Finding Dr. Right (Contemporary Medical Romance) (5 page)

“Why do you think I have something against having fun?”

“What?” Nathan stared at her, surprised to hear her voice waver when she repeated the question. A horn blared behind them and he muttered to himself before turning onto a side street. There were no empty spots here to pull into, so he double-parked before turning his full attention on her.

“I don’t, you know.” Her voice was small and soft, nearly lost in the underlying noise that made up Baltimore’s nights. She cleared her throat and sat up straighter, and Nathan had the distinct impression that she was trying not to squirm. “I think our ideas of fun are probably just different, I guess.”

“Oh, yeah? So, what’s your idea of fun?” Nathan asked. She shrugged one small shoulder, refusing to look at him. He took a deep breath and looked around, then smiled. Without a word he put the car in gear and drove off.

“Where are we going?”

“To have some fun.”

The smell of beer and Old Bay rushed from the open door and mixed with the damp smell of the harbor, creating an aroma that was both bitter and appealing. Catherine wrinkled her nose and pushed a hand against her rumbling stomach as Nathan led her through the crowded bar to a back table that was barely large enough to seat one person. He pulled the chair out for her then commandeered another for himself, sitting too close for comfort.

“Do you like steamed shrimp?” Nathan’s voice was a warm whisper against her ear, causing a shiver to work its way through her. She tried to pull away, to put some distance between them, but there was no room to move. She swallowed against the lump in her throat and nodded, then sighed when Nathan stood and walked to the bar. It was hard not to notice the stares he attracted, including her own.

Catherine pulled her gaze away and looked around the smoky room, taking in the anonymous faces of the crowd and wondering again why she was there. Nathan had said nothing about their destination, only smiled when she asked. It had been a bit of a surprise when he wheeled the sports car down the cobblestone streets of Fells Point and led her into the waterfront bar famous for its steamed shrimp. She had heard about it before, of course, but this was her first time there. It made her think about other things she had missed out on.

What was with her tonight, she wondered. Every thought working its way into her mind was dismal, morose and depressing. If she wasn’t careful, she’d turn into an old biddy with no life. Not like she had much of one as it was…

Catherine rubbed her hands along her arms and tried to warm herself against the inner chill that threatened to take over. Too much of her time lately had been devoted to Matty. No, she corrected, not her time. Her life. She would never trade those moments for anything, but with Matty discovering a life outside their world, it made her wonder what was left for her.

“You okay?”

Catherine jerked around, surprised to see Nathan sitting next to her, surprised that she had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed his return to the table. She nodded and offered him what she hoped was a passable smile then accepted the mug of beer he held out for her.

“Our shrimp will be ready in a few minutes.” He motioned to the mug in her hand. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to drink. Is beer okay? I can get you something else —”

“No, this is fine.” She took a small sip to prove her point then sat the mug in front of her, running a finger around the smooth edge of the glass.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look…preoccupied.”

“Just thinking.” Catherine shrugged, not wanting to look at him but watching him from the corner of her eye as if some force drew her attention to him. He was sitting so close to her she could feel the heat of his legs next to hers, the occasional brush of his foot against her own. Tall, well-built and confident, his presence was nearly overwhelming. People in the bar stopped to look at him, noticed him when he did nothing more exciting than sit there. Catherine shifted in the wooden chair, wondering if people actually recognized him or if they merely reacted to the energy that surrounded him.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. We can leave —”

Catherine reached out and closed her hand over his arm to stop him from standing and shook her head, trying to ignore the vibrant heat that sent a jolt tingling through her where her flesh met his. She heard the words coming from her mouth, unable to stop them. “No, please. I want to stay.”

Nathan glanced at the pale, shaking hand on his arm, then into Catherine’s brown eyes and saw the wariness swimming in their dark depths. He took a deep breath to protect himself from the vulnerability that trembled through her and tried to offer her a carefree smile. The expression felt stiff on his face, must have looked stiff, too, because she suddenly removed her hand and looked away, a tinge of pink fanning her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. Maybe we should leave.” She grabbed her purse and pushed her chair back, rising so quickly she stumbled. Nathan reached out and grabbed her, wanting only to steady her. His hand closed around her arm but instead of helping her, the contact stole whatever was left of her balance and she tumbled straight into his lap. The breath rushed out of Nathan in a hiss as her purse connected solidly with his left knee; a thousand needles of pain shot through his leg.

