Fenella J. Miller (24 page)

‘Miss Fox, here, let me dry your tears. Would you like a drink of lemonade? It is far too long since you ate or drank anything.’

Eliza recognized Ann’s voice. ‘Yes, lemonade would be most acceptable, thank you.’ She heard Fletcher leaving the room and knew it had to be all over between them. She could never marry him now, whatever they both might wish. A blind wife was worse than no wife at all.

The physician explained that temporary blindness was not unusual and that with time her sight would return, but she didn’t believe him. She was totally blind, not even a glimmer of light to give her hope that one day she would see again. She had been prepared to sacrifice her purity, but giving up her vision was almost too much to bear.

Her mother had made soothing statements and talked happily about a June wedding, and that as soon as they were home at Grove House they could start preparing her trousseau and organizing the wedding breakfast. Eliza was too dispirited to disabuse her parent.

 She would speak to Fletcher, tell him that she could not marry him unless she recovered her sight, but she was enjoying his company too much to spoil things. He had told her what happened at Winterton Hall and how Lord Wydale had been left in the care of his servants. She was glad that the monster was still living – albeit with several teeth missing and a few broken bones.

       It was becoming harder and harder to pretend that everything was as it should be, that she too was eagerly anticipating their nuptials. Three days after she had recovered consciousness she was allowed to get up and set in the pretty, well appointed sitting-room, with a rug over her legs, and receive her visitors there.

       Edmund had departed for Grove House the previous day, eager to take on his responsibilities as estate manager. These past three weeks had worked a miracle in her brother, he no longer wished to gad about town gambling and be involved with loose women. His head was full of the innovations he would enact to the farms, and the way he would improve their home in order to make things easier for her.

It was time to tell the man she loved off her decision. When he arrived midmorning carrying a bunch of fragrant hothouse flowers she knew she could postpone it no longer.

‘My dear, please sit down, there is something I have to say to you and I know you’re not going to like it.’

She heard his sharp intake of breath and believed that he had guessed what she was going to say. She raised her hand to stop him interrupting her. ‘Whatever you wish, I cannot marry you as I am. A blind wife is no use to anyone and I refuse to spend my life being led around a strange place by the hand, like a baby in leading strings. If I remain at home at least I shall be able to find my way about without assistance.’ He dropped to his knees beside her and attempted to take her hands. She thrust them under the cover, out of his reach.

‘Then we shall live at Grove House, my darling girl, it makes no matter to me where I live, as long as I am your husband and can take care of you. I love you, Eliza, it makes no difference to me whether you can see or not.’

‘I know how you feel, my love, and I feel the same way. I love you with all my heart but it’s because I love you so much that I cannot marry you. I cannot raise your children as they should be raised; I cannot run your house or be your hostess. You need someone else at your side, I am not the woman for you any more.’

She head him swallowing and almost changed her mind. Instead she turned her head away, knowing that his heart was breaking even as hers was. He didn’t try to persuade her to change her mind. She heard him leave the room, but didn’t move until he’d gone. She managed to hold back her grief until she was sure he was out of earshot, but then rolling over she buried her face in the back the
chaise-longue
soon soaking it with her tears.

       Ann told her that he had left, saying he had business to attend to in town but would visit her or so to see how she did when she was back at Grove House. She knew he would never come back, she had dismissed him twice, no man returned to be rejected a third time, not even someone who loved her as much as Fletcher. He had his pride after all.

Strangely no one tried to persuade her to change her mind, everyone appeared to accept her decision. She had expected her mother to protest, to wring her hands, to beg her to reconsider, but she appeared sanguine. Her only comment being that Eliza was old enough to make up her own mind and whatever she did, it would be accepted by the rest of the family.

Chapter Twenty-two

It was high time they all returned to Grove House. Her cruelty had driven Fletcher away, sent him up to London to face a barrage of questions from his cronies about what had transpired at Winterton Hall, but he hadn’t protested. He’d left them in residence in his own home without a murmur.

       ‘Mama, I wish to return home today. I am quite well enough to travel. I know it’s a long way, but we can overnight somewhere if you wish. Ann is quite capable of taking care of me, and Jane takes care of Sarah. All you have to do is look after Grandmamma.’

       ‘Very well, Eliza, if that’s what you wish to do. I know I should be glad to be back in my own home, Hendon Manor is all very well, but it’s not Grove House. It’s far too big and I don’t know the names of the staff. Fletcher left his coach at our disposal and we don’t have a lot of baggage, so I suppose we could be ready to leave later this morning. However, if we depart at first light tomorrow , and take things slowly, stopping once or twice for refreshments and to allow our horses to rest, I think we could accomplish the journey quite easily before teatime and not be obliged to overnight at a coaching inn.’

       Eliza didn’t care either way. She just wanted to go home, she felt alien in this place, she had never seen it, indeed would never see it, and was scared to venture anywhere apart from around her bed chamber and parlour.

       The journey was accomplished remarkably smoothly, everything went as it should, delicious refreshments were waiting for them at their stops, and nowhere was Eliza made to feel uncomfortable or the centre of unpleasant attention.

       She felt the coach turn into the long narrow drive that led down to Grove House and her misery lifted a little. This was not the way she’d hoped to come home; she should be happy that neither she nor Sarah had lost their reputation, Edmund and Fletcher had emerged unscathed, only the groom had been harmed. Apart from Lord Wydale, of course, but he didn’t count. He deserved all the punishment he’d received.

       Edmund was waiting at the front door to greet them and embrace her fondly. He had grown up. He was a man, more than ready to take on the responsibility of a house full of dependent women; at least that was one thing less than to worry about.

       ‘Edmund, I’m so pleased to see you...’ she choked, she would have to stop saying the word
see
, but what else could one say?

