Finding My Way (52 page)

“He’s not the guy you
were seeing?”  I nod and close my eyes.  “His last name, is it
Kristos
?”

“Yes.”  I pull
back to look at Jake’s face, which suddenly morphs into one of anger.  I
know Jake’s had a lot to drink and I recognise that look on his face, he’s
ready to punch someone.  I’m instantly worried.  “Why have you met
him?”

“Nope but I’ve heard
all about him.  I fucking thought it was him! 
Em
he’s the jerk that Kelly dumped me for!” he roars and then turns around,
heading for Nick who is now packing up his equipment.

“
What?
” 
I chase after him.

“Hey you!” he
yells at Nick when he gets close to him.

“Yeah?”
 
Nick yells back as he lifts his head with almost the same look of anger on his
face.

“You are the dickhead
who stole my girl!”  I put my hand on Jake’s bicep trying to calm him
down.

“What?” Nick
asks looking at me for an explanation.

“Kelly!” 

“Kelly?”  I see
the look of recognition cross his face.

“Yeah, you know who
I’m talking about, arsehole!”

“Is that true
Nick?” I ask in shock.

“Hey I didn’t know
she was with anyone or that she dumped anyone to be with me.  I haven’t
seen her for weeks.  She was just a casual hook-up, she never mentioned-”

Whack!
 
Nick’s words are cut short by the connection of Jake’s fist to his face. 
Nick
reacts
immediately punching Jake back.  I
stand there dumbfounded, trying to take it all in as Dad, Ethan and Josh step
in to separate the two of them.  Once they are both visibly restrained, I
compose myself a little.

“Nick?” I ask
the question, without really asking anything as I step towards him.

“I swear
Em
.  She never mentioned she was with anyone,” he
pleads, almost desperate for me to believe him.  “We just had a bit of fun
together.  It was just sex-” I hold my hand up in front of his face to cut
him off.

“Okay, okay, I don’t
want to hear anymore.”  I turn to Jake who is struggling as Ethan holds
him back and place my hand on his chest.  “Jake, he’s telling the
truth.  I believe him.”  Jake blinks at me.  “You were going to
break up with Kelly anyway, you know it.”

Jake visibly relaxes
and gives me a nod.  Ethan lets him go and we all head back out to the
marquee, leaving Nick to pack up.

“That guy is a
womaniser,” Jake mutters and I’m sure it is mainly for my benefit.

“Everything
alright?”
  Seth asks as we take a seat with everyone else.

“Yeah,
just a misunderstanding.”
  I shake my head dismissively.  Talk
about small world!

When I notice Nick
taking the last of his things from the garage, I head inside to get the
envelope with Nick’s payment that Dad put aside earlier, then walk out to find
Nick loading his car.  I wait patiently until he’s finished.

“Thank you for
sticking up for me in there,” he says, gazing at me with his beautiful
blue eyes blazing under the bright street light.  “I swear it was the
truth.  Kelly-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, it
matters to me.  What you think of me; it matters.  I’ve always been
truthful with you.”

“I know,” I say
quietly, realising that he is also reminding me that he only wants to be my
friend.
 
What went on between him and
Kelly really is none of my business.

“Except for-”

“I believe you,
okay?  I know you wouldn’t intentionally come between a
couple
.”

“That’s nice of
you,” he says looking hurt.

“Here’s your
money,” I say thrusting the envelope in his direction.

As soon as our
fingers connect, so do our eyes.  Flashes of last Saturday night in my
apartment and images of us together at the nightclub bombard my mind. 
Instead of pulling his hand away he grips mine tighter and pulls me against
him.  It knocks the air from my lungs and I gasp.  Then he crushes
his lips to mine.  I freeze at first but then my mouth betrays me and
starts to move in unison with his.  His kiss is deep and passionate and
ignites my entire body.  His tongue invades my mouth when my brain
eventually catches up and I push him away.  I furiously swipe at my mouth
as my eyes begin to water.  I don’t understand what I’m feeling…
confusion, anger, hurt… sadness that he only wants me now that I’ve got
someone, and that I had him pegged all wrong and maybe he
would
intentionally come between a couple.

