Finding Home (10 page)

Travis seemed to know, too. He set the cocoa he’d made them down on the coffee table and took a seat in the armchair that kitty-cornered the room.

“So…” he trailed off in awkwardness, clearly searching for a good beginning. Finally, he just shook his head and asked, “How much do you know about your mom’s home life? You know, from when she was a little girl?”

“Nothing,” Jessica readily admitted. “I know that she didn’t care for my grandfather much and that she had a tenuous relationship with my grandmother. I know she was surprised when the rings were bequeathed to her.”

“And me? What do you know about me?” he pushed.

“Only that you exist. I know my mom wanted us to have nothing to do with you.” She paused. “But I have to say, I can’t see why. You all seem lovely.”

Travis nodded, his face grave. “Well, looks can be deceiving. Your mother had good reason for keeping her distance. I can’t blame her.”

Pain was scrawled across his face, and he inhaled deeply, scrubbing a hand over his face. “What I’m about to tell you, I’ve never told anyone except for Stella, and that was years ago, right before we got married. I wanted her to know everything and make her choice based on the whole man.” He stopped again, struggling. He looked her in the eyes, scrutinizing her features. “I want you to be able to do the same.”

Jessica blew out a breath. “Okay.” She nodded. This would be okay. What could he possibly say that would erase this warm family? Whatever it was, Stella had forgiven him. Jessica hoped she could, too.

Travis leaned forward in his chair before launching into it. “When your mother was a young girl, maybe eight or so, I was twelve. I loved my dad. I looked up to him. He was my hero. He could do no wrong.”

He got up and paced toward the window, stopping there to watch the children building a snowman amid shouts and laughter. “Anyway, one day, your mom came to me distraught. I can still see the tears running down her face.” His voice took on a softer tone, as if he were lost in his memories. He shuddered then continued. “She told me our dad had come to her in the night. She told me he—” Travis’ voice broke, but Jessica didn’t know what to say, so she simply waited, her mouth dry, disgust welling up in her.

“She told me he’d touched her,” Travis spit out finally, his voice a bitter pebble hitting Jessica square in the chest. “Made her feel funny. Told her it was because he loved her.” Her uncle choked back a sob. “I didn’t believe her, couldn’t believe her. Thought she’d had a bad dream. But when it kept happening, and she kept begging me to help, I confronted him about it.” He shook his head. “Boy, did I get the beating of my life. And my mom told me never to think such awful things. I honestly don’t think she thought her husband capable of such monstrosity. He was a family man, you know?” Tears streamed down his face. “Like me. Like me, only a monster inside who molested his own daughter.”

Jessica remained silent, the enormity of the words crushing her with its weight. When it became clear her uncle needed something to spur him along, she asked, “What happened?”

“This is the worst part,” Travis said, his shoulders hunched, his large frame now curled and small. “Your mom… I think she told a teacher or something. Anyway, someone came to the house asking about it, wanting to investigate my dad, wanting to take Jennifer away.” He looked up at her with watery eyes. “And I was just a kid, you know? I loved my dad, and he told me never to tell a soul. I loved my sister, and they were threatening to take her away. I loved my family, and it was all about to end. None of that excuses what I did.”

“What did you do?” Jessica’s voice trembled as she forced out the words. She’d been so sure she could forgive her uncle for any past transgressions, but she’d never imagined something like this.

“I lied. I covered for him. I said I didn’t know anything about it, and my dad wasn’t that kind of guy.” The words came out in a rush, and Jessica struggled to process them, seeing her mother as a cowering young girl in her mind’s eye.

“And then?”

“Well, then nothing. They didn’t find anything on him. I like to think he stopped. My sister—your mother—never really spoke to me again. Just cursory niceties until she moved out at age sixteen. I believe that’s when she met your dad.”

Jessica nodded. “Yeah, they got married really young.”

