Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) (11 page)

     I checked the time on my phone and announced that it was about time for our next adventure.  We had booked a zip-line tour.  The brochure had touted that the tour was three quarters of a mile at speeds pushing forty-five miles per hour. I was really looking forward to it.  I had seen many zip lines on TV and in the movies and had always been dying to try it. The tour was to take about two hours.  After settling our bill, Justin grabbed my hand as we walked out of the restaurant and held it the entire way to the tour office.  We talked about our excitement over the next step in our adventure, but all the while I was evaluating how I felt about the escalating touches and looks between us.

     I couldn’t help but compare him with James.  James was lighthearted, fun, and definitely hot as hell.  Justin was also good looking with his shaved head and goatee, tattoos, and biker boots.  But where James had this thrilling aspect to him, Justin was more of a gentle giant in some ways.  That’s not to say he didn’t have a hard edge and would fail to put himself in harm’s way if the situation called for it, he was just always very sweet and tender with me.  I didn’t know James well enough to know if there was a serious, thoughtful side to him.  So far, all I’d seen was his playful side, and well, his lustful side.  I didn’t know enough about Justin on that level to be able to compare him with James either, but he was definitely adventurous as today’s trip was proving.  I resolved to just file it away.  Justin was my forever friend, dear to my heart.  Whatever happened between us from here on was up to the future.  James was my newfound distraction.  I knew that if Justin and I walked down this road much further, I’d have to choose, but that day wasn’t today.  I certainly had to find a delicate way to tell him about James.  I didn’t know how to go about that either because I was so afraid of hurting Justin in any way.  The idea made my stomach cramp and my heart sink.  I had been ignoring the situation because of my fears, but I needed to buck up and face the issue head-on before it was somehow raised for me, and I really made a mess of things.

      Justin was eager to take a tandem ride on the zip line, but our combined weights exceeded the maximum limit.  He seemed disappointed, but it didn’t stop us from taking our turns on the line.  Of course, being a little bit of a ‘fraidy cat’ (i.e. my hesitance over taking a trip down the water slide on the house boat), I made him go first.  After the tour guide strapped him into the safety harness, Justin reached out and grabbed me by the waist and planted a firm kiss on my lips.  He let me go quickly and nodded to the tour guide who pushed him off the platform.  With a loud whoop and a sky punch, Justin was rapidly zipping away.  I heard his wild laughter and shouts echoing off the canyon slowly fading away the farther he zoomed from us.  Once he was out of sight, the tour guide turned to me with another harness.  It was time to put my money where my mouth was.

     “Are you ready, ma’am?” he asked.

     I took in a deep breath and shook out my nervous hands.  I felt a slight dampening under my arms and said a quick prayer that I made it to the other side alive and without wetting my pants.  I gave the guide a quick nod, and he quickly strapped me in and attached me to the line.  Before I had a chance to think any further, the guide gave me a quick, hard push and I was off and flying with a terrified scream as my feet left the platform.

     Once my initial shock and yes, I must say trauma of being suspended three-hundred feet above a canyon, wore off, I was exhilarated.  I felt like an unusual bird what with the helmet and all the safety gear, but I was truly soaring as a real bird might or at least that’s how I saw it.  I shouted giddily, feeling so liberated and thrilled beyond belief.  There were five total zip lines and at each platform stop, I was given a little presentation about the island, the wildlife, history, and the areas I would be passing through.  I soaked up every single second of it.

     Finally, I met Justin at the end of the line where he high-fived me.  We were both on an adrenaline high and could hardly stand still.  We both agreed we’d definitely return to the island just for another trip on the zip line.  After our initial jubilation waned a bit, our eyes locked on each other’s.  For a moment, every cell in my body went still and my mind went blank.  I realized we were connecting in a new way.  He moved in cautiously pulling me into his arms.  He brought his hand up to my ponytail and pulled it gently until I was looking up into his face.  And then…then he gave me a deep, slow, soulful kiss that made my toes curl.  My arms came up and wrapped around his neck without me even thinking about it, as I pulled him into at tighter embrace.  I could only describe kissing Justin this way like being wrapped in silk--smooth, soothing, and luxurious.  His lips were soft and relaxed against mine before he parted them and slowly, deliberately stroked my tongue with his.  It wasn’t a wild and passionate kiss like the ones James gave me, but a slow, lingering seduction.  I fell into an otherworldly, surreal state, almost hypnotized by how thorough he was in his exploration of my mouth.  He slowly coaxed my hesitant tongue to into a sensual dance with his.

