Fever (13 page)

and warmth. He rubbed a hand up and down her back and he pressed kisses to her hair.

And he waited. He sat there with her firmly in his embrace, and he remained quiet, almost as if he

could see her struggling to work up the courage to tell him what he wanted to know.

There was no way he’d want her after she told him everything. No way in hell. One part of her was

relieved. It solved the issue of him taking over and butting into her life. But a huge part of her was

devastated.

Jace was pure temptation. He did and said all the right things. Things that went straight to her heart,

and worse, they inspired the one thing that she’d given up long ago. Hope.

“It’s a really long story,” she said against his shirt.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. We have all night. I’m here. I’m listening.”

God, he was too good to be true. She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, sucking in the smell of

him. And then finally she drew away.

“Why don’t you let me get a blanket. We’ll get comfortable on the couch and sit in front of the fire.

You talk and I’ll listen. Deal?”

She took a deep breath and then took the plunge. “Deal.”

chapter eleven

Jace pulled her into his arms and she snuggled against his side, curving her body into the hollow of

his shoulder. He arranged the blanket around them and tucked the ends securely over her body. When

he was done, he kissed the top of her head and she knew it was time.

Time to lay bare her soul. To tell him all her shameful secrets. The things that haunted her sleep to

this day. He simmered with impatience—had been all evening—and yet he’d displayed remarkable

restraint. He was likely ready to strangle her, but this wasn’t easy for her and perhaps he knew it.

“For as long as I can remember, it’s always been Jack and me,” she said quietly.

Jace tensed against her. “Who the fuck is Jack?”

“My brother,” she said truthfully. It wasn’t a lie because he was her brother. It didn’t matter that

they didn’t share a parent. Jack was her guardian angel. And now she was his.

His grip around her loosened the tiniest bit and he went back to smoothing his palm up and down

her arm.

“Nobody wanted us when we were young, and so we were in and out of foster homes. Sometimes

we got split up. Other times we were together. Mostly in group homes of some sort. As we got older,

we rebelled, especially if we were going to be placed apart. We got into trouble. A lot.”

Jace kissed her temple and left his lips there a long moment, offering her silent support.

She pondered a moment the best way to get the nuts and bolts of her past out without spending a lot

of time on details. The story wasn’t pretty. It definitely wasn’t all hearts and flowers. The very last

thing she wanted was for Jace to feel sorry for her. But he needed to know enough to understand what

he was getting into. Just like he wanted. She knew he wouldn’t want her after finding out the mess she

was. But at least she had one more night where she could pretend that things were very different for

her.

Sadness gripped her and she knew it showed in her expression. Jace brushed his knuckles down

her cheek and she could see his frown from the corner of her eye.

“Tell me, Bethany. It won’t make a damn bit of difference.”

But she knew it would. It always did. It always would.

She sucked in a deep breath and plunged forward. Better to have done with it quickly. Like ripping

off a bandage instead of peeling it slowly. “When I was eighteen, I was in a bad car accident. I was in

the hospital for months. Broke both legs. It really sucked. I had to basically learn to walk again. Lots

of therapy. The pain was overwhelming. I got hooked on painkillers. In the beginning, my using them

was absolutely a legitimate medical necessity. When I took them, everything was better. No pain.

They made me confident, able to face the world. They made everything seem not so bad and hopeless.

I began to need them, not for physical pain, but for emotional well-being. When I tried to go off them,

it was horrible.”

A low growl escaped Jace’s throat and she blinked back tears. Of course he’d disapprove. He was

probably disgusted with her weakness. Jace didn’t strike her as a person who ever needed anything or

anyone. He was strong. She wasn’t. She never had been.

“That was what the drug possession charge was for,” she mumbled. “I was no longer able to get the

prescription from my doctor and the pain and psychological effects were so horrible. I just couldn’t

cope. So I did something stupid and I bought them . . . illegally. What’s bad is that I didn’t even use

them. I got caught in a sweep. Didn’t have a prescription. Got arrested for having a schedule-three

controlled substance. I got off with a slap on the wrist, but it was a hard lesson to learn. Even though I

got off pretty light, it fucked up a lot for me. It’s hard to get a job when you have that arrest on your

record. No one wants to hire an addict.”

Jace squeezed her to him and she felt him tremble against her. Anger? She couldn’t look at him.

Couldn’t bear to see the censure in his eyes. She’d beat herself up enough over the years. She wasn’t

going to let someone else do it for her.

“You said Ash and I were a relapse. You said that night that you’d had a threesome before. Where

does that fit in?” Jace asked quietly.

More shame crawled over her shoulders until they slumped downward and her lips drooped in

dejection.

“Baby,” Jace said in an aching voice. “Everything. You tell me
everything
, we’ll never talk about

it again unless you want to. But you need to get that shit out. It’s like poison. And until you realize that

it doesn’t change a goddamn thing for me, it’ll eat at you. You’ll always worry. So we get it out, put it

to rest and then we move forward. Okay?”

She nodded, a roar in her ears. She couldn’t possibly believe what he was saying. He didn’t know

everything. He was trying to be noble, but he wouldn’t feel that way when she finished.

“When I was trying to get off the meds, I went through a really bad time when I tried a lot of bad

things to cope with withdrawal and the psychological dependence on the drugs. I used sex as a balm,

only it never worked. It only made me feel worse about myself. I had several partners during that

time,” she said painfully. “Threesomes. One on one. It didn’t really matter to me. I was just looking

for something to ease the pain. Just needed a way to escape for a little while. I wanted to be . . .

wanted.
Loved
.”