Edmund chuckled. ‘Liza, you will soon be able to see as well with your ears and your fingers as someone with sight. You’re a resourceful woman, I’m sure that in a very short space of time you will hardly notice your lack of vision.’

After a flurry of greetings she was escorted up to her room. She had no time to ponder on his words, but when she was comfortable and settled in her bed, her own possessions around her, she relaxed and thought about his statement.

Would she become accustomed to being unsighted? She had to admit that already her hearing had sharpened and she tended to feel things in order to discover what they were.

She still had her music, she had no need for eyes to play the pianoforte. Perhaps life would not be so empty after all. She knew that was untrue for without her love she was truly lost.

       Sarah had promised to be her guide, to lead her around the garden and tell her everything there was to see. Indeed her sister was the only one who seemed happy with the new circumstances. Sarah finally had a role to play, an important duty to perform, and all thought of leaving to be a princess was forgotten. She seemed to have accepted her position in the household and was content with it.

Weeks passed and Eliza began to smile a little and regain her appetite but she missed Fletcher so much. He had promised to come and visit, to see how she did, but she didn’t expect him to.

The occupants of Grove House were inordinately cheerful, considering the circumstances. Why was everyone so happy? Sometimes it made her quite cross to see how little anyone thought of her misery. To have lost the man she loved a second time, as well as her sight, surely deserved more sympathy? But when she fingered her way towards a room, she could often hear the sound of suppressed laughter, and she’d heard unidentified voices several times. However, no one had seen fit to inform her who they were and she had no intention of asking.

The vicar had been up to see her, although she didn’t feel ready to attend church yet, and said everything that was proper, but he also didn’t seem to take the fact that she was going to remain a miserable spinster the rest of her life as seriously as she expected.

She realized finally that being blind, although a serious handicap, was not half as painful as living without the man she loved. She had to be strong, for both of them. Every night she dreamt about having his dear arms around her again, but she would not weaken. It was up to her to be strong, she repeated this to herself again and again, hoping to convince herself she had not made a disastrous error.

* * * *

Towards the end of the month the weather turned warm and everyone was talking about there being a good summer on its way. Her mother had taken to leaving her bed chamber window open to allow fresh air in and for her to be able to hear the nightingales singing in the park.

       ‘Mama, all my life you’ve been telling me it is injurious to one’s health to have windows wide open at night. What has happened to make you change your mind?’

       ‘I have been speaking to Dr Smith, my dear, and he said that as you’re not going outside as much as you were used to I was to ensure that you got fresh air in other ways.’

Eliza had to be satisfied with this prevarication. However, she enjoyed the breeze and liked to hear the curtains moving gently across the polished boards.

Not long after this conversation she retired and as usual failed to sleep. Her longing for Fletcher had not abated one jot and she was seriously considering sending a message to him asking him to visit. She heard her mantel clock chime midnight before she eventually fell into a restless slumber.

* * * *

Fletcher waited until it was quite dark, and all the lights were extinguished before approaching Grove House. He’d walked up from the town, leaving his baggage at the Sun along with his manservant, Sam. It was his intention to break into the house tonight like a burglar. He grinned knowing that he was indeed a thief, because he had come to steal something precious.

This clandestine visit had been arranged with her family before he left Hendon Manor so many lonely days ago. It had been agony staying away from her, but he knew it would be foolish to appear too soon - he had to be sure she was as miserable as he at their separation.

He crept round to the front of the house and stared up at the open window on the first floor, knowing it was Eliza’s room, hers was the only bed chamber with a balcony. He scaled the height of the wall without difficulty. Tonight he was lucky and the silvery light of the moon made his ascent easy.

He dropped lightly in his stockinged feet over the balustrade. He smiled at the thought of his boots being discovered untenanted on the front doorstep next morning. Both French doors were firmly jammed open, the arrangement had been that one door would be left slightly ajar to allow him to enter, but obviously Mrs Fox was making absolutely sure he could get in without rousing her daughter.

Stepping into the room he stood like a shadow in the corner staring across at the bed. Yes, she was there, fast asleep, he could hear her rhythmic breathing. His eyes filled and he wanted to leap across and snatch her into his arms, covering her face with kisses.

 Instead he crept across into the dressing-room where he swiftly removed all his garments. Only then did he stealthily approach the bed and, pulling back the covers, slid in beside his beloved totally unclothed. He had no intention of pre-empting their wedding night, just making absolutely certain that she would have to marry him, whatever her reservations about her handicap. It had all been arranged to allow her no escape. Mrs

Fox would arrive first thing in the morning as if wishing to speak to Eliza and find him in bed with her. That would be more than enough.

Eliza’s mother had promised to make a drama that no one would ever forget. Everyone in the house would hear and the special licence would be produced from his pocket, the vicar fetched and the marriage take place immediately before the disgrace could travel all round the town.

       He had to suppress his laughter, one day he would tell Eliza this had been planned by her loving family. They knew, as he did, why she had refused him and also knew that no one would ever convince her she was wrong. They sincerely believed that this unorthodox plan was the only way they could make her happy.

Something disturbed Eliza’s dream - she was imagining she was in Fletcher’s arms, inhaling his lemony smell when her eyes flicked open. She could still smell the distinctive aroma but knew her mind must be playing tricks.

She yawned and rolled over to find a cool place on the sheets. Her squeal of shock when she encountered naked male flesh reverberated around the room. She felt his chest vibrating with amusement.

       ‘Fletcher, what on earth are you doing in my bed with no clothes on?’

       ‘What do you think I am doing, my darling? Let me hold you the way I’ve always longed to. I know you won’t marry me - I’m not asking you to - but let me put my arms around you just this once. Give me something to remember. I promise I shall be gone long before anyone discovers me here.’