Fighting Silence (35 page)

She and Slate had insisted on paying for dinner as our wedding gift, and I’d begrudgingly agreed when I’d found out she wanted to do something at home. I had been thinking chicken on the grill, but she’d had other ideas. By all accounts, she had gone overboard. It was less than ten people, but she had three private chefs and a cupcake tower that was roughly as tall as Eliza. When my jaw dropped after seeing what she had put together, Slate pulled me aside, slapped a beer in my hand, and told me to keep my mouth shut. He had never steered me wrong before, so I did just that.

At the end of the evening, Johnson drove Eliza and me to our hotel. It was a nice place, and I smiled proudly as Eliza oohed and ahhed over every thing. Then I made sure she oohed and ahhed under me when I took her against the wall for the first time as my wife.

Hours later, as we lay in bed naked, we removed our rings and read what the other had inscribed inside.

Hers:
My wildest fantasy.

Mine:
This is reality.

That day had been such a surreal combination of the two that I’m still not sure who was right.

FOR THREE FULL MONTHS AFTER the wedding, our lives became blissfully boring. I found an accounting job I hated, Flint graduated high school, Quarry was starting to draw national attention in the amateur boxing circuit, and Till . . . Well, he smiled more often than not. And with another win under his belt, his career was looking even more promising—each fight bringing in more money than the last. There was money in the bank, food on the table, and plans to move out of our crappy apartment as soon as we could find a house to rent. For the first time in as long as I could remember, life was easy.

That was until one Friday night when Quarry came down with the stomach flu. It quickly ravaged its way through Flint and Till. I served as a nurse to all three of them until I got sick too. As the guys got better, the roles were reversed. While I thought it was really sweet to watch them all coddle me, I showed no signs of improvement after a full week. It honestly appeared that I was getting worse. Then Till really began to worry and finally dragged me to the doctor.

“
Are you freaking out?
”

“No.”

“
Yes, you are.
”

Till’s lips twisted in a one-sided smile. “No, I’m not.”

“
You’re totally freaking out.
”

He sat down on the edge of the examination table and squeezed my hand. “Doodle, are
you
freaking out?”

I sucked in a deep breath before the floodgates failed me. “
Yes!
” I cried as I dropped my head against his chest.

I felt his shoulders shake before I heard his quiet chuckle.

I sat up back up, sniffling. “
Why are you laughing?
”

“Because after everything we’ve been through, you decide to freak out about being pregnant? I’m happy and my little Miss Fix It is panicking. I’m sorry, but that’s funny.”

“
You’re happy?
” My voice squeaked at the end.

“Um . . . why wouldn’t I be happy? My wife is pregnant, and I’m finally at a point in my life where I think we could afford to start a family. It might not be ideal timing, but who cares? It’s not the
wrong
time either. We’ll make it work. It’s what we do.”

“
You know, I’m really not fond of this sensible Till.
”

He barked out a laugh. “You’re okay. I’m okay.” He reached down and placed his hand over my stomach. “We’re okay.” Kissing the top of my head, he said, “Nothing else matters.”

The familiar words soothed my nerves.

There was a knock on the door, and I nudged him off the table. The doctor and nurse came in pushing a large cart that nearly filled the crowded room. Till scooted back against the wall to allow them more room, and I felt the loss of his comfort even though he was only a few feet away.

“Okay, Mrs. Page. Since you don’t know how far along you are, we are going to do a quick ultrasound to see if we can get a fetal measurement and estimate a due date.”

I nodded with my eyes glued to Till. I was so nervous, and apparently, it read on my face. He quirked a smile and signed,
I’ve heard pregnant woman are horny all the time. This could really work in my favor.

My faced heated, and I prayed that no one in the room understood sign language. Till was entirely too far away, and as the doctor lubed up my stomach, I motioned for him to join me. With a smirk, he squeezed his muscular body around the doctor and took my hand, kissing my palm.

From our vantage point, we couldn’t see the screen, but the doctor squinted and leaned in closer with the every twitch of his wrist.

“When did you say your last period was?” he asked.

“About two weeks ago.”

“And you were on birth control, right?” he asked, still staring at the screen.

“Yeah. The pill.”

“That was definitely just breakthrough bleeding, then. It appears that you’re around eight weeks.” He reached forward and turned a tiny knob.

