Find You in the Dark (38 page)

 
Clay took a shaky breath and continued.  “
They
were there.  They're
always
there.  But tonight, it was too much.  I just couldn't deal with their shit.  Ruby and Lisa were there too, but that didn't matter.  They
started on me as soon as I got in the door.  Talking about how they had gotten a call from the school about all of my unexcused absences.  That I was in danger of failing three of my classes.  Then
she
started screaming at me that I was an embarrassment and a burden.” I heard the catch in Clay's throat. 

 
I wanted to kill his parents.  His mother was a heartless bitch.  How could she tear her son down so callously?  All of his problems, all of his issues, every single one of them was because of them.  They were to blame and no one else. 

 
Clay sat back and the hopelessness in his eyes frightened me.  He gripped my hands as if he would fall away.  “What did Lisa and Ruby do?  Did they let them yell at you like that?” I asked.  I felt suddenly pissed at his aunt and her girlfriend.  They continued to allow those horrible people to treat Clay like he was garbage.  Why the hell didn't they intervene?

  
Clay shook his head as though reading my thoughts.  “Ruby tried to stop her.  She really did.  Lisa argued with them
.
  Ruby threatened to call the police to have them removed from their house.  Yeah, that's a joke.  My mother
just said she'd take me with them.  That shut Ruby up pretty quickly.”  Clay sighed.

  “
Then my mom told me to pack my bags.”  He said, all emotion leaving his voice.  I stilled.  “Pack your bags?  Why?”  I asked.  Clay looked at me with a heartbreaking sadness.  “Because she
has been in contact with my doctor back in Florida and they had decided I needed to be checked back into the treatment facility.  They want to lock me away again.  But this time it won't be for a ninety day program.  Nope.  This will be a long term deal.  They had planned to make me leave tonight.” 

 
I thought I was going to throw up in his lap.  He was leaving.  For good.  Suddenly, my need for time and space seemed stupid.  I was losing him.

  “
Oh my God.” I said in a hushed voice.  Clay held my face again and pulled me closer.  He kissed my mouth again with aching tenderness.  “I'm not going.” He said adamantly.  I blinked in confusion.  “You're not?  But I thought your parents had control over that stuff.  I mean, what choice do you have?” I asked him. 

 
Clay threaded his fingers through my hair.  “I'm not going.  I won't let them shut me away like a damn dog.  I'm leaving.  Tonight.”  He said and I stilled.  “Where will you go?” I asked, feeling the panic of our situation grip me tightly.

  “
I don't know. I just know that I have to get out of here.  But I wanted to see you again. I needed you to know that I love you.  There was no way I could take off without seeing your face and letting you know that my heart is yours.  Always.”

 
He was leaving.  This was it.  Everything we had was coming to an end in my bedroom.  Who knew when I'd see him again?  If ever. 

 
Clay gently touched the butterfly I still wore around my neck.  “You are my butterfly, baby.” He whispered before pulling me back into his arms.  I could feel his tension as he held me.  I was taken over by an all consuming panic at the thought of him leaving me behind.  How could I go on with my life without him?  That just didn't seem possible.

 
So I made a spur of the moment decision.

  “
I'm going with you.” I told him, pulling away.  Clay frowned and shook his head.  “No way, Maggie.  You have friends and a family that love you.  You can not give up your life for me.  I've already taken so much from you.  Don't do this!  I'd never forgive myself.”  Clay caressed my face with his fingers.  I reached up and held his hand to my face.

  “
I can't live here without you!  I'm not giving up anything, because
you are
my life!  You are not allowed to make this choice for me.  I choose to be with you.  You will
always
be my choice!” I said emphatically, trying to get him to see reason.

 
Clay shook his head again.  “No!  You aren't coming with me.” He started to get to his feet. I jumped up after him and grabbed his arms.  “If you leave me here, Clay I will never forgive you!  You will only be showing me that everything you've said is a lie.  You told me I was your forever!  Now prove it!”  I implored desperately. 

 
Clay looked torn. I knew he wanted to do what was best for me.  But I also knew how badly he needed me.  “It doesn't really matter what you say, I'm coming.” I said when he hadn't responded.  I went to my closet and pulled out my duffel bag.  Going to my drawers I grabbed handfuls of underwear and bras.  Shirts, jeans, pajamas. 

 
When I was finished, I pulled on a pair of jeans and a heavy sweatshirt, grabbing my fleece jacket off of the chair.  After I was dressed, I turned to look at Clay.  “How can I let you give up everything for me like this?  It's not right!” He sounded sadly resigned.  I went over and wrapped my arms around him.

 
I looked up into his gorgeous face and knew that my life began with him.  And that it would end with him.  “I
am not
giving up anything.  I'm getting what I've wanted since I ran into you on your first day of school.”  Clay's mouth quirked up into a smile at the memory.  “I'm getting a life
with you.
  That's what I want.  Nothing else.”  I assured him. 

 
Clay hugged me tightly.  “I love you.” He whispered into my hair.  I untangled myself from him and tugged on his arm.  “We should get going.” I said and Clay hesitated.  “Are you going to leave a note?  I mean, your parents are going to be really worried.” 

 
I felt a pang of guilt thinking about my parents finding my empty bed in the morning.  It gutted me to hurt them like this.  I looked at my beautiful boy and all doubts left my mind.  He needed me and that was all that mattered.

  “
I'll call them.”  Clay arched his eyebrow at me.  “I will.  I promise.”  I grabbed my cell phone to make the point.  Clay let out a deep breath and took my hand.  “Okay, let's do this.”  We quietly crept out of my bedroom and made our way down the stairs.

