Fever (25 page)

He groaned. “Because I don’t want to scare you away, baby. It’s going to be intense.

Overwhelming, even. I’m trying my damnedest to take things slow because I want to take care of you.

Make sure you’re with me every step of the way.”

“I’m with you,” she said quietly.

“No, baby, you aren’t. Not yet.”

“Then tell me. Show me. How can I know what it is you need from me if you don’t show me?

You’ve given, Jace, but you aren’t taking. And I need to be able to give you something. I have nothing

that you lack. There’s nothing I can give you except me, and you don’t want it yet.”

“I want it,” he said fiercely. “There’s
nothing
I want more. But, baby, you have to be sure about

this. We’ll still take this in steps, but tonight we’re going to take a big one if you’re ready for that.”

“How will I ever know unless we try?” she whispered.

His senses went on red alert. His entire body tightened and savage satisfaction gripped him by the

throat.

“Get up and go into the bedroom,” he said in a measured voice.

Calm descended and he took control. He had to do this right. Couldn’t let himself fuck it all up. Not

when Bethany was putting all her trust in him.

“Undress and kneel on the rug by my bed. Wait for me there.”

chapter twenty-one

Bethany slipped the clothing from her body and folded it neatly, laying it on the dresser before

going to the thick rug by the bed. She hesitated a long moment as she stared down at the floor.

She knew the significance of kneeling. Of waiting for Jace to come into the bedroom. It was a

signal of her submission. He was asking her to submit to him, to trust him. Did she?

Her thoughts went back to the first night. The night she’d had sex with Jace and Ash. When Ash had

very bluntly laid out the terms of being with them. They were dominant men, but Jace was perhaps

more so. Ash seemed to be more laid back while Jace was . . . intense.

Had he been fighting his nature the entire time he’d been with her? Had he held back his true self

for fear of frightening her away?

Her mood softened. He hadn’t ramrodded her. Okay, so he’d definitely been forceful and

demanding. No doubt there. But there was a controlled edge to it and she had the impression that if

Jace wasn’t holding himself back, things would be that much more intense.

Could she handle that? Him controlling every aspect of her life? Dictating her every movement in

and out of bed? Would it be so bad?

In many ways, she relished the idea of relinquishing all control. Of having someone—a strong,

dominant male like Jace—sweep in and take care of her. Make decisions. Pamper her shamelessly.

She’d never had that. She craved it.

She wasn’t someone who longed for independence and to be self-sufficient. She’d been

independent since she was a child. She’d been self-reliant her entire life. No one had ever taken care

of her. Except Jack. And she’d done as much for him as he’d done for her.

Just once, she wanted someone to care about her. Just her. To take the burden from her. To make

decisions. And she just wanted to
live
. To enjoy not having to worry about where her next meal came

from, or whether she had a place to sleep. She wanted tenderness.

She wanted . . . love.

She sucked in her breath at that particular revelation because it was dangerous to want something

she may never well have. Jace wanted her, yes. She didn’t doubt that. But for how long? He couldn’t

love her. He didn’t know her. He didn’t even trust her.

What they had was physical and evidently she appealed to the protector in Jace. It was who he

was. But she knew she wasn’t his equal no matter what he said. They were an ocean apart. So

different that she couldn’t even relate to his life and she knew he certainly couldn’t relate to hers.

She stared at the rug again, fists clenched at her sides.

And then before she was fully cognizant of doing so, she sank slowly to her knees.

Jace stood in the doorway, watching as a myriad of emotions crossed Bethany’s face. It was

obvious she was struggling with her decision. He could see confusion and sadness in her eyes. But he

also saw need.

He wasn’t even aware that he was holding his breath until his lungs protested and burned. He

sucked in through his nose, his gaze never leaving Bethany. She didn’t even know he was there

watching. It would likely make her uncomfortable to know he could so clearly see her vulnerability.

And then she sank slowly to her knees and relief burned through his chest, robbing him of air.

She was submitting. And he knew well that she understood the significance of kneeling as he’d

requested. He’d seen her entire thought process play out in those expressive, beautiful eyes.

He was weak with relief.

No, everything wasn’t solved. He didn’t have this in the bag. They still had a long way to go, but

this was a huge step forward in the progression of their relationship.

It was a start.

He walked forward and her chin lifted, her gaze meeting his. He wanted nothing more than to wipe

that fear and uncertainty from her eyes, but he knew only time would do that. Time and patience. He

had to be willing to wait for as long as it took for her to fully come to terms with her place in his life.

He had a lifetime of her feeling second-rate to overcome and that wasn’t going to happen in a day,

a week or even a month. But damn if he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to show her that

he wasn’t going anywhere.

He reached out to cup her cheek, allowing his fingers to glide over her silky skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said hoarsely. “I can’t tell you the satisfaction it gives me to see you

kneeling here, waiting for me. For the pleasure I’ll give you.”

Her eyes warmed, chasing some of the insecurity away. She smiled hesitantly, a sweet, shy smile

that made his knees go weak.

God. What was it about this woman that inspired such an overwhelming response in him? Maybe

he’d never know. Maybe this was what happened when you met your other half.

He nearly cringed at the cheesiness of such a thought, but he couldn’t explain it any better than that.

The women he’d been with before were filler. He’d been biding his time, waiting. For Bethany.

He’d seen Gabe through a marriage that had never been rooted in deep, abiding love. He’d seen his

friend fuck his way through a multitude of women. And it was not until Jace had seen Gabe with Mia

that he’d seen his friend come so alive.

