Finding My Way (25 page)

“NO!” I hear again
and I realise that
it’s
Tahlia
screaming so I rush to her room.

“It’s okay princess,
it was only a dream.  You’re safe, I’ve got you.”  Seth soothes her
as he holds her in his arms.  She’s sitting up in bed sobbing and hanging
onto him for dear life.  “It was just a nightmare,
it’s
okay.”  He croons gently rocking her.

I stand in her
doorway motionless.  My heart thumping heavily in my chest, not just from
Seth’s heated kisses, but also from the fright of
Tahlia’s
sudden screams. 
Tahlia
looks up at me wide-eyed
as tears stream down her face.  Seth notices and follows her line of sight
but barely gives me a glance before turning his attention back to her.

Feeling like an
intruder, I back away from the door to give them a private moment. 
Whatever
Tahlia
was dreaming it obviously scared the
crap out of her.  I head back to Seth’s room and sit on his bed.  I
can hear a low murmur as Seth continually comforts his sister.  He is so
good with her.  I wonder if she has nightmares often.

After a couple of
minutes of waiting, I decide its best that I leave.  It’s getting late and
Seth needs to be with his sister.  

“It’s okay princess,
it was only a dream.”  I say tightening my grip on
Tahlia
. 
“You’re safe, I’ve got you.”  She holds me tightly too.  She’s
shaking and crying uncontrollably.  “It was just a nightmare,
it’s
okay.”

I rub her back gently
as I rock her, trying to put the horrible thoughts out of her head. 
Suddenly she jumps when she sees something behind me.  I glance over my
shoulder to see Emma standing in the doorway.  I turn back to
Tahlia
and see that she is clearly beside herself with
fright.  I continue to hold her as her breathing starts to slow.

“Mum said that you
hadn’t had any nightmares lately,” I say to
Tahlia
.

“I haven’t,” she
replies between sobs.  “Oh Seth it was horrible...  It felt so real…
I thought he was back and-”

“
Shh
,
you’re safe princess,” I repeat over and over until she starts to feel heavy in
my arms.  “Lie down sweetheart, go back to sleep.”  I say as I let
her go so she can do just that.  I watch her close her eyes, and when her
breathing starts to even out I stand to leave the room.  It breaks my
heart to see her like this.

I tip toe out of her
room and head back to mine but Emma’s not there.  As if sensing her
presence I head to the bathroom where I find her collecting her things. 
She jumps slightly when she turns to face me.

“I’m
gonna
head home.”  She says to me quietly, trying to
hide her bra from me.  Too late I saw hanging over the side of the bath
earlier.  “Is
Tahlia
okay?” she asks with
genuine concern.

“She will be.” 
I reply, though I’m not so sure.  I thought by now the nightmares would
have stopped.  I move out of Emma’s way so she can leave the
bathroom.
 
“You don’t have to go.” 

“It’s late.”

I just nod my head,
saying
nothing,
I have no argument to make her
stay.  I really don’t want her to leave.  However, neither of us
are
in that same head space now.  I’m too distracted by
what I just saw
Tahlia
go through to give Emma my
full attention anyway. 

I follow her to the
front door and watch as she stuffs her clothes into her bag and gets out her
keys.  When she looks up at me I grab her hand again.  Looking into
her beautiful green eyes I can’t hold back a smile and when she returns it with
a stunning one of her own it sends a jolt right to my heart.

“I had a good time
Seth,” she says smiling.

“Me
too.”
  I lean in and give her a quick peck on the lips, then move
past her to open the door.  “I’ll call you.  Drive safe.”

“Bye Seth,” she says
as she passes and walks to her car.

The moon is shining
bright tonight and I can clearly see Emma as she makes her way to her
car.  I watch her hair swaying on the back of
my
t-shirt and when
she turns to wave goodbye, she takes my breath away with another dazzling
smile.

“Good night Emma.”

My set only lasts an
hour.  I’m packing my stuff, about to take it to my car, when the club’s
owner comes over to introduce himself.  I don’t quite catch his name over
the noise in the club but he says that he was impressed and I’m welcome back
anytime.  I am brimming with pride.

