Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) (7 page)

     Jessica pointed to the other side of the room where Grace was passed out on the other            pull-out sofa.  “I’ll wake her while you get ready.  We need to be out of here pronto so Zach can return the boat.”

    I nodded and dashed to the bathroom.  I quickly changed clothes while I looked at the shower longingly.  I really needed one after last night, but it didn’t look like it was going to happen.  I just crossed my fingers hoping I didn’t smell of stale sex considering I’d be stuck in the car with Grace, Ms. Noseypants herself.  She’d press me for details if she got even a whiff (no pun intended) that something naughty had gone down.  Normally I didn’t have a problem with it and would indulge in a bit a sharing between us, but this time, I wasn’t in a hurry to tell anyone the story.  For the first time since we got to Lake Havasu, I thought of Justin and his kiss before I left home.  I felt a little conflicted about that.  What left me reeling on the drive to the lake had been completely obliterated by meeting James.  I felt a pang of guilt over forgetting the monumental shift of my relationship with Justin.  I expected it to be a complicated situation as I tried to decide if I was ready, or even wanted, to change our relationship to something more. 

     Unable to process my feelings over the events that had occurred with both men, I quickly brushed and retied my hair before washing my face free of the remnants of my make-up from the previous night.  I left the bathroom quickly and found everyone else ready to go, including Grace.  She looked at me and winked.  It was only us girls, so I assumed the guys and Cecilia were out on deck already.

     We exited the cabin with our stuff and found the rest of the group exactly where I expected them to be.  Everyone except James and Pumpkin.  I assumed James must have found open space in one of the bedrooms.  Maybe he had bunked with Zach.  I really wanted to say goodbye but felt awkward asking his whereabouts.  We gave our thanks for including us on the trip and said our farewells.  We asked them to say goodbye to James and Pumpkin for us before we departed.  I felt bad that I wouldn’t see James again, but in the end decided it was probably for the best.  This way we didn’t have to feel any of the awkwardness of the ‘morning after.’

     Grace and I were about an hour into our trip home before she spoke up. 

     “So, aren’t you going to ask me about my night last night, Mimi?” she asked.

     “I figured you’d eventually tell me about it, whether I wanted to hear it or not,” I replied.  “Did you accomplish your mission and use all of the condoms you had?”

    “Very nearly,” she said.  “You won’t believe this, but I met two amazing guys last night.  Hot, sexy frat boys.”

     “What?” I exclaimed.  “Are you telling me you’ve suddenly become a cougar?

     “Well, I think I’m a little young to be considered a cougar, but they were about ten years younger than me.  What they lacked in experience, they made up for in stamina.  I took it upon myself to educate them, and I must say they were both quick studies.”

     “Are you telling me you had sex with two guys last night?”  I asked, positively astonished.

     “No,” she responded slowly.  “I’m telling you I had sex with two guys at the same time last night.”

      My eyes bugged out of my head.  “You’re shitting me,” I said with a skeptical look.

     “Nope.  I swear on my Prada shoes.”

     “Oh my God!  What were you thinking?”  I screeched.

     “What?  They both were incredibly sexy, and I couldn’t decide between them.  Why are you so freaked out by this?”

     “I’m not freaked out,” I denied.

     “So freaked out, Mimi.  You should see your face,” she said, laughing.  “I suppose this is not the time to mention they were brothers just like I predicted on the drive here.  Although they didn’t really look alike.”

     “Perhaps they meant frat brothers,” I suggested.  “At least I have my fingers crossed that’s what they meant.”

     “What difference does it make?” she said as she leaned her seat back and closed her eyes.  “Either way, they wore my ass out.  Pun intended.”

     I shook my head.  “I do NOT need to know any details, my friend.  Somehow I don’t think I could take it.  My psyche is already damaged.”

     “Stop being so judgmental and congratulate me.  I scratched one more thing off my bucket list last night” she said with a giggle.

     “Alright.  Go on with your bad self, Grace.  I hope it was everything you’ve fantasized about.”