“Oh, God. Oh, God. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean…Oh, God!” Catherine tried to scramble from his lap and elbowed him in the stomach, stepping on his foot in her hurry. He reached out, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back to his lap, mostly to stop her from inflicting any more damage.

“Catherine, stop. It’s okay. I’m okay. Just…don’t hit me again. Please.” He felt her body stiffen against him at the laughter in his voice, then realized she was shaking. He tried to shift her weight so he could see her face, thinking that she was finally laughing. A jolt clenched his stomach when he saw that she was doing her best not to cry.

“Oh, damn,” he muttered. He looked around, realized there was no one who could explain why this woman was suddenly crying and felt completely helpless. She wiped at the single tear rolling down her face, refusing to look at him as he awkwardly patted her shoulder. He searched his mind for something to say, something to do, and came up blank. “Catherine?”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m sorry.” She jumped from his lap and took a few steps away from him, then suddenly turned and raced out the door before he could stop her. He stared at the spot where she had been then shook his head in confusion.

Nathan motioned to the bartender to cancel the shrimp order then walked out the door, wondering what he had done to upset Catherine so much. He looked around, finally seeing her standing against the wrought-iron railing set up along the water’s edge. She stood just outside the ring of light that fell from the street lamp but he could see that she was no longer crying. Her back stiffened at his approach but she refused to turn around.

“Are you all right?”

Silence.

“Um, did I do something to upset you?”

More silence. Nathan shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do. He stared out over the still water, watching the lights across the harbor twinkle on the black surface.

“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.”

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry. It’s nothing you did.” The whispered words were choked with emotion as she glanced at him then quickly looked away. “I guess I’m not used to…I mean, it’s been awhile since I’ve gone anywhere and…”

Catherine’s voice trailed off awkwardly and Nathan leaned closer to get a better look. Her eyes were dark hollows in a pale face. The shadows of the night washed across her skin and accented the delicate planes of her cheeks. She looked helpless and lost and scared, and Nathan wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her, to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

Instead of holding her like he wanted, he yanked one hand from his pocket and reached out to awkwardly pat her on her shoulder. She stiffened under his touch and he let his hand drop to his side, cursing himself for only making things worse. What did he know about comforting women? He had grown up in a family of three boys without a mother’s influence, where talk of sports dominated every conversation. Any emotion deeper than that died a swift death, simply because nobody knew how to deal with it.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, louder this time. Her shoulders shook with a deep breath as she continued to stare out over the water. “It’s just been a bad day. Actually, more like a bad week. I didn’t mean to ruin your evening.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t have anything better to do.” Nathan winced at his poor choice of words and scrambled to find something else to say. “I mean, I did kind of force you to come along. I thought, well, I shouldn’t have forced you.”

Silence settled between them, awkward against the backdrop of the sounds surrounding them. Laughter from couples and small groups walking along the street, muffled sounds of music drifting into the night from the doorways of the different pubs, the steady
thump-thump-thump
of car tires along the cobblestone street. Nathan took a deep breath and wished for a way to draw Catherine out of the silence and into the life that ebbed and flowed around them. Forcing her had proved to be a mistake. Short of bodily dragging her, he could think of nothing else.

“Maybe we should just leave now.” Her quiet voice pulled his attention back to her. She was watching him with those dark eyes, her hair a protective veil that fell across her face. He stared at her for a minute, trying to read her thoughts, but he couldn’t see through the wall that surrounded her. He took a deep breath and pulled the keys from his pocket, trying to smile and failing.

“Sure, no problem.” He motioned for her to lead the way and watched as she stepped from the curb, following her with his eyes and wishing there was some way to reach her. She stopped next to his car and turned, looking lost again. Nathan squared his shoulders and walked toward her.