Through the myriad of
emotions, I pluck one out.  I go with anger and I shove him in the chest,
hard
.

“Arsehole,” I
say, before storming away, back to my parents’ house with my family and friends
and my new boyfriend.

Argh!  Nick only
wants what he can’t have.  It’s got nothing to do with me.  It’s just
some sick game he likes to play and I want nothing to do with it.  Jake
was right, he’s just a guy who uses woman.  Well I won’t be one of them!

Arsehole?
 
Why am I the arsehole?
  I watch silently as she disappears back into
the party.  Then I bend down to pick up the envelope that fell on the
grass at my feet.

Argh!
  I
kick my car tyre as I let out a frustrated groan.  I told her I was always
truthful with her, but what I wanted to say was there was one exception - when
I said I could be her friend.  That is the only lie I have ever told
her.  For the first time in my life, I wanted more.  I don’t just
want to be friends with
Em
.  I want more and not
just sex either.  She is right about one thing though, I won’t
intentionally come between a
couple
.  I never
factored in that she would find a boyfriend so quickly.  I thought she
wasn’t ready for that, but I guess she lied.  She just wasn’t ready for
me
.

I can still taste her
in my mouth and feel her on my lips as I get in the car.

My
goodbye kiss.

Nick has been by the
apartment twice.  Both times, I pretended I wasn’t home.  He tried to
call a couple of times too but I never answered.  I sent him a text a
couple of days after Ethan’s party that said “I’m sorry I can’t be friends with
you.”  He never replied.

It’s been three weeks
since the party.  Seth and I are growing closer and closer every
day.  Even the sex has gotten better.  I’ve met his parents and I’ve
even hung out with his sister
Tahlia
, we had a girls’
night out at the movies.  Things are getting a little easier at work
too.  Julia has been patient and kind as I continue to learn the
ropes.  I’m still not sure if it’s the career I want, but I’m sticking with
it for now.  Seth and I still see each other at work every day and eat
dinner together at least four or five times a week.  He’s even slept over
a couple of times.

I’ve gone back to
catching the train to and from work.  I told Seth that we could do with a
little space, I like to catch the train and just ‘be’ and he totally understood
that.  I’ve seen Nick in his booth but he hasn’t approached me once.

***

Seth puts his iPhone
in my bedside dock and taps the screen a couple of times as he puts Ben Howard
on shuffle.  Then he wraps himself around me lying on my bed, resting his
head across my torso.  I’m reading a book while Seth just dozes on and
off.  It’s a Friday night and it’s nice to relax and unwind like this as a
couple.  Life is good.

A couple of songs
later Seth suddenly raises his head and looks me in the eyes.

“Oh, there
ain’t
no way to say that I love you more… no… so be clear,
just to be clear,” he whispers maintaining eye contact as he sings along to
‘Diamonds’.  My heart melts at the sentiment as he pulls himself up from
where he was lying and slowly moves closer to me.

I look into his eyes
as he continues to sing and I see it, the intent, he really means it. 
He
loves me?  Seth is in love with me?
  I know I should feel
overjoyed but I’m not.  Instead, I feel my heart rate pick up for the
wrong reason. 
Panic
.
  He is
hopelessly romantic, sweet, kind, sexy… but I don’t love him.  I could
love him, one day, but not today.  I love being with him and he consumes
my thoughts when I’m not.
 
I can tell
that I could fall in love with him… why aren’t I in love with him?

I feel tears prick my
eyes with a sadness that I hope he cannot see.  I place my hand on his
nape and draw him in for a kiss, it’s the only things I can do, distract him
from noticing the heartbreak forming in my eyes. 

Pulling back, he
looks at me again and says, “I mean it Emma… I love you.”  Then he kisses
me softly on the lips.