Wanting to celebrate
my victory, after I finish packing my car, I head over to the bar for a
drink.  I order a light beer because I’m driving home.

“I got this,” says
the bartender from earlier when she takes over from the guy I actually placed
the order with.  “I pegged you for a bourbon drinker not this light weight
shit.”

“Not tonight,” I
chuckle taking my beer from her.  “So when are you getting off
work?”  I ask as I try to hand her my money but she doesn’t take it.

“On the
house,” she says waving my hand away.  “And I get off in ten.” 
She says with a smile and then turns to serve another customer.

I quietly drink my
beer, perched on a stool at the edge of the bar and watch her work.  She’s
pretty with really dark eyes and almost black hair, that’s cut just below her
chin.  She looks my way so I give her a wink.

“You ready?” 
She asks a few minutes later. 

“Ready when you are
baby.”  I say as I polish off the last of my drink.  
Yep I’ve got
my game back.

I follow her to the
end of the bar and she nods to a hallway.  We enter a staffroom where she
collects her bag from a locker.  After she slams it shut, she turns to me
with a seductive look in her eyes.

“So you
wanna
grab a coffee?”

“Why don’t we just
skip the bullshit and I give you what you really want?”  I ask as I move
towards her.  I put my hand on her hips and look into her dark brown eyes
trying to gauge her reaction.

“Hmm I like a man
that cuts to the chase.”  She purrs at me, giving me the answer I’m
looking for.  I pull her in for a firm kiss.  She kisses me back just
as hard and pulls herself closer to me.  After a few moments of tongues
and lips, I pull away from her, grabbing her hand, and I take her back into the
hallway.  It’s the same hall I came in
through,
it leads to the staff exit and the alleyway where my car is parked, so I walk
her in that direction.

When we get outside
there is no one around.  I push her up against my car as we continue to
make out, then we move to the front bonnet and I lift her up to sit on
it.  She dumps her bag at my feet and pulls me in so she can kiss my
neck.  When I start to undo her shorts she grabs my hands.

“Not here,” she
gasps.

“Why
not?
  There’s no one looking,” I reply.

She looks around
hesitantly for a moment then looks back at me.  She’s still got hold of my
hands on her lap.  I can’t read her expression so I go in for another
kiss.  She kisses me back with as much force as I give her.  When she
lets go of my hands I waste no time undoing her shorts and sticking two of my
fingers inside her.  She lets out a loud moan and moves her hands around
the back of my neck kissing me harder.  I keep moving my fingers inside
her as I undo my jeans with my other hand, tugging them down a little.

“You got... a
condom?” she asks quietly in between kisses and I remove my hands from her
pants to grab the condom from my back pocket.

“Yep,” I say handing
it to her.  She quickly puts it on me and then leans back with her hands
behind her on the hood of my car.

I lean my knees
against the front grill and pull her to me.  We both moan together as I
enter her.  I grab her by the waist moving her around as I balance against
the car.  I pull her closer and push her away, over and over, as her moans
increase and my body throbs with desire.  Our tempo increases and so do
the sounds coming from her.  Using one hand to continue to move her by her
waist and the other to rub on her clit, our pace quickens even more.  Then
it is over, all too soon, and she is leaning limply against my shoulder gasping
for air, trembling as she comes and I slowly ride out my own orgasm.

I pull off the
condom,
do up my pants and head over to the nearby
dumpster.  When I turn back she’s picking her bag up off the ground. 
She notices me watching her and gives me a weak smile.  I recognise the
look on her
face,
it’s one I briefly saw on my own
after I was with the redhead.  She’s ashamed… I don’t think I’ve made a
woman feel
ashamed
to be with me before.

“Ah, so I guess,
maybe I’ll see you around.”  I say awkwardly as I reach her.

“Yeah,
probably not.”
  She says without looking at me and walks away down
the alley.

I contemplate calling
out to her before she turns the corner and leaves my sight.  I should
apologise, take her for that coffee.  But I can’t call
out,
I don’t even know her name.  She walks away feeling used and ashamed, and
I am left feeling like an absolute arsehole. 
What the hell is wrong
with me?

