Femme Noir (25 page)

“Come on, Lila, it’s nothing,” I said roughly, snapping her thighs apart.

“Okay, I guess you’re right. Okay.” She breathed to relax.

“Now, where were we?” I grinned and sucked the crease between inner thigh and vulva.

Chapter Twenty-Three

It was like it usually was, with only two differences.

Usually, my women were wet and starved for me. They thrashed and screamed or whimpered and moaned or laughed and cried. All in my name. I was an all-purpose lover. I was indefatigable and I would do it all. I did whatever it took: licking, sucking, fisting, rimming, spanking, stroking. If they needed toys, I was more than happy to strap one on, put the vibrator on high, snap closed the restraints, use the cane or paddle, or whatever else they might need. I stopped being surprised ten years ago.

So Lila was the same in these ways. She liked it quiet, intense, and gentle. She came many times, each with a grateful gasp and a soft clutch. She smiled radiantly at me, drunk on pure pleasure, another sure sign Reese couldn’t miss. I was so aroused by fantasies of Max that I straddled Lila’s plump thigh and rubbed until I came. It was a powerful pent-up orgasm, one that astonished me with its depth. I arched into a primal curve. My face closed down and clenched like a fist. I thought of Max’s strong, serpentine body and imagined it below me, calling to me. Nora, Nora please, please. I came, shuddering and jerking, panting bitch, bitch, bitch with each breath. That was the first difference.

The second was that afterward, I felt dirty. I normally never felt that way because, while I was promiscuous, I was safe and I had ethics. Never commit adultery was one. I had clean boundaries and discussed them openly with my women before the first date. I was a player, but not a dog. Everyone involved was clear on all the rules, so there were no secrets and no victims. So now, as I lay with Lila, petting and soothing her as she wept, I felt disgusted with myself. Mad at Reese and Max for goading me into this. Heartsick because I had betrayed Max even though we were not involved. Lila sniffled and burrowed into me, as if she could also hide what she had done.

“Do you always react like this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does having sex with someone other than Reese always make you cry?”

Lila wept afresh. “I’ve never done it before.”

I knew that was a lie. Lila was simply a complicated and difficult affair. She made you pay for every bit of pleasure. But I patted and rocked her anyway. I was tired and ready to go. It seemed as if the full weight of this trip finally overcame me and I wanted nothing better than to stretch out and sleep in a different bed alone. Lila calmed herself at last.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I just—” Lila’s chin trembled and tears welled again.

“Shh, don’t worry. This doesn’t mean anything. Reese need never know if you don’t want her to know. Relax.” I had to get her to sleep quickly so I could get the bracelet and get out.

“I’m going to take a sleeping pill. I’ll never be able to calm down if I don’t. Do you mind?” Lila stood, waiting for approval.

I shook my head, marveling at little miracles. “Not at all. I’ll just get out of your way.” I rose and began dressing. I heard Lila in the bathroom blowing her nose, opening a plastic bottle, running the water, flushing the toilet. I extracted the bracelet from the deep carpet and slipped it into my pocket. I grinned hugely at the floor as I slipped on my shoes. My, my, my, how nicely things work out. Lila emerged from the bathroom looking sad and weary and wearing pajamas. I embraced her.

“Thank you for everything,” Lila said to my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m so…”

“Shh, baby, just rest. I’ll go. I can let myself out.”

Lila nodded, yawned, and flopped on the bed. She seemed to fall asleep immediately. I had one final look around because if I left anything, I knew I would never get it back.

My hand in my pocket, clutching my icon, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I thought I could see my royalty in my forehead and cheeks. In my imperial lips and broad shoulders. I felt restored again to the connection of my noble foremothers. I even thought I saw my ancestors’ faces laid across my own, each smiling, sighing in relief, and disappearing one by one. I saw my mother, my grandmother, and my great grandmother. I saw years ago when my mother, tears running down her face, let me know that my grama was dead only by silently patting the pendant on my arm.

