Fighting To Stay (11 page)

“You hurt me,” I say softly.

There is a long pause before any words are spoke between us. Just as quickly as I take a breath to say goodbye, he starts talking.

“I don’t understand why you won’t move in with me.”

“Why is it so important for me to move in here,” I half yell. “Please tell me that.”

Garrett climbs off the bed and walks toward me. “It’s important because I love you. Because the thought of waking up without you in my arms kills me. Why is it so bad that I want you here with me?”

Turning my head, I chew on my lip to keep from crying again. It doesn't matter how we try to avoid this, the reality of the situation is there. It kills me, but I can’t hurt him any longer.

“I’m dying,” I scream.

He reaches out to touch me and I bulk away from him. Sighing, he runs his hand through his hair before starting again.

“You aren’t dying. You are only Stage 2 B. That is fully treatable and has a very high success rate of remission.”

Whipping my head in his direction, I glare. “Fine, I may go into remission, but that fear, that lingering doubt will be there in the back of your head and mine. I may have to live this way, but you don’t. It isn’t fair to you. It’s best we just end this now before we get too attached.”

He grabs a hold of my shoulders before I have a chance to pull away from him. “That is not happening. Not now, not ever.”

“Why can’t you just let me go,” I sob.

“Why do you want me to? You are my one and only. I do
not
care if you have one- year, one-month, or one-day left. I want you with me for whatever amount of time you have. Please don’t turn away from us because you are afraid I’ll get hurt. No matter if you walk away now or you…” he shakes his head and swallows hard. “It doesn’t matter. It’ll have the same results. Please don’t waste the time we have right now, together.”

“But if I…”

Garrett cuts me off by sealing his mouth firmly over mine. Holding me there, he kisses me with so much passion and love that my heart is fit to burst. I love this man, I truly do, but I hate the thought of hurting him.

Breaking from the kiss, he rests his forehead against mine. “This isn’t a decision you can make alone. Not when my heart is just as involved as yours.”

Reaching up my hands, I touch his face tenderly. “The thou—thought of hurting you kills me. I don’t want you hurt.” My emotions betray me.

He kisses my nose softly, but doesn’t pull away. “You’d hurt me more walking away than anything else. I’ve waited so long for you to be mine; I’m not giving you up easily.”

“I love you so much Garrett, but promise me that no matter what happens, you’ll carry on with your life. If I stay, that is what I need from you. A promise. Please,” I breathe looking up into his eyes.

He’s mere centimeters from my face. His eyes looking deep into my soul, it seems. “We’ll be together until forever, so there’s no promise to keep. You are my life. It starts and ends with you,” he smiles softly.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you more than the sun heats the earth and moon lights the night. More than a wish on a star and a hope for tomorrow.” He kisses me deeply before pulling back slightly. “Move in with me, baby. I promise, I’ll always be here for you. Through everything, I promise.”

Unable to speak, I nod my head. His smile is blinding. He kisses me again and leads me back over to the bed. Pulling down the covers, he helps me lay down.

“Both of us need some sleep,” he says.

“Did you even come to bed last night?”

He slides into the bed next to me, wrapping me in his arms. “No, I watched you sleep. Then worried myself that you were going to walk away. Then I had a patient call for an emergency and had to leave. I didn’t want to, but it is my job.”

“I saw you when I was leaving after my treatment.”

His thumb brushes across my cheek as he moves a piece of hair from my face. “I was in the room while you were sleeping, checking on you. Um, I read what you wrote in your notebook. That was about me, wasn’t it?”

Closing my eyes, I nod my head yes. “I thought… When you walked out of the kitchen last night…”

“Hey,” he tips my head up and I open my eyes. “I’m in love with you so completely. One day, I need you to realize that,” he smiles. “Now, go to sleep. You need to rest as much as possible. Chemo can be very draining.”

“That explains why I fell asleep in my office,” I joke.

He laughs. “Yes, that could be it.”

Pulling me tightly against him, he kisses the top of my head. Closing my eyes, I curl into his chest and before I know it, I’m falling asleep.

My cramping stomach wakes me from my sleep. Tapping Garrett’s chest, he jerks awake.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I think… I think I’m going to get sick,” I say as I gag.

Garrett reaches over me and just as he gets the pale in front of me, I lose it. The whole time my stomach is emptying; he’s stroking my hair and telling me it’ll be okay.

Once it all passes, Garrett sets the pale aside and I sag into his arms, my body still shaking from the exertion.

“Shhh, I got you. It’s okay. I’m right here,” he whispers into my hair as he kisses my head repeatedly.

“This sucks,” I force out through the massive chills.

My teeth are chattering together.
I’m so damn cold.
It’s as if I am sitting outside in the dead of winter, surrounded by snow and I am naked.

“I’m so cold,” I stutter out.

“I know baby. Let me get you some of the clothes I bought for you today. I think there’s a sweats outfit in there.”

“You’ll come back right,” I ask almost panicked.

This is a feeling I am not used to and I’m not handling it well. I don’t like feeling so sick. In general, I’ve always been in good health. I’ve not really been sick over the course of my life so far. Garrett, right now, is my comfort, my familiarity in an unknown storm of feelings.

