Finding Home (27 page)

“I never meant for this to happen, and I don’t want you to think it’s only lust. I really care for Sean. A lot.” She sounded whiny and childish even to herself.

“I know. I can tell. But it doesn’t make it right. He’s far too young and too damaged for you to have a mature relationship. Be the adult, Megan.

Be gentle with him, but end it.“ She gazed into Megan’s eyes a moment, then turned to the kitchen window. Together they watched Sean standing and smoking, gazing off across the field. ”Now I think it’s probably best if you get your things together and take him home.“

“You’re—asking me to leave?” Not that Megan didn’t want to go, but her mother’s reaction shocked her.

“No! I’m considering that boy’s feelings.
His
needs. Something you should have been doing all along. How do you think he felt about you keeping the relationship a secret? What do you think it made him feel like? Right now he’s probably humiliated and angry and wants to get away from here as soon as possible. Were you honestly going to make him sit through breakfast with the family after Charlotte’s outburst?”

Megan’s voice rose angrily. “God, what she said was unforgivable!” “Oh, honey, nothing in this world is unforgivable, especially with family. Charlotte was wrong. I’m not defending her, but don’t hold a grudge, and when she offers an apology, which she will eventually, take it.” She wrapped her arms around Megan and hugged her. “Do the right thing. I know you will.”

Megan nodded. She left to get her bags and ran into Chris in the hall. “Shit, I really got things stirred up with my announcement,” he said, “Got Charlotte all wired.”

“How’d it go with Dad?” Megan asked. “Did he have anything else to say?”

Chris laughed. “He wanted to know if I thought Ben might like to come fishing with him and Greg some day. He gave up on me a long time ago, but I think he’s holding out for another fisherman in the family. I guess he can overcome the gay thing. It’s the not fishing that kills him.”

Megan smiled. “He’s such a sweetie. See, I told you mom and dad would take it well. You want to help me carry my bags out? Sean seems pretty upset, so we’re leaving.”

“I still can’t believe Charlotte said that. Look, why don’t you get your bags and I’ll go out back and talk to him. Let him know at least one of your siblings isn’t a psycho bitch.”

“Thanks. That’d really help. He sure doesn’t want to talk to me right now.”

As Megan packed, she thought about what her mom had said about putting Sean’s needs first. She knew her mother was probably right about their relationship, but there was absolutely no way she was going to be able to force herself to give him up.

ZY

Later, after they’d carried their bags to the car, Megan hugged her parents and promised to call, write and come to visit more often. Charlotte and Greg were still absent.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Sean said quietly. “I’m sorry if I made a problem.”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Mom stepped forward and gave him a hug, which he endured with rigid surprise. “These girls always find something to fight about, and I apologize for Charlotte’s rudeness.”

Megan’s dad didn’t say anything, but stuck out his hand.

Sean cautiously shook it.

Chris walked them to the car, and Megan gave him a hug. He turned to Sean and extended his fist to tap knuckles. “Take care, man. Don’t let her boss you around.” He smiled, and Sean nodded with a slight smile of his own.

“Study hard. Get good grades. Don’t party too hard and bring your friend home to meet us next time,” Megan ordered her brother.

“Maybe.”

Megan and Sean got in the car. With a last look in the rearview mirror at Chris and her parents, Megan exhaled in relief as she drove away from her family home.

“I’m sorry I put you in such an uncomfortable situation. I let Charlotte get to me and… That isn’t the way I wanted to tell my family. It was thoughtless of me to put you in the middle of our argument like that. I’m really sorry.”

“There’s no way you could’ve told them that wouldn’t have freaked them out.” Sean sounded calm and when Megan stole a quick glance, he was expressionless. “Besides, your sister didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

“Don’t say that. You’re not a…”
“Whore or former whore, what’s the difference? I didn’t belong there and they all knew it. I shouldn’t have come with you.”

“Of course you should have. I…”
“Listen, can we just not talk about it? It happened. It’s over. Forget it.” He turned toward the window and stared out.

Megan studied his profile before focusing her eyes on the road. She would make it better, somehow, when they got home.

