Fifteen Minutes: A Novel (34 page)

Like an actor playing a part, Zack smiled and waved and paused for photos with a crowd that had doubled while he was in Starbucks. He kept his easy grin in place while he crossed the street and returned to the practice hall. For the next hour, he danced with the group and acted excited about the upcoming show. But his broken heart was in Kentucky.

Only Zoey seemed to know something was wrong. She was still his dance partner, and though the two of them had been awkward since last night, she looked worried. She caught up to him during a five-minute water break. “What’s wrong? Tell me.” She hesitated. “You’re mad.”

“I’m not.” He took a long swig of water and stared at her. “Reese broke up with me.”

Her expression fell as if she were genuinely upset for him. “Can you . . . Will you try to change her mind?”

“Yes.” He held her gaze, keeping control on his anger. “As long as I’m breathing.” He turned and walked back to the dance floor. He had no right being mad at Zoey. None of this was her fault. He hadn’t seen his friendship with Zoey coming, let alone the attraction he’d felt last night. And by the time he realized how the producers were playing the situation, it was too late. He could only blame himself for the video segment and the kiss. Both kisses.

For all of it.

The kickoff show happened in a blur, like something from a dream. They performed their numbers and sat through a painful few hours while ten contestants were eliminated. The whole time Zack wanted to stand up and volunteer. A ticket home would mean he could start piecing his life back together. He was kept, like everyone expected, and when the final cuts were made the remaining ten erupted in hugs and celebrations. Zoey wrapped her arms around his neck, but he quickly turned and hugged someone else. He’d given the producers enough footage.

As the show ended, they signed a new set of papers, promising a portion of their earnings over the next three years to the show. Then they were escorted to a waiting Mercedes Sprinter van and taken to Del Frisco’s on Avenue of the Americas for a private dinner. After that they attended a front-row performance of
Annie,
complete with ten bodyguards, a red-carpet arrival, and throngs of screaming crowds.

Zack felt numb through all of it. They sat him next to Zoey, but Zack might as well have been on a deserted island. His body was merely going through the motions. He kept smiling. Kept
laughing. But he couldn’t keep track of the conversations around him. Couldn’t pray.

As if God Himself was back in Kentucky with everyone else he loved.

All he could think about, all he could see, were Reese’s beautiful, broken eyes and the certainty there. She was moving to London, yes. More than that she was moving on with her life. He could see that much even with the poor Skype signal. She didn’t want an explanation or a way to make things work or for him to get on the next plane.

She wanted to get as far away from Zack Dylan as possible.

E
veryone could see the difference in Zack, but Chandra felt like she had a special window to it. Zack was changing before their eyes. Despite her warnings, he was letting the attention get to him, like everyone else. The show had mocked his convictions and manipulated his friendship with Zoey, and now he was left trying to find his way through his new life.

The one that no longer included his girlfriend.

Three weeks had passed, and everyone knew about the breakup. Chandra had watched from a distance, wondering if Zack would lose the will to compete and wind up getting kicked off earlier than any of them had expected. Instead, he seemed to have doubled his efforts to win, while his friendship with Zoey appeared only to have grown stronger. As if the two of them together had become victims of the show’s producers.

Star-crossed friends, if not lovers. The two of them against the world.

His breakup alone didn’t prove that Zack was a different person today. Relationships ended all the time. It was the other things. The fact that Zack had all but stopped mentioning his faith. Back when Meier gave the edict about avoiding faith talk, Zack had been determined to carry on anyway. Not anymore. His last dozen tweets were shout-outs to his fans, gratitude for their votes, and thanks to the show’s sponsors. Nothing about the God he served.

The competition was down to six contestants, and tonight each of them would sing two songs and a duet. They were set to compete in a few hours, and Chandra was worried. She’d seen Zack in wardrobe and watched him during rehearsal. His style had gradually changed, his clothes and hair edgier than before. One of his songs tonight was about getting drunk on a beach, and the duet was a racy love song. She pictured the way Zack and Zoey sang it during practice. If America didn’t believe they were a couple before tonight, they would soon. And maybe they really were, the way they acted.

Zack didn’t talk to Chandra like before.

Chandra finished her lunch and walked to the rehearsal room. For more than a week she’d looked for a chance to talk to Zack again, and now she couldn’t wait. The contestants had ten minutes left on their break. Chandra found him sitting next to Zoey, the two of them looking pensive. She walked up and made small talk at first. Then she looked at Zack. “Do you have a minute?”

Zack looked like he’d expected this. He stood. “Definitely.” He left his things with Zoey and followed Chandra to the back of the rehearsal space, down a hall to her private suite. She shut the door behind them and directed Zack to the sofa. She took the chair. For a long moment, she studied him, willing the right words to come. “Your memory isn’t very good, Zack?”

“Ma’am?”

She raised her eyebrows and her pointer finger at the same time. “Chandra.” Frustration filled her voice. “I told you that.”

Zack paused. “Sorry.” He sat a little straighter.

She had his attention. “We need to talk.”

“Okay.” He looked confused, not sure what to make of her anger.

She sat back hard in her seat and stared at him. “You didn’t hear me the first time, is that it? That why you’re letting fame suck you in?”

“I . . . I’m not sure I understand.”

“I warned you.” She crossed her arms, her voice louder than before. “Of
course
they were going to make some love story out of you and Zoey Davis.” She threw her hands in the air. “Look at you two. Like something off a movie set.”

Zack blinked. A fight stirred in his eyes. “Was that my fault?”

“You care about that girl back home?” Chandra leaned over her knees, too worked up to stop herself. “Do you?”

“You know I do.” Zack shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

“And you care about that
God
you used to talk about?”