I heard drumming and singing and felt the soil of Africa under my feet, the sun of Africa on my back. It was a strange, split-second time travel, all of these women culminating here and now in the being of a bald lesbian basketball coach and lady-killer whose ex was just murdered by her own family. In this alien place, I felt a longing for my mother’s arms, her generous bosom, her big Sunday dinners, and her strong, peaceful hands. Even her clucking disapproval would be a comfort.

I shook my head to dispel the thoughts and tiptoed out of the bedroom. Lila was snoring softly.

As I crept across the parquet floor, I heard rustling and soft groaning coming from behind Reese’s studio door. I froze, my blood rushing to my face and feet. It was a woman, all right. If I were in a coma, I would know those sounds of pleasure. I could almost smell the sex wafting from under the door and through the keyhole. That Reese was some kind of superfreak. Right in Lila’s home, under her goddamn nose.

“Not my problem,” I whispered. Then I headed for the front door.
Oh, no, Max.
Once again, I stopped. My blood began to simmer. That motherfucking psycho Reese brought Max back here. Reese was making love to my Max this second.

“And you’re just standing here, taking it,” I said to myself. I walked to the door of Reese’s studio and listened once more. Quick moans and gasps emanated from the other side. I marshaled my rage and kicked the door with all my might. It was only a lady lock and it broke instantly. The doorjamb splintered and the door slammed open. Reese was kneeling on the floor, her head between the thighs of a curvy blonde. The blonde was flushed and confused and tried to cover herself, but Reese wouldn’t let her. I never noticed the woman once I saw it wasn’t Max. I focused on Reese, whose slick chin shone in the candlelight.

“Well, well, well, we meet again.” I chuckled, relieved.

Reese said nothing, but I could see her suave, cunning mind trying to come up with a retort.

I cupped my crotch and adjusted myself. “We just finished dinner, how about you?” I walked away, laughing.

“Where’s Lila?” Reese, suddenly panicked, called after me. There was a scene in the studio, but I paid no mind as I closed the front door behind me. Big night. Big, big night. I clasped the bracelet. All serene, I ambled to the elevator and pushed the button. As the doors opened, there was shouting in the direction of Lila and Reese’s and a door slam. The voluptuous blonde came rushing down the hall in tears, wearing only a sheet. We got into the elevator together.

I didn’t say a word the entire ride down.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I let myself into Max’s and quiet as a mouse, I crept to peek in on Max, who was sleeping silently. I returned to the guestroom where I dropped into sleep like a stone into water.

The next morning Max was gone. The maid had come and gone; the house was empty.

I decided to leave today. I had had enough. I needed space and peace. I needed Los Angeles to help get myself together. I needed the traffic and the smog and the ocean roar and the pure sunshine and dry air and my college and my team and my game, my game, my game on my own turf. I needed familiarity to soothe me and give me balance. I needed all that more than I needed the possibility with Max. On my way out of town, I would drop by the McKerrs’ to pay my respects and then drive to the airport.

I packed the few things I had, straightened the bed as best I could, and had one last hot shower in that luxurious, decadent bathroom. I looked up florists in the phone book, settled on Miss Dell’s, and had a dozen yellow roses sent to Lila—Reese would love that—and two dozen pink, white, and red sent to Max. I thought it was a bargain price as I read my credit card number over the phone. I included no inscriptions. But I did leave Max a note, which read: “Thank you for your generosity. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Tulsa and especially you. It’s been nice during a difficult time. Take care of yourself and say good-bye to Sloane for me.”

“Understatement of the year, ‘enjoyed getting to know you,’” I snorted, rolling my eyes. Though I was leaving, I knew I was completely sprung. Just the thought of Max was like a finger worming into my underwear and stroking my clit. I felt slick and swollen all the time and half embarrassed by it, like a man with an uncontrollable hard-on. It would take months and lots and lots of one-night ladies to expunge this obsession. “The most powerful cunt is the one not taken,” I muttered, shrugging.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I hefted my bag onto my shoulder, and feeling fresh and ready to go, yet reluctant, took a huge wet breath at the front door, regarding everything once more. The sun was blinding but bearable because I was leaving. The house, the lake, the swans and ducks. With a gusty exhale, I closed the door and forced myself to walk to the car. I pocketed the house key with a smile.

