Filthy Beautiful Love (6 page)

He shrugs. "Said she didn’t like the taste. Of course, that’s exactly what I caught her doing to the gardener – deep throating him in the library. She seemed to like it just fine – as long as it wasn’t with me."

My heart aches for him. As pissed as I am, I’m beginning to understand the deep hurt and mistrust he’s carried around with him. I recall how he never seemed to want to go into that room and my heart softens just a bit. And I do like knowing that as trivial as it is, going down on him was something only I did. I guess I now understand his aversion to the library too.

"Being with her was a mere convenience. You are a choice. One I desperately want to make – if you’ll let me."

His words rattle me. I shouldn’t trust him – not after he lied about his past – made me believe he was single. Yet, there’s no denying part of me still wants him. "But you said friends." My voice is tiny. It would take little to no effort on his part to convince me we’d be better as more than friends. The heat buzzing between us is palatable and intense.

"For now, yes. I want you to trust me again. I won’t push you yet."

Yet
. That word rings loudly in my head.  I swallow heavily, trying to decipher the deeper meaning behind his words. He wants me back, I’m sure of it. So why in the hell won’t he just divorce Stella and move on with his life? Two years of waiting her out seems extreme. Even for someone as stubborn and cocky as Colton.

"I’m sorry…" I apologize, though I’m not entirely sure for what. I just hate the thought of Colt finding that witch on her knees, giving to another man what she withheld from him.

"Don’t be," he says, coolly. But his eyes tell a different story. They’re dark and faraway, as if he’s fighting to escape the sour memories that follow him around the rooms of his own house.

I leave Colton to his work and find myself wandering the rooms of his house, ending in the library. I hate Stella. I can't say I've ever really hated anyone before, I hate Becca's cancer, I hate that Colton is married, but I absolutely fucking
hate
Stella. She's made a man who is so sweet under his hardened exterior question himself and his relationships. I stand there in the library, silently staring off into space for far too long.

When I find Colton in his office later, I convince him to leave his work for the night and get some sleep. The dark circles under his eyes tug at something inside me, but I resist the urge to wrap my arms around his neck. He is not mine to soothe.

We part ways at the top of the stairs and say goodnight. The walk to the guest room feels too long and just odd. As I crawl in between the cool sheets, my thoughts are squarely on the man down the hall.

***

The following day is interesting. A strange sense of unease grows as the day passes. We eat our meals together, I go for a jog, and Colton works at the kitchen island while I flip through a magazine, but I can’t help but feel something is off. We’re struggling to find our rhythm as just friends. I keep stealing glances at him, noticing the way his white t-shirt clings to his sculpted chest and I feel his eyes on my backside when I walk away. I hate that I can’t touch him.

Is it even possible to be friends with a man I want so desperately?

When night falls, I’ve showered and brushed my teeth and done my regular nightly ritual, but I’m anything but ready for bed. My body is wound too tight. I’m beginning to think this new arrangement I’ve agreed to will never work.

After tossing and turning for an hour, I decide to go to Colton. I know my actions – going into his bedroom in the middle of the night – will define how we spend our next several months, but I don’t care. I need to see him, to talk to him, to understand what I’m getting myself into.

I creep down the hallway on tiptoes like a stealthy intruder and tap gently on his door.

No response.

Maybe he’s already asleep.

I let myself in and my eyes search out the darkened room. His blankets are in a messy heap on the bed, but I don’t see any movement.

"Colton?" I whisper.

Nothing.

I creep closer and kneel at the edge of the mattress. Now that my eyes have adjusted to the pitch darkness, I can see he’s not here. The room is quiet and empty.

A pang of disappointment, followed by curiosity flares inside me.

I venture off in search of him.

Chapter Five

Sophie

Nightfall has bathed the house in near total blackness, save for the little path lights that are strategically placed in outlets throughout the home. It’s just enough light for me to see as I navigate the stairs and head toward Colton’s office. I pass the den on my way and confirm he’s not in there. Perhaps he couldn’t sleep either and he’s gotten up to work. His blankets were strewn across his bed like he’d fought with them. My guess is that he attempted sleep, just like me, and lost the battle.

