of reasons. I was never really comfortable in his world. It's so foreign to me. Plus he wanted to have kids, like, immediately. I'm not ready to start playing happy families just yet. In fact I don't know if I ever will be.' Jo finished unbuttoning the back of Steph's dress and held it open while Steph stepped out of it.

‘But you do still have feelings for Ryan, right?'

‘Shh, keep your voice down. I don't want anyone overhearing this conversation, least of all Ella.'

‘Okay, okay. Keep your hair on.'

Jo grinned. She hadn't heard that expression for years.

‘You're not getting out of it that easily,' Steph whispered. ‘Are you still in love with him or not?'

Jo shrugged. ‘I definitely am in lust with him, that's for sure.'

Steph giggled. ‘Did you…have you done the deed?'

‘No!' She felt heat rushing to her cheeks. ‘Not for lack of trying, though. I practically threw myself at him when he was inebriated the other night.'

‘Oh. My. God. What happened?'

‘Nothing. Well, a little lip locking in the car, but nothing else. I asked him to come back to my place and at first was keen but in the end he backed out.'

‘Did he say why?'

Jo shrugged again. ‘Not really. Something about not revisiting the past.'

‘What about Sunday? How was he? Did you kiss again? Exchange meaningful looks? Have you seen him since?' Steph wriggled into her jeans and pulled a t-shirt over her head.

‘No kissing. Not that there was much of an opportunity to be honest, what with the whole missing-person saga and all. The house was filled with volunteers. Ryan was great, though. Really fantastic with Katherine. But…'

‘What?'

Jo pulled her jumper over her head. ‘He's been cool ever since. I called and left a message with Beth — just to say thanks — but he didn't return the call. And he blew me off today. He knew I was picking up Ella, but he made Beth come to the door. She said he was working but I got the distinct feeling he didn't want to see me.' She slipped her jeans off and placed them carefully on the back of the chair.

‘So what now?'

‘I don't know what to do. No, scratch that, I do know what to do. I need to stay away from him until after the wedding.'

‘Oh, Jo, that's dumb. Seriously, you two were meant to be together, I just know it. You obviously still have feelings for each other.'

Jo carefully unzipped the suit bag and pulled her gown out. It wasn't a typical bridesmaid's dress. Steph wanted as little fuss as possible and Jo's choice reflected that. The dress was in a slightly deeper hue of pink than Steph's dress. It was a simple cut, drawn in slightly at the waist, with a straight neckline and long soft sleeves finished with a cuff. The hem sat just above Jo's knees. She stepped into it and turned to Steph. ‘Zip me up, would you?'

Steph obliged before continuing. ‘Think about it. This might be the last chance you get at making a go of it with Ryan. He was the love of your life once. Surely it's at least worth a try?'

Jo shook her head. ‘I just can't see how it would work. He has a kid. I can't even imagine…I don't even know if I want to have my own kids, let alone…'

Steph looked crushed. ‘Oh Jo, surely there's some way…?'

‘I don't think I'm going to magically grow maternal instincts overnight, and even if I did, Ryan has made it clear he's not prepared to go there.'

‘I'm so sorry for putting you through all this. When I asked you to be bridesmaid I thought you were happily engaged. I never thought bringing the two of you together would cause such angst.'

‘It's not your fault. Ryan and I both made mistakes in the past. I think we are destined to be apart. It's okay. I have my life and he has his. I think being here with all of you has made me romanticise the idea of coming home for a while, but realistically my life is in New York.'

‘Knock, knock. Can I come in?' The question was clearly rhetorical because Wendy, the dressmaker, was already coming through the door.

Jo shot Steph a ‘shut up right now' look and Steph poked out her tongue in response. ‘I'll go see if the younger girls are dressed while you sort out Jo,' Steph said.

‘Hey, aren't you going to check out my dress? Isn't that one of your bridal duties?'

Steph laughed. ‘You know I'm hopeless at all this wedding stuff. Okay, give us a spin. Let me check you out.'

Jo laughed as she twirled around.

‘You look beautiful,' Wendy said. ‘That colour is very flattering on you.'

Steph nodded. ‘You're gorgeous, my friend. Any man would be lucky to have you.'

Once Wendy was done tucking and pinning and all the girls were dressed in their normal clothes, they congregated in the kitchen once again and Jenny made yet another pot of tea.

Jo glanced at her watch, conscious of the fact that she'd promised to have Ella home at a decent time. It was quarter to six already and the beautician hadn't arrived yet. ‘What time is the make-up person coming?' she asked.

Jenny plonked the teapot on the table along with a small jug of milk. ‘Oh, sorry, I forgot to say. She called while you girls were in there nattering away. There's been some type of mix-up, a double booking or some such thing, so she's not going to make it tonight. I told her you'd ring to reschedule, Steph.'

‘Pfft, do we really need someone to slap a bit of foundation on our faces? Honestly, Mum, I can't see the point. Nate'll probably keel over if he sees me wearing war paint.'

‘But the photos, Steph. You have to wear make-up or you'll look all washed out.' Jenny shot Jo a pleading look.