Soul mates.

Gabe and Mia were soul mates. It was there to see in every look, every touch. Every time Gabe so

much as glanced in Mia’s direction.

And now all the things he’d found so baffling about Gabe’s reaction to Mia were here in front of

him.

“Do you trust me, Bethany?” Jace asked as his hand traveled into her hair, tugging slightly so that

her head craned farther back.

Their gazes were locked and he saw hesitation in her brilliant blue eyes. His gut tightened. He

hadn’t realized how badly he wanted her trust. How important it was to him.

She was allowing him free rein. She was ceding power to him. She was submitting to him.

But without her trust, what did he really have?

“I don’t know the rules,” she said in a quiet voice. “I know you’re asking me to . . . submit. To you.

But I don’t know the rules, Jace. Do I need permission to speak freely? To tell you what I’m thinking?

To answer honestly the question you just asked me? I don’t know how this works and I don’t want to

mess up before we even begin.”

Jace dropped down to his knees, positioning himself so they were on eye level. No way in hell

he’d have this kind of conversation in a position of dominance. This was too important.

He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her forehead. Just one gentle kiss and then he pulled

away.

“You never have to seek permission to tell me what you’re thinking.”

Didn’t she realize that her thoughts were the gateway to her? He had to know what she was thinking

so he could work his way into her heart and soul.

She visibly swallowed and then inhaled sharply through her nose.

“I think the more important question is whether you trust
me
.”

His eyes widened and for a moment he was at a loss as to how to respond.

Her lips trembled and she forged ahead, clearly afraid and yet determined to speak her mind.

“You thought . . . You thought some pretty terrible things about me, Jace. I know what I did didn’t

help, but you jumped to conclusions that tell me you think the worst of me. I know we don’t know

each other well. You don’t know me. But that you thought I was playing you, that I was stealing from

you . . .”

She broke off, inhaling deeply as if to compose herself.

Then she lifted her gaze and stared directly into his, her eyes earnest and awash with vulnerability.

“Why would you even want to sleep with me?” she whispered. “Why would you want . . .

this . . . ?” She swept her hand down her body and around, clearly indicating her position. Her

submissiveness.

“I know that this . . . arrangement . . . or relationship, whatever it is that we’re doing, requires a lot

of trust on my part. But it has to involve your trust as well. Besides the fact that I can’t imagine why

you’d want to have sex with a woman you think so poorly of, why would I want to give myself to a

man who found me so . . . repugnant?”

His fingers tightened at her shoulders and then he forced himself to relax his grip. He’d bruise her,

and he never wanted to hurt her. He took his hands away, not trusting himself not to squeeze her even

tighter.

She looked hurt at his withdrawal and he let out a groan. He could do nothing right where she was

concerned. Every touch, every word out of his mouth. It all came out wrong. He was fucking it up and

this was too important. It was everything.

For the first time in his life, he was scared. Because he knew if he didn’t handle this just right, he’d

lose her. And that wasn’t an option. No matter what it took, no matter what he had to do, she had to be

part of his life.

Dear God, he was precariously close to begging, and he’d never begged for anything.

He cleared his throat and rocked back on his heels, his throat clogged with everything he needed to

say.

Then he rose, extending his hand down to her. She glanced at him in puzzlement but slipped her

hand into his. Yet another sign of her trust. Trust he hadn’t been able to return or make her feel.

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her naked body into his hold, cradling her, positioning her

on his lap so she’d be near him, touching him.

He rested his chin atop her slim shoulder and then turned his mouth down to kiss her skin. He

inhaled deep, capturing her scent and savoring it.

“I’m sorry.”

She went still, her gaze directed at the far wall. He reached up, slid his finger underneath her chin

and gently redirected her gaze to him.

“You’re right. I said and thought terrible things. It wasn’t fair to you. I was afraid, Bethany.

Terrified,” he amended. “I reacted badly. This is new territory for me. I’ve never been so . . . I’ve

never been so fucked up over a woman before. I’m used to control. You know this about me, or at

least you’ve gotten hints. For the space of those few hours, I had
none
. I couldn’t protect you. I had no

control over what happened to you. It freaked me the hell out. And I took that out on you.”

“I understand,” she said softly.

He shook his head. “No. You don’t. And you shouldn’t have to. You explained what happened, and

while I don’t agree with what you did, I had no excuse for the things I accused you of. I have a

temper, baby. You’ll get to know that as well. I’m not used to things being beyond my control. But

what you need to understand is that I’ll never hurt you. Or at least I’ll try very hard not to. Physically,

it isn’t ever going to happen. But I’ll say shit because I’m pissed. I was afraid and I don’t handle that

well. I can’t guarantee it’s never going to happen again. But you need to know ahead of time that I’m

not going to mean it. I know I’m asking a lot, but I need for you to be able to ignore me when I’m

pissed and saying shit that hurts you. I’ll try like hell not to do it, but I know me. My friends know me.

I’ve been a dick to the people I care most about. You. Gabe. Ash. My own sister. But I know it hurts

you. You aren’t used to me. You can’t see what’s behind the anger and the things I say in the heat of

the moment. But you
will
know me, Bethany. You’ll know me because I’m not going anywhere, and

what’s between us is only going to grow stronger. I need you to believe that. I need you to want it as

much as I want it because that’ll tell me that you’ll stick around and weather it with me.”

Her eyes rounded in shock. Her expression was one of utter amazement. She gripped one of his

arms, her fingers digging deep, and he doubted she even realized it.