A beautiful whooshing sound filled the room. A hand flew to my mouth as my eyes began to swim.

Till gripped my hand and nervously asked, “What?”

The heartbeat,
I signed unable to say the words then made a flashing sign by opening and closing my fist to the rhythm of the sound.

Till’s face formed a fake smile that proved he knew exactly what he was missing and he fucking hated it.

Thankfully, the doctor must have seen our exchange. “Here.” He turned the monitor to face us. “You can see it on the screen.” He placed his finger below a tiny blinking light.

Nothing about that black-and-white image was even remotely recognizable as a baby, but its little heart still beat steadily. It made sense. It was Till’s baby; the heart had always been his most defining feature.

Till gasped as he pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it repeatedly. He silently stared at that screen until the doctor turned it away, and even then, he moved toward my feet in order to keep it in his line of sight.

“Can you tell if it’s a girl?” he asked.

The doctor snickered before turning to face him and shaking his head no.

“No, it’s not a girl, or no, you can’t tell?”

“It’s way too soon to tell,” he replied.

Till’s eyes flashed to mine for the translation.

At the answer, he released a loud breath and raked a hand through his hair. “Okay. I’m gonna need it to be a girl, and if you could sway that for me, I’d really appreciate it.”

The doctor laughed as he handed Till a few grainy pictures that would serve absolutely no purpose other than wasting hours of our time as we tried to make out the nonexistent shape of our baby. Maybe that made them the most precious pictures of all though.

“Go ahead and get dressed. Everything looks great, and we can discuss details and future appointments in my office.” The doctor walked out of the room, leaving us both still shocked and emotional in his wake.

I waved a hand to catch Till’s attention, but when he looked up, his eyes had lost their playfulness.

“
Are you okay?
” I asked.

He swallowed hard before painting on a painful-looking smile. “Way better than okay,” he responded unconvincingly.

“
Till
. . .”

“Come on. I want to hear what he has to say about my daughter.” He turned away from me, halting any further conversation.

I became instantly worried that Till had joined me on the freak-out train. I threw my clothes on as he stood with his back toward me, but I could see his eyes focused on the pictures in his hand. As I got close, I reached out and traced a hand down his shoulder. He caught my arm and spun, wrapping it around his neck.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” he choked out with that a one-sided grin of Till the boy. I was transported in time to the moment I’d fallen in love with him.

“I want to buy a house with a big yard. I want to put a huge swing set out back and get one of those stupid tea sets.”

I pushed my hands in front of the paper and signed,
I kinda want a boy.

His eyes snapped to mine.

“
One with your hazel eyes and that crooked grin.
”

“No way. She needs to be smart like you.”

“
No way. He needs to have your heart,
” I countered.

“We’re having a baby,” he repeated, but it wasn’t said with happiness or even fear. It was said with pride and victory. “When I first lost my hearing, I stayed awake one night freaking out about the fact that our kids might have to deal with this one day.” He pointed to his ears. “But, Eliza, who cares? Look how perfect she is.” He held the picture up.

“
Till, listen to me.
He
—”

He narrowed his eyes.

“—
won’t ever have to experience this. Quarry either. They can get the implant. You’ve shouldered this for everyone. You wanted to give us all a better life. And you’ve done it. We aren’t millionaires, but we’ve made it. The only question now is: When does Till get the better life?
”

“HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?”
SLATE asked as soon I walked into his office.

“Seen what?” I replied.

He turned his laptop around to face me, and I immediately recognized the still preview. It was the setup of amateur night at On The Ropes. He pressed play and I watched myself rise from the corner stool. My eyes were glaring across the ring.

I leaned in close to the computer and could barely make out Eliza seated with Derrick Bailey at her side. His arm was around the back of her chair, and even though I knew it had been well over two years since that night, the same rage bubbled in my stomach. Both on the screen and in the present, I watched Eliza until Rick “The Brick Wall” Matthews rush toward me.

I saw my attention only leave her long enough to step forward and throw two punches—which dropped Matthews to the mat. I didn’t even stay to celebrate my win. I simply stormed back to the corner and started pulling off my gloves. I could still feel my desperation to get her away from him.
Justified desperation.

The video suddenly cut off, and I looked up at Slate as I arrogantly dusted off my shoulder. He let out a silent laugh.

“
I woke to a million phone calls and emails this morning. This thing has been viewed over a million times in twenty-four hours.
”