     He released me just as slowly as he had kissed me, then smiled down at me with warmth radiating from his expression.  I blushed softly, feeling a little off-balance, a little knocked back by such an amazing kiss.  Not even Vance had kissed me like that.  I was speechless, afraid to say something to break this amazing spell between us, but if the moment drew out any longer, I knew I’d become uncomfortable.

     “Thank you for the most amazing day, Justin.  Everything has been so much fun and just incredible.  I don’t know how we’ll ever top this.”  I stumbled out, unable to fully articulate my gratitude.

     He smiled at me softly again and spoke in a near whisper, “I promise this is the first of many new adventures for us.”

     I was back to feeling awkward with that statement.  It was becoming clear to me that Justin had an agenda for steadily moving our relationship in a different direction.  Of course, I wanted to spend time with Justin.  I adored him.  But, I also had this new person in my life and didn’t know where he fit in yet.  I did know that I wanted to continue to get to know James, to see if there were something more to our friendship than good sex, so how could I allow things to move forward with Justin?  Once again, due to my discomfort, I unwisely pushed the thought away and vowed to let things come as they may.

     After our zip line adventure, we agreed to go back to the hotel to shower and relax a bit before dinner.  They had a wine and cheese tasting we agreed to try before our dinner reservations at six p.m.  All in all, it was very relaxing and low-key following the day’s excitement, and exactly what we needed to decompress from our mutual adrenaline high.

     I had pulled my phone out of my purse and set it on the low table between our chairs.  I had set an alarm to let us know when it was time to leave for dinner.  We were both so relaxed and leisurely, I was worried we might miss our reservation.  According to Justin, we were having our meal at the Descanso Beach Club in an ocean-front cabana.  It sounded so lovely that I wanted to make sure we were there on time.  We were discussing how we would spend the following day when my phone started buzzing around on the table between us.  We both looked down at the display which showed James’ name over a picture of the two of us on the houseboat in Havasu.  Justin looked up at me quickly with a questioning look on his face.  I picked up my phone and sent the call to voicemail.

     “Who is James?” he asked, looking a little worried.

     “James is a guy I met on my trip to Lake Havasu.  He’s in the same squadron as Jessica’s friend Zach.”  I volunteered.

     “He’s a pilot?” he asked, looking a little gray around the edges.

     “He is.  He’s a very nice man.” I said, twisting the strap of my purse which had been laying in my lap around my fingers.

     “Are you dating him?”

     “I wouldn’t say that.”  I said with a slight cringe.

     “What does that mean?” he inquired softly, his fingers gripping the armrest of his chair.

     “Well, I’ve barely just met him.  We’ve had dinner once.  I hardly think one date qualifies as ‘dating’,” I replied.

     “Well he’s calling you again so I’m sure it will lead to another date,” Justin said before emptying his wine glass in one quick gulp.

     “Justin, I don’t know where anything is going.  Not with him and not with you at this point.  Obviously things between you and I are taking a different turn, and while I like it, I’m a little hesitant.  I don’t want to disrupt or destroy what is one of the most important relationships in my life.  I just want to take things as they come and not overanalyze anything.  You know that I haven’t had a relationship since Vance passed, nor have I even done any real dating for that matter.  I don’t want you to think that simply because I made a new friend who happens to be male, it has any bearing on you and me.”

     He sat back in his chair, contemplating what I’d said.  “I suppose you’re right.  I’m going to put it out there though, Peaches.  I love you.  As your friend and very likely more.  I want to see if there could be something serious between us.  I understand that you might not be ready for that, yet.  I’ll take my time with you and try not to rush anything between us.  But make no mistake, I intend to make you mine.”

     It was my turn to gulp down the rest of the vodka martini I’d ordered from the bar since I still didn’t really care much for wine.  Fortunately, my phone started vibrating again signaling that it was time to leave for the restaurant.  I smiled tremulously at Justin, and we both stood.  He took my hand, and we walked over to the beach club.