But her mother’s words echoed in her head, and her mind went back to the shuttered look in Sean’s eyes during the outburst by the Christmas tree. It wasn’t going to be an easy fix.

“You’ll have fun tonight. You’ll see.” Megan put her arms around Sean from behind, stood on her tiptoes and rested her chin on his shoulder. “James will behave and Sasha loves you. I really want us to be able to hang with my friends sometimes, you know? And it seems like we haven’t been out anywhere since before Christmas.”

Sean nodded and turned his face to kiss her. “It’s fine. I don’t mind going.”

But Megan knew better. She rested her head between his shoulder blades and held him tight, thinking about the slow changes that had occurred in the last weeks. When they came back home after what she came to call the Christmas of dramatic revelations, something had definitely changed in Sean. She’d hoped meeting her family would bring him closer to her. Instead, it pulled them apart.

It wasn’t anything very noticeable, but he seemed less happy, more silent and withdrawn. Of course, there was his GED exam coming up and he was studying a lot more as the date came closer, but Megan felt he used this as an excuse. She turned out to be right, because after taking the exam, and acing it, Sean still seemed distant.

Part of their increasing separation had to do with the fact Sean was no longer needed at his construction job and had begun working evenings at a convenience store, instead. The pay was a lot less and he couldn’t contribute as much to the household, which bothered him, but also the new job put them on opposite schedules. When Megan came home from the office, he’d already gone to work, and by the time he returned, she was sound asleep. She would wake when he climbed into bed with her and sometimes rouse herself enough to make love, but often she’d simply fall back to sleep.

Then Megan got the call that her new nephew had arrived two weeks early. Greg told her his son’s weight, length, hair color, time of birth, all the stuff that was so exciting to a new parent. As she listened to her brother-in-law enthuse over the perfection of his baby, she knew she had to patch up her rift with Charlotte. She planned to see the baby that weekend, but knew she couldn’t invite Sean along. There was no reason to upset Charlotte and make things uncomfortable for Sean to prove some kind of point. Besides, he had a Saturday shift he couldn’t get out of.

Although Sean was cool with it when she told him about the baby’s birth and her upcoming visit, she still felt like she was abandoning him when she packed and drove away that Friday night.

Little Richard, as Megan dubbed the baby, was downy-headed, wrinkly and red-faced, and when Megan saw her sister’s elemental joy at becoming a mother, it was hard to stay mad at her. Charlotte immediately apologized for the things she’d said at Christmas, blaming the hormones, which made her more emotional and irrational than usual, and acknowledging she’d been unforgivably rude.

Megan returned home after the brief visit to find Sean once again at work and the apartment empty. She made a point to stay up watching late night TV until he came home, and their sexual reunion was as hot and hungry as ever, but later that night when she woke up, his side of the bed was empty. When he didn’t return after fifteen minutes, she rose and went to find him.

He sat by the open window in the living room, his profile a dark silhouette against the streetlight outside. He lifted a cigarette to his lips and the orange tip glowed. She suddenly realized he hadn’t smoked much since they’d gotten together—until recently.

Megan rested an arm across his shoulders, leaning her hip against his side. “Can’t sleep?”

“Naw.” He wrapped his arm around her waist
“Is there something bothering you?” She knew there was, had known it ever since they returned from Christmas, but hadn’t asked him point blank before.

“Not really.” He paused so long she thought that was all he was going to say. “Just getting used to the new job and everything.”

“Because if there’s something I’ve done to upset you, or haven’t done that I should do…”

“No. It’s not you. It’s—nothing.” He hugged her waist reassuringly. She ran her hand through the hair at the nape of his neck and wished she could believe him.

He ground out the cigarette and tossed the butt from the window. “Adjustments to work. Not a big deal.” He stood and took her hand. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”

She crawled into bed and snuggled into his delicious warmth, and in his embrace, she could almost pretend everything was okay. Megan vowed to give him time and avoid crowding him, but felt uneasy now, with a slight dread gnawing at her.

So when James called to invite them to a party he was throwing in honor of nothing in particular—“It’s January, Meg, and it’s crappy weather, and I’m bored. Nothing ever happens in January. Come and get wasted”—she gladly accepted. She managed to convince herself it would be a fun distraction and that James and Sean could learn to be friends.