     “Thank you.  It was that and more.  This is going to be material for the self-loving department for some time to come.”

     “Again with the details I don’t need to hear,” I said, grinning at her.

     “Hush.  I need to get some beauty sleep.  If I start moaning and groaning as I do, please do not wake me up.  With any luck, I’ll be reliving my night in my dreams.”

     “No, I won’t.  I’ll just pull over to the side of the road and dump your slutty ass out.”

     She simply responded with a fake snore, ending our exchange.  She slept the entire way home, thankfully without any whimpers or moans.

     By the time we reached Grace’s house, it was nearly five-thirty p.m.  I was tired and hungry.  I couldn’t think of anything but a quick snack and my bed.  I left her at the curb with a quick hug and promise to call her the next day.

     I arrived home a short time later and made a beeline for the kitchen.  I practically inhaled a bagel with cream cheese in the walk from the kitchen to my bedroom.  I realized I felt completely grungy and sighed.  My bed would have to wait while I took a shower.  I raised my arm to my nose, and realized I could still detect a slight scent of James’ body on my skin.  A little shiver ran up my spine.  No matter what, I had to admit I’d had a great weekend. 

     After a nice hot but quick soapy shower, I flopped naked on my bed.  I was too damned tired to get dressed, too tired to slide under the sheets.  I closed my eyes and waited for the sweet pull of sleep.  I slid into that half-awake state where you begin dreaming but are fully aware that what you’re seeing is a dream.  I saw flashes of a pair of hands traveling over my body, caressing and squeezing.  I could feel the weight of a man pressing down on me.  I felt hard muscle beneath my fingertips.  I felt the powerful surge of hips between my thighs and being filled completely.  I heard words being whispered in my ear, but could only make out one—“Precious”, Vance’s pet name for me.  It shocked me so completely, I sat up with a gasp.  Tears rapidly filled my eyes and my nose stung as I was suddenly assaulted by memories of Vance and me together.   I hadn’t had any dreams of him in well over a year and wasn’t prepared for this one.  I could only think that since James was the first person I’d had sex with since him, it triggered something in my mind.

     I felt that old, familiar weight in my chest.  He was gone and nothing was going to change that.  I had accepted that reality a long time ago, so I was frustrated that those emotions were back.  Was I going to feel this way each time I slept with someone new?  Was it some kind of guilt that was bringing this on?  I didn’t feel guilty at all as James and I were having sex.  If I were honest, Vance was the furthest thing from my mind.  I didn’t feel any stabs afterward, either.  So, was it really guilt or something deeper?

     Accepting that my mind was too busy mulling over these perplexing feelings and that sleep was now a far-away lover I wouldn’t meet for at least a few hours, I got out of bed.  I pulled a short sleepshirt out of my dresser and threw it over my head.  I had one solution for this situation.  Cookies.  Fortunately, there was a tray of Oreo Thins (mint flavored, of course) in my pantry.

     I went to the kitchen, still lost in my thoughts.  I was pulled into memories of my life with Vance as I poured a glass of milk and grabbed the package of cookies.  Then I found myself wandering to Vance’s office.  It stunned me to realize that I still thought of it that way--Vance’s office, Vance’s desk, Vance’s computer.  I sat at the desk and looked around.  All of his stuff was still there.  I’d never really had the urge to erase his touch from the room, although I’d long ago packed up his clothes and other belongings from around the house and donated them to charity.  I did allow myself one photograph of the two of us together to remain in the living room--our wedding photo.  I’d never taken a moment to think if that, or keeping his office unchanged, had any significance to it.  I didn’t know if I was ready at that time to think about it either.

     I powered up the computer and clicked open the file containing all of our photographs.  We had taken so many in the brief time we were together.  There were snapshots of us with the guys on various outings we had taken.  Pictures of us in front of one landmark or another on the many short weekend trips we’d taken.  Selfies of us, a few of us when we were lying in bed together.  I slowly clicked through all of them, carefully studying each one.  The first year of our marriage had been pure magic.  I seriously doubted I’d ever have that kind of love again.  It just wasn’t possible. 