Jace hugged her even tighter to him, holding her against his chest so she couldn’t even move.

“I wasn’t so stupid that I didn’t use condoms. The guys were probably worried they’d catch

something from me. I had a reputation, Jace,” she whispered. “It wasn’t a good one.”

She nearly choked on the words. Hated admitting that. Hated putting it out there that way. But she

wasn’t going to lie. Jace deserved to know everything. He was a good guy. Too good to be true. He

didn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like her.

“What the fuck is going on in your head right now?” Jace demanded, his voice cutting through her

morose thoughts.

“You deserve better.”

Jace swore viciously. “You’re honest. Blunt. Normally I’d like that. Hell, I’d love it. I appreciate

honesty and someone who speaks the truth without regard to consequences. But goddamn it, Bethany.
I

deserve better
? What the ever-loving fuck is that about? What about what
you
deserve? Have you

ever given thought to that?”

She didn’t have an answer to that question.

Jace shook his head and squeezed her harder. “I don’t care how long it takes, baby. You’re going to

see you like I see you. You’re going to get it through your head that you deserve better. And I’m going

to make damn sure you get it.”

She swallowed and breathed back the tears. How could he see her as anything? He didn’t know

her.

“What else?” Jace asked. “Give it all to me. Get me to where you are right now.”

“There’s not much else to tell,” she mumbled. “After the drug possession charge and the string of

meaningless sex partners, things just disintegrated. It was my fault. I could have done better. I could

have been more responsible. But I wasn’t and I paid the price. No one would hire me and I didn’t

have the money to go to school and make a better life by getting an education. The accident took so

many months out of my life. And I was tired and beaten down. I couldn’t even think beyond the next

day, much less look ahead a few years to see what life could be like down the road.”

“Jesus,” Jace muttered. “How old are you now?”

Her brows scrunched together. “Your investigation didn’t tell you that?”

“I said I knew a lot. I didn’t say I knew everything,” he said dryly. “I hit the important points. Your

age doesn’t mean jack shit to me, unless you tell me you’re still a minor.”

The attempt at a joke heartened her, injecting just a tiny bit of lightness into her chest.

“I’m twenty-three,” she said, wincing even as she said it. Way too old not to have her shit together.

Way too old to be homeless, uneducated and jobless.

“Still a babe,” he murmured.

She glanced sharply at him. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-eight.”

Her eyes widened. There was fifteen years’ difference between them. Fifteen!

“And Ash?” she choked out.

“Same.” Suddenly his voice was clipped and he didn’t look happy that she’d mentioned Ash.

“Wow,” she mumbled. “I would have never guessed you were thirty-eight. You’re fifteen years

older than I am.”

“So?”

She blinked at the blunt assessment. She glanced up to see challenge in his eyes.

“Does it bother you?” he asked, though his tone suggested he didn’t really care if it bothered her.

He looked determined and resolute.

“Doesn’t it bother
you
?” she asked hesitantly. “Surely there are more sophisticated women you

could have. Educated. Older.
Better.
”

His jaw bulged as he clenched it. “Now you’re just pissing me off.”

She sighed unhappily.

“You didn’t answer my question. Does it bother you?” he persisted.

What could she say? If she were truthful it would only seal her fate even tighter. If she said it did

bother her, he might not even care. Or it would make her look like a superficial bitch.

“Bethany?”

“No,” she blurted. “It doesn’t bother me. The age difference, I mean. But it doesn’t mean that we

can do this or that you should have anything to do with me. I’m so wrong for you, Jace. You have to

see that. We live in completely different worlds. So different that I can’t even fathom the differences.

I’ll never come close to your life.”

“There’s only
one
world,” Jace said, anger tightening his voice. “We live in the
same
goddamn

world, Bethany. More important, you’re there. I see you. I want you. You’re here in front of me. If that

doesn’t put you solidly in my fucking world, then I don’t know what does.”

Her pulse accelerated until she was lightheaded and working to squeeze air into her lungs.

“Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, you’re
finally
going to tell me who the fuck put

their hands on you and
why
.”

He sounded super pissed off again, only this time she knew he was in no way angry with her. He

was furious, yes. No doubt there. There was a blackness and rage in his eyes that made her shiver.

She bit her lips and looked away, her stomach bottoming out. He’d never understand. So far, she’d

left out a lot of her relationship with Jack, revealing only that he was her brother and that they were

close. Jace would never ever understand. Not in a million years. He wouldn’t care what Jack had

done for her or that she owed him so damn much that she’d do anything—anything at all—to repay

that debt. Even go to hell and back.

“Bethany.”

Her name came out in a warning growl. He was losing his patience, and so far he’d displayed a

remarkable amount of said patience. She was lucky he hadn’t throttled her by now. She got from him

that he wasn’t used to being denied anything. He was a man who got what he wanted. People didn’t

tell him no. Not if they valued their skin.

She let out a forlorn-sounding sigh.

“What are you into?” he asked softly.

Her eyes flew open and she whirled to meet his gaze, her own earnest and imploring. “I’m not into

anything
.”

Her response was so vehement that it was obvious he accepted it as truth. He relaxed only the

slightest bit, but there was still fire in his eyes.

“Tell me, Bethany. Don’t make me ask again.”

The authority in his voice made her pulse react. Power emanated from him. Her heart thudded

painfully against her chest wall and she licked her lips repeatedly as she worked up the courage to

tell him the last of it.

“Jack owes money,” she whispered.

Jace’s gaze narrowed instantly. “Say that again?”

She cleared her throat. “Jack owes money. They want it. He can’t repay it. They threatened me.