Find You in the Dark (32 page)

 
And then I saw the huge grin spread across Rachel's face and I relaxed.  She closed her eyes a moment and touched my arm.  “We're more than okay.”  Well, that was good.  But she still wasn't explaining much.  She must have seen the frustration on my face because Rachel suddenly laughed.

  “
Annoying isn't it?  Wanting to know something and your best friend not giving an inch?” She raised her eyebrows at me knowingly.  “Yeah, yeah. I get your point.  Now, just spill it already before I have a litter of kittens here.”  I smacked her hand playfully.

 
Rachel flopped back on the bed, pulling me down with her so that we lay side by side.  She stared up at the vaulted ceiling for a minute before finally answering me.  “Well, I was pissed.  No, I take that back.  I was bordering on a murderous rage when Daniel came in after talking to you.”  I snorted, knowing how true her words were.  No one could do vengefully angry like Rachel.

  “
And...” I said, prodding her on.  “And, he apologized and I yelled at him some more and he apologized again. And somewhere in the middle of all that he kissed me.”  I sat up and looked down at my friend, questioning whether I heard her right.  I wasn't expecting Daniel to take that plunge.  At least not yet.

  “
He kissed you? For real?” I asked her, still in disbelief.  Rachel nodded.  “Yeah. And it was beautiful, alright.  I know what you're thinking, that I'll just get hurt.  And I told him as much.  But we sort of hashed everything out.”

  “
Including where Kylie fits into this happy little picture?” I asked a little more harshly than I meant to.  I was just worried that Daniel would hurt Rachel and then our threesome would be irrevocably damaged.  But I had wanted this.  Had wanted them to get their acts together and acknowledge that there was more than friendship between them.  But now that it was finally happening, I was scared of the change.  And selfishly I worried about what all of this meant for me.

 
Rachel looked momentarily hurt by the mention of Danny's ex.  “Yeah.  We talked about Kylie.  And Daniel admitted she has been more of a bad habit he just hasn't been able to shake.  But that he wants to give us a try.  And, in spite of all the doubts and worries I have, I want that too.” 

 
I flopped back down beside Rachel and took her hand in mine.  “If he hurts you, Rachel, I will rip off his nut sack and shove it in his ear.  I love him, I really, really do.  But us girls need to stick together.” I swore to her as she laughed.

  “
He knows that, Maggie.  Trust me.  Your reaction was a source of some serious angst on his part last night.”  I snorted at that, knowing that Daniel would be freaking out over how I would take all of this.  Fine, let him sweat.

  “
Well, as long as it's what you want.  Just try not to let your friendship become collateral damage.  Promise me that.”  I implored, squeezing her hand.  Rachel rolled her head to the side so she was looking at me.  “I promise. I won't let that happen.”  Promises were easy to make but even easier to break, I thought as we lay there silently together.

 
We were still like that when Clay came into the room.  He saw us and started to back out.  “Sorry.  I was just seeing what was taking you so long.  But if you're still talking, I'll give you some space.”  Rachel sat up and got to her feet.  “No, Clay.  You're fine.  Thanks Maggie.”  She leaned over and gave me a loud kiss on the cheek. 

 
She gave Clay a grin before disappearing down the stairs.  Clay came over and kissed me, sitting down on the bed beside me.  “Was everything okay?” He asked, putting his arm around me, pulling me up against his side. 

 
I snuggled close, burying my nose into the soft fabric of his shirt and spent a few seconds just enjoying the scent of him.  “She's great.  I guess she and Daniel finally got their crap together.”  I told him as he rested his chin on the top of my head. 

  “
That's great.” Was all he said, leaning down to kiss the skin below my ear.  I felt heat erupt inside of me and I let out a tiny sigh.  “I wish we could stay here.  You know in our own little bubble.”  I said mournfully as Clay placed small, shiver inducing kisses on the underside of my jaw. 

