Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (33 page)

“Having
all of you in my life has been the best thing that has happened to me,” I sob.
“Thanks for letting me play with y’all.”

“Thanks
for crashing our party,” Cole laughs.

When
we finally separate, the guys do the sniff thing to hide their emotions, but I
fully embrace my
girliness
in this moment.

“I
love y’all. So much,” I say through my tears as I finally let them go.

Moving to a town where I don’t know
anyone is intimidating, but it’s what I’ve been preparing for, right?
The real world
—or at least the
first steps toward entering it. In a week, I’ll be officially a freshman in college,
living on my own, and the only thing I can think is that the campus is
overwhelming.

Everyone
walks around like they own the place and know where they’re going.
Maybe they do.
But not
me.
I’ve been to Baylor a few times for visits, but never in my current
role: student. I get to live in an off-campus apartment with someone I’ve never
met, but I’m hoping for the best. I have talked to my roommate a couple of
times on the phone and she seems nice, if not a little too excited to meet me,
but I think that’s a good sign.

It
shouldn’t take three cars to move someone into an off-campus apartment, but
that’s what we have right now. Mom and Dad dropped Luka off at Grandma’s so
they could help me, and I drove my car. Haden followed with most of his own
things, although he insisted on bringing at least one of my boxes so he had a
reason to justify his detour.

Parking
is a nightmare on campus, but luckily this off-campus situation isn’t too
terrible. People are hustling from their cars to the apartments and I imagine
it’s even worse at the school for those living in the dorms.

“What
apartment are you in?” Mom asks while we climb up the second flight of stairs.

Note to self: this walk is
hell.

Dad
is bringing two of the boxes I packed and drags behind us at a snail’s pace,
but Mom and I have only managed to bring one each so we make it up the stairs
easily.

“1379
B,” I answer as I reach into my pocket to retrieve the key I got from the
attendant in the front office.

When
we reach the third floor, I shove my key into the slot, but before I have a
chance to turn it, the door opens and a short blonde girl stands before me with
a smile too big to be real.

“Are
you Laila?” she asks with so much pep I look around to see who she’s trying to
impress, but no one is around but my parents.

“Yeah,”
I say slowly to buy time. “You must be Chelsea?”

She
grabs my hand and wraps her arms around me as if she’s known me forever, and I
do my best to remove myself from her grasp without hurting her feelings.
I’ll need to teach her about personal space.

“These
are my parents, Julie and Garret.” I point to my parents, who look as stunned
as me.

“It’s
great to meet you both,” she gushes. “I’m Chelsea from, well—here, but I
told my parents I wanted to live away from home, it was really important to me.
You’re from Houston, right?”

“Yeah,”
I agree, stepping into the small kitchen area just inside the door.

I
set the box on the floor and look around at the place I’ll call home for the
next year. It’s smaller than I expected, but it’s nice. When I face Chelsea, I
notice the hopeful look in her face, the one that says she wants to be friends.
I recognize the look because that used to be me, before I quit trying. I’m a
terrible person because the first thing that comes to mind is that I don’t have
time for friends or room for them in my life. But considering half of my circle
lives out of state, I don’t really have the luxury of being choosy right now.

“Which
one is mine?” I ask and point to the two doors that are closed.

“Oh,
you’re over there on the right. Do you need any help?”

“Thanks,
I think we’ve got it,” I smile warmly. “So what’s your major?”

“I
want to study marketing—at least that’s what I want to do today,” she
smiles. “What about you?”

“Psych.”
I smile and make a face because I’m not sure what I’m getting myself into with
that one.

“Wow,
you already know what you want to do?” she asks with smile.

“Laila?”
I hear the familiar sound of Haden’s voice call from somewhere outside so I
excuse myself before I step out to locate him.

“Up
here,” I call down and he looks up from the floor below.

“Top,
huh?” he teases and I nod.

He
carries the box that he loaded in his car and makes his way up the steps until
he’s standing in my doorway. He brings it into the living room and sets it on
the coffee table, but I find my roommate’s blatant perusal of his body
irritating. I resist the urge to hike my leg up to pee on him and mark my
territory, because I’m sure it’s frowned upon. Chelsea walks over and
introduces herself, but he’s barely paying attention as he helps me bring the
boxes into my new room.

“Can
you show me what boxes you need?” he asks, which throws me off because he knows
which boxes I need.
All
of them.
This is code for ‘come with me.’

I
meet him outside the door and together we walk downstairs to my car to grab
more of my things. Haden takes my hand in his and stares at it with a sad
smile.

“What’s
wrong?” I ask, concern evident in my tone.

“It’s
gonna
be hard to leave you,” he says.

“It’s
hard to let you leave,” I answer. “I wish you were going to school here.”

“But
I’m less than two hours away,” he responds.

“I
know,” I mutter quietly.

“Hey,”
he tugs at my hand, stopping me so I face him and gently lifts my chin with his
fingers, “what’s two hours? Ninety miles? It’s nothing. Besides, you can’t get
rid of me so easy.”

He
leans down and kisses my sadness away, at least for now. When we separate, I
smile shyly and nod to acknowledge his words before we finally grab some boxes
and start the journey back up to my place.

* * *

“Where
do you want this?” Mom asks, holding up the blanket Grandma knitted for me when
I was a kid. It’s my comfort blanket when I’m sick, sad, or tired.