Tonight could have gone a lot better. She wasn’t as untouchable as he first thought, and he wanted to find some way to breach her protective barrier and get to know her better.

He just needed to figure out the best way to do it.

“S
o how was your date with Nathan the other night?”

“It was not a date.” Catherine didn’t even bother to look at Brian. His snort of laughter told her he knew better but she ignored him anyway.

“Okay, so it wasn’t a date. But how did it go?”

“It didn’t.”

“What do you mean, ‘it didn’t’? He took you out, right?”

Catherine sighed, knowing he wouldn’t give up until she told him the whole embarrassing truth. She leaned back in her chair, took a deep breath and let the words fall in a rush. “We went out. Not a date. I hit his knee, fell on him, cried on him, he dropped me off at my car. End of night, end of story.”

“What?”

Catherine leaned forward and pointed a stern finger at Brian, not caring for the way her hand shook. “Please, not a single word. It was the most humiliating night of my life, and I don’t need you making it worse!” Not that it could be any worse, she thought. The memory of the quiet ride back to her car still made her shudder. She had no idea how to act around Nathan and it was worse than humiliating. It made her realize how out of touch with life she really was.

“But what happened?”

“How would I know? It was stupid. I was stupid. The whole thing was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Catherine’s voice choked on the last words and she slammed her hand on the desk, still not believing the entire fiasco. She forced a shaky laugh. “The night started out with me in the dumps and got worse from there. Seems to be my credo lately.”

“Oh, Catherine.” Brian’s voice was laced with sympathetic humor and she knew he was only trying to help. It wasn’t his fault that nothing seemed to go her way. It wasn’t even her fault. It just was. She should just get used to it and move on.

“Yes, well, there you have it.” She draped the stethoscope around her neck, more out of habit since she had no more scheduled patients. Her fingers toyed with one earpiece, rubbing the smooth plastic until all sensation of touch dulled.

“And here I was, hoping you guys would hit it off.”

Catherine looked up at him, startled at the wistfulness in his voice. He was sitting across from her, lounging in the chair with his usual relaxed pose, an indefinable expression on his smooth face. It wasn’t like her not to be able to see what he was thinking. The feeling rattled her. “He probably thinks I’m a nutcase by now. You were right, he seems like a nice guy. Too bad I don’t know how to act anymore.” She forced a laugh, determined to find some humor somewhere. “Besides, you only wanted some free game tickets.”

“Touché.” Brian waved one hand in the air, a smile finally breaking free on his face. Catherine breathed a sigh of relief, secretly glad that he was back to being himself. There were too many other changes, too many uncertainties, in her life right now. She didn’t need her anchor to reality changing with them.

“So do you plan on releasing him?”

“Who, Nathan?” Brian took his glasses off, rubbed a spot with the edge of his sleeve and settled them back on his nose. “Of course I’m going to release him. Probably by the end of the week, depending on how his next visit goes.”

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’ what?” Brian’s attitude was suddenly cautious. He straightened in the chair, fixing her with a steady gaze that made Catherine silently curse herself for opening her mouth. What on earth had possessed her to even bring it up? She blew a breath between pursed lips and decided to forge ahead.

“Are you sure his knee is ready?” She looked away from Brian before she continued. “I mean, it’s obvious he’s still having problems even though he tries to hide it. And he’s going to continue having problems, no matter what you do. Playing is only going to worsen the condition. Have you told him that?”

“For someone who just said you liked him, you really seem to have it in for him.” The quiet accusation in his voice pierced her dead center and she rocked back in the chair, shocked and deflated. Brian leaned forward and held up his fingers in response. “One, his knee has healed considerably since you’ve seen him. Two, he’s capable of making his own decisions. Three, he knows his knee will never be the same but he’s not willing to give up.”

Catherine opened her mouth to speak then closed it again with a snap. She wasn’t sure what to say, so she focused on the one thing that struck her hardest.

“Why do you think I have it in for him?”

“Oh, Catherine, come on.” He pushed himself out of the chair and paced around the small room. “Today’s the first time I’ve heard you say anything nice about him. You yourself said you didn’t like the guy when you first met him!”

“That is not true.”