 
He nuzzled my neck as he spoke.  I could feel his warm breath on my skin and the tickle of his lips.

  “
We'll just have to move the bubble back to Davidson is all.” Clay said confidently.  “But bubbles have a nasty way of popping.”  I was being really gloomy, but I couldn't help it.  Nothing good ever lasted. 

  “
Then we'll just make a new bubble.”  Clay murmured as he pulled me into another mind blowing kiss.  And I let my pessimistic thoughts go as I thought that my forever was starting right now.

             
             
             
            Chapter Eighteen

 
But I was right.  The bubble did pop and it was loud and painful.  It started with my month long grounding that came courtesy of some very pissed off parents.  I was so deliriously happy from my night with Clay that I was oblivious to the twenty some texts I had received over the last 24 hours from my parents.

 
Turns out my mom had called Rachel's house looking for me when I hadn't returned her phone calls or texts.  She wanted to confer with me on pancake recipes, or something equally asinine.  Of course, I wasn't there.  And Mrs. Bradfield -(who Rachel had annoyingly told the truth to-)  filled her in about our lovely evening away in the woods.  To say my parents were angry was an understatement.  I'm surprised I lived through the epic screaming that followed my arrival back at home.

 
My father confined me to my room until Monday morning, only allowing me to leave to use the bathroom and to eat.  I was grounded for a month and I was not allowed, under any condition, to see Clay outside of school.

 
Of course, they blamed him almost entirely for encouraging me to lie to them and to go away overnight with him. (-The fact that my friends were there was inconsequential to them-).  Even when I, very maturely I might add, tried to take responsibility for my choices, my parents insisted on viewing Clay as the villain. 

 
I was able to send Clay a few quick texts before they confiscated my phone.
Busted.  Grounded until I'm fifty.  Love you. 
I received his reply less than thirty seconds later. 
I'm so sorry, baby.  Any way I can bust you out of Alcatraz?  Should I send a file in a cake through your bedroom window? :-)  I love you!

 
I smiled and furiously typed back, trying to be sneaky so my parents didn't flip again. 
I'll see you tomorrow.  I'll meet you at school.  Dad will be driving me.  No file necessary, though I may be forced to resort to cyanide tablets from the sheer boredom. xoxo

 
I quickly turned off my cell.  My dad took the phone, unhooked the internet in my room and confiscated my car keys.  Yep, I was a prisoner.  And I was also receiving the silent treatment.  My mother barely acknowledged my presence and my father just shot me looks of hurt and disappointment.  Disappointment was 100 times worse.

 
They were the champions of the guilt trip.  So I sat in my room all of Sunday evening, alternating between catching up on my homework and staring blankly at my wall.  And all I could think about was last night and everything that had happened between Clay and me.

 
I hadn't taken off the butterfly necklace he had given me.  I felt it lay warmly above my breasts.  It was almost like having his fingers touch me.  I was still so blown away by his thoughtfulness.  And the words he had told me, how he opened up and revealed things about himself that were painful, only made me love him more. 

 
I tried not to let our earlier fight taint my memories of our evening together.  But no matter how much I pushed them away, they simply bounced back, bringing with it the memory of his anger and my hurt.   

 
But despite the painful start, the night ended in the most romantic and toe curling way possible.  I hugged my pillow to my chest and let the delicious memories of us together fill me.  I shivered as I remembered his hands touching me and the feel of him as sank inside me.  I rolled onto my back and groaned.  Hell if I knew when we'd have a chance to be together intimately again.  I may be under lock and key until I start collecting social security. 

 
I thought about Clay whispering how much he loved me and how he wanted to be with me forever.  And I, in my naive, young- adult mind, thought that it would happen.  That, of course, Clay and I could overcome anything and we would follow each other off into the sunset.

