Find You in the Dark (39 page)

  “
Yeah. But we'll need to get toothpaste and stuff in the morning. I forgot to bring some.”  I went to stand by the side of the bed, not sure I wanted to sleep underneath the gross looking comforter.  Clay, understanding my hesitation, peeled the cover back.  “The sheets look clean at least.”  He remarked. 

  “
We're not going to get eaten alive by bedbugs are we?” I asked hesitantly before getting into the bed.  Clay looked under the covers.  “Well, I sure hope not.”  I threw a pillow at him. “That's not comforting.”  I said blandly.  Clay grinned at me.  “Come on, get in here, this room is freezing.”  I climbed in the bed, sighing in contentment as I snuggled down into the sheets.  At that moment, I didn't care if I was eaten alive as I slept, I was that bone achingly tired.

 
Clay turned off the television and stood up.  He slowly undressed, his clothes forming a pile beside the bed.  In nothing but his boxers, he got into the bed beside me.  We lay on our sides for awhile, just looking at each other. 

  “
Cute.” Clay smirked, fingering the collar of my pajama top.  I rolled my eyes.  “Sorry, I left my Fredericks of Hollywood stuff at home.  I'll remember next time we decide to run away in the middle of the night.” I replied sarcastically.  At the mention of what we had done, Clay and I both became quiet. 

 
The only sound in the dark room was that of our breathing.  Ever so slowly, as if scared I might stop him, Clay reached out to touch my face.  He gently traced my eyebrows with his fingertip, touching my eyelids, then running his fingers down to my lips.  His eyes came alive with a sudden hunger and desire, but most of all love.  My heart picked up as his hand dropped to my collar bone and he traced the curve from one side to the other. 

 
It was so quiet, I swear he could hear my heart beating.  He dipped his hand down further, beneath the top edge of my shirt and cupped my breast.  He closed his eyes as his thumb rubbed my taught nipple.  He hissed a breath in through his lips as he felt my smooth skin and I moaned a bit in response.

 
Clay opened his eyes.  “Maggie?” He said my name as a question and I knew he was making sure I was okay with this.  I nodded my head and leaned in to kiss him.  The first touch of his tongue as it mated with mine was all I needed to get lost in the heady feeling he unleashed inside of me.

 
With sure fingers, Clay unbuttoned my top and carefully removed it from my body.  He continued to touch my breasts reverently, his breathing shallow as I arched toward him.  Clay bent his head to take my nipple in his mouth, his tongue dancing over the sensitive flesh.  I gripped the back of his head as he moved to my other breast.

  
Clay's hand made its way to the waist of my drawstring pants.  He slid his fingers under the elastic, making me shake inside.  Gently, he pushed my pants down, moving them lovingly over my hips.  His mouth traced down my body as he removed the clothing. 

 
Starting at my ankle, Clay kissed a path up the inside of my leg, licking with his tongue as he savored me.  He made tiny moans in the back of his throat as he continued his torturous ascent.  Kissing the inside of my thighs, my fingers found themselves wrapped in his hair.

  “
Oh god, Clay!” I rasped as he moved his mouth until he was breathing against my hot core.  With slow precision, he licked the length of me, suckling to the point that I forgot my own name.  “You taste amazing.” He murmured against my flesh as his tongue moved inside me.  I had never experienced anything like this before.  The burn deep in my belly laced fire through my body.  Clay's mouth never stopped as I started to buck beneath him.  With a violence that surprised me, I exploded against his tongue. 

 
As I lay on the bed, spent, Clay kissed his way back up my body until he found my lips again.  I could taste myself on his mouth and it was weirdly erotic.  I thought I'd be grossed out by something like that.  But I found it to be a strange sort of possession.  Like I had marked him as mine.