“Isn’t it?” Brian stopped, leaning across the desk until he was only inches away from her. “Catherine, you said you didn’t like him because he made some comment you didn’t agree with. He gets you and Matty tickets to a game and you damn near don’t go.
Wouldn’t
have gone if I hadn’t forced you. And who would have been hurt by that? Matty, that’s who!” Brian pushed away from the desk and resumed his pacing.

“You finally come to your senses and allow Matty to use his prosthesis, then nearly start a war when he wants to join a sports camp. You jump all over me when you find out I helped encourage him, and then blame
my
patient for interfering!”

“I most certainly did not —”

“That’s baloney and you know it. And you wonder why I think you have it in for Nathan Conners? For crying out loud, Catherine, I’d think you would be thanking him for encouraging Matty, but instead you seem to resent him….” Brian’s voice trailed off as a look of realization lit his eyes. He turned and faced her, a mixed expression on his face. Catherine looked away, knowing what was coming next, not wanting to hear it.

“You resent him!”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s the truth. Matty is finally doing what he wants to do, things that don’t always include you anymore, and you think it’s Nathan’s fault!”

Catherine pointedly studied her hands, not daring to answer. She wanted to deny it, to jump from her chair and scream and yell, to tell Brian that he had never been more wrong, but she couldn’t move.

Because he was partly right. Maybe completely right.

Her whole life had been spent taking care of others, the last few years devoted especially to Matty. That was what she did, possibly the only thing she did well, and the thought of not having that scared her. Seeing Matty become so independent scared her. Realizing that Matty was growing up and didn’t need her anymore terrified her.

“Oh, Catherine.” The sympathy in his voice bordered on pity, and the tears she tried to hold back flowed. She reached up and wiped at them, angry at herself for letting them fall, angry for letting herself reach that point in the first place.

Brian leaned close and took her in his arms and for once she didn’t pull away, couldn’t pretend that she didn’t need to lean on anyone. She buried her face in his shoulder and let him hold her as the tears fell, her body shaking from the force of the sobs. Time dragged by until the flood finally slowed to a trickle, then stopped. Catherine wiped her face, offering him a weak smile that was immediately followed by a hiccup. Brian chuckled and gave her a tissue, which she used to blow her nose.

“Oh, boy.” Her voice trembled, shaky and hoarse from crying. Brian patted her on the shoulder then sat back on her desk, heedless of the papers that rustled under him.

“That’s why you’re not supposed to keep things bottled up.”

Catherine hiccuped again and covered her mouth, hiding her smile. “Some mother I make. When did I turn into such a mess?”

“Catherine, you’re a great mother. Don’t let yourself think otherwise. As for the mess…” Brian hesitated then shrugged.

“You need to let yourself lean on others once in a while. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak.”

She saw seriousness in his pale eyes then leaned her head back and sighed. He was right, as usual. But it was so hard for her, never feeling like she could depend on anyone, always feeling like she had to do everything herself.

“I don’t know, Bri. Everything is changing so fast. Matty is changing. I feel like he doesn’t need me anymore.”

“Catherine, Matty will always need you. You’re his mother, and boys need their moms, no matter how old they get. But for now, let him spread his wings a bit. He’s enjoying it. You should be, too.” Brian stood, rubbed his hands down the sides of his slacks then clasped them together. “Speaking of which, when are you heading out to pick him up?”

Catherine glanced at her watch, surprised at how much time had gone by. “In a few minutes. He’s supposed to get out in an hour but I wanted to swing by early and see how he was doing. Or is that too much of a mom thing to do?”

“No, it’s not too much of a ‘mom thing.’” Brian laughed. “I think Matty enjoys the chance to show off. You want some company? I kind of enjoy watching all the showing off myself.”

Catherine grabbed the purse from under her desk and stood, smiling at the glitter of anticipation in Brian’s eyes. “You’re worse than a kid, do you know that? What is it with men and sports? All of you act like little kids!”

“Hey, be sympathetic. It’s a genetic defect.”

“A defect, hmm? That would explain a lot. Okay, Mr. Sports Nut, lead the way.” Catherine followed him from the office, already feeling better than she had in a long time.