     Then there were the few photos that Miriam had taken while he was sick.  She’d needed to have a sense of normalcy during that time so she sometimes had acted like nothing was wrong.  There were pictures of me sitting next to him with my arms looped around his neck as we both smiled for the camera, pictures I had taken of her sitting by his bedside, both smiling as if the days we’d had weren’t numbered, and pictures of me curled up next to him on the bed, both of us asleep.  It was still painful to see him so gaunt and hollow looking, ravaged by that terrible disease.  Cancer.  What a dirty word.

    I smiled, cried, and chuckled as I clicked through all of them.  Maybe all I needed was a little visit in my head to that part of my past.  It had been awhile since I’d been there, and these new developments may have just reminded me that I missed him.  After all, it wasn’t as if I were starting some kind of relationship.  I’d just had a quick, but decidedly satisfying fuck.  It wasn’t a momentous or earth-shattering change in my life.  I just finally got laid.  Under the circumstances, I even think Vance would have approved.  He had told me he wanted me to go on to live my life and eventually fall in love again.  That wasn’t likely to happen if I didn’t get out there and take a taste of what was around me.

     I leaned back in the chair, still chomping on cookies as I put the file on slideshow and watched them all slowly fade in and out on the screen.  After about five minutes of my second walk through the past, my mobile phone rang.  I got up to get it from the kitchen where’d I’d left it when I got home.  I looked at the display.  Justin was calling.  I picked up slightly breathless as I walked back to Vance’s office.

     “Hey, gorgeous.  How are you?” I asked, trying to sound normal.  There was only a little quaver in my voice, but of course, he noticed. 

      “Hey Peaches.  What’s wrong?  You told me you were going to call me when you got home, but you didn’t.  Now I call you and you don’t sound so good.  Did something happen while you were gone?”

     “No, no.  I had a good time.  I just had a dream about Vance that’s kind of put a hitch in my step,” I said as I sat back down at the computer.  I hit pause on the slideshow.  It stopped on one of our selfies in bed.  He was holding the camera above us, and I was cuddled up on his bare chest, the sheet pulled up to cover everything else but my shoulders and head.  We were both laughing.  I sighed and turned off the monitor.

     “Do you need to talk about it?  I’m always here for you, you know that,” he said sympathetically.

     “No, I think I’m okay.  It’s just been a long time since I dreamed of him and it was rather… vivid.  I guess it will happen sometimes.”

     “I understand.  I still have dreams about him too, sometimes, and it can knock me for a loop.  All we can do is just push it aside and march forward.” 

     “I don’t think pushing it aside is the right answer, otherwise it will just come back.  So, I embraced the feelings and started looking at our old photos.  It’s made me feel wistful and somewhat sad, but I guess I just needed to visit him.  There’s no way to do that without feeling a little bit of that loss,” I said thoughtfully.

     “Maybe you’re right.  I don’t know.  I’ve never allowed myself the time to dwell on it.  It’s over, you know?”

     “Yeah, I know.”  I sighed then changed the subject.  “So, how did you manage while I was away?  I hear you talking so I can only assume you lived through my absence.”

     “Your eventual return was the only thing that kept me going,” he said with a chuckle.

     “Well, return I did so you are assured continued existence until the next time I leave,” I teased.  “What are you doing tomorrow?  Do you want to get together?”

     “Of course I do, Peaches.  I haven’t seen you in days.  Why don’t we grab dinner and a movie tomorrow night?”

     If I’d been thinking about it, I would have suggested we have lunch and tried to keep it from any date-like activity until we had a chance to talk about those kisses.  But, it was Justin and I never second-guessed our relationship.  I also wasn’t in a hurry to analyze any potential change in our relationship.  Tonight I was already on overload.

     “Great.  I’ll buy the popcorn,” I said.

     “You always say that but you never do.” He laughed.

     “That’s because you never let me.”