Find A Way Or Make One (25 page)

As I readjust Shonna Elizabeth’s sleeping form in to my other arm, I take a minute to form an answer to that question. “Kiddo, we are all here today to show how thankful we are to the man that helped bring us all together so we could become a family.”

Cian pondered that a solid ten seconds before he posed his next question. “So why aren’t we all over there?”

Even though he was only five-and-half years old, this boy could ask more questions than Anderson Cooper could ever begin to imagine. “They knew him before any of us did. They just need an extra minute or two.”

“Ok.” And just like that, the questions stopped.

The day Kye told me she loved me and that she was pregnant, I figured that we would just ride off into the sunset and live our happily ever after.
It hadn’t been quiet that easy.

When I had finally gotten around to popping the question to Kye, I had presented her with the ring that I had bought her a month and a half after we first met;
she had broken down and cried. It was a beautiful gold and platinum bezel set diamond with small aquamarine stones in the center of the band. After I had put it on her finger, I had looked down on it and grinned. “You know, I always knew this ring was suited you, even before I knew your birthdate and birthstone. But you should know that
my birthstone is a diamond, so I guess we were always meant to be.”

But being meant to be didn’t mean
being together was easy. We had our share of problems, the greatest of which was
the boys and our time apart.

All three of the boys wanted Kye to be happy, and if being with me made her happy they were all for it, but it took time for me to form my own relationships with them. Cian was the first to call me Daddy, and that made sense because he had never really had a dad of his own. Even though Tiarnan hadn’t known if he was Cian’s
father or not, he hadn’t pushed for a fatherly role.
Tiarnan would say that it was because he was too young and selfish. I would say it was really because he wanted what was best for Cian and he thought that he just wasn’t it.

Surprisingly, Tiarnan had been more accepting of me as a presence in his life that Seamus. After we had continued our
talk about how much I loved Kye and Tiarnan promised to rip my balls off if I ever hurt her again, we formed a truce.
Gradually when he called to talk to Kye and the boys he would talk more and more to me, until one day in July and we were all on the lake while he had weekend leave, he told Cian not to run to me, because “Dad can’t save you now.” After he threw water on Tiarnan
while he was sleeping. I never imagined I would be the father of a twenty-one y
ear old at the age of thirty-one, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Seamus didn’t call me “Dad” until two months ago. It had been a Saturday, and I had been working in the office at home, trying to get the quarterly report
for
Masters Shipping
done and Seamus stuck his head in.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Seamus is six and a half years old, and for the most part he is a happy carefree little boy, but there are moments when he seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Sure Little Man, come on in. What do you want to talk to me about?”

I don’t know what I had been expecting, but I hadn’t been expecting him to ask, “Can I call you Daddy?”

Tears came to my eyes but I quickly pushed them back. “Well Little Man, if that is what you want, I would be both happy and proud to be your daddy.”

Seamus slowly nodded his head. “I know I
have another Daddy in Heaven that loves me, just like I have always known that I have
another Mommy in Heaven that loves me too. I know a bunch of kids at school that have two Mommies and two Daddies, none in Heaven though, so I guess it would be ok?”

I couldn’t help it, I had to hug him. As I picked him up in my arms and he laid his head on my shoulder, my tears finally broke through. “Well Little Man I know your Mommy and Daddy in Heaven love you, but I want you to always remember that your Mommy and Daddy here love too. We love you so, so much!”

Not surprisingly, Kye was much more understanding about my time away from her than I was of her time away from me. Then again all she had to get over was two drunken attempts at a one-night-stand that had ended with me screaming out her name and two
nameless females highly insulted and pissed at me. I had to get over her being in a relationship with a man that had helped her through some of the worst experiences in her life. To frustrate me even further was the fact that I was the cause of one of those experiences.

For a long time I didn’t want to ask her about him and her relationship with him, but finally I had to know; had she been in love with him.
She looked me in the eyes and grabbed my hand, causing me to fear for the worst, when she said; “Did I love Toby? Yes, I did. He helped me through some pretty tough times in my life. He saved me from Travis, gave me a way to move on from Christien and the life I had when dated him, and I know you hate to hear this, but he helped me
make it after I thought you threw me away. When I had thought I would never have a family, he let me help raise his son as my own, and even when he died he helped to make my family bigger and stronger. So yes, I loved Toby, and still do; but I was never
in love
with Toby.
That might have been the reason why after being a couple for six months we had never gone further than kissing.” That little fact allowed me to move past Kye and Toby, not that there aren’t times that I am jealous of the stories that they shared, or feel
a little hesitant when I see pictures of Kye, Seamus and Toby, but for the most part the only thing I feel for him is gratitude. I can’t resent the man that protected my world when I was unable to do so, or the man that gave me the sons that I love so much.

Looking down at Cian, I
ruffle his hair. “I think we have given them enough time, don’t you?” I quickly grab his hand with the one not supporting Shonna Elizabeth. Right at that time, Tiarnan joins us.

“Hey guys, I am sorry
I’m late. The last connector I was catching to Phoenix had a
two hour delay before it could get wheels up.” When Kye had first asked for the family to go to Toby’s gravesite on his birthday I had been a little hesitant. Only a few days before I had found the letter that Tiarnan gave her five years ago in the graveyard, and the depth of his love for Kye was pretty plain to see. But, when she said she felt like she needed to go to let him know how happy she was, I relented. Who in the hell am I kidding? There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy.

But truth be told, I know that there is a lot that I need to thank Toby for. He saved the love of my life more times than I can count, and he was there to help her get through some of the toughest times in her life. He had been responsible for bringing the sons that I love so much into her life and eventually mine.