     The cabana on the beach where we had our dinner was very peaceful and soothing.  In all honesty it was very romantic, and Justin was doing his best to be charming.  Not another word was mentioned about James, but I was still a bit startled by Justin’s declaration.  I stuffed my feelings away beginning to feel like Scarlett O’Hara.

     After dinner, we took a nighttime tour of the Avalon hills in an open-air all-terrain vehicle along with two other couples.  Justin sat very close to me and put his arm around my shoulders.  I relaxed against him and enjoyed looking at the scenery and listening to the driver give his narration.  The trip took just a little over an hour.  Most of all, I enjoyed looking at the starlit sky above us.  It was the perfect end to a romantic evening.  I was pleased that I was sharing it with Justin.

      Once our tour was over, we quietly strolled back to the hotel hand-in-hand, both of us exhausted from our very busy day.  I think we were both mulling over the admissions of the evening.  I don’t know what Justin was feeling about learning of James’ existence in my life, but I was still taken aback by what he had told me and the idea that we’d be sharing a room.  I didn’t think anything was going to happen as Justin had said he’d take his time, but the last thing I wanted was for things to be awkward between us.  Fortunately, we each just took our turns in the restroom, both of us emerging wearing sweats and old t-shirts.  He gave me a hug and a brief kiss goodnight and turned out the light in favor of the small night table lamp between the two beds.

     As I was drifting off, I thought of Vance and wondered what he would think of the whole situation.

     I was walking alone along the beach just after dawn.  The morning was thick with fog, but I could make out a figure relaxing on one of the lounges set up along the shore.  My first thought was that it was odd that the chairs had been put out so early in the morning, and that the moist air would ruin the cushions.  The next was puzzlement that someone else would be out so early just relaxing when there were no sun’s rays to bask in.

     As I drew closer, I saw the familiar shape of a man.  His hair was very dark, and he was dressed in a cream colored cable knit sweater and jeans with brown deck shoes.  He was very relaxed, just sitting with his arms crossed behind his head.  He turned to look at me and my heart jumped into my throat.  The man looked just like Vance.  He smiled and spoke to me.

     “Good morning, Precious,” he said softly.  “Come have a seat and tell me what’s eating at you.”  I ran the few remaining steps to his chair with my heart pounding.  It was indeed Vance.  I didn’t know how it was possible that he would be here with me, looking so healthy and robust, but I didn’t care.  He sat forward, placing both feet on either side of the chair and patted the space between his spread legs.  I eagerly climbed on twisting around to hug him tightly.  He leaned in and kissed me in his usual fashion, a feathering of his lips against mine.  I desperately wanted to deepen the kiss, to feel our familiar connection flare to life, but he simply put his hand on my shoulder and urged me to turn back around.  I settled back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on top of my head.

     “How are you here, Vance?” I whispered, my amazement and disbelief filling my voice.

     “I promised you before I left that I’d always be with you, Mimi.  I know you need me now so here I am.  First, tell me how you’ve been.”

     I swallowed around the lump in my throat as tears filled my eyes. Again my voice came out in a whisper.  “I’m doing fine for the most part now.  I still miss you tremendously, but I’ve slowly come back to feeling like myself.”  I didn’t want to tell him about the current goings on in my life, afraid that he would be angry with the fact that I’d slept with James and had been growing closer to his good friend.

     “I am glad.  I’m also happy to know that you’re keeping your promise to me.”

     “What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.

     “I know about James and Justin.  It’s good that you’re finally opening yourself to the possibilities of love.”

     I snorted softly.  “I don’t know about love.  I’ve only just met James, and my friendship with Justin is taking a turn in a new direction.  I just don’t know if I should choose one or the other.  You know it’s not like me to sleep around.  I am not sure I feel comfortable seeing two people at once.  Not seeing Justin is not an option, he has become one of my closest friends.  James on the other hand is someone I’d like to get to know better.”

     “You shouldn’t feel like you have to choose at this point, Mimi.  This is your first foray into new relationships, and there’s nothing wrong with taking your time.  You may have rushed things with James a bit in some ways, but as time goes on you’ll see how your feelings develop and then you’ll be able to decide.  Who knows, maybe you’ll decide that neither is right for you in the long run.  Right now you have to think of yourself and gauge what feels right to you as you go along.  Don’t worry about being selfish.  You’re a young, beautiful woman coming into her own after a devastating loss.  No one can fault you for not being certain of what you want yet.”