 
Clay's hands dipped down between my legs.  He rubbed and caressed the sensitive folds until I was panting once again. He took two of his fingers and slid them inside me.  He curved them until they were stroking a fire that threatened to consume me.  Clay's tongue danced inside my mouth, tasting every inch as his fingers illicited another earth shattering orgasm from my already trembling body.  In the aftermath, Clay rolled me over until I was on top, my legs straddling him as I felt his hardness against me. 

 
Digging into the pocket of his pants on the floor, he pulled out a condom and handed it to me.  I arched an eyebrow at him and he gave me a sultry smile.  I ripped open the package with my teeth, making Clay laugh.  Then slowly, with careful precision, I rolled it down on top of him.  Clay moaned and laid his head back, closing his eyes as my fingers touched and caressed him.

 
When I was finished, Clay carefully lifted me up and I angled myself so that I could slide down on top of him.  Clay pulled my mouth back down to his as I held him inside of me.   Not breaking our kiss, Clay moved his hands until he held my hips and I started to move up and down, enjoying the control I had.

  “
I love how I feel inside you.”  He whispered against my lips as I pressed into him, taking him as deep as he could go.  “You're mine.  Forever.” He groaned as I started to pick up the pace.  I broke off our kiss so that I could throw my head back, bracing myself against his chest.

 
Suddenly, Clay grabbed a hold of me and flipped me on my back, pushing into me as he laid me down.  I moaned loudly as I wrapped my legs around his waist in an effort to keep him buried inside me. “I love you so much.” I panted as we moved our bodies together.  After weeks of madness and separation, we came together in one beautiful cacophony of need and desire. 

 
Together, like this, I felt we could take on anything.  Clay moaned as I clenched myself around him and he kissed me deeply as he went as far as he could into my body.  I opened my eyes to find Clay watching me with such tender sadness that it took my breath away.

 
I reached up to run my fingers over his face.  “What is it?” I asked breathlessly, never stopping the perfect rhythmic movements with him.  Clay smiled, a truly gorgeous smile.  “I just love you so much.  Sometimes it hurts.”  “I don't want it to hurt, Clay.  Our love should make you feel wonderful.”  I told him, even as I almost wanted to laugh at how cheesy I sounded.  

 
Clay didn't say anything more as we each began to build toward a burning explosion.  Clay wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair as I shattered around him.  Finally, he surged into my body one last time as he came and we lay against each other, too tired to move.  Clay pushed up on his elbow and brushed my sweat soaked hair off of my forehead.  He kissed my eyelids before rubbing my nose with his.  I laughed at his affectionate gesture.

 
He took my hand and placed it over his heart.  The frantic beat strong against my palm.  “This is all I need.  You, me, together.” He said, still a little breathless.  I picked up his hand and kissed his palm.  Clay pulled out of me and rolled us both onto our sides, so that he held my back against his chest. 

  “
Get some sleep, baby.” He said quietly in my ear, kissing the back of my neck.  So we fell asleep wrapped up in each other, unwilling to think any more of the reality we would find ourselves thrown back into when we woke.

             
             
             
            Chapter Twenty-Two

 
I awoke the next morning to the sound of my cell phone beeping.  I had a moment of disorientation as I tried to figure out where I was.  Then it all came back to me.  I rolled over to find Clay sound asleep beside me, his hand reaching out as if he had been searching for me in his sleep. 

 
I got out of bed and looked down, realizing I was naked.  I went into the bathroom and changed into a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  I debated whether I should rinse my mouth out with shampoo but decided against it.  Instead, I swished some water and spit it out.  I still had demon breath, but it would have to do until we bought some toothpaste.

 
My cell phone beeped again. I looked at Clay; he hadn't stirred.  He looked so young as he slept.  The tension on his face melted in relaxation.  I smiled at how good he looked laying there in the bed.  I found my phone on the bedside table and turned it on.

 
A new text waited.  It was from Rachel. 
Where are you?!?!  Your parents are freaking out!  You better call me ASAP! 
I sighed.  I quietly left the motel room.  Once outside I dialed Rachel's number.  She answered on the first ring. 

