Fifteen Minutes: A Novel (29 page)

She scanned a series of Google images on a few of the singers and her heart hurt. They looked angry, not that Kelly blamed them. Everywhere they went someone wanted a piece of them. They hit the scene as kids and a year later some of them were at the top of the charts. One of them headlined his own tour and was the most Googled celebrity in the world.

Kelly sighed. The prison cell of fame was very small indeed for teenage singers. How were they supposed to handle that sort of pressure? Jaded by the time they were nineteen years old.

There were others. Elvis and Michael and Whitney. Kelly tried to think of a celebrity who had come through the madness of A-list attention without changing, without losing the people they loved or their very lives. Where were the shining examples of fame? Those stars had to be out there somewhere, though Kelly couldn’t think of a single one.

Even the successful celebrities had lost marriages or kids or some level of sanity.

Slowly, Kelly shut her laptop and set it down beside her. As if she were seeing blue skies after a storm, a new reality began to take shape before her eyes. What about her own life? At one point she had been close to her parents, in love with Cal, and
content to live in South Carolina. But she could sing. Everyone said so, and deep inside Kelly knew they were right. So she convinced Cal to move to L.A. They packed up their few belongings and went on a quest for fame and fortune.

Oh, sure, they didn’t talk about it that way back then. On the unknown side of fame there was only one thing to talk about. Finding it. But now? What did it all mean? Why were a hundred thousand unknown singers willing to audition for a show like
Fifteen Minutes
? Was it all just one big popularity contest? Wanting to be idolized and sought after, craving the attention and insanity of celebrity? Was it about the money?

For the first time in her life she actually thought about it. Since booking the hit teen show she’d been consumed by one aspect of celebrity. Keeping it. Holding on to it. Staying young and thin and current. Being A-list. But sitting here in the quiet of her living room she saw it all from another angle.

She remembered something from her high school days.

Cal had sketched a staircase in pencil. Each step included a landing. At first glance the drawing appeared to be the top of a set of stairs, looking down. But look at it long enough, and the entire image flipped. The view seemed to be from underneath the stairs, looking up.

“That’s weird.” She had jumped back, struck by the sudden flip-flop.

“It’s an optical illusion.” Cal had grinned at her reaction. “The guys on the football team showed me. There’s more than one way to see it.”

An optical illusion. Like the quest for fame. Like Kelly’s entire life.

Suddenly she knew without a doubt there were people who pitied her. They’d watched her change from the wide-eyed innocent
girl on the hit TV show to the Hollywood diva in the midst of a divorce. Her parents were probably part of that group.

One time after her early success reached epic levels, she called her mom and asked her a burning question. “You knew I could sing. Why didn’t you take me to Hollywood sooner?”

Her mom’s answer burned in her mind now. “Why would I do that?”

“Why?” Kelly had been outraged. “So I could’ve found all this sooner.”

“Kelly . . . hear me. I knew you could sing. I believed producers would fall in love with you.” Her voice held a lifetime of emotion. “But you only get one childhood. I wasn’t willing to trade it so you could be famous.”

Chills ran down Kelly’s arms at the memory. What if her parents had taken her to L.A. sooner? Would she be another starlet statistic, in and out of rehab? Would she be dead?

The questions began to surround her, the new view of fame taking clear shape in her mind. What could she do about it? She couldn’t undo the attention, the celebrity. Chandra was right. The thing Kelly worked day and night to keep, to make perfect, carried a hefty price tag. All along she had really believed that those things would make her happier. Tighter skin would make her prettier. More Twitter followers would make her popular. More money for every gig and she would be successful. But the effort exhausted her and what did she have to show for it? Her all-consuming pursuit of those things was the reason she and Cal had fallen apart, the cause for the break in her relationship with her dad.

It was the reason that tonight she sat alone in her multimillion-dollar New York flat while her kids took their baths and shared bedtime reading with Cal two hours away. What
would become of them? Her mother was right about childhood. The time didn’t last. One day all too soon her kids would be teenagers, and then what? Paparazzi would catch them slipping into bars with other celebrity kids, sleeping with people they barely knew, probably far older than them. They would spend their lives chasing the same stardom that had always defined their mother.

Was that what the future held for her kids?

Kelly had barely eaten dinner that night, and now she felt sick to her stomach. Kai and Kinley, her babies. They would probably reach high school age and give interviews to
People
magazine about how they hated their mother, how she had chosen fame over playing with them.

Tears fell onto Kelly’s cheeks and a series of quiet sobs began to build. From this view she didn’t feel like the luckiest girl in America. She didn’t want to spend another hour with her trainer or get up early for another shot of Botox. She couldn’t see an end to her fame. But she could feel something she hadn’t felt before tonight.

The prison walls.

More tears poured down her face, and she did nothing to stop them. Chandra had said she didn’t really have friends. Wasn’t the same true for her? Tonight she should’ve been reading to Kai and Kinley, helping them get ready for bed. Talking to her husband about how they’d fallen so far from the people they used to be.

Kelly could barely breathe for the sobs that choked her. She realized as she wept that for the first time since she could remember she wasn’t worried about whether her eyes would be swollen in the morning.

She was lonely and broken and worried about her heart. Her kids. Worried about her future. Her life.

How terrible that she hadn’t talked to her parents in forty-eight hours. Her dad’s situation wasn’t stable. She was about to open her computer again and check her e-mail, see if her parents had updated her on her father’s condition, when her cell phone rang.

The sound made Kelly jump. As she answered it she caught a glimpse of the caller ID. It was her mother. “Mom!” She sounded awful, her nose stuffy. “I was just thinking about all of you. How’s Dad?”