     “I just wish you hadn’t had to leave me.  We’d still be together living our perfect life.  Who knows, we may have even had a child by now,” I said, gripping his arms even tighter around me.  In that moment, all I wanted was him, to have him back.  I told him as much. 

     “I know, Precious, but that can’t be.  You have to live your life as it is now.  Don’t worry though, I’m with you through it all.  In that sense, we’re together forever.  Now come.  We’ll take a walk along the coast, and you can tell me about what you’re feeling.”

     We rose from the chair and set off in the direction away from my hotel, hand-in-hand.  I said nothing for a time, and he just waited for me to give voice to my thoughts as patient as he’d always been as I sorted through my feelings.  Eventually I spilled all my hesitations and concerns, from being unaccustomed to being involved with more than one person to worrying about how my relationship with Justin would be affected, to the knowledge of sleeping with someone other than him.

     “It’s all just new, Mimi.  You’ve never had to confront issues like this.  You and I were lucky to have been connected so quickly and consumed by our feelings for each other.  There was no room for anything but us.  Love and relationships are rarely like that.”

     “I’ve only ever loved you, Vance.  I still don’t know if there’s room for anyone else.  I am not so worried about James at this point, we’re just getting to know each other and apparently having fun while doing so,” I admitted with some embarrassment.

     “There’s nothing wrong with that.  You have needs like any other normal person and you haven’t been ready for a new attraction to someone else.  Don’t feel any guilt for it.  You’re doing exactly what I wanted and asked of you.  You’ll never be able to share your light with anyone else unless you take these kinds of steps.”  He looked toward me with a soft smile on his face.  “So what else is bugging you, my love?”

     “What if the developments between Justin and I ruin what we already have?  I love him dearly as a friend and can’t imagine my life without him, but I don’t know if any other feelings I have might just be a way of keeping you alive.  He is a tie to you, my last remaining real connection.  It may not be fair to proceed with him without knowing for sure.”

     “How are you going to know if you don’t proceed?  What if he’s the one you should be with in the end?  You’ll never know and might miss out if you don’t take the chance.  I know Justin, he’s not going to turn his back on you if things don’t work out.  He’s not that kind of guy.  Remember, I told you before how loyal a friend he is,” he advised.  “If ultimately you decide you’re not meant for each other, he will recognize it as much as you will.  He’s not a stupid guy.”

     “I know.  I just want to be careful.” I admitted.

     “So be careful.  Be honest and open with both Justin and James.  This is where you are in your life, and if they can’t abide by it, then you will know right away they’re not for you.  It’s really quite simple, Precious.  You’re just overthinking things again.  As usual,” he said to me with his usual playful grin.

     I bumped his shoulder with mine and grinned at him as we turned to walk back in the direction we’d come.  Oddly, the fog began to grow denser around us until I couldn’t see but a foot in front of me.  It had even rolled over Vance, and I was having trouble seeing him clearly.

     “It’s time for me to go back, Mimi.  Come here and give me a kiss before I go,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.  A spike of pain shot through my heart but dissipated as soon as his lips touched mine.  This time his kiss was deeper than the last, and I poured all my love into it.

     As the fog began to swallow him up, he reminded me, “Don’t worry so much, Mimi.  Everything will work out fine.  Just enjoy yourself for now.  I’m here if you need me.”

     As the fog completely obscured him from my view, I awoke with a start.  I was back in bed in the hotel room with everything just as it had been before.  Tears sprang to my eyes anew, but I was left with a warm feeling.  If Vance said everything would be fine, it would be.  Other than our difficult time apart, I’d always trusted him completely.

     Once Justin awoke, I contemplated telling him about my dream.  In the end, I decided it was a memory just for me and said nothing.  We got ready and went out to partake of the lovely complimentary breakfast the hotel provided.  I tried to be cheerful and enthusiastic, but I was thrown by the dream and really just wanted to go home and ruminate. 

     “Justin, would you be terribly disappointed if we didn’t go parasailing today?  I’m a little worn out from yesterday.  I kind of just want to go home,” I said.

     “Oh.  Sure, Peaches.  After we finish up here, let’s go over to see when the next boat leaves.”  He looked disappointed but put on a smile for me.