“What do you mean
used
to talk—”

“Zack Dylan!” Chandra angled her head, shooting her best warning look at him. “Don’t go all innocent on me. You know what I’m saying. Check your tweets. When’s the last time you mentioned God or prayer or faith in Jesus?” She waved her hand in front of her face. “Don’t answer that. Just look later. When we’re done.”

“You called me back here to talk about Twitter?” Zack rested his forearms on his knees, his eyes intent. “Is that what this is about?”

“It’s about you.” She emphasized each word, her voice
marked by disappointment. “You’re not the same Zack. Right before our eyes, you’re changing.”

He stared at her, and the anger in his expression grew. He stood and walked until he faced the far wall, then he slammed his fist against it. Hard as he could. His forehead fell against the cool brick and he stayed that way. Several seconds passed before he spun around and glared at her. “How is any of this
my
fault?” he yelled. “Could you tell me that, Chandra?” He clenched his fists and made a move to hit the wall again, but at the last second he changed his mind and found a level of control. “How is it my fault?”

“Because.” She stood and pointed straight at his chest. “You love it, Zack. The cameras and autographs and stanchioned-off crowds. The staged photo shoots and live shows. You love all of it.” She grabbed a quick breath. “And you know what I think?”

He didn’t answer. His chest still heaved from hitting the wall with his hand.

Chandra let her hands fall to her sides. “I think . . .” her sudden calm made every word more pronounced, “you love it more than everything and everyone back in Kentucky.”

“Don’t say that.” Zack looked like he wasn’t sure whether to storm out of the room or break down and cry. “I didn’t stop loving anyone.”

“But . . .” she pointed at him again, her voice a whisper. “You love this more. Otherwise, you would’ve gotten on a plane and gone after the girl.” She held his eyes for a few heartbeats. “Look at this.” She pulled her laptop from a nearby desk. She took the computer to the sofa and pointed to the seat beside her. “Sit.”

Zack did as she asked. She opened the computer, pulled up her iPhoto library, and brought up the first picture. A photo of her with her mom and dad at what looked like a middle school
graduation. “Those are my parents. Take a good look, Zack.” She peered at him. “You see them? See how happy we look?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “Look, Chandra . . . I need to get back.”

“No!” She raised her voice again. “You watch. This could just as easily be your life. The life you had before you auditioned.”

A stream of pictures followed. Chandra and her parents on a beach vacation, the three of them at the park playing with their family dog. There were other photos, pictures of Chandra and her fiancé when they were teenagers, back when they first fell in love and more as they grew older and the relationship grew serious. Near the end of the file was a picture of her with her parents and fiancé, all of them standing around her car.

“I keep a copy of that photo with me always. In my car, in my purse. On my phone. It’s always there.” Sadness consumed her. “Know where I was going?”

Zack looked at her, but again he said nothing.

“That’s right.” She stared at him. “I was leaving to audition for
Fifteen Minutes
.” She stared at the picture and her heart broke. The way it always did when she looked at this photograph. “Sometimes . . .” She heard tears in her voice. “When the world spins out on its axis like it does . . . I call up this picture and climb into it. Just
live
in it for a few minutes. However long I can. You know why?”

Anger marked Zack’s expression, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears. He clenched his jaw and shook his head.

“Because I would do
anything,
” she jabbed her finger at the photo on the screen, “anything at all to be back in that moment.”

She was almost finished. The next photo showed a ring in a box. “That’s my engagement ring, the way it looked when I gave it back to him. Never loved anyone like I loved him. But this”—she waved her hand at their surroundings and toward the door—“all
of this won out over him. I didn’t think that’s what was happening at the time, but it was. What we used to have was never the same after the show.”

One more click and there they were. Her parents’ tombstones.

“Take a look, Zack.” She turned the computer so he could see more clearly. “Take a good hard look. See their names on the grave markers. See the dates.” She breathed in sharp through her nose, ignoring the tears that made their way down her face. “After a loss like that, there is no going back. There just isn’t.”

Zack hung his head, and Chandra watched a series of tears splash onto his faded jeans. He rubbed the back of his neck and then looked at her, angrier than before. “Why are you showing me this? I’m not you.”

“Look there.” She pointed at the name of the file. “Look at what I call this photo album.”

He squinted at the word, following her orders even when he clearly did not want to.

“See what it says? It says, ‘Cost.’ This file . . . these thirty-six pictures . . . represent the
cost
of my success. The price of my
fame
.” She shut the computer and returned it to the desk. Then she took the chair across from him. “You have that file, too, Zack. Even if you haven’t created it on your laptop yet.” Her tone was soft, every other emotion giving way to sadness. A sadness that was always beneath the surface for Chandra. “What’s in your file, Zack? What pictures?”

He worked the muscles in his jaw. “Nothing. I haven’t lost anything I can’t get back.”

“That right?” She nodded, her attitude showing again. “Well, let me tell you what’s in that file already, just so you know.” She stood and waved her hands in front of her. “A photo of a sprawling
Kentucky horse farm you’ll never go back to. That should be there. And a picture of you and your family, sitting on the front porch like you had forever to watch a sunset. Oh, and your favorite picture of you and your girlfriend. Start there.” She lowered her hands to her sides. “Leave room, Zack. Because the file of what it costs will keep growing. Every year it’ll grow.”

“I need to get back.” Zack stood and reached for the door.

“Not yet!” she yelled. “Turn around and look at me.” He kept his hand on the knob, but he did as she asked. “When you leave here, you take a minute and think about what I said. Think about how you’ve changed. How the wide-eyed guy from Danville, Kentucky, disappears a little more with every performance.” She came a step closer, pointing at him one last time. “Think about it while you sing your drinking song and that love duet with Zoey.” She hesitated, her passion getting the better of her. “You’ve changed. You’re buying in to the fame as fast as anyone on this show. But you mark my words, there will be a cost.”