  “
WHAT IS GOING ON, MAGGIE?!”  She shrieked into the phone.  I pulled the receiver from my ear.  “Chill out, Rach.  You're going to bust my ear drum.”  I said lightly.  “Don't give me your blase crap.  Why did you and Clay take off?  Your parents called me at five o'clock this morning and they are absolutely, 100 percent flipping out!  You had better have a good reason for all of this.”  I could tell she was angry.  I would have felt the same way had our roles been reversed. I knew I owed her an explanation.

 
I sat down on the curb outside of our room.  “Clay is going through some major stuff right now and my parents were being unreasonable.  He needed me.”  She huffed on the other end.  “Not good enough, Mags.  Now cut with the bullshit and fess up.  Because I swear if you feed me some stupid song and dance about young love I'll bash your head in the next time I see you!”  Rachel seethed.

  “
Fine, you want to know the truth?  Clay has bi-polar disorder as well as something called Borderline Personality Disorder.  Don't ask me what it all means, because I really don't know.  Anyway, he had just gotten out of the hospital before he moved up here and now his parents are in town and threatening to lock him back up.  And his crazy moods and temper are all because he's been on and off his meds.  Plus, he really needs therapy, but so far has refused it.  We're just trying to figure everything out, okay?  He needs me!  And I need him to be healthy.” I finished my rambling explanation and waited for my friend's response.

  “
Rachel?”  I said into the void.  “I'm here.”  She said quietly.  I didn't like the tone of her voice.  “I had no idea all this was going on.  Why didn't you say something sooner?”  She asked me. 

  “
It wasn't really my story to tell.”  I said simply.  I heard Rachel cluck her tongue.  “But you know you can't save him.  He needs serious help.  Help from people who know what they're doing when it comes to that kind of stuff.  If he's not taking his meds like you said, than there's nothing you can do.”  She paused.  “Maybe his parents are right.  Maybe he needs to go somewhere where he can get some major treatment.”

 
I was shocked and deeply hurt by her reaction.  How could she side with those horrible people?  She was supposed to be my best friend.  “No.  I can't let them do that to him.”  I bit out coldly.  Rachel sighed. I could almost see the exasperated expression on her face. 

  “
How could you do this to your parents?  Don't you think they would have understood if you just told them?  They love you and they're worried sick.”  I felt the guilt flip in my gut.  I hated that she reminded me of what I was doing to the other people I loved.

  “
You just don't get it.”  I sulked.  “Oh, I get it alright.  You're on a one woman mission to save Clay Reed from himself. I get that you love him.  But there are times when love ain't enough sweetheart, and I have a very bad feeling he's just going to take you down with him.  Not that he means to.  But that's just what happens.”  She seemed to be speaking from experience.

  “
What do you know about any of this?  What do you know about Clay and what he's going through?” I asked hatefully.  “Listen.  My grandmother suffered from bi-polar disorder as well as a slew of other mental illnesses, if you must know.  I saw first hand the nightmare she put my grandfather and my mother through.  It wasn't pretty.  She refused to get help too.  And you know what happened?”  She barked at me.  I was shocked to hear this. I had no idea that her grandmother had suffered from any kind of mental illness.  Rachel had never mentioned it.

  “
What?”  I asked quietly.  “She killed herself when I was ten years old.  That's what happened.  And all because she swore she was fine and my grandfather believed her.”  Rachel's voice broke.  I felt cold at her words. 
  “So don't you see?  You aren't helping Clay by enabling him!  You need to get your ass back here, and let the people whose job it is to help him do it.  Yeah his parents sound shitty, but they just may ultimately know what's best for him - not you.”  She was being harsh and I wanted to ignore what she  was telling me.  But there was a small part of me that heard her and knew the advice she was giving me was good. 

  “
And you should call your parents.  Hearing from me that you're all right isn't the same as hearing it from you.  You have great parents.  Don't ruin your relationship with them for some ill-conceived Florence Nightingale complex.”