“On
the bed is fine—if you can get Haden to get off it.”

Mom
laughs and tosses the blanket on top of him, along with a few of my stuffed
animals I decided to bring last minute. Haden grabs the bear he won for me at
the carnival and holds it up in the air.

“You
stole my bear.”

“That’s
mine, Searle. You gave it to me.”

“Maybe
I want it back,” he challenges.

“I
have custody of him until I see you again,” I say in my no-nonsense tone. “And
when will that be?”

He
sits up and looks at his phone; when his eyes meet mine, I know that it’s time
and I do my best to be happy. Mom notices that the mood has shifted and takes
Dad aside to give us a moment.

Haden
walks over and wraps his arms around me in what will likely go down as the
saddest hug I’ve ever encountered.
I hate
goodbyes.
Watching Joey and Cole leave hurt so much and I’ve barely gotten
over it, but Haden isn’t just my friend, he’s my boyfriend. The pain in my
chest is hard to ignore.

“I
have to go,” he rasps.

“I’ll
walk you out.”

Dad
shakes his hand and Mom pulls him in for a hug, wishing him good luck.

“We’ll
see you soon,” she says.

I
thread my fingers through Haden’s and he says a quick goodbye to Chelsea as we
walk out the door. Neither of us rush the trek to his car, but we don’t say
anything either until we are standing at the driver side door. He rests against
the car and I instinctively lean in to him and allow him to hold me once more
before he leaves. I bury my face against his chest and he runs his hand up and
down my back.

Don’t go.
I want to say the words, but I won’t.

“This
year with you has been everything I hoped,” he says.

“I’m
so glad that you let me in,” I say and turn my face to look into his. “I don’t
want to let you go, but I have to. I never expected to be able to love you the
way I do, and it’s been worth everything.”

“Never
let me go,” he cups my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine, “because
I’m never letting you go.”

“You
can’t know that,” I argue halfheartedly.

“I’ll
tell you what I know: we were friends first, and that’s something that will
never change. You’re stuck with me.”

“I
can handle that.” I smile. “Do you really think we could be that
one
couple that makes the long distance
thing work?”

“Why
not us?” He raises his eyebrow and grins.

“We’re
so going to be that couple that makes everyone else jealous because we’re so
awesome.” I wink and back my words with all the confidence I can muster.

“Yeah
we are,” he agrees and kisses me until all I can think about is the next time I
get to kiss him again.

I
move away and give him room to get into his car, watching him start the engine.
He closes the door and I lean in for one last kiss before he closes it. Slowly,
he backs out of the parking spot and I stand rooted in place as I watch his car
disappear from my view and allow my tears to fall.

Mom
and Dad need to head back home, but I know they’re waiting in my room so we can
say our goodbye. I wipe my tears and walk back to my room to find Mom and Dad
setting up a few of my things. Since the room came furnished all I need to do
is add a few elements from home to make it my own. Mom grabs the box that Haden
brought up from his car and pulls out a frame that has pictures of me with the
guys from when we were young.

“That
goes on my desk,” I say, taking the frame from her and setting it where I’d
like to see it every day. “I love you both, but I got this.”

“Are
you sure? We don’t mind,” Mom says. I see the tears welling in her eyes, but I
do my best to look past them for now.

“I
know, but it’s fine, you have a long drive.”

Dad
walks over and hugs me, telling me to take care
of myself and
study hard
. Mom can barely say anything and I think she’s moments away
from losing it altogether. I thank them for everything and promise to call and
let them know how my first day goes. We all know that I’ll be calling every
day, three times a day, but they still like the assurance.

Mom
refuses to let me walk them down to the car because it will be too hard to
leave so we stand outside my door.

“I’m
so proud of you,” Mom gushes. “Be careful. And if you need anything, you let me
know.”

“I
will. I love you both, so much.”

“We
love you, too,” Mom answers.

Dad
grabs Mom and me and holds us tightly, unable to say much but a muffled “I love
you.”

“I
love you, too, Dad.”

They
step away and Mom wipes her eyes and kisses me one last time before they
finally turn and take the steps to leave me. I remain outside my apartment,
waiting to see if they come back; but they don’t, so I finally go back to my
room to finish unpacking.

I
start with the box Mom had on my bed that contains my favorite pictures from my
room back home. Pictures of my parents, the guys, Bailey and Ree, and my sister
are piled in no particular order, but one by one, I set them around the room
and feel relaxed.

There’s
one more picture, but I don’t recall packing it.

When
I pull it out, I let out a gasp and stare at the image in awe. It’s a painting
of me when I was a little girl, filled with hope. I’m sitting on lush green
grass looking at the various things happening around me.

I’ve never seen this piece.

I
turn the frame over and there’s a note in Haden’s handwriting. I sit down on
the edge of my bed and read his words.

Lai,

By the time you see this,
I’ve already left, so I want you to know I miss you already. I painted this a
couple of years ago, but I never showed anyone. I call it Finding Laila.

I remember once we were
talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up. All of us had dreams of who
and what we were going to be, but you had no idea. You said that it would come
to you when you were older so you weren’t worried about it because you were
going to find yourself someday.

I have loved you for so
long, and I know you love me. No matter what the future holds, I want you to
find the Laila you are meant to be, because I’m going to love every version of
her.

This isn’t goodbye, this is
just I love you, until I get to tell you again.

Love,

Haden