“Honey . . .” Her mom clearly had been crying, too. “He’s worse. He has an infection.” She paused. “His fever is very high.”

Panic pulsed through Kelly. She was on her feet, pacing, pushing her fingernails through her hair. “What . . . what happened?”

“We don’t know. The ambulance came.” Her voice broke. “I can’t lose him. Please . . . can you come? He’s . . . he’s in trouble.”

“Dear God, no.” She whispered the words as more tears blurred her eyes. She wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t ready to say good-bye to her daddy. Not yet.

“Kelly?”

“I’m sorry.” She fought through her sorrow. “Yes, I can come. Of course. I’ll find a way. I’ll see if the show’s private jet can get me there before sunrise.”

Her mom told her the details, which hospital, which room. “Cal’s already here. He has the kids.”

“Right.” The kids! Kelly felt dazed. She finished the call and dropped to her knees at the edge of the sofa. Kelly had completely forgotten about Kai and Kinley going with Cal to Greenville
this weekend. Cal had arranged the visit through Kelly’s manager. Rudy had shot a quick e-mail to Kelly explaining that Cal wanted the kids to have as much time as possible with their grandparents. Kelly felt horrified. Until her mother’s call she had completely forgotten where they were. What sort of mother did that make her?

The tears came harder and she collapsed over the edge of the sofa. For the first time in too many years, more than her next heartbeat she cared about just one thing.

“Dear God. Jesus . . .” she prayed out loud. Spoke His name out loud. And though the words sounded foreign, a peace fell like rain around her. “I need to get home. I . . . I have to be with my family. Please . . . help my dad. Help me get there in time.” She was shaking, overcome by the strangest mix of emotions. A peace like she’d never known and a fear big enough to consume her.

“Is it too late for me, God?” The sobs kept coming. “I turned my back on You.” She squeezed her eyes shut, her fists pressed to her face. “Stubborn pride.” Anger strangled her voice. Who had she become? Celebrity was nothing but a snare. Running after a body and Botox and a boyfriend barely out of college. What had she been thinking? “Plain old stupid. That’s all it was, God.” Sadness and frustration came in waves, fury at her years of selfishness.

All of it consumed her until she had no more tears to cry.

The urgency of her father’s situation drew her back to her feet. She found her phone and called Samuel Meier. “There’s been an emergency.”

And like that pieces fell into place. An hour later Kelly flew out of LaGuardia on the
Fifteen Minutes
private jet. Three hours after that she rushed through the front door of the hospital, up
the elevator to the seventh-floor intensive care unit. She found the waiting room and there they were.

Kai and Kinley and Cal.

The kids looked sad and tired but mostly confused. When they saw her they ran to her, their eyes flooded with relief. Mommy was here. All was right with their world. Kelly stooped down and hugged both of them. What was she thinking, missing so much time with them? She had no answers for herself. As she stood, empty and exhausted, Cal came to her. Their eyes met and in a single heartbeat there was no broken relationship, no affairs or unkind words, no years of estrangement.

“Kelly . . . I’m sorry.” His eyes were red, his cheeks tearstained. He loved her dad as much as she did.

“No. It’s my fault.” She stared at the floor, struggling. When she looked up, his eyes held a love she’d forgotten. She took a step closer. “I’m so sorry, Cal.”

They came together in a hug that only a husband and wife could share, close, connected in body, heart, mind, and soul. Never mind what had happened or where things might go from here. She had no real answers, and whatever they decided none of it would be easy. But here and now with their kids sitting nearby, the hug was the most right thing in the world. They stayed that way for a full minute, not speaking.

Because for the first time in a long time, no words were needed.

A
strange uneasiness had become part of Reese’s existence. The feeling woke her up each morning and breathed fear against her while she showered and curled her hair. It was something she couldn’t shake even in the happy moments each morning with her parents. The uneasiness sat strangely next to her in the car on the way to work and shared a saddle with her while she helped Toby and AJ at the Lowell Therapeutic Equestrian Center. AJ was feeling better, her serious symptoms gone for the time being.

But even that didn’t help the way Reese felt.

Especially today when the first live performance of
Fifteen Minutes
would air in a little over an hour. She parked in front of Zack’s house and skipped up the stairs. She wore white shorts and a light blue T-shirt. Her face and arms were tanned from being on her horse, and humidity made the back of her neck damp. Still, despite the smoldering heat something cold ran
through her blood. She hesitated before knocking, leaning her forehead against the Dylans’ front door. Her heart pounded in her chest.

Please, God . . . I don’t want to feel this way. If something’s going on with Zack, if You’re trying to warn me, then make it clear. Otherwise, please give me peace.

As she started to knock, Grandpa Dan opened the door. “Well, hello.” He leaned on his cane, his smile kind, gentle. “It’s the big night.”

“Yes.” She stepped in and hugged him. “You excited?”

Grandpa Dan looked as troubled as Reese felt. “I’m not sure.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “What about you?”

“Nervous.” She tried to smile. “I can’t figure it out. I just . . . I don’t feel right about things.”

The old man put his free arm around her and together they walked into the family room. For now the TV was off. Zack’s mom was at the computer, but as they walked in she stood and came to Reese. “It gets serious starting tonight.”

“Hmm. Very serious.” Again Reese had to remind herself to smile. “You checking the website?”

“I was about to. I haven’t looked in a few days.” His mother shared the same concerned look. “I can be obsessed with all the media attention.”

Reese allowed a sad laugh. “It’s overwhelming.” Between Twitter and the updates on Yahoo and other gossip sites, someone posted a different story or photo shoot or event involving the top twenty from
Fifteen Minutes
every few hours.