Finding Forever (2 page)

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters, my parents were having problems and on top of that my father’s job wanted him to relocate to Chicago. So we moved,” she lied.

“What was so hard about that, that you couldn’t tell me?”

“What wasn’t hard? I didn’t want to leave you . . . and I knew it would be hard for me to say goodbye, so I didn’t. At the time I thought I was making the best decision for the both of us.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t,” Koran said with an attitude. “You know how many nights I waited for you?”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you sorry alright.”

“Look, I know that saying I’m sorry is like shit to you right now, but you not gon’ stand here and talk to me crazy. When I say I’m sorry I mean it. Koran, I swear on everything I love that I never meant to hurt you,” Whitney spoke sincerely.

Koran wanted to hate her. His gut ached for the feeling, but the love that took up space in his heart was selfish. His beloved Whitney was back and hopefully here to stay. Nothing could be better. There was no way he was letting her get away twice in one lifetime. The stars in the sky had aligned them together for a reason. And, yes, the feelings he’d once had for her should’ve been long gone, but the connection they shared was indefinable.

“I feel you, ma. It’s all good,” Koran replied in a softer tone.

“You sure?” she asked concerned.

“Whitney.”

“Okay.” She threw up her hands in defeat. “I was just checkin’.”

“Where you heading?” Koran changed the subject. He knew Whitney wasn’t telling him everything, but he decided to leave the conversation alone for now.

“I was about to take my dog for a walk.”

“Can I join you?”

“I guess,” she teased. “I’m just playin’, c’mon, London.” She pulled her dog along.

“Man, what you doing wit a rottweiler? You know you are too little for that big ass dog.”

“Maybe I like big things,” she said, smirking.

“Look at you, tryin’ to talk all nasty,” he teased as they walked side by side.

“Boy, whateva. I’m grown now.”

“I’m just fuckin’ wit you, but tell me how long you been back?”

“About a year.”

“Straight, what you been up to?”

“Working and studying for my degree, that’s about it.”

“That’s what’s up? What you going to school for?” he asked as they stopped at the end of the street before crossing.

“To be a doctor,” Whitney smiled, proud of herself.

“Let me guess, to become a pediatrician.”

“How you know?”

“’Cause, I remember you talkin’ about it when we were younger.”

“Yeah, I love working with kids.”

“On the real though, Whitney . . . I can’t believe I’m seeing you right now.” Koran licked his lips and eyed her hungrily.

“Me either,” she replied, slightly anxious.

The entire scene was too good to be true. Above them, the sun was beginning to set, causing a pink tint to cascade over the horizon. A quiet but soft breeze swept over each of their bodies as they stood gazing into each other’s eyes. Nothing could be better. Whitney was intoxicated with desire and Koran was her designated driver. For years she’d fantasized about the possibility of being in his presence again, but now that they were face-to-face and the reality of her dreams were coming true, Whitney began to feel suffocated.

“It was good seeing you again, Koran, but it’s getting late. I think it’s best that I go,” she announced before trying to walk away.

“Where you going? Don’t walk away from me like that.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Look, this little reunion was nice, but whatever it is you’re after I’m not in the mood for giving. So let’s just say goodbye now and part ways as friends.”

“You lost your fuckin’ mind? Who you think you talkin’ to?”

“Koran, I ain’t tryin’ to argue wit you. All I’m sayin’ is—”

“Fuck, what you tryin’ to say. What you should be sayin’ is my number is . . .” He grabbed her waist and cupped her chin.

“C’mon, Koran, let’s just leave the past in the past.”

“Fuck the past. Right now I’m lookin’ at my future.” He glared dead in her eyes.

“Will you stop?” Whitney said, becoming aggravated.

“I’m just gettin’ started.”

“But I already got a man.”

“Stop lying, you ain’t seeing nobody.”

“Okay, but I’m not lookin’ for a relationship.”

“Who said anything about a relationship? Slow down, ma, I ain’t tryin’ to wife you just yet. We could at least have dinner and see a movie first,” Koran joked.

“You play too much,” she giggled, hitting him in his chest.

“You the one playin’. I’m being dead serious right now.”

“You not gon’ give up, are you?”

“Nope.”

Whitney knew that she should walk away and pretend the last fifteen minutes of her life hadn’t happened, but the feeling in the pit of her stomach was too good to let go. She was overcome with anticipation of what could be. Koran had her in the palm of his hand and didn’t even know it. A request wasn’t even needed. He could have her anyway he wanted.

“I’ll give you my number, but only on one condition,” she negotiated.

“What’s that?” Koran replied as his right thumb caressed the side of her face.

“You have to promise that we’ll be strictly friends and that you won’t start catching feelings for me again.”

“That’s a promise I can’t keep.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause it’s already too late.”

Finding Forever

Quiet and dark was the setting as Koran unlocked the door and entered the house. It was three o’clock in the morning and even though he should’ve been tired, Koran felt as if he’d just risen. His run-in with Whitney was the blessing he’d been praying for. Overjoyed, Koran ascended the steps and made his way toward the bedroom. Flashing lights from the television screen danced across the walls.

Unable to go to sleep, Koran kicked off his sneakers, grabbed the remote control and climbed into bed fully clothed. With his hand behind his head, Koran lay flicking through the channels aimlessly. His mind should’ve been on the kilos of cocaine that were coming in but, instead, pictures of Whitney’s golden brown eyes lingered in his mind. Nothing about her had changed and innocence still lie behind her smile.