“You have to understand,” her uncle pleaded with her, “Over the years, I tried everything to make amends. I was so sorry. God, immediately afterward, I was sorry. I knew I was wrong, so wrong. But I was so young, and it seemed best to let everything ride. The old man died, but even before that, I went to my sister time and time again. Nothing I did mattered. Nothing I did should have mattered. After she moved out, I sent her letters. I sent her gifts. They all came back. She had solidified a fortress around her about what had happened, and I wasn’t on the inside.” His voice broke. “When I invited her to my wedding, I finally got a response. She asked me to please leave her alone and move on with my life as she had done hers. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and make the right choice. I will never forgive myself.”

Jessica felt a pang of sympathy for her uncle. He’d been so young. She tried to think about what she would have done if it had been her in her mother’s shoes. Then a question dawned.

“What about my grandmother? Mom didn’t talk about her much; she passed when I was so young. Did they keep in touch?”

Travis shook his head slowly. “Jennifer wrote the whole family off. Our mother covered for Dad, too, and the whole thing was just unacceptable. And until her dying day, my mom defended her husband. I think she had to, you know? She couldn’t bear to think of her daughter being…abused in that way. At her loved one’s hands. It would have crushed her soul.”

“So instead she let it crush Mom’s,” Jessica said. “Nice.”

Travis’ voice was a mere whisper. “I am so sorry, Jessica. We all are. Mom, too. I know she is.”

Jessica shifted on the couch, the plush cushions suddenly acutely uncomfortable.

“What of the rings, then? Why did they still go to Mom?”

“Well, they’re family heirlooms, handed down to the first daughter for generations. My mom had no ill will toward Jennifer. On the contrary, she missed her deeply and grieved for the loss of their relationship. She never considered doing anything else with the rings. Even if she was no longer Jennifer’s mother, Jennifer was still her daughter.” He paused, stroking his chin. “They belong to you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. And that you sold them to help out in a pinch, a family you didn’t even know, well—” He stopped, his jaw trembling. “Jessica, I can’t thank you enough for making this Christmas possible.”

She looked at him, contemplating everything she’d learned.

“You’re welcome,” she said, finally. She could at least give him that. She was happy she’d been able to make a joyous Christmas for the kids. They’d done nothing wrong. She thought of Billy. In just two years, he’d be the age Travis was when this whole thing happened. She shook her head. Still so young. “I…I have to think about what you said.”

Travis nodded. “Take all the time you need,” he said. “Please stay in our home for as long as you want. And it may take me a while, since work isn’t so good right now, but I’ll do what I can to help you make up that thousand for the rings.”

The kids came busting in, all wet and slushy.

“Hey, now!” Travis shouted. “Off with your coats and boots. Keep them on the rug; you know the rule.”

They sobered just a bit and looked at him.

“Yes, sir,” Sadie said with a grin, pulling off her galoshes.

“So,” Travis said, his attention fully on his children, “who needs some cocoa?”

Chapter Nine

“Coonie, slow down!” Jessica yelled at the Corgi who strained at the leash on Comm. Ave. as she struggled to revive her phone. Three days after Sadie had dropped it in the sink, it still no signal, no power, nothing. Jessica wanted nothing more than to call Ben, but she couldn’t. She’d even tried to call the house number from her uncle’s line, but no one had answered and she hadn’t left a message, suddenly feeling too nervous to speak.

Sighing, she put the phone back in the pocket of her down jacket. She’d have to get a new one. To top it off, she couldn’t even get into her voicemail because she’d never set up an outside calling service. She hadn’t even known she’d had to. Stupid smartphones. Not so smart after all, were they?

She followed Coonie at a rapid pace as they edged back toward Kenmore Square, where the dog lived. After she got paid for this gig and the three others she had this afternoon, all in Copley, she’d have enough to buy a cheap replacement phone at least. Of course, that put getting the rings on hold again, but she needed to get in touch with people. She had faith in Mae. The rings would keep for a few weeks if that’s how long she needed to afford them back.

She had been slightly on edge around Travis since their talk but had come to the conclusion that regardless of what kind of relationship she would have with the man in the future, his kids should benefit from the rings’ profit. As far as Jessica was concerned, they were family rings and belonged to the whole family, mistakes or no. Plus, the children had never done anything wrong. They deserved a good start in life.

