Fiendish: A Twisted Fairytale (40 page)

I shrugged my shoulders as I answered. “The way you look at me, the fact that you didn
’t talk to me in the car, the fact you didn’t open the door for me. All of those things make me think you’re upset with me.” I wrung my hands together nervously.

“Do you like it?” he asked, playing with my hair.

“Like what?” I inquired, confused by the change of topic.

“The attention you get.
 You pretend to be this shy, unassuming woman, yet at every turn, you are getting advances from men.”

“That
’s not true,” I protested. 

He curled my hair tighter and tighter around his fingers; the tension caused me to crane my already sore neck back, the angle making it hurt worse.

“I think you love it. I can see it in how you dress, how you act. You want the attention.”  He leaned closer to me, unraveling the coil of hair from around his finger. “I now understand why you were so nervous when I came into your office. You were worried I would see how you really are with your boss.” 

Seth
’s penetrating eyes bore into mine as his finger traced along my jawline. It was a feather-light touch that gave me goosebumps.

“What you saw was me declining Patri
ck’s offer. For the second time,” I said, defending myself.

I fought to keep the nervous flutters under control. His look, his body language, all of it reminded me of Saturday.

“What I saw was you looking like you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. He wasn’t asking you to dinner; he was confirming it.” His hand circled my waist, pulling me against his hard body. He held me so tight I couldn’t move. “Do you fret over what to wear in the morning? Give an extra spray of perfume to entice him?” He leaned down to my neck and inhaled deeply. “Because that scent, your scent, can drive a man crazy. I should know.” There was a slight wavering of his voice that betrayed his calm façade. 

 
“No, never. Please, Seth, I don’t do it for him.” 

Ignoring my words, Seth ran his tongue up the side of my neck to my earlobe, causing me to shudder from the contact.

“I think you are lying to me, Ms. Alexander.” His voice was low almost seductive.  

The hand that held me to him found its way under my shirt; his fingers lightly caressed the skin of my lower back.

“I haven’t. I…I wouldn’t lie to you. I only need and want the attentions of one man. Why don’t you believe me?” I asked in a quiet voice.

This moment felt like a repeat of Saturday. He didn
’t trust me, even after I explained things to him, even after I apologized. He didn’t trust me. 

“Because actions speak louder than words.”
 He nibbled on my earlobe. The arm around my waist loosened, but his fingers continued their slow, deliberate circles on the small of my back. “And your actions are saying you aren’t the innocent woman you like to pretend to be.” His lips barely brushed against mine before he let me go. “I thought you understood me this weekend, but I guess you didn’t.” He looked directly into my eyes when he spoke. His words sounded almost painful. 

“I opened up to you, something I don
’t do, and this is how I am repaid. You get all dressed up and make dinner plans with your boss and so soon after your offensive behavior at the beach.” 

I didn
’t think I had done anything wrong, but he looked genuinely hurt. It pained me to know I had done it, that I made him feel that way.

“Seth.
 I, it’s not like that. I do get dressed up, but…”

 
“How’s your neck?” he asked, interrupting me as I tried to explain it was for him. 

Seth made me feel desirable and sexy, especially this weekend, and I wanted to be that for him.
 

“You let him touch you today,”
 he continued, not waiting on my answer. “He wanted to give your neck
additional
attention which means he had already given it some.” 

“No, I mean yes, but not like that.
 He…he…”

“He what, took what you so freely offered?”

“No! I didn’t. He just did it. I didn’t ask him. I didn’t want him to, but he did.”

“But you also didn
’t tell him to stop, did you?” 

He was right.
 I didn’t say stop. I didn’t say anything I just let him touch as he pleased. I didn’t want him to, but I let him all the same. 

“I
’ll take your silence to mean I’m correct. You let him touch you freely without complaint. You don’t protest when he takes you on these dates. In fact, you defend it, and I’m supposed to trust you. Trust you view him only as your boss and nothing more. I forgave your indiscretion on Saturday, but you continue to try and push my limits, ignoring my warnings.” 

I felt like a child being chastised.
 
Had I been giving Patrick mixed signals?
 I didn’t think I had; I’d turned down his every advance. My mind replayed conversations, and interactions: I’d smile be professional never anything more that I was aware of. I know I handled the beach guy wrong, but that was unintentional. 
Wasn’t it?

 
“Seth, I swear he’s just my boss, nothing more. I admit that at the beach I could have handled things differently, but it was an innocent conversation.” I stepped closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I did hear you on Saturday, and I do understand. Please, you have to believe me. I’m sorry for letting him touch me today. It won’t happen again, and I’ll be more mindful of my actions.” 

I leaned up to kiss him, but he turned his head.
 It might as well be a slap in the face because the effect was the same. He removed my hands and kissed my forehead.

“I need to go,” he said, his tone sounding mechanical.
 

I watched, stunned, as he turned and walked out without
so much as a glance back. I don’t know how long I stood in the middle of my living room trying to understand what happened. I could take him being mad at me. I could take angry, but I couldn’t take the coldness I was left with. Eventually, I ate dinner, took a shower, and then curled up in bed. When Macy got home, I pretended to be asleep. I didn’t want to act as if everything was alright, and I didn’t want to hear about her happiness. It may have been selfish of me to not listen to her because I’m sure she wanted to talk. I would tomorrow; I just couldn’t do it tonight. Tonight, I wanted to wallow in my self-pity. 

He
’d rejected me then walked out on me. I had inadvertently hurt him, and that pained me. I didn’t hurt people; I did everything in my power to avoid making others feel like I have. But through a series of unintentional events, I had done that to him, and now he was making me feel it. 