James’s apartment throbbed to the sound of seventies disco music when they arrived. The minute they walked in, Sasha staggered toward them with Stevie in tow and flung her arms around Megan’s neck, planting a soppy kiss on her mouth, then did the same to Sean, much to his stunned surprise.

“You guys! I haven’t seen you in such a long time! Oh, Megan, it’s been ages. How was Christmas? Have you heard the good news?”

“Uh, fine, Christmas was fine. What good news? No.” Megan tried to keep up with the whirlwind and greet Stevie, who hung back with a big, stupid grin on his face, watching Sasha with a look that reminded Megan every time of why the two were such a good fit.

“Stevie’s promotion? He’s finally starting to make some real money to make up for the awful hours he has to work. Our next aim is to get him down to fewer than eighty hours a week, but in the meantime, we can finally buy me a new car. Yay, Stevie!”

Megan laughed. Sasha was such a happy drunk. It was a joy to get smashed with her. “Good job, man,” she said to Stevie, giving him a hug. “So have you sold your soul to the devil now?”

“I guess so. I think my firstborn is already promised away. How are you guys doing?” Megan appreciated the effort to include Sean in the greeting. Stevie could be surprisingly attentive sometimes.

She shrugged, and turned to look at Sean. “Not bad, actually.” She paused, waiting to see whether Sean would give her the go-ahead to mention his exam. His eyes flicked to hers and he nodded assent. “Sean got great scores on his GED last week. We thought we’d come celebrate tonight.”

Stevie looked genuinely pleased at the news, which, considering he’d barely met Sean, pleased Megan. “Congratulations, dude. You must be thrilled.” He extended a hand to Sean, who took it.

“Yeah, I am. Thanks.” He sounded upbeat, which made Megan hopeful that coming to the party had been the right decision.

They got rid of their coats and moved into the living room, where maybe twenty people were bumping and grinding to the strains of classic disco anthems. Maybe later they’d join the crowd. Megan spied James in the kitchen surrounded by a few people she knew and made a beeline for him with Sean following. James smiled a welcome at Megan and nodded curtly at Sean, offering them both beer.

Within a few minutes, they were both drinking and Megan was engaged in lively conversation with a couple of James’s musician friends with whom he played occasionally, although they weren’t really a band. Yet. One of them, a punky guy called Dan, tried to convince her to cover their next gig for the paper. Megan was explaining to him it wasn’t really what she did when Sean interrupted her. “You could.”

“What?”
“You could go to the gig and write something about it. Worse that’ll happen is Rossi won’t accept it.”

Megan bit her lip. He was right. She’d written her first article on spec and that had turned out well. She smiled at Dan. “So where are you guys playing next week?”

A few beers and more music talk later, Megan enticed Sean onto the dance floor for some dirty dancing, rubbing her crotch against his thigh as she wiggled her ass to the strains of Lady Marmalade. Sean was more relaxed than he’d been for days, and was definitely getting into it, pulling Megan closer and pressing his groin against her belly, teasing her with his erection until she her panties were damp.

He looked at her in an unmistakably predatory mode. Megan wondered whether there would be any opportunity for a repeat of the stealth fucking they’d indulged in at Thanksgiving. Suddenly, Sean grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her, his tongue hot and demanding, one hand sliding into her hair.

As always when he kissed her, she lost all sense of time and space, and focused on nothing but returning his kiss. The burn in her crotch blossomed up into her belly and down her legs in long languorous licks of fire, and she was breathless for lack of oxygen. She knew they had to stop and tear themselves apart or risk making a complete spectacle of themselves here in James’s living room in front of several of her oldest friends. But it was so damn hard to stop kissing Sean.

She pulled away for a deep breath and put her hands on his chest. He looked at her, his eyes out of focus and swimming with arousal. “Sean,” she said, just loud enough for him to hear her over the music. “Stop. We can’t. Not here.”

“Let’s go home, then.” The hunger in his voice tugged at her. It was almost irresistible.

“Soon,” Megan promised. “Let me go to the bathroom and—”
“I could go with you,” Sean interrupted, with a smirk full of dirty promise.