Finding Me (40 page)

She was
not
going to be the coward her father had been.

After returning to her apartment, repacking, and making a few other quick stops, Kelli was on I-40 again. She knew she wouldn’t pull off the road until she absolutely could not go any farther. The second day, she made it to Texas before exhaustion forced her to pull off the interstate. She found a rundown motel—it was clean enough, but it was old and had paper-thin walls, so she could hear every word of the conversation next door. It didn’t matter. Within five minutes of entering the room, she was sound asleep.

It was still dark outside when she climbed out of bed the next
morning, showered, and returned to the road. She had a sense of urgency, although she had no idea what she’d do after she got back to Shoal Creek. She had a very long drive during which to make a plan, so she started methodically thinking through her options.

She was still concerned that telling Alison and Beth would be more painful than helpful, but she thought about Beth and how devastating the loss of her baby had been. If she were to somehow miraculously find out that baby were still alive, even if it meant Rand had betrayed her, would she want to know? Kelli couldn’t be certain, but she thought so. Since Alison was more even-keeled than Beth, she wondered if she should just go and tell her first, not telling Beth until after Alison agreed it was okay to do so.

Or should she tell them all together? Then they could kick her out of the house all at once, or they could rejoice, or they could ask all their questions, but whatever it was they were going to do, it would all happen at the same time.

At that moment, she knew where she would start. She would ask the one person she trusted the most to tell her the truth.

48

K
enmore was watching the Braves beat the Dodgers when the doorbell rang. “I got it,” he called back to Shane, who was somewhere in the back of the house. At first, the glare from the setting sun outside left the visitor nothing more than a silhouette, but then he saw her. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was pasty white, but she gave him a tentative smile.

He flung the door open wide. “Come inside and tell me what’s happened.”

She took a step in but went no farther. “I realized that I was trying to do the same thing my father did all those years ago. The truth was hard to face, so I was planning to go away and make a new life so I didn’t have to be bothered with it all. But there is no way I’m going to make my father’s mistakes. If there’s nothing else good that comes out of this entire thing, it’s going to be that I learned you can’t change the truth to suit your desires. It’s not fair to the people you leave behind to deal with carnage, and it’s not the right thing to do as a human being.”

He looked at the grim determination on her face. He nodded
once, then reached out his hand to clasp her shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”

“Are you? Am I doing the right thing?”

“Kelli, I think—”

“The right thing about what?” Shane walked over to stand right beside them. He frowned at Kelli. “What are you doing here? Last I heard you were leaving town for good, going back to get married to some guy you never bothered to mention.”

“Shane.” Kenmore shook his head and took a step toward his son. “You don’t have all the story. You need to back off.”

“I don’t have all the story because I’ve been purposely kept in the dark. That is not my fault.”

“No, it isn’t, and you’re right.” Kelli looked at him, then back at Kenmore. “Maybe I should start right here, right now, by telling Shane all of it. His reaction might give me a good idea about what I should and shouldn’t do with the rest of them.”

Kenmore nodded slowly. “There’s probably some truth in that.” He continued to nod. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He looked at the worn-down girl before him, her shoulders stooped as if the weight of a lifetime were upon them. Actually, Kenmore supposed the weight of a lifetime was on her shoulders—it was her father’s lifetime that was crushing her beneath its weight.

Shane sat forward, elbows on knees, looking up at Kelli, who had paced through the entire explanation. “So, you’re telling me that almost nothing I’ve known or believed about you was true?”

Ouch
. It hurt. But it was the truth, so what had Kelli expected? “Yes, I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

“You guess?”

“No, I don’t guess, okay? I know. I know that I didn’t come in
telling anyone the truth about who I was, for, well, for obvious reasons. But those decisions were made with good intentions.”

“And this mystery guy you were going to marry, it was all just made up?”

“Yes. No. Sort of.” Kelli dropped into a chair and doubled over, trying to somehow squelch the growing pain in her gut. “At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. You were showing a fair amount of interest in me, and I was feeling more than a fair amount interested in you, but at the time, my plans were to leave here and never look back. It seemed like it would be the less painful thing, to just throw that out there, putting me in as the bad guy and letting you believe you’d gotten off the hook and were better off for it.”