 
I ignored the nagging voice in my head that whispered doubts and concern over Clay's intense need to be with me.  How he used me as a bandage for all of his other problems.  I pushed aside the annoying realization that
perhaps
that wasn't a healthy way to be...that I
couldn't
make everything better for him; as much as he told me that I was all he needed. 

 
Instead, I focused on my memories of making love to him and holding him the entire night.  Of feeling safe and secure as his arms wrapped around me, purposefully ignoring any and all thoughts of what had occurred
before
that
. 
The point was that I couldn't imagine
ever
loving someone the way I loved him.  And I swore I never would. 

  “
Wow, grounded for a month with no cell phone or car!  You might as well be dead, Mags.”  Rachel said sympathetically as we sat around the lunch table commiserating over my horrible fate the following day.  Clay squeezed my hand tightly, pressing close to my side.  It felt like a week since I had seen him, when it had been less than a day. 

 
I turned my head and met his mouth, kissing him deeply, not caring who saw it.  Pulling my lips from Clay's with a groan that made him smile, I returned my attention back to Rachel.  Who was sitting closer to Daniel than usual.  Daniel, when he thought no one was looking, would lightly rub her back and then drop his hand back to his side.  I hadn't had a chance to talk to Daniel about everything-( you know, with the whole grounded until I die thing-), but you'd have to be blind not to see the change in their relationship.  I couldn't help but smile at them, feeling happy for my two best friends.

  “
I know.  But they went nuclear.”  I crunched on my carrot stick.  Clay rested his hand on my lower back.  “We'll find a way around it.  Maybe I should start sneaking into your room after your parents go to bed.”  Clay teased.  Though, looking into his eyes, I knew he was being serious. 

  “
I thought you hated heights.”  I reminded him, lightly pinching his leg.  Clay shrugged.  “If that's what it takes to see you alone, then I'd climb Mount fucking Everest.”  I appreciated the sentiment.  I really did.  But I knew him doing something like that, given the precarious state of my relationship with my parents, could only spell disaster.

   “
Yeah, I don't think you sneaking into my bedroom is the greatest idea.”  I said, trying to dissuade him.  Clay frowned at me.  “Well, if you don’t want me to come over, then I won't bother.”  His mercurial mood changed in an instant and he turned away from me, pulling his arm from my waist and started eating his lunch.

 
Rachel cocked her eyebrow at him, and then looked at me.  I rolled my eyes, trying to make light of it, though I hated when he did this.  When he would become upset or angry and then shut down.  I watched Clay from the corner of my eye and saw he was doing just that.  His body language was stiff and he wouldn't make eye contact with anyone.  Rachel and Daniel talked quietly to themselves, making a point to ignore the scene that was brewing between Clay and I. 

 
I couldn't take this stupid wall that had suddenly gone up between us, so I scooted over to him on the bench and put my hand on his upper thigh.  I leaned in and rubbed my nose on his chin.  “Don't be like that, Clay. Please.”  I whispered.  I felt him pull away slightly, but I didn't give up.  “You know I want to be with you all the time.”  I insisted, kissing the corner of his down turned mouth.

 
I felt him soften and he covered my hand with his.  “I just can't take not seeing you or talking to you at night.  I need you.”  He told me urgently.  His eyes met mine.  “We'll figure something out.  I need you too.”  I reassured him, kissing him gently. 

 
That seemed to settle him down and I could feel his body relax beside mine.  “I told my parents I was staying after school so I could get some extra help in Chemistry.  Why don't I blow off my study group and we go to your house.”  I suggested, kissing him again.

 
Clay put his hands on my face, rubbing his nose with mine in a way that made my heart melt.   I saw his eyes smolder as he contemplated what I was suggesting.  “Mmmm.  I like that idea.” he murmured, wrapping his arms around me again and pressing his face into my hair.  At that moment the vice principal, Mr. Kane, decided to make an appearance.  “Enough you two.  We have school rules about PDA.  Do you need to come down to the office to review them?”  He crossed his hairy arms over his chest and looked stern.