As I loaded the car, I blew a kiss to the house and immediately felt so foolish that I glanced around with hot eyes to see who might have caught me doing such a soft, sentimental thing.

That’s when I saw the car speeding crazily down the street and jerking to a stop directly in back of my car, blocking the driveway. Lila jumped out, wearing the leopard-print dress of last night. Her lip was puffed and bloody, her eye was swollen and black, her hair was in a chaos of black straw.

“Nora! Nora!” Lila screamed. “Come here, I’ve got to speak to you. Come on. Hurry!” Lila opened the passenger side of her own car and sat inside, waiting for me to sit in the driver’s seat. I was wary. Curiosity got the better of me and I locked my car and sat behind the wheel of Lila’s.

“Drive! Hurry!” Lila gripped the dashboard and the back of her seat, looking behind us in terror.

“How did you know I was here? What happened?” I stepped on the gas and followed streets randomly.

“I’ve just got to think. I’ve got to think.” Lila rocked herself. Then, putting her hands on her knees, she finally said, “Reese is after us.”

“Us?”

“Yeah. I got a good head start, but not before she smacked me around.”

“Reese did all that to you?” I had known without asking. Just wait until the flowers arrive, I thought.

Lila flipped the mirror down to study her face. “Looks like sunglasses and lots of makeup for my gig tonight.” Lila slapped the mirror back with anger. “I tell you, Nora, I’ve had it.
I’ve had it!
Who does she think she is, taking my money, keeping me in an ivory tower, letting me out only to sing and run the restaurant? While she does whatever and
whomever
she pleases right in my own bed?”

So Lila knew. Good.

“She’s hit you before?” I drove, not knowing where I was going, my anger a rising tide. I kept glancing in the rearview, but so far, no other car in pursuit.

“Yeah, but it’s no big deal. I love her. I’ll always be her girl. Even when she’s belting me, she’s promising never to hurt me.” Lila laughed. “She loves me. It’s just how we are. But this time, I don’t know, something snapped inside me. This time when we were in the kitchen and she was trying to have sex to make up for this,” Lila pointed to her face, “I clocked her with the frying pan to get her off me.”

I laughed. “Did it knock her out?”

“Almost. It just made her madder. Damn, I need a drink.”

“You want me to take care of that coward for you?”

Lila smiled and winced, touching her lip gingerly. “No, thanks, beefcake. I do all right.” The vulnerable girl/woman of last night was gone. In her place was a dame, hard as nails and streetwise.

“Do you?” I wasn’t so sure. “Why do you stay, then?” My gaze bored into Lila, who only shrugged and stared out the window.

We rode in silence. I was driving aimlessly with no direction from Lila. How long would Lila want me to do this? I had a plane to catch this afternoon and I meant to be on it, headed home to my silent apartment. Headed to Los Angeles, where the bright heat shimmered off the miles and miles of concrete. Home to the desert mirages. Home to basketball. Home to the open arms of women I hadn’t yet met. Home to my winning team and the comfort of my job and great Chinese food. Home to the beach. Home to the city that was lit up and going strong all night. I longed for familiarity. Suddenly, I yearned to be out of this sleepy wet jungle. This subtropical forest where miles of trees hid the sweet evildoings of the preachers and the police. Again, I longed to run and be free of Oklahoma with its innocent face and deep secrets, its heavy humidity that bore down on me like a wet wind shear, its quiet whispered promises in the moonlight, its ease with itself.

“I see her,” Lila said tightly, rigid with excitement.

“Where?” I sped up.

“Behind us, nitwit.”

At that, I braked and pulled into an empty lot. “Okay, I’m done,” I said harshly.

“What the fuck?” Lila was all big, blowsy babe now, her smoke-coarsened voice ordering another round for the sailors she would take home.