     “I’ve really had such a good time, Justin.  I hate to end our trip early.”

     “Aw, it’s okay, hon.  Like we talked about, we will come back another time.  We can save the parasailing for then.” 

     It turned out we had an hour and half to kill so we did some shopping.  We bought each other souvenirs, matching picture frames for one of the various photos we’d taken the day before.   They were cheap and cheesy but the perfect memento for our trip.  I would find a nice picture of the two of us to put in mine.

     Once I arrived home, I almost instantly regretted cutting the day short because all I had was time on my hands to think and overanalyze.  Then I remembered James had called the night before and left a voicemail.  I pulled my phone out of my purse to listen to the message.

     “Hey Kitten.  I was just calling because I was thinking of you.  I was hoping you might be free on Saturday.  I’d like to take you out on a normal date this time.  Not that I minded how things turned out last weekend, I have to admit.”  I could practically see his devilish wink.  “At any rate, give me a call whether you’re busy or not.  I’d love to just talk to you.”

     The message ended, and I couldn’t help but smile.  I figured he was busy that time of morning so I decided I would call him back in the evening when I had a better chance of catching him.  With that filling up three minutes of my otherwise unoccupied day, I decided to go shopping for supplies I’d need for school.  I wanted to get a laptop I could take with me to my classes, and I needed some other ancillary supplies.

     When I arrived home, I put away all my purchases.  I had bought a mid-range laptop and sleek black leather case.  I also bought far more pens and notebooks than necessary, but there was something about all the supplies and organizational materials that just called to me.  I suppose it was just my excitement about embarking on this new phase of my life.  Classes were slated to begin the following Tuesday and frankly, I couldn’t wait. 

     My phone rang just as I was arranging the last of my supplies in my case.  I grinned as I looked at the display.  It was James.

      “Hey, James.  I was planning to call you back tonight, but you beat me to it.  I’m sorry I missed your call last night,” I answered as I flopped down onto my sofa and put my feet up on the arm.

     “No worries, Mimi,” he answered.  “I just had a few minutes and thought I’d brighten my own day by hearing your lovely voice.”

     “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

     “Now, now.  Don’t go doubting my sincerity already.  Give me a chance to screw things up before you get cynical on me.” He chuckled.

     “Do you screw things up regularly?” I teased.

     He laughed.  “No, I don’t normally make a habit of it.  My life relies on me doing things perfectly every day.”

     “I imagine it does.  Well, fortunately I don’t set the bar quite so high,” I said twirling a lock of hair around my finger as I enjoyed our banter.

     “Are you telling me you have low standards, Mimi?  If you are, that leaves a world of possibilities open for me.” 

     “I am telling you no such thing.  But if you happen to have a few ideas you’d care to share, I’d be happy to listen to them,” I said, laughing.

     “You are quite a handful, Kitten.  So hey, what are your plans for this weekend?  I was hoping I could take you out all proper-like,” he offered.

     “Don’t call me Kitten.  As of now, I am completely free this weekend.  When and what do you have in mind?”

     “Well for the when I was thinking Saturday again, and as for the what, that’s a surprise,” he said cryptically.

     “Hmmm.  I’m not real keen on surprises, James.  Especially where you’re concerned.  I could end up at a nude beach or something.”

     “Alright, I’ll scratch the nude beach off the list.”  He laughed.  “Seriously though, I have some place I’d really like to take you, and I promise you’ll need clothes for it.”

     “Okay then it’s a date.  What time shall I be ready and what shall I wear?”

     “I’ll pick you up at noon, and you should dress casually, but bring a nice change of clothes for the evening.  I suggest you not wear the red dress again, as we might have a repeat of last week if you do.”

     I giggled as I dangled my feet over the arm of the sofa and swung them back and forth.  “You say that as if it were a bad thing.”

     I heard him clear his throat softly.  “No, not a bad thing, but I don’t want it to be the only thing we do when we get together.  That’s not all that this is about.  At least for me.”

      I smiled broadly, though he couldn’t see it.  “I’m glad to know that.”

     “Good.  Okay, I need to get going here, but I look forward to seeing you Saturday.  Until then, try to be good.”

     “I’m always good, James.”

     “Somehow, I have no doubt about that.  But try to behave.  Take care, Kitten.”