It’s the first time
he has ever said those words.  I can’t say them back, I don’t want to hurt
him but I’m not on the same page.  Not yet.  Looking into his warm
brown eyes I’m caught up in the moment anyway, at the perfectly romantic
declaration so I toss my book aside and kiss him instead.  I just need
more time.

And then we make love
as ‘Only Love’ plays in the background.

A pair of green eyes,
a perfect face, with an intoxicating smile appears in my mind, and I turn the
tap in the shower reducing the water temperature to cold.  I haven’t
spoken to
Em
for weeks and yet she is still all I can
think about.  It’s driving me crazy.

I have another gig at
Sorry Grandma!
tonight
.  This will be the fourth
time I’ve played there.  The bartender I hooked up with that time doesn’t
even acknowledge me when I’m there now, which is a good thing.

So I’ve been keeping
busy and I haven’t even contemplated hooking up with anyone else, to do so
would feel like a betrayal to
Em
.  I know I
can’t have her but I can’t be with another girl either.  I’ve been taking
on any DJ gigs I can get as well as spending a lot of time at the gym. 
Anything to get my mind off
Em
.
 It doesn’t work.  Seeing her at the train station practically every
day doesn’t help.  She’s not once approached the booth and I try my best
to ignore her too.

“So the therapy, is
it helping?”  I ask Mum as she makes me a cup of coffee.  Before she
gets the chance to respond
Tahlia
comes bounding into
the room with a big grin on her face.

“Hey
Butch!”

“Princess.”
 
I nod in greeting.  She pauses beside Mum and looks between the two of us.

“What?  You were
talking about me weren’t you?” she asks but without a hint of anger;
that’s a surprise.  “Yes Seth, therapy is helping,” she says with a
roll of her eyes, again no anger, only a grin. 
Huh
.  “
Dr.
Welsh is really good and I haven’t had a nightmare in
over two weeks.”

I look to Mum who is
also smiling at me, and then back to
Tahlia
.

“Okay who are
you?  And where is my kid sister?  You know the surly one who doesn’t
like to talk about things.”

“Very
funny Butch!”
  She grabs an apple out of the fridge and mumbles
over her mouthful, “I’m going to Ryan’s.”  Then she practically skips out
of the house.

“Going over to
Ryan’s?” I ask Mum after I hear the front door shut.  “She goes over
to his house now?”

“Yes, I don’t think
it’s just
Dr.
Welsh who’s been helping.”

“So what, my kid
sister has a boyfriend now?”

“
Mhmm
.”
 
Mum
nods, handing me my coffee.

“Huh!  Well
Ryan’s a pretty good kid.  I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.” 
Though I can’t help but wonder just how much of a kid he is.  He’s a
teenager, a horny teenager, almost a man.  I may have to have a word in
his ear.

“Oh I know he’s a
good kid Seth, we had him over for dinner last night.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, he’s been over
a couple of times now.  I can’t recall a time I’ve seen
Tahlia
so happy,” Mum says before taking a sip of her
coffee.  “You can thank Emma for getting them together, you know. 
She’s been coaching
Tahlia
in ways to snag her man.”

“She has?” I
ask, surprised.  That’s the first I’ve heard of it.  Emma’s been over
to my parent’s house twice now, not including our first date when my parents
weren’t here.  I should have known that she was giving
Tahlia
girly advice when the two of them would sneak off to
Tahlia’s
room.  Plus there was that time they went to the movies together. 
It’s great that they get along so well.  It’s great that Emma gets along
with all my family.  Mum and Emma hit it off straight away and Dad simply
adores her.  She fits right in.

“It seems Emma knows
what she’s talking about, looks like you are well and truly snagged too.” 
Mum says breaking me from my thoughts.

“That I am,” I agree
sipping my coffee.

“You just be careful
Seth you’ve fallen pretty hard and fast for this girl…”

“Yeah and? 
What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.
 
I just worry about you is all.  I don’t want you to get hurt.”  Mum
pauses to take a sip of her coffee, the serious look on her face morphs into a
goofy one.  “Wow, both my kids are in love. 
Gah
,
it makes me feel so old!”