Just as he promised just moments earlier, he comes back with sweats and a t-shirt. Tenderly, he helps me get redressed in the warmer clothes. Sliding into the bed, he pulls me against his chest, wrapping me tightly in his arms and the blankets. Soon, I’m falling asleep again.

My body aches and I am tired as all hell, but my eyes open. Turning, I find the bed empty. Sadness fills me at the thought that he could possibly have changed his mind because of seeing now firsthand the work that is going to be going in by being with me.

Climbing from the bed, I go into the bathroom and nearly jump from my own skin when I see Garrett standing there shaving.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he smiles warmly.

“I, uh, I thought you left again.”

Wrapping me in his arms, he kisses my head. “No. I’m going to take some time off to be with you.”

“No, I don’t want you doing that. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Just shaking his head, he steps back and starts removing my clothes. I don’t say anything. Honestly, I don’t want to upset him, but I’m not in the mood right now at all.

“That’s not what I’m thinking, baby. I just want to help you shower. You’re still very pale and I don’t want you passing out in the shower.”

Looking down, “Well, the tent in your sweats says otherwise.”

We look at each other for a moment before we both start laughing. Honestly, it feels good to laugh. Last night was a lot harder than I ever expected.

“Well, I can’t help the way my body reacts to you, but I promise my hands are off you until you’re better.”

“I’m both grateful and pissed off about that. My body is so damn confused.”

He laughs as he helps me into the shower. “By the time you get used to feeling this way; the treatment process will be over. I can’t promise that I won’t want to devour you immediately when you are better,” he winks.

He helps me with my shower. I’m falling more and more in love with him every day. A part of me will always freak out about the possibility of dying and leaving him behind, but Garrett’s right. We can’t base our life on a maybe.

Finally, having his love returned gives me a reason to
want
to stay. I’ve never wanted to stay more than I want to stay with him, like this for the rest of my life. Well, not exactly like this because I want to be healthy, but close enough.

After a ten-minute argument, I finally convince him to go into work. Sitting around the house is boring, but I found things to keep me busy. My boss will no longer allow me to come in after falling asleep in the office. She said it’s best for me to take the time off, but promises that my job will be there when I’m done with my treatment.

So, here I am sitting in an empty house, bored out of my mind and it’s only eleven. Then I decide to make Garrett lunch. After cooking up some food, I bag it up and jump on my bike, that I hadn’t notice he brought over until I was wondering around today, and head to his office.

Walking in, I smile at the desk clerk. She looks up at me confused.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to see Garrett,” I smile back.

“And you are,” she asks almost rudely.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Donna,” I say trying to keep my cool.

“Donna…?”

“Bryner,” I answer unsure of why she needs to know that.

She’s clicking away at her computer. “You just had treatment yesterday. You aren’t due in for another six days.”

“Oh, no, I’m not here for an appointment. I’m here to…”

She cuts me off. “Look, if you don’t have an appointment then you need to leave. He’s a busy man. He can’t stop seeing patients because you feel you deserve his attention or have some silly crush on him because he was friendly with you,” she turns away from me and busies herself.

Standing there shocked, all I could do is swallow hard. For a moment, I couldn’t do anything else. Honestly, I thought about just walking away, but then I remember how he took care of me last night and is still here today. He deserves this home cooked meal.

Setting the bags down, I pull out my phone and dial his number. The desk clerk is glaring at me the whole time that I’m on the phone.

“Hey beautiful,” he greets me as he answers the phone.

“Hey. How’s your day going?”

“It’d be so much better if I could see your beautiful face.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I’m standing out in the waiting area with lunch for you.” Peering at the desk clerk’s nametag, I continue with my conversation. “Carly isn’t letting me see you and was really quite rude about it.”

“Really now? I guess it’s time to remind her who she works for and show her what you mean to me,” he says before he hangs up.

Looking at the phone, I wonder what he meant by that. However, I didn’t have to wait long because he’s soon walking out into the waiting area.

“There’s my beautiful girlfriend,” he grins widely.

Before I can respond, he’s gathering me in his arms and kissing me in a way that no one could deny that we are indeed a couple. When he finally breaks the kiss, he smiles.

Turning to Carly, his face changes from flushed, horny to stern, and angry, he speaks in a level tone. “The next time my girlfriend comes in you treat her with a little more respect.”

Garrett takes my hand and leads me back toward his office. Somehow, I manage to grab the bags with his food in it before he starts moving. Carly wasn’t giving up though. She follows us into the back room and even into his office.

“She’s a patient,
Sir
. That’s against… whatever code that is to date a patient,” she says flustered.

“One, she’s not just a patient. She’s been my best friend since she were little,” he winks at me. “Two, sadly she became a patient, but I’m not putting our relationship on hold because she happens to have cancer and she’s being treated in the
only
cancer center in town. Three, Crosley is the one treating her. I, unfortunately, gave her the diagnosis. Explained well enough for you to understand,” he hisses.

“Well, don’t come crying to me when she leaves you once the ‘benefits’ are over and she’s cancer free,” she huffs and tries to leave the office.

“Ms. Perry,” he barks out causing her to stop her retreat just a few steps from his office door.