Finding Kylie (6 page)

             
“Four hundred and fifty, four hundred and sixty, four hundred and seventy dollars.  Wow!  You made a killing!  That should be enough to put in your
someday fund.” 
Cheryl stacked the money and pushed it toward Chastity, who shook her head.

             
“My someday fund is doing okay on it’s own ... you should take some of this money we made.”

             
“I don’t want for anything Chastity.  Besides, this is your money.  Just keep it.” 

             
Cheryl stood and pushed the donation boxes toward the front of the yard.

             
“At least take half.” Chastity followed her, money in hand. 

             
“Not a chance.” Cheryl quickly changed the subject.  “How much do you have in your someday account now anyway?”

             
Chastity shoved it back into her pocket, and followed Cheryl back into the house.

              “Almost six thousand dollars ... enough that four hundred and seventy dollars won’t make too big of a difference.”  As she left to go up to her room, she sent Cheryl a lopsided grin, saying, “Don’t think you’re getting out of this without a little something too.  You’ve worked hard this week.” 

             
It didn’t matter what Cheryl insisted on.  She planned on putting half of it into her purse before seeing her off.  It was the least she could do for her.  She had done so much to help her.  Cheryl had been not only her mother’s rock, but her own support system as well.  The money was the only way she knew how to pay her back. 

             
Chastity’s heart warmed at Cheryl’s mention of her someday fund.  She smiled at the memory of her mother’s promise. She always said, ‘Someday, all I have is yours!’

             
After a few years, it became a private joke between the two of them. They both knew that they weren’t by any stretch of the means well off, so it would be a miracle if Chastity ended up with much.

             
In high school, she wanted to make the idea of having something someday real.  She knew that her dreams would have to turn into ambitions, and the only way someday was going to happen for her if it was of her own accord. 

             
Her goal was to travel to Italy to paint where all the great artists had been. Her favorites were Rubens, DaVinci, and Vincent Van Gogh.  She felt a bond with Van Gogh and DaVinci because like her, they liked to draw in pencil or pen before expanding to the other mediums.

             
Someday she knew she’d get to opportunity to study their work in person and gain inspiration to create some of her own.  She would just have to save enough money first. 

             
Chastity majored in art history, taking as many classes she could to give her the knowledge and preparation to go abroad.  Now it just boiled down to having her finances in order.

             
Her someday fund had grown slowly in result of her high school jobs, checks from Grama Wayne, and cash from whatever her mom could save from the various jobs she’d held at restaurants throughout their moves. 

             
Chastity had accumulated a couple thousand dollars by the time she was a senior in college.  Now that she’d graduated, her earnings from her job at the children’s art center, and her occasional sales of her artwork had over doubled her fund. 

             
She promoted her work through local cafes, like her friend Anne’s, and locally owned restaurants and pubs in the Silverlake Community and downtown LA.  She hoped that it would be enough to get her noticed by a few galleries, so she could get her foot in the door and make enough to finally take her someday trip to Venice.  However, since her mother took ill, Chastity hadn’t paid as much attention to her trip. 

             
That’s the luxury of someday.
It’s exactly what it is –someday,
she wistfully thought, taking the cash from her pocket and placing it in her wallet.  She knew she’d still have enough for Venice when it was time.  She sighed and looked across her room to the journals.

             
For now, it’s time to find out mom’s story.
 

             
She needed to uncover Kylie’s past to learn about her own. 

             
Mom’s journals just might give me what I needed to figure it all out. 

             
Chastity stashed her wallet into her bag, and grabbed the notebooks.  They weren’t leaving for the movies until 7 p.m., which left her enough time to get ready and read a few more pages. 

             
She plopped onto the bed, to find where she left off. 

             
I can skip through her junior high and most of her high school entries
, she thought as she thumbed through the book. 

             
She wanted to cut to the chase, and find out if John really was her father. 

             
She got pregnant at the tail end of her senior year, so who knows? Maybe it was someone else, and she just carried a torch for John Mikale
?
But why else would she have kept those newspaper clippings all these years?  He has to be the one!
 

             
Chastity had seen his face in her dreams as a kid, and knew in the pit of her stomach she was connected to him.

             
O
kay mom … spill it.  What happened?
 

             
She flipped through and came to a journal entry she found dated: May 24th, 1980.  It detailed her mother’s account of the first time John asked her out.  She said she was amazed that John finally saw her. 

             
It was a long time coming. Huh, mom?
 

             
From the previous entries, Chastity understood that her mother was a late bloomer and wasn’t very confident. 

             
I guess she finally came into her own ... she became the swan.  Although - I doubt she was ever an ugly duckling.