His office door is open and a lamp provides a swath of soft light. I hear grunting sounds and my stomach lurches.

I step around the doorway and I’m utterly shocked at what I find.

Colton is sitting in his leather chair, his pants are undone and his thick cock is standing proudly. His hand is moving up and down in short, uneven strokes and he’s grunting softly.

My pussy clenches at the sight of him. I release a tiny whimper and his eyes snap up to mine.

"Christ, Sophie." He tucks himself back inside his pants, which is not an easy task. He’s rock hard and his engorged cock does not look happy to be stuffed into the confined space. I wince just watching him.

"Don’t you fucking knock?" he barks in my direction.

"The door was open," I murmur, feeling idiotic.

He looks behind me to the open doorway. "I suppose it was. What are you doing out of bed though?"

"I think the better question is, what are you?" I feel cheeky and want to watch him squirm a bit at being caught. Except he’s collected and composed, and continues watching me calmly.

He shakes his head at me, obviously not taking the bait. "Don’t ask questions that you’re not prepared to hear the answers to."

I’m not sure what he means, but I cross the room and stand before him, my legs still shaky from what I just witnessed. "You were pleasuring yourself."

He’s quiet and still.

I hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but thankfully Colton doesn’t seem to take offense. "I’m just curious…"

"I have needs, Sophie, as you know."

I nod. "We both do." I take a step closer.

"Be careful, sweetness. You’re playing with fire, tempting me, making me want something I can’t have."

"Who says you can’t?" I don’t know who the girl is taunting him, but I’m feeling bold and restless and lonely. It’s a piss poor combination, and makes me want to act out.

He lifts one dark eyebrow, watching me closely. "Did you change your mind about all this, because I’ll fuck you here and now, so deep you’ll still feel my cock inside you tomorrow."

I don’t say anything else, mostly because I don’t know what to say, but my body is humming with anticipation. My nipples harden against the flimsy tank top and my panties cling to my sensitive folds.

Colton releases a frustrated groan and pushes his palm against his erection – which is definitely still there. "What in the actual fuck, Sophie?" His tone is a cross between playful and angry.

"I’m sorry I interrupted you," I say.

"Fuck it," he says, leaning his head back against the leather chair and closing his eyes.

When he opens them again, his anger is gone. All I see is lust.

"Why didn't you ever take me?" I ask.

"As the weeks passed, you started to mean more to me. I didn't want to take something from you that wasn't mine."

It is yours, I want to tell him. "But that day that Stella showed up, you were going to." I'd seen the look of resolve in his eyes and I knew he was finally going to give himself to me.

"Because I knew in that moment you belonged to me. Even without the auction, without the agreement. You were mine."

I watch his eyes, not disagreeing in the slightest.
I still am.

The way his dark gaze sweeps over to mine tells me he wants me, yet he’s choosing not to push me. I want to know why. "Why did you suggest we be just friends?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Then he motions for me to sit down in one of the chairs across from his desk.

I follow his lead and sit, tucking my bare legs underneath me. The tank top and pajama short set I’m wearing is no match against the cool air conditioning. Either that or my body is still trembling from what I witnessed when I walked in.

"I was developing real feelings for you, something that scared the fuck out of me given my past."

"I don’t understand. We were both falling…" It’s the first time I’ve admitted my true feelings, but something tells me this is no surprise to him.

Colton doesn’t say anything, he just patiently watches me like we have all night to sit here and speak in riddles. Perhaps his
just friends
speech was only that – a hollow request made only to get me to stay.

"If you want a real shot with me, I need a few things from you," he says.

"Such as?"

"You know I’ve been burned before when it comes to women, and money and trust."

"Yes," I acknowledge.

"Women usually only want me for my money," he adds.