The next day, I put extra effort into choosing the least flattering, although still professional, clothing I had.
 I wore only the minimal amount of makeup. Disappointed wasn’t even close to how I felt when I left work and he wasn’t waiting. I tried calling but only got voicemail on his cell and no answer on his home phone. 

When I got home, Macy was there, and she questioned why I was coming home on the bus.
 I side stepped the question by asking how things were with Mitch. Her face lit up, but I listened only halfheartedly as she talked about her weekend and Mitch. 

The days went on, and Seth continued to not answer my calls.
 Macy tried to question me but didn’t press too hard for once. I knew she believed I would tell her eventually, but I wasn’t even sure what to say. 

 
Each night, I went to bed looking at those stupid pictures from the photo booth. They were a painful reminder of what could have been. I wanted to tear them up or burn them, but I couldn’t. 

Another week passed, and I was dreading the weekend.
 I would either end up at the house alone or I would have to be the third wheel with Macy and Mitch. Neither option seemed good to me. By the time Saturday, came I decided it was over; he hadn’t called me or answered my calls. I spent most of the day in my room only coming out for food. When Macy finally decided to try and drag me out on Sunday, I was a crying mess. 

“Lee, what
’s wrong?” Macy asked, rubbing my back. 

How could I let this happen?
 What was I going to do now? 

“Lee, what did that bastard do to you?
 I know something’s going on. He hasn’t been around in nearly two weeks. Tell me, and I’ll go kick his ass.”

I wanted to laugh, but I didn
’t have it in me. I wanted to tell her that he’d not been around because he’d essentially broken up with me, but I knew she’d ask why. I didn’t want to get into all of that. I didn’t want to hear her ‘I told you so’ or her lectures on how she thought he was wrong for me. I had more pressing issues to worry about.

“He didn
’t do anything, well not really. We both sorta did,” I whined between sobs.

“
I’m not understanding.”

“I
’m late, Mace.”

“Late for what, Lee?”
 It took her a minute then it dawned on her. “Oh shit! Really, Lee?” I nodded. “How late? ’Cus if it’s only a day or so, no need to panic.”

“More like five.”
 I’d been so caught up in everything that happened on Monday I’d paid no attention to the passing dates.  

“Shit!”

“Exactly. I’ve always been like clockwork. This is bad. I can’t have a baby right now. And Seth.” 

I didn
’t even want to consider him right now. He had walked out and cut off communication with me so that just made the situation a hundred times worse. Would he think it was a trick, a ploy to get him back? I’d picked up and moved away from everything I knew in an attempt to get my life on track. Tried to move forward as a stronger more, independent woman, and I’d failed miserably. Maybe love wasn’t in the cards for me. Perhaps I was destined to work and live with cats the rest of my life, well, cats and maybe a baby.

“That asshole better do what
’s right. I still can’t believe he didn’t think to use something,” she muttered angrily. “Have you taken a test?”

“No.”

“Okay, so all this worrying could be for nothing,” she said, trying to sound hopeful. “I’ll run to the store, and we’ll get this figured out.” She climbed off the bed. “Don’t worry, Lee. Everything will be fine.” 

I wished I could believe her, but I felt so stupid.
 I couldn’t believe I’d gotten myself into this situation. Macy was back in about twenty minutes and handed me the box. I trudged to the bathroom to find out my fate. We sat in silence as we waited out the two minutes. Time ticked by slowly. Macy sat holding my hand, offering her unspoken support. The timer on Macy’s iPhone went off, slicing through the quiet that had overcome us, making me jump.

“I can
’t look, Macy. You have to.” 

Without a word, she left and came back with the stick.

“It’s negative,” she beamed.

I flopped on my back,
 feeling relieved. This was a very good thing. He wasn’t taking my calls, so I would have had to try and reach him in person. The idea of delivering that news was nerve racking. Now I wouldn’t have to worry about it, and I could put the last few months behind me and once again try to move on with my life. First order of business, getting the prescription for pills filled. Even if I wasn’t with him, it wouldn’t hurt to take precautions.

Chapter 32

Thirteen days. It had been thirteen days since I’d held her. Thirteen fucking days. 
That’s your own fault. 
I hit the bag harder as it swung back towards me. No matter how many times I punched it, the frustration was still there. Nothing was helping, not physical exertion, not the piano, not even going out to find a new Pet. I’d come home empty-handed because I knew none of them would sate my desires. Instead, I watched her daily. 
Do you even know what you are doing anymore?

I landed a roundhouse kick to the side of the bag.
 I knew I needed these days to regain my bearings and make her understand there were consequences to her actions. I knew that my absence would make her think about what she had done. It would make her understand the importance of what I had told her. What I didn’t know was that I would feel like this. Each day, I watched her leave her office; each day, she looked for me. 

She
’d even called as I sat watching her. I’d see her wipe her cheeks when I didn’t answer. Each day, I did this and felt this stab of something, maybe remorse or guilt I wasn’t sure, but I did know I didn’t like it. There were several occasions I had to stop myself from going to her. I needed these days. The urge to cause her pain was stronger that day than after the beach incident. I’d wanted to bring her home, lock her away as she’d said that day. I’d needed these days away from her, and she needed them too. She’d be more appreciative of me because of them.

After showering, I headed towards her office. Calida exited the building right on time. She looked tired and sad.
 Her outfit hid everything, every delicious curve of her body tucked away. The vibrant hair that I loved to see flowing around her shoulders was pulled back into a librarian style bun. I waited to see if she looked for me, but today, she didn’t. She stepped out of her office, readjusted her bag on her shoulder then headed down the steps towards the bus stop with her head hung low.