Finding Orion (24 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Going
back in to work on Monday was the worst. After
Jace
dropped me off, Simon and David demanded to know all of the gory details, to
which I had none. I did happen to snag an early copy of
Jaded
and played it for them before heading to bed.

Unfortunately,
the song was still in my head by the time I got to work. And I must’ve been
humming pretty loud for
Karie
to come over and stop
me.

"You’re
in a good mood," she teased. "So, what did you do this weekend?"

I was glad
she’d dropped the idea of Derek and whatever crush she had on him, but a part
of me wished she was still gushing over him instead of coming to me for the
latest in band gossip.

"We went
out Friday night down by the water," I started to explain. "Forget
the name of where we went, but it was really good."

"And who
paid? Him, or did you split the bill?"

I sighed.
Same old
Karie
.
Men were usually graded on how much of
a gentlemen they were, or in the case of my ex, weren’t. "
Jace
paid."

"Really?"
She gave me
an incredulous look. "You should keep him. Alex and I have been together
for close to two years and he almost never picks up the bill on his own."

"But you
guys almost never go out."

"Yeah,
okay, but still…" She trailed off,
then
said, "Hey,
if you don't want him, can I have him?"

"
Karie
!
First Derek, and now this?
Aren't you forgetting something?"

She opened
her mouth as if she was about to say something, but then thought better of it.

"Alex?"
I asked.

"What? A
girl can dream."

"Yeah,
that's what got me into this in the first place, remember?"

"
Which is another reason why I’m so jealous!
Most girls would
kill to be getting something at both ends sort to speak. Take it for what it’s
worth."

Oh, but I am.
And if I played my cards
right, I’d have the best from both worlds in one place. I just had to get
Jace
to open up.

Karie
excused
herself to help a customer, and I went back to humming
Jace’s
song. Having it stuck in my head for one day was bad enough, and if I couldn’t
get it off my mind soon, I’d probably never get to sleep.

That must’ve
been how
Jace
felt when he wrote it. He probably got
the lyrics stuck in his head and had to write them down just so he could go to
bed. I considered doing just that when my phone buzzed.

Jace’s
short text
was enhanced by
Karie
squealing at the top of her
lungs.

"Turn on the radio."

Before I
could ask him which station, the music up front turned up and
Karie
rushed over to my register.

"You
hear that?" Her face was bright red. "That’s them! It’s The Hooded
Crows.
On the radio!"

I bobbed my
head at the familiar lyrics and smiled.

"You knew
about this?"
Karie
asked when she finally took a
breath of air.
"When?"

"Yesterday.
I went with
them actually."

"And
they’re already on the radio?" She said something as she walked away, but
it was hidden behind her bubbly voice.

I glanced
back down at my cell and read
Jace’s
newest text.
"You hear it?"

"How did you get on to the radio so fast?"

"Derek."

Connections.
I smiled and dropped the cell in my
pocket. My Monday just got a hell of a lot longer.

****

Between my
odd hours at work with kids going back to school and
Jace
splitting his time between work that pays the bills and the band, there was
very little time for just the two of us. The band practiced almost every night,
and I was there at their flat with every spare moment I had.

Jaded
was still their most
recent piece, but
Jace
had started work on something
else. Of course he refused to tell any of us, but Amy assured me that he was
almost always like that when he got an idea in his head.

But even that
time together felt like time apart.
Jace
was in his
own world, far from me, the band, and the flat. So when he texted me around
four in the morning almost two weeks after our trip to
Seattle
, I answered.

The backlight
of my cell turned on and nearly blinded me as the blue light snaked to every
corner of my room.

"You awake?"

Duh.
How else would I have been able to read
his text? Getting up from the bed, I turned on my light before texting him
back.

"Sort of.
What’s up?"

"Unlock your door."

My stomach
twisted, not because of the text, but because he was here.
Outside.
And he hadn’t told me why.

I started to
think of the band and everyone in it.
They
broke up.
No, that wasn't it. Not after they finally got a break.
Something else.
Something worse.

Taking a
steady breath, I threw back the covers and rushed to the front door, turning on
the lights as I went. I reached for the deadbolt, stopped, and listened to the
silence on the other side of the door. I glanced back down at my cell and
texted him again.

"If you're here, knock."

There was a
slight knock on the other side of the door. My nerves tightened then snapped when
I opened the door to the hall.

Jace
was standing
outside wearing cut jeans, an unbuttoned shirt, and a backpack. His eyes were
glassy, and all of my suspicions from before came rushing back. It almost
looked as if he'd been crying, and as soon as I stepped aside so he could come
in, he crumpled in my arms. I just got the door shut when he started talking.

"What
happened?" I asked, wincing when my voice cracked.
"
Jace
?
What's wrong?"

He threw he
bag to the floor and wrapped his arms around me. "God, I’ve missed you so
fucking much."

I tilted my
head back so I could look at him. "Amy? Kyle? Derek?"