             
She paused, and looked to her mom’s photo by her bed.

             
So is this the night that it all starts?  Mom and John? 

             
Chastity couldn’t wait to turn the page to see what happened next.  She wanted to read all the details about her mother’s emotional high on the day after her first date.

             
If it were me, I would have written about it as soon as I got home.
 

             
Unfortunately, the next few pages were torn out.  The only thing Chastity saw was the word, STUPID, written in permanent marker on the inside back cover.

             
An uneasy feeling came over her.  It was like the moment before a massive storm unleashed its fury.  There was lots of tense energy coursing through her veins, as she was unsure of where this was taking her.

             
“What happened, mom?  Why would you tear out these pages and mess up your journal?” She sat up, holding her breath. “Something’s wrong!”

             
Grabbing for the last notebook, she flung open the cover and saw the last thing she expected.  Written in a small tight handwriting, unlike her mom’s previous entries, were these words,
He raped me
. 

             
As if lightning struck her, she threw the journal across the room and began to scream a desperate cry.  Chastity doubled over and covered her mouth, as if she’d been punched in the gut.

              She heard Cheryl pounding up the stairs.  All Cheryl had to do was open the bedroom door and look into Chastity’s eyes to see that she finally knew the truth.

Chapter 7

             
Cheryl walked Chastity downstairs, placed her in the most comfortable chair in the house, and covered her up with Kylie’s favorite quilt.

             
“I picked up some wine for later, but I think we’ll need it a little earlier than planned.” She started for the kitchen, but paused.  “Do you want me to make it a spritzer?”

             
“Please.  I haven’t eaten a lot today, and I’m a little shaky.”

             
Chastity listened to her own response, but it sounded like someone else.  She felt a thousand miles away.

             
Cheryl returned with two full glasses, and sat them down on the coffee table in front of them.

             
“Where do you want me to start?” She put her hand on Chastity’s shoulder and squeezed softly.

             
“I think I’m still in shock.  Did I really read what I think I did? Was my mom really raped?”  Chastity wanted the truth, but wasn’t ready to hear the answers to the questions she hadn’t asked yet. 

             
Am I a product of that night?  Did she get pregnant with me?
It pained her to think these questions, let alone ask them aloud.

             
“Yes, honey. She was.” Cheryl stared sadly at her friend’s daughter from across the coffee table before continuing. “You’re mother had a very sad past, and that’s what she tried to hide from you her whole life.  She wanted you to have a chance at happiness with out knowing the ugly truth.”

             
“So John is my father, but I wasn’t conceived out of love…” she paused, before adding, “but out of pain?” 

             
Tears flowed from her questioning eyes.  She quickly put her hands over them, and let out a deep breath. 

             
“So much makes sense now ... why she wouldn’t talk about him.  Why she’d stare at me, when she didn’t think I’d notice.” 

             
Cheryl wanted to stop her before she jumped to the wrong conclusion.

             
“Your mother loved you very much.  How you came into this world isn’t what she thought of, when she saw you!”

             
Chastity’s face twisted with aguish.  “You saw how she’d look at me sometimes, with that look
in her eyes. I never thought she didn’t love me, but I felt somehow that I was hurting her.  I felt bad for something I didn’t even know about ... until now.”

             
“You need to stop this - right now.  You weren’t the cause of her pain.”  Cheryl reached for Chastity’s hands, and continued, “You were who she held on to - to keep her from pain.  Kylie always said that you were the one thing she did right in her life!  She loved you with all her heart from the day you were born!  No matter how the circumstances brought you to her.  You need
to know that!”

             
Chastity withdrew her hands, and drained her glass. “Fill it up again but this time just with wine, please.  I’m getting a headache.” 

             
She pushed it toward Cheryl, who returned with a bottle of red wine and started pouring.

             
“Okay sweetheart.  Take your time with this one though.”

             
She filled Chastity’s glass to the very top.

             
“So did she confront … John?”  Chastity couldn’t bring herself to call him father. “What happened to him?
”
She asked with disgust.  “And why
would she hold onto those newspaper clippings and journals if he attacked her?”

             
“I’ll try to answer all your questions the best I can.”

             
Cheryl leaned back into the couch and tucked her feet underneath her, unsure if she or Chastity were ready for any of this.

             
“Kylie tried to confront him, but he was shipped off to military school before she could.  She didn’t press charges or even tell anyone for that matter.”

             
She looked to her young friend, trying to gauge how she was taking the news so far.  Chastity was shell-shocked, but needed to hear the rest.  She nodded to Cheryl, who continued.