With her permission, Travis had been looking into auction house prices, trying to figure out the best way to sell the rings for the most profit. After she sold them properly, she’d give a portion of the money to her uncle, keeping what she would need for a few months’ rent in Minnesota and to pay back Ellie’s loan, plus a bit extra as an emergency fund. She’d move back to Sauk Centre and try to find work. She’d take a chance with Ben, if he’d have her.

Jessica thanked the heavens as she turned the lock in the old townhouse door that her friend, Mike, had been checking his email and had been able to set her up with steady dog-walking work for the next month. Apparently, there was a rush during the holidays as people left the city to visit family. She walked to the third apartment and turned another lock, letting Coonie inside. One down; three to go. She separated the keys as she headed for the C line out to the Prue.

Ben overtook her thoughts again as she waited for the T. She’d written the Elkers all a letter on Christmas Day, after the phone incident, and had sent it the day after. She wondered if it would have reached him by now. She hoped he’d been trying to contact her but worried that he would assume she didn’t want to talk to him when he never got ahold of her. She shook her head. If she had to, she’d explain it all when the time came.

The T stopped, and Jessica headed up the stairs. She decided she’d take Pinot and Chaz past the old library today. The brisk walk on the wide sidewalks would do them good, and that way she could take them both at once. Then she’d walk Bounder down Newbury and head to Mike’s for her pay. If she was lucky, she’d get it before the stores closed and have a new phone by this evening.

* * * *

Ben cursed as he hung up the phone again. He’d fully expected to reach Jessica before his flight left today, and so didn’t worry when he couldn’t reach her yesterday. Now, his visit was looking unexpected at best and unwanted at worst. He couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps going home to sort things out with her uncle had just been a story, that she’d actually left because she’d been unhappy about how things had played out between them. Maybe she thought he’d taken advantage of her in a weakened state. When he looked at it from her point of view, he had to admit the situation could be easily read that way. Foolish libido. It had turned what would have been the one gallant thing Ben had ever done in his life into a cheap trick to get sex. It had scared away the woman he’d come to care for deeply. How could she trust in someone who would sleep with her at first opportunity after she’d just been victimized?

Ben shuddered to think that Jessica might look back on what he considered the purest, best sex of his life as a tawdry scheme that meant nothing. A large part of him said to turn back, to cut his losses, to accept his mistake and try to move on. She most likely never wanted to hear from him again. Otherwise, she’d answer her phone. It was going directly to voicemail now, so she must have turned it off.

Still, he couldn’t give up so easily. His heart lurched at the sense of happiness Jessica gave him, and even if he’d botched everything beyond repair, he at least wanted to apologize to her for his fumbles. He wanted to wish her well, and thank her for everything she’d done for him, unwittingly or not.

Plane ticket in hand, he faltered as he heard his section called. Last chance to back out. As the flight attendants welcomed him aboard, he realized he didn’t even know where he was going. Without Jessica to tell him where she was, how would he even find her? This was looking more and more like a lost cause.

* * * *

Putting her new phone in her purse, Jessica gave Mike a hug and thanked him again.

“Let’s grab dinner,” he suggested. He’d accompanied her to the store when she’d told him what she was doing. He had needed new headphones anyway, he’d said. Jessica had been glad for the company, but it was getting late and she wanted to get back. She felt bone-weary.

“Come on,” he needled, “I’m buying, and I want to hear all about this Ben.”

Jessica sighed. It would be incredibly rude of her to refuse after all her friend had done for her. And what were a few more hours?

“Okay,” she acquiesced. “Just let me call the house first.”

She triumphantly dialed her uncle’s number and told him she’d be at the TGI Friday’s on Newbury, giving him her new number in case he had to contact her. She didn’t want him to think she was ignoring him or leaving without notice, especially since she’d been rather awkward around him since the confession. She still appreciated his kindness and hospitality and didn’t want Stella to have to make extra dinner that would go uneaten.

Mike had to make a few stops first, and they ended up at the restaurant around eight, sitting at a table right in front of the glass windows where they could watch the pedestrians walk by. Jessica smiled as her salad came. She’d missed this, the people, the sights and sounds of her little city. Still, she ached for her other family in Minnesota with a fervor she hadn’t known she’d had.