"What does that have to do with me?" I am the furthest thing from a gold digger there is.

"Well, you have to admit the start to our relationship doesn’t exactly instill confidence. You only agreed to go with me that night because I was paying you."

"Yes, but as I got to know you, you know it wasn’t about the money. That money was for Becca. I told you I’ll give you the rest back right now."

"That’s not what I want." His tone is adamant and I feel like we’re spinning in circles.

"What do you want then?"

"Something much more valuable…" His eyes trace a path along my exposed cleavage, making my nipples harden.

I remain quiet, waiting expectantly and wondering what he has in mind.

"I want to know I can trust you. I need your faith and belief in me that I’ll handle my past."

"You can trust me…"  I start.

"Talk is cheap and I’ve been burned before. What happened with Stella makes it hard for me to believe in women, Sophie. Lack of judgment and one broken marriage under my belt may be understandable, but two? That’s not something I’m willing to risk. Friends is safer right now."

"You don’t trust me?"

He doesn’t respond.

"You’re the one who concealed the truth," I blurt.

"That may be, but you wanted to know how I felt and I’m telling you," he says.

"I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me," I admit. "You have to know that I’m nothing like her, Colton." I hate that one wicked woman has ruined it for the rest of us.

The look he gives me is incredulous. "You’re only in my life because of monetary reasons. I paid you to be here, and you ran out on me as soon as things got tough. What am I supposed to think?" he says, pinning me with a heated glare.

God, he’s right. When I look at my actions through that lens, I can see what he means. I was only here because of the money. As soon as I was confronted with his past, I ran out on him, refusing to listen to a single word.

"I need to be able to trust the woman that I’m with," he adds.

It wrecks me to see our arrangement through his eyes, to know that he viewed me as another woman only interested in his wealth. I stand and fold my arms over my chest. Why I’d ever thought this friends only thing was a good idea, I have no clue. "This isn’t going to work for me. I want you. You want me. Yet you don’t trust women. And I can’t just overlook your marriage. We’re at an impasse."

"So it seems." Colton drums his fingers on his desk.

Standing there in the quiet solitude of his office, I wonder what in the world I’ll do now. I consider packing my bags and going home, but deep down inside, I know that’s not the solution. I’d be doing exactly what Colton expects. Running away. I need to stay and show him there’s a different way. Even if it scares the ever loving crap out of me.

An idea takes hold and I’m unable to shake it away. My mouth starts working before my brain can even catch up with what I’m proposing. "I have moral standards. Ones that dictate I don’t sleep with married men."

He watches me curiously.

I sit down in front of him once again and take a calming breath. "I want to prove to you that you can trust me. That you can put your faith in a woman again."

"How?"

"By putting myself aside and submitting to you like I should have done from the first day you bought me."

Hungry eyes flash on mine. "I don’t understand."

"I’m scared, Colt. Of all of this. My feelings for you, of being hurt, of giving you my virginity. I’m scared you won’t sever ties with Stella. But I have faith in you. This is my way of showing you that I trust you to do the right thing and the best way I can prove to you that I’m not going anywhere is to give myself to you."

"Sophie…" he groans, rubbing a hand through his hair.

"You can have me any way you want me."

"You can’t mean that."

I nod slowly, letting my offer sink in. "Anything you want."

"I want your virginity, sweetness. I want total claim over you. It’s the only way to show me that you’re really here for me."

"But you said friends," I tease, lightly, drawing out the delicious verbal sparring that is so much like foreplay.

"Fuck being friends. I want to be inside you."

"I want that too," I say. "More than anything."

"You sure about that?"

I nod, meeting his dark gaze. "There was a man I met at a bar in Italy, he was attractive and polite and…"

"Did you want to fuck him, Sophie? Did you want him to put his cock inside of you?"

His possessive side makes me feel warm and flustered. "Just listen," I admonish. "I could have slept with him, and in fact Becca encouraged it. She said still being a virgin was my choice and I could have gone through with it."