 
Once we were outside the house, I stopped and looked at him questioningly.  “How did you get in my room, by the way?” I asked.  Clay looked at me sheepishly.  “I um...well, I climbed the tree.”  I looked at the side of the house to the enormous Maple that grew beside my window.  “But you hate heights.” I said, a little in awe.

 
Clay shrugged as we walked down the street toward my car.  “Well, let's just say it took me awhile to get up there.  But it was worth it.” He looked at me sideways and my heart thudded against my chest.  “Yeah, totally worth it.” I agreed, smiling.

 
I thought about sending a text to Rachel and Daniel.  I felt like, maybe I should tell them what was going on.  They would be furious with me.  But I couldn't change things now.  I was quiet as Clay drove down the darkened interstate.  He said we'd drive just over the border into North Carolina and then stop somewhere to sleep. 

 
The further we drove from home, the more ugly doubts crept into my mind.  I looked down at our hands joined together and felt the electric tingle where our skin touched.  No, I made the right decision.  This boy was my world. 

  “
Are you going to text Rachel or Danny?”  Clay asked me suddenly.  I looked up with a start, having been lost in my fairy tale thoughts of a happily ever after with him.  “Um.  I don't know.” I answered a little unsurely.  

 
Clay grunted and suddenly pulled off the road and put the car into park.  “What are you doing?”  I asked him in confusion.  Clay unbuckled his seat belt and climbed over into my seat.  He pulled me into his arms and kissed my entire face before stopping on my mouth. 

  “
I know what you're giving up to do this.  And I love you so much, Maggie. You have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met and I thank God every day that he brought you into my life.”  His lips lingered on mine, tasting me. 

  “
But please don't give up on everything else because of me.  I've made my choices.  I'm okay with them.  But your friends deserve to know you're okay.  I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning thinking this is the worst mistake you could have made.”

  “
Aren't you glad I came with you?” I asked quietly, worried he regretted bringing me along.  Clay kissed my mouth, his lips lingering on mine.  “God, of course I'm glad you came.  But I just don't want you to think you have to cut everyone out of your life because of it.  I want you to be happy.”  He told me.  His eyes never left mine and I could tell he really meant what he was saying.

 
Clay reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out my phone.  He put it in my hand.  “Text Rachel and Daniel.  Please.”  I looked at him and nodded.  I leaned over and kissed his cheek.  “I love you.” I told him again before scrolling through my contacts until I found Rachel's number.

 
I sent her a quick text telling her that I had left with Clay.  That things had gotten bad with his family and he needed a little breather- a break. I asked her to tell my parents that I was sorry, but that I was okay and I would contact them soon.  I knew she wouldn't get the text for awhile, since it was 2:30 in the morning.  Just hitting the send button made me feel better, made my chest not feel as tight.

 
Clay pulled back onto the interstate after I put the phone away.  “Thanks for making me do that.”  I said.  Clay shook his head.  “You don't have to thank me for that.  You do what you have to do, Maggie.  I'll support you the way you've always supported me.  We're in this forever.”  He stated with such certainty, that I believed it – all of it..  I knew he loved me and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough.

 
We drove for another two and a half hours before we pulled off at a small town just over the border of North Carolina.  Clay had seen a sign for a Motel 6 off the highway.  We were both exhausted and I desperately wanted a bed and a good eight hours of sleep. 

 
Clay pulled into a darkened parking lot.  The vacancy sign was flickering, making it all look like something out of a cheesy horror movie.  There was only one other car outside the motel. 

  “
You sure know how to wine and dine a gal.” I teased as we got out of the car.  I was happy to stretch my legs.  Clay smiled.  “Next time, we'll find something a little nicer.  Promise.”  I put my arms around his waist.  “It doesn't matter Clay.  As long as we're together.”  He kissed me sweetly before we went into the lobby to get a room.

 
The guy behind the front desk seemed uninterested in the fact that two teenagers wanted a motel room at five in the morning.  He never once made eye contact as Clay paid him in cash and collected the room key.  “There's an ice and vending machines outside.” The front desk guy said mechanically.  We nodded our thanks and walked out of the dingy lobby. 

 
We found our room and I tried not to shudder as I took in the shabby stained carpet that might have been green when it was new.  There was one queen sized bed with a comforter that had obvious cigarette burns all over it and two flat pillows. 

 
Clay put his bag down on the chair that looked as if it had been rescued from a dumpster.  “Sorry baby.  I know this ain't the Ritz.”  I smiled.  “I'll just keep my clothes on, it'll be all good.” 

 
Clay pouted.  “Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind.”  I playfully shoved him.  “You are such a guy, Clayton Reed.”  He kissed me loudly and patted my behind as I went into the bathroom to wash up.  I was relieved that it was actually clean.  The tub was stained but there were towels and a small, half full bottle of Suave shampoo.  I rummaged through my bag to find my flannel pjs.  Yeah, they weren't the sexiest thing I owned, but I hoped wearing them might make me feel better.   

 
I ran the water as hot as I could stand and stood under the spray. I used the shampoo to wash my hair and body.  When I got out, skin pink from the steamy water, I felt a little better.  I then remembered that in my hurry to leave, I hadn't brought any toiletries.  No hair brush, no toothpaste.  For some reason, after everything, that tiny detail made me want to burst into tears.

 
I gripped the edge of the sink and took deep, gulping breaths, trying to get myself together.  After a few minutes I was able to calm myself down.  Using my fingers, I combed through my wet hair and then gargled with water.  I put on my warm pajamas and left the bathroom.

 
Clay was leaning back against the headboard, flipping through channels on the ancient television.  He looked up when I came out and his eyes softened at the sight of me ready for bed.  “Feel better?” He asked, watching me as I put my dirty clothes in the corner of the room.