“That’s what you thought, huh?” Shane shook his head. “If you ask me, I’d say you weren’t thinking about much of anything. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have made some of these bone-headed decisions you did.”

“You’re right, okay? I know you’re right. But this isn’t exactly a common situation. It’s not like there are a bunch of self-help books about what to do after you’ve found out everything you ever believed was a lie—a lie told to you by the one person you trusted more than anyone else on earth.” Kelli stood up and started pacing again. “Maybe I was right to go. Maybe I should leave forever before any more harm is done. It was crazy to come back again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Kenmore, who had discreetly left the room while Kelli was telling the crux of it, now returned. “There is something you should know.”

“What?”

“Alison suspects something. She hasn’t quite figured out all the details. They are too farfetched for her to do that, but that horse figurine you gave to Beth? She recognized it as looking a
lot like David’s work. She asked me what I knew, and I played dumb. I don’t think she quite believed me, but then again, what else is she supposed to believe? The truth is crazy.”

“How did she seem, when she asked you all this? Was she upset? Angry?”

He shrugged. “She was a little worked up, but not hysterical or anything. Like I said, she asked the question, but she didn’t really believe she could be right.”

“If Shane is this upset, you know it’s going to kill Alison and Beth.”

“It will initially, you’re right about that. When you first walked into my store three months ago, it stirred up some deeply buried feelings in me that were not pleasant and that I didn’t want to face. But you know what? Since you came back, there’s been something else, something else that surprised me.”

“Like what?”

“Relief.” He scrubbed his hands across his face. “All these years when I’ve had my suspicions about what happened—and then when you showed up and I knew for sure—well, it’s been sort of like that feeling you get when a big flu epidemic is going around. You try to avoid it with all you’ve got, but when the symptoms finally start, it’s almost a relief. You know the next little bit is going to be painful, but you also know that at least now you can quit dreading the ‘what ifs’ and just get on with what is. For me, it would be a relief to look at the people I love without secrets blocking my eyes, or theirs.”

“He’s right.” Shane stood up and moved toward her. “He’s absolutely right.” He held out his hand. “You want to go walk for a bit?”

She looked at the extended hand, trying to think through everything. She couldn’t make sense of it all, but there was one thing she did know. There were some risks that were worth taking.
“I’d love to.” She took his hand, and the two of them walked out into the evening.

He kept shaking his head and muttering, “I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it.”

Kelli didn’t reply. What could she say to that?

After they had walked for a while, and the muttering had tapered off, he turned to her with his most adorable boyish grin. “What was that part where you said that you were . . . what was it you said . . . feeling more than a fair amount of interest in me? I think that’s something I’d like to hear more about. How’d it go again?”

She smiled up at him. “I can’t quite remember.”

“Let’s see if I can come up with a little reminder.” He drew her into his arms and kissed her deeply.

“I think it’s starting to come back to me now.”

“Maybe one more reminder.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

49

H
i Alison, it’s Kelli Huddleston. I’m back in town, and I was wondering if I could come over and talk to you for a few minutes.”

“Kelli? Are you okay?”

“I’m . . . well, I’m fine. Would now be a good time?”

“Sure. I’m just washing dishes. Should I call Beth and tell her you’re here? I know she’d want to see you.”

“No. Please don’t. I need to talk to you before I see Beth again.”

“Okay. I’ll be watching for you.”

“Please take a seat.” Alison gestured toward the sofa. “We’ve been worried about you.”

Kelli nodded and stared at the coffee-table book about Ireland. The front image looked so fresh and inviting, just like the rest of Alison’s house. Kelli was about to shatter that, but she didn’t know what else to do. “I’m sorry I left like I did. Here’s the thing.” She shifted forward and leaned her elbows on her knees. “I grew up with a father and a stepmother. I think I might have told you that.”
Kelli knew that Alison already was aware of this. She took a deep breath and made a concentrated effort to speak with intention.

“You know my father died a few months ago. What you don’t know is what I found out after he died.” She looked up and saw Alison watching her with a perfectly pleasant expression, yet there was a hint of fear in her eyes. “When I started going through my father’s things, I found some newspaper clippings. They were pictures of a man and his young daughter who had apparently died in a boating accident near South Carolina.”