But Jo just shook her head. ‘Oh no you don't. I'm not taking sides in this one. Either way I can't win.'

‘But Jo, surely you agree that she has to wear make-up? You always look so stylish in photos. You know how important it is to make an effort,' Jenny said.

‘There's an idea,' Steph said. ‘Why are we paying some stranger to put goop on our faces when we've got our very own style queen right here? Jo knows all about this fashion and beauty stuff.' She turned to Jo. ‘Could you do everyone's make-up on the day?

‘I guess so, if you're sure you don't want a professional?'

‘Great. That's settled then.' Steph said.

Jo looked at Jenny. ‘What do you think?'

‘Maybe you should do a trial run, Jo? Just to be sure you're comfortable with doing it. Everyone's here, so we could give it a go now if you like.'

‘I'm happy to do a trial but not tonight. I promised Beth I'd get Ella home at a reasonable time.' Jo looked across the table at Ella. ‘Time for us to be on our way.'

To Jo's horror, Ella's big blue eyes filled with tears.

‘What's wrong, sweetheart?' Jo asked.

‘Nothing,' Ella mumbled, as a fat tear slid down her cheek.

Jo raised her eyebrows at the other women, hoping one of them might be able to shed some light on the problem, but they all just shrugged or shook their heads.

Jenny walked over and put her hand on Ella's shoulder. ‘Come on, Ella. You can tell us. Is there something the matter? We can't help if we don't know what the problem is.'

‘It's just…well, I really wanted to put make-up on. Dad never lets me do it at home. Gran told him it was okay for me to do it because of the wedding, but now the lady's not here and we have to go home.'

Jo's heart melted. Poor little motherless Ella. It must be hard growing up in a house without a mum or a sister to do ‘girly stuff' with. Of course there was Beth, but she was a practical, no-nonsense type who'd never worn make-up or worried about fashion. Jo understood a little of what it was like to long for a mother to talk to, to borrow make-up from and confide secrets in. Katherine had been present in her life but she'd always kept her distance.

She smiled at Ella. ‘You can definitely wear make-up, sweetheart. It's just I promised Gran I'd have you home nice and early. But you will definitely get to wear make-up on the big day. Okay?'

Ella nodded but her little mouth remained unsmiling.

‘I have an idea,' Jenny said. ‘What if I put some sausage rolls in the oven. You and Ella can have tea here, Jo, so Ryan won't have to worry about that when Ella gets home. While we're waiting for the sausage rolls to heat up you can do a little make-up trial for Ella.'

‘But Beth —'

‘Let me handle Beth. I'll give her a call right now to check that it's fine with her.'

Jo nodded tentatively. ‘Alright. If it's fine with Beth then it's fine with me.'

Ella clapped her hands in delight. ‘Thank you, Jo. This is going to be awesome.'

CHAPTER

20

Cool but courteous, cool but courteous.
Ryan repeated the mantra over and over as he waited for the bucks and hens night official minibus to arrive. He squinted into the glare of the setting sun, but could see no sign of his transport to the party. As the mantra echoed through his brain, his stomach churned in nervous anticipation. Jo would be on the bus, and in all likelihood would be the only other passenger aboard at this point.

He'd successfully managed to keep his distance from her since last Sunday. It had been a challenge, especially when she'd offered to pick up Ella on Wednesday. He'd forced himself to spend time in the clinic so he wouldn't have to see her. Then he'd caught a break. An emergency with one of the Wallaces' horses meant he had a legitimate reason for not being there when she brought Ella home.

Last night he knew she would be at the pub so he'd stayed away. He usually had a quick drink with Nate and Johnno before dinner on a Friday night while his mum watched Ella, but not this week. True to her word, Jo put a tab on the bar to thank all the helpers from Sunday's search. He knew this because Nate had called and tried to persuade him to drop by, but he'd made an excuse and avoided tempting fate. He'd learned the hard way that alcohol and Jo were not a good mix.

This morning had been trickier. They had been out at Nate's place finishing up all the preparations for the evening. She had been there with Steph, hanging up decorations and setting up tables. He'd been careful not to be left alone with her and had kept their conversation limited to organisational matters like where the bar should be placed and whether they had enough chairs. Several times their eyes locked, and his heart had lurched. If only life was simple and there was a way for them to be together…but that was a fanciful thought and he knew it.

These past couple of weeks the two of them had indulged themselves in some nostalgia, but in reality they were strangers to each other now. She might be beautiful, she might make his pulse thud and his palms sweat every time he saw her, but she had a life that didn't include him and he needed to remember that.

He might have managed to keep his distance but he couldn't shake her presence altogether. He constantly found his thoughts drifting to her, as they were now, and images of her — beautiful, wildly inappropriate images — invaded his dreams. It didn't help that Ella kept throwing her name into the conversation every chance she got. It seemed Jo had cast some sort of spell on his daughter when she'd taken her to the dress fitting. Ella now thought Jo was the coolest girl in the world and couldn't stop talking about her. He'd spent the past few days coming up with excuses why she couldn't invite Jo over to meet Tinkerbelle. Apparently Ella had discovered that Jo's love of horses and riding matched her own.