"Fine.
They’re
all…fine. I had to see you. This past week has been…" He threw his arms up
in surrender. "I know it's stupid—I know we just saw each other last night
but..." He slumped on the couch, pulling me with him so I was sitting in
his lap. "Whenever I’ve tried to call you, something would come up. So
when I couldn’t sleep…"

"You
called."

Heaving a
sigh, I shrunk in his arms, resting my head against his chest. His heartbeat
was erratic, almost as bad as mine. But when he finally took a breath, his
returned to normal. Mine on the other hand was still as frantic as before.
Nothing's wrong.
Everyone was okay. I
just had to keep telling myself that.

But it took
Jace's
hand caressing my cheek to ease my heart into a
normal rhythm.

"I'm
sorry if I scared you,"
Jace
said, pressing his
forehead to mine. "I probably should've waited until morning, but I
couldn't stand waiting another hour." He closed his eyes, and I watched as
a tear rolled down his cheek. "All this week, I've seen you, but it almost
felt as if we were worlds apart."

"You really
throw yourself into your music, you know that?" I wiped the tear from
under his eye. "I couldn't interrupt you. I didn't want to." Lifting
my head from his chest, I glanced back at the bag he'd carelessly thrown just
inside the door. "What's with the bag?"

He sat up and
looked in the direction I had.
"A test."

I cocked an
eyebrow and did my best to ignore the nerves swirling around my stomach. "A
test for
who
?"

"Both
of us."
He took me in his arms and set me back down onto the couch
before going over to grab his bag. When he came back, he touched the zipper, but
didn't open it. "You remember a few weeks ago when I told you I wasn't
ready to be a Dom?"

"I do,
and I still stand by what I said. I'll wait for as long as you need me to."

"You
don't have to." He glanced back down at the bag, but his hands didn't
move. "I'm inside this bag. Not just how I am now, but who I once was. I
brought it over tonight because I'm ready to show you what I could become, so
long as you're willing to give the lifestyle a chance." He stopped me when
I reached for the bag. "But...in order to see what's inside, you need to
make a choice. I can't make it for you." He held up the backpack. "Is
this what you want?"

I thought
back on how my dreams had been with Orion, then about how things were when I
was with
Jace
. He was willing to hold back a part of
himself if I wasn't ready, but now that I had a choice, I wasn't sure who to
pick. All this time I'd wanted
Jace
to be the Dom
from my dreams,
toTo
have someone who wouldn't
disappear once I woke up.

But given the
choice? I had no idea. Looking at the bag, I started to wonder what all
Jace
managed to fit inside, if he was willing to use it on
me, and how soon we could start. With as busy as he'd been with the band, I
already knew whatever I chose would be on a trial basis. But that didn't make
the decision any easier. "I..."

"Keep in
mind,"
Jace
began in a terse voice, "if you
take what's in the bag, the rules will change. I won't be your Dom twenty-four
hours a day. It isn't possible—not with how things are currently. I also won't
do a power exchange with you. You'll still be in charge of your life when I'm
not around. This would strictly be limited to the bedroom."

"So, I'd
still have you as you are now, but outside of it?"

"If you're
asking if I'd turn that switch on and off, then no. I would still be your Dom,
but it would be more discrete when we're in public. And we go at my pace. I
won't have you topping from the bottom, is that understood?"

Topping from
the bottom usually meant trying to tell a Dom how to do his job. Now, if I were
the more experienced one, then I could see why it might've come up, but because
he'd been in the lifestyle longer than I had, topping from the bottom wasn't
going to be a problem.

Jace
continued
once he was sure his warning sunk in. "I'm taking a risk here. Things are
going to be slow in the beginning, but show me that you trust me as your Dom,
and we'll continue."

"And
what if I want us to go back to how we are now?"

"I don't
think you will, but if you do, we'll discuss it at length and go from there.
The last thing I want is for you to do anything that makes you feel
uncomfortable. And that's another thing. I won't be your Dom during times of
stress. I've seen what a Dom can do when he isn't mentally stable." He
shook his head as if to rid himself of the gruesome image. "So, on nights
when I can't be your Dom, there'll be no play." Again, he looked down at
the bag he held in his hands. "Is this what you want?"

Closing my
eyes, I took a deep breath. "Yes."

Jace
caressed my
cheek and smiled when I looked at him. "Good."

I gave him an
inquisitive glance,
then
watched as he set the bag on
the floor. Making sure he had my attention,
Jace
opened the zipper and pulled a pair of cuffs from its depths.

I frowned.
"Cuffs?"

He raised his
eyebrows in my direction. "For you, yes."

After
fastening the silver buckles, he passed them to me. They were a lot lighter
than they looked. I studied the hook and spring on the end of each cuff,
similar to what one might find at the end of a dog’s leash. Using my thumb and
forefinger, I tested the material. They were leather and by the look of it,
they'd been worn in.

The next item
he took out looked a lot like the floggers I'd seen online. Strips of tanned
leather hung from the end of it, but unlike the ones I'd thought of purchasing,
this one didn't have knots on the end of it.

"Deerskin,"
Jace
said, nodding to the flogger. "It's the
softest one I've got and works as a great starter, then later for warming you
up."