I pull the keys out
of my pocket and unlock my car.  Instead of feeling triumphant from a quick
fuck with a random chick, I leave the alleyway feeling disgusted with
myself.  I’m no better than that bloody redhead.

***

The same dream
plagued me again last night except this time I couldn’t get a clear look at
Em’s
face.  She was
lying
on
the mattress with the ‘other’ me but she wouldn’t turn around.  I try
going back to sleep for the umpteenth time but admit defeat when my stomach
growls and I can smell bacon wafting from the kitchen.

“Morning
Ma!”
  I greet Mum when I reach the kitchen.  I take my usual
seat at the table just as she puts a plate of food in front of me.

“Good morning Nicky,
how was your job last night at the funny named club, huh?”

“Fantastic!  I
was-”

“Job?”
 
Dad interrupts me. 
“
Job?
  What he
does at those clubs is not a job!”  Mum clips him across the shoulder
after she places a plate of food in front of him.

“Let the boy
speak.”  She chastises him and I can’t help but smirk.

“The owner liked me
so much he has asked me to come back!”  I say to my mum trying to ignore
the snigger from Dad’s direction.

“That’s great Nicky,
I am so proud of you.”  Mum says as she puts her hand to the back of my
head kisses me on the forehead.

“Thanks Ma!”  I
smile at her and tuck into my food.

I tune out of my
parents conversation about the neighbours and whatever while I eat my
breakfast.  I only pay attention again when I hear Dad saying my name like
a curse word.

“He needs to get a
real job!  None of the girly dance club crap or stuffing around at the
train station, but a real paying job!  When will he grow up, huh?” 
He doesn’t care that I am sitting at the table, right across from him. 
Little does he know that I did get paid last night, in more ways than
one.
  I don’t answer because there is no point, besides
he’s not actually addressing me, just pretending I’m not even here.  He
doesn’t want to hear anything I’ve got to say anyway. 

When he throws down
his newspaper with a thud and leaves the room, Mum gives me a squeeze on the
shoulder as she grabs my plate.  That’s her way of saying “don’t worry
about it”.
 
She knows exactly how
much his comments
bother me.  I thank my mum for
breakfast and go take a long shower.  I’m in the bathroom just about to
shave when I hear Dad moaning about me again in the kitchen.  I can’t take
it anymore so I grab my wallet, keys and phone and leave.

I have no particular
place to be and nothing in particular to do, so I bypass my car and walk.

The sun is shining on
my back and the wind is in my face.  I’m riding my bike along a path that
is patterned by speckled shadows from the trees overhanging it.  I hear an
angelic laugh on my right, turning my head I see a girl with brown hair flash
past me on a bike.  She looks over her shoulder and flashes me a wide
grin.

“Catch me if you
can!” she yells back and then speeds up.  I pedal faster and faster
but she is faster still.  She’s getting smaller and further away from
me.  I’m panting and calling out to her but she doesn’t slow down.

I hear sudden banging
and then Kings of Leon start singing about sex that’s on fire.  I still
can’t catch her.

“SETH! 
C’mon!”  I hear her yell.  I pedal harder but I still can’t catch
her.  “Get up!” she yells again but that doesn’t make sense, I’m not
down.  Then I realise it doesn’t sound like Emma’s voice either, it sounds
like…
Tahlia
.

I slowly open my eyes
to the realisation - I’m dreaming and
Tahlia
is
banging on my door.  “Wake up Seth!  It’s time to get up!”

“Yeah… yeah, I’m
awake!”  I call out sleepily.

“Good, ‘
cause
you’re making me pancakes!” she yells. 
That’s
right,
she won that prize when we played pool
last night.  I must stop taking her up on these bets.  I hear her
stomp to her room turning her stereo up just as Kings of Leon finishes and a
Band of Horses song begins.  I lie in for a minute more.  She may be
annoying but at least she has good taste in music.  She gets that from me,
I smile proudly to myself.