She tried to hang on to her good mood, but it evaporated at the sight that greeted her when she walked to the far side of the large remodeled warehouse. She wrapped her hands around the metal post and squeezed, fighting back the panic and anger and fear. Her jaw clenched with so much force that her back teeth actually hurt. “Catherine, don’t.” Brian’s whisper reached her through a haze of conflicting emotions. She shrugged his hand from her shoulder and gripped the post tighter as she watched.

She should be happy. She
was
happy. And terrified and angry. Catherine told herself to focus on the positive feelings as she watched Matty skating in circles with none other than Nathan Conners. Skating! She couldn’t believe it.

Both of them were laughing, so caught up in the moment that neither had seen her yet. Catherine’s breath caught when Matty lost his balance and nearly fell. Nathan was beside him in a flash, one arm wrapped protectively around her son’s slim shoulders until the danger passed. They laughed again, harder this time. The clear ring of Matty’s joy echoed around her.

Matty was skating. The implications of that simple act overwhelmed her. She would have denied it if someone had told her he would be doing something so physical so soon. But there he was, not only doing it, but doing it well. Catherine took a deep breath and reached up with one hand to rub the painful squeeze in her chest, not knowing if it was from anger, fear or happiness. Maybe all three.

“Help me, Brian.” She turned to her friend and pleaded, not knowing exactly what she was asking for. He offered her a small smile and wrapped one arm around her, giving her a friendly hug.

“Let him go, Catherine. He’s fine. Just look at him!”

Catherine nodded and did exactly that, still not sure she should believe what she was seeing. Her throat tightened and she closed her eyes, opened them again and shook her head.

Her son was skating.

Her hand loosened its grip on the metal railing as she slowly relaxed and continued watching. Matty and Nathan continued their slow circles around the small rink, talking to each other and laughing. Catherine noticed how Nathan kept a casual distance, not crowding her son but staying close enough to offer a quick hand if it was needed. The expression on Matty’s face was a combination of joy and concentration.

And pure hero worship.

Catherine saw that look and her stomach clenched painfully. She hadn’t realized how attached Matty had become to him, but there was no denying it.
Too
attached if the look on his face was any indication. A dozen thoughts and worries swirled through her mind, begging for attention. Was it a healthy attachment? Did Nathan see it as clearly as she did? Most importantly, how hurt would Matty be when the attachment was severed? Because Catherine was sure it wouldn’t last. Either deliberately or by some careless act, she was certain the hockey player would fail her son. She didn’t want to imagine Matty’s pain when that happened.

There was no time to decide what to do. Matty had spotted them and was skating over, waving and smiling. Catherine kept her eyes on her son, not trusting herself to look at Nathan but sensing his hesitation before he followed Matty.

“Hey, Mom! Did you see that? Whadya think? Pretty cool, huh?” Matty slid to a stop and leaned against the rail, fumbling for balance before standing upright. Catherine blinked away the film covering her eyes and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, mentally wincing when he pulled away in embarrassment. She sighed and reached out to ruffle his hair instead.

“Yup, pretty cool. So when did you learn how to do that?”

“Today! Nathan’s been teaching me.”

“Oh, he has?” Catherine tried to keep her voice steady as she finally looked over and met Nathan’s stare. Her mouth suddenly dried and all coherent thought left her when he focused that eerily intense gaze on her. She shifted and looked away, pretending she was unaffected, trying to make her voice sound casual and relaxed. “Maybe next time it would be nice if somebody asked me first, okay?”

“I kept a close eye on him. Nothing would have happened,” Nathan said, only the slightest bit defensive.

“It would still be nice to be asked first.” Catherine’s voice was harsher than she intended. A sudden silence stretched over them and even Matty looked up at her in confusion. Brian quickly came to the rescue, offering to help Matty out of his skates. Catherine watched the two walk away then faced Nathan, an apology hovering on her lips.

Nathan spoke first, his deep voice lowered so that she had to lean slightly forward to hear him. “That was uncalled-for.” The anger underlying the words surprised her, because she didn’t think he would care.