So the next time that Tiarnan called home, I told him all about
. He hadn’t known if he would have time off, but if he did he would do everything he could to be there.
Three days ago he was told that he could have leave. Of course, that gave him no time to find transportation so he had to get to Phoenix by flying standby.
Standby is the old practice of military men and women of catching a flight on a cargo plan to wherever they were going. The problem with traveling standby and the reason why hardly anyone ever did it anymore is that often times you had to make countless connector flights that could be delayed and would take you two thousand miles west before you get to your destination five hundred miles east.

I chuckle as Cian jumps into Tiarnan’s arms and squeezes his big brother; or as
Seamus likes to say, his “biggest” brother.
Seamus liked to tease him, but just like Tiarnan, he would do anything to help his “baby” brother and keep him and the rest of the family safe.

My free arm came around his shoulder in a manly hug. “Well
let’s
go see your mom and brother. I think they have had enough time alone
.”

Tiarnan smiles and shakes his head. “My God; no wonder the guys give me such grief about our family dynamic. I have a “mother” nine years older than me, and my “father” is eleven years older. If that doesn’t equal a “what the fuck” moment, I don’t know what is!”

I can’t help but burst out laughing. “You are just pissed because
Skully
said you mom was definitely a MILF!” When one of his platoon buddies had seen a family picture Tiarnan had, he had started giving him tons of shit about Kye being one hot MILF. I probably would have been pissed when Tiarnan told me
about it when we came to visit one weekend, but when he pointed Skully out and I noticed his two black eyes and looked down at Tiarnan’s bruised knuckles, I couldn’t help but laugh.

As we approach the tombstone, Kye turns around and uses the hand not holding Shonna Elizabeth’s twin, Sharon Renee, to wipe the tears from her face. When Kye sees me she smiles, but her smile gets even wider when she sees her oldest son. “Tiarnan! I didn’t know you even knew we were coming here!”

After giving her a brief hug, Tiarnan tells her how I told him and asked him to come, her eyes feel with even more tears and she has to lean down to kiss one of our
eight month old daughters head. When she looks up the gratitude and love shining in her eyes is too much. I walk up beside her and kiss her, causing our youngest t
w
o boys to gag, our oldest son to chuckle, and both of our girls to squirm.

After I finally end our kiss, I look down into her eyes and ask, “Are you ok Darlin’ Princess? Do you need some more time?”

Her head is lying on my chest, so I don’t see, only fee, her shake her head no. “No, Toby knows that you are taking care of us. He is at peace.” We all stand
there a few minutes more. Kye,
Tiarnan, and I
in silent reflection; Seamus and Cian stand there as well, just as silent. I am sure they are much too young to understand the bittersweet nostalgia permeating in the air.

I don’t know just how long we would have stood there if it hadn’t been for an unmistakable odor that
wafts through the air around us.
The silence is broken by Cian. “Shewwww
!
Boy, am I glad I am too little to have to do dirty diaper duty.”

For some reason the girls almost always go to the bathroom at the same time, so everyone knows it is a two person job. I look over at Tiarnan and ask him to take Shonna Elizabeth, and he looks at me like I lost my mind. “Uh, seriously? You really think I am going to do that, no questions asked?”

“Look man, I have something I need to do here alone, so could you please just help a “Daddy” out?” When Tiarnan’s lips started to twitch, I knew I had him. “Fine, but I don’t have to do dirty diaper duty until
after
Christmas.”

As Tiarnan and the boys walk away, I look over my shoulder to see Kye still standing there, a sweet look of confusion on her face. “Go to the car Darlin’ Princess, I will be there in a minute”

Kye still looks confused but she nods her heads and leaves. When I am sure we are alone, I walk up to the tombstone and lay my hand on it. There are so many emotions running through me that I don’t know what to say, but I feel that I should say something. I finally get out a simple, “Thank you,” before I turn to leave.

I don’t look back. I keep my eyes firmly planted on my family in front of me and the future we will share. I may not look back, but I hear the paper of the note I left on Toby’s tombstone, rustling softly in the breeze.

Wyatt’s Letter to Toby

Toby,

When I first find out about you, my emotions ranged from betrayal that Kye had loved someone else to jealousy that you were there to
help her through her worst problems. But I have come to realize that I should be thanking you for taking care of her; before I met her and after I lost her.

You loved her enough to be the friend she needed and give her the family that she never thought she’d have; and now that her family is my family and I love each of them as if they were my own I guess you gave me my family as well.

Thank you for my family and thank you for keeping the woman we both love safe. I know how important you were to this family coming into being and for that I owe you everything. Please know that you will always be a part of this family, even if you aren’t here. Our sons and daughters will grow up knowing how much you loved their mother and would have loved them.

Thank you for my family, my heart, my life,

Wyatt

Playlist

4 years ago

Who Knew?
—P!nk

When Kye is at Toby’s grave

Chapter 1

I’ve Got Friends in Low Places
—Garth Brooks

Kye with Cale, Ken, Sunny, Crow, and Chip

Timing is Everything
—Garrett Headlund

Kye’s relationship with Wyatt

Take a Bow
—Rhianna

How Kye feels when she catches Wyatt out with Catherine

Chapter 2

Bed of Roses
—Bon Jovi

How Wyatt felt for Kye, even though he had to get close to Catherine

Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone
)—Cinderella

Wyatt when he realizes Kye is gone

Anymore
—Travis Tritt

Wyatt decides he can’t live without Kye anymore

Chapter 3

I’d do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)
—Meatloaf

Kye’s willingness to do anything to help those she loves

Chapter 4

Stay Gone
—Jimmy Wayne

Cale’s feelings about Wyatt needing to stay away from Kye

This One’s Gonna Hurt You
—Marty Stewart feat. Travis Tritt