“Hi, baby,” Trina, his ex-girlfriend of four years, said groggily, interrupting his thoughts.

Koran twisted his head to the right, looked at her face and replied, “What’s up?” He’d completely forgotten she was there.

“I left you a plate in the microwave.”

“Thanks.” He turned his attention back to the television, uninterested.

“I missed you.”

“That’s what’s up, but umm . . . I’m gettin’ ready to watch TV so ah . . . you can go back to sleep.”

“Okay, baby.” Trina turned back over and closed her eyes. “I love you.”

“Yeah . . . I love you, too.”

Finding Forever

Koran rocked back and forth with his hands in his pockets, bored out of his mind. Racks, shelves and tables of overly priced clothes surrounded him. Why Trina had insisted on his accompanying her to buy Malik, her eight-year-old son, summer clothes was beyond him. He could’ve easily hit her off with a stack and been on his way. They weren’t together anymore, but that was a concept Trina didn’t seem to understand. Besides, Koran had moves to make. There was pressing business in the streets that he needed to take care of.

Plus, he didn’t like being around Trina for too long. At any given moment she was known to pop off with an attitude and spazz out if she didn’t get her way. Trina was a drama queen. Under the phrase in the dictionary there should have been a picture of her face. Her fucked up attitude was one of the reasons Koran had left her alone. He couldn’t deal with the nonstop arguing and fighting, and what had turned him off even more was that they used to do it in front of her son.

Koran tried to explain to Trina that when a child sees his parents fight it changes him. Koran knew this all too well. For years, he watched his mother and father fight night after night. There was always a constant war going on in their house. His parents, Kora and Sly, were always at each other’s throats and they could never agree on anything. One of them had to be right, which would make the other wrong, and that in itself would lead to another argument.

But one day the fighting got to be too much for Sly. He grew tired of the never-ending back and forth, tit for tat nonsense and left. Kora never saw it coming. She thought she and Sly would always be together, despite the fact that they couldn’t get along. She didn’t think their arguing was that big of a deal, when she did everything possible to ensure that he was happy in every other way.

Kora cooked, cleaned, sucked, fucked and babysat his bullshit for over ten years, so how dare he leave her alone to cope with the fact that he had given up on loving her? Coming to that conclusion was too much for her to deal with, so she didn’t. Instead, she coated her pain with denial and alcohol. A couple of glasses of wine lessened the sting and she started having a few glasses a day. Then a girlfriend introduced her to weed. Little did Kora know that her girlfriend’s weed was always laced with cocaine. Kora was instantly hooked.

From then on things in her life went downhill. Snorting lines of cocaine quickly took the place of Philly Blunts filled with weed, and soon Kora fell in love with a boy named Heroin. He was the greatest love of them all. Heroin did things to her no other man had ever done. She didn’t have to argue with him. He understood her every want and need. Being with him was better than sex. Being in his presence peaked her senses and when he grabbed her arm tightly and pushed himself deep in her veins it was the best euphoric high she’d ever felt.

Heroin took her mind off the thoughts that haunted her and he always came running when she called. He reminded her that with him everything would be okay. He’d become her pimp and like the trick she was, Kora gave all of her money to him. Then, like in every relationship, she and Heroin began to have problems. He started to consume her life in ways she hadn’t imagined.

One day Kora woke up to find a man she didn’t know on top of her, naked. All of the utilities in her house had been turned off, the furniture had been sold and no food was in the refrigerator. What made her feel even worse was the look of pure disgust in Koran’s eyes as he sat in a corner of the room watching her. It was written all over his face that he knew she loved Heroin more than she loved him. Koran was ashamed of her and what she had become. She was no longer his idol. Kora wasn’t the beauty she once was. She was a prostitute, a manipulator, a thief, a liar and a junkie, all wrapped up in one.

Kora knew she needed help. She couldn’t run away from the pain in her heart forever, so she got back on her feet and dusted her shoulders off. For a minute everything was cool. Kora went to rehab for a month, but Heroin wouldn’t leave her alone. They had a bond that was not to be broken. How dare she treat him like their relationship was a casual fling? What they shared was more sacred than a vow or ring. Fuck all the negative things her family and friends had to say. He loved her and he was willing to do anything to get her back.

There wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t chase her or call out to her. All he wanted was for her to come see him so they could spend some time together. He knew deep down inside she missed his company, too. At night he watched outside her window as Kora longed for his touch. Tears streamed down her cheeks at the thought of him. The feelings she had for him made her bones ache.

Kora tried to stay away, but eventually she came running back just like Heroin thought she would. But Heroin wasn’t going to go easy on her. Kora needed to be taught a lesson. She’d been a very naughty girl. They couldn’t go through this again. Kora couldn’t take it and neither could Heroin. This time their relationship would be until death do them part. Koran was twelve when his mother overdosed on the only man he’d ever really known, Mr. H.

“What you think about this?” Trina turned around and held up a Polo shirt.

“It’s cool. I like it.”

“Are you even gon’ pick out anything?”

“I mean, Trina, what do you want me to do? I told you I had shit to do today. Any other time you go shopping by yourself. Why you need me to come so bad today?”

“’Cause . . .” she stalled.

“’Cause what?” Koran cocked his neck and gave her a look that said hurry up and think of a lie.

“Malik’s getting bigger and I figured you could help me pick him out some big boy clothes. You know how he loves to look like you.”

“Yeah, okay, Trina, you just wanted to spend some time wit me.” Koran chuckled as he checked his phone.

His boy, Sheek, would be calling soon